Fleeting Inspiration
by Anna Sartin

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Chapter 46: Lovers' Quarrel

They never made it to the Sushi Shack, much to Tatsuha's disappointment. It took forever to file a report at the police station and even longer to get Yoshi's car towed to a repair shop. By the time they were finished everyone was famished and Shuichi insisted that they just get something on the way home. He was all but certain that his Yuki must be "dying of hunger" waiting for them. Tatsuha turned to Yoshi for support only to find that the other man didn't care much for Japanese food.

"I want curry!" Shuichi announced.

"Sounds good to me," Yoshi agreed.

Outnumbered and too hungry to argue, Tatsuha gave up. "Curry it is, then," he sighed. He pouted the whole way back, even the thrill of getting to drive his brother's Cabriolet couldn't lighten his mood. Indian food was fine and all, but lately he'd been eating it several times a week (Ryuichi loved curry) and he was getting sick of it. Besides, he wanted sushi,damn it!

He was still brooding when they arrived back at the apartment but all thoughts of sushi vanished from his mind when they found Eiri sitting in his Mercedes smoking a cigarette.

"I thought the doctor said he wasn't allowed to smoke until he was well?" Tatsuha asked Shuichi.

"He's not!" Shuichi marched over and banged on the car window, causing Eiri to snapped out of his nicotine induced haze.

Oh shit... After decimating the pack in his glove compartment the novelist had driven to the convenience store to buy more. Judging by the looks on their faces Shuichi and Tatsuha both realized what he'd done and neither looked happy about it. He put out the cigarette he was currently smoking, realizing that the number of butts in the ashtray (along with the empty pack sitting on the dashboard) had been a dead giveaway.

Shuichi opened the car door and was hit by blast of smoke that threw him into a coughing fit.

"Get the hell away from here, you idiot!" Eiri shouted, getting out of the car and pushing him away. Shuichi took a few more steps back, still coughing violently. Eiri slammed the door shut and stormed into the apartment building. Tatsuha followed close behind with the food, while Yoshi helped the still-coughing singer in the door.

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Dinner was a somewhat awkward affair for Tatsuha and Yoshi considering their hosts were not speaking. Shuichi hadn't said a word to his lover since they'd come in and Eiri wasn't feeling inclined to talk either, so Tatsuha had attempted to filled the awkward silence by asking Yoshi about himself and how he'd met his brother and Shuichi. Yoshi, for his part, attempted to start a conversation when he noticed that Tatsuha was running out of questions, but he only succeeded in getting curt, one-word answers from Shuichi. Eiri said nothing at all. Eventually the author left the table and retreated to another part of the apartment, while Shuichi began clearing the table silently.

"You want to go out for a while?" Tatsuha asked Yoshi. He'd barely touched his food and thoughts of sushi were again dancing in his head. Maybe they could go somewhere that had real food and he could teach the foreigner to appreciate the wonders of Japanese cuisine.

"We just got here," Yoshi answered, feeling it would be rather rude to his hosts to disappear with one of their relatives.

"Do you really want to stick around while they give each other the silent treatment?" Tatsuha whispered.

"Not really," the other man whispered back.

"Then let's give them time to make up. Come on, I'll introduce you to my honey!"

"You've got a girlfriend?" Yoshi asked as they headed for the door. Tatsuha laughed as he slipped into his shoes and grabbed his jacket, shoving Kurosaki into one of the pockets as he put it on. Yoshi slipped on his own shoes and followed him out the door. "So what's with the rabbit?" he asked.

"My honey gave him to me," Tatsuha informed him, grinning proudly. How many people could say they'd been given a plushie by THE Ryuichi Sakuma?

Shuichi actually laughed as he heard Yoshi ask, "So is your girlfriend hot?"

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"I told you I wasn't promising anything," Eiri said, when Shuichi joined him in the bedroom. The two men lay back-to-back in the murky darkness, both longing for the warmth and comfort of the other's presence but neither wanting to meet the other's gaze.

"I know," was the singer's flat, lifeless reply.

"I can't stop smoking all at once just because you want me to," Eiri told his partner.

"I know."

"So are you going to actually talk to me, or are you no longer capable of forming complete sentences?"

"I don't want to fight with you, Yuki."

Why the hell did he even come in here if he doesn't want to talk? "Fine," the blond answered, rolling onto his stomach. If the brat didn't want to talk, fuck him. His stomach felt like it was on fire and truth be told he didn't feel much like talking either. He silently debated rather or not it would be worth dragging himself all the way back to the kitchen to get some coffee and take his medication, but in the end he decided against it. He felt light-headed and the fire in his stomach seemed to settle down somewhat if he stayed still. He closed his eyes, praying that sleep would come quickly and alleviate his pain. The sound of Shuichi's soft weeping caused his eyes to snap back open. God damn it! I don't want to deal with this! He rolled back over to face the singer.

"Hey."

Shuichi buried his face in his pillow and ignored him.

"What the fuck is your problem!" Eiri shouted, tired of this childish game. He forced himself into a sitting position and his stomach protested painfully. "If you're pissed off then talk to me! You never have any problem opening your mouth any other time!"

"I don't want you to die!" Shuichi shouted.

"What?"

"I don't want you to die, Yuki!" Before Eiri could respond to that, the singer was in his arms, sobbing as if his heart would break. "I don't want to lose you, but you never listen to anything the doctor tells you to do! You don't eat enough, you forget to take your medicine and you're still smoking even though she said not to. You're never going to get well if you don't take care of yourself!"

