A/n: Oh everyone should no that this is a spoiler for the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest so if you haven't gone to see it you might not want some of it ruined. But anyways this is in Elizabeth Swan's POV. I have two other POTC 2 ficts coming but this is the first one I wrote... so please enjoy! oh and I don't own Any