"Look, this is my problem, not yours."

"So I'm just supposed to sit around and watch you kill yourself? I LOVE you, Yuki! And so does Riku! Do think he wants to lose another father?"

"I am NOT that boy's father!"

The expression on Shuichi's face went from pained to utterly crushed, causing a wave of guilt to hit Eiri like a ton of bricks. For whatever reason Riku had loved them both from the moment they'd met the boy at his father's grave site. Eiri had tried to keep him at arm's length (much like he'd tried to do with Shuichi when they first met), while Shuichi had done just the opposite and immediately accepted the child into their lives. He knew how attached Shuichi was to the kid; in his lover's mind the boy was already part of their family. No formal papers had ever been drawn up to legally adopt him, but they'd given the idea serious consideration. So the boy can be enrolled in school, Eiri told himself, not yet ready to admit his own attachment to Yuki Kitazawa's son. But whenever he thought too deeply on the matter the other side of his brain told him that he couldn't possibly do such a thing, that the very idea was insane. How could he possibly adopt the very child that he himself had orphaned?

"I know we didn't have a lot of say in the matter," Shuichi almost whispered, trying to control his sobbing, "but can you really say you're sorry we kept him?"

Eiri looked away. "No."

Shuichi wiped his tears and took his lover's hands. "Yuki, I love you... more than anything else in the world. Please, please don't do this to yourself anymore."

"I told you, I can't just stop smoking because you and that quack doctor want me to."

"I know, but... can't you just smoke ONE cigarette when you really really need it? If you keep smoking as much as you did earlier your ulcer's never going to get better."

Just hearing the word "ulcer" made the pain in Eiri's stomach flare up.

"I know it's not easy for you," Shuichi went on. "and I figured you'd need a cigarette every once in a while until you kicked the habit, but I can't believe you'd wait until I was gone and smoke a whole pack at once!"

Eiri had nothing to say to that. He knew full well his pain was the result of disobeying his physician's instructions. Knowing he didn't have anyone to blame but himself for his current situation only made him feel worse. The fact that he sorely regretted his earlier actions didn't make a bit of difference now; feeling repentant wasn't going to take his pain away.

"Have you taken your medicine?" Shuichi asked, when he noticed his boyfriend was clutching his middle.

"No."

"I'll get it for you then." The boy hopped out off bed and disappeared out of the room, returning a minute later with a cup of water and Eiri's pills. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have brought back that spicy food."

"It's not the curry that caused this."

"Yeah, but I'm sure it didn't help and..." Shuichi looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and ashamed. "I know the stress I've been putting you though since I got home isn't helping either. I'm sorry, Yuki."

Eiri swallowed the pills and laid back down. "It's not your fault."

"Roll over and I'll rub your back, okay?" Shuichi said, getting in his nightstand and rummaging through his collection of massage oils. He found Eiri's favorite scent and closed the drawer. "Your doctor told me that relaxation techniques can sometimes ease ulcer pain."

"I thought you were supposed to be pissed off at me?" Eiri asked, rolling onto his stomach.

"I just don't want to lose you, Eiri," Shuichi said softly. "I think what we have together is worth way too much to just throw away."

"You're a real idiot, you know that?" Eiri responded, hiding a small smile as the singer's skilled hands went to work.

"I know, but I really do love you."

"So you've said. Repeatedly."

"So... try to get well for me, please?"

"I'll try," the tired blond answered, closing his eyes.

"You said that last time," Shuichi reminded him. "Try harder."

"Fine. Now shut up and let me sleep."

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A few hours later, as Shuichi was putting away his nebulizer he heard someone beating on the front door. It was Tatsuha with a very intoxicated Yoshi leaning on him for support. Both were laughing loudly.

"Quiet!" Shuichi hissed at them. "Yuki's asleep!"

"I dun' like American beer na more," Yoshi slurred drunkenly as Tatsuha helped him in the door.

"What happened to him?" Shuichi asked.

"Ryu and I took him to a karaoke bar. Can you believe he'd never been to one?"

"Well, he's a foreigner and he hasn't lived here very long. He's not even used to our food yet."

"This guy might not care for Japanese food, but he sure loves Japanese booze!" Tatsuha laughed, helping Yoshi over to the couch.

"You should have looked after him," Shuichi chided, getting a blanket and covering Yoshi with it.

"What? He's older than I am!"

"He's still new to the country and you're supposed to be a monk!"

"Are you really turning twenty this Sunday?" Tatsuha asked. "You sound like you're a hundred years old. Quit being such a prude!"

"Just how much have YOU had?" the singer inquired. Tatsuha hiccupped in response. "Thought so. Maybe you'd better lay down..."

"Actually, my honey's waiting for me so-"

"Fine, go away then!" Shuichi said crossly. He was tired and he'd been looking forward to joining Yuki in bed, now it looked like he'd be spending the night taking care of his drunken guest instead. While that bullshit monk gets to spend the night with Ryuichi... he thought sourly. It just wasn't fair!

"Hey Shuichi, where's your bathroom?" Yoshi asked.

"That way," Shuichi pointed. "You need help?" he asked, when Yoshi's attempt to get up caused him to roll off the couch and onto the floor.

"Yeah... I think I'm gonna hurl."

And he did.

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End chapter forty-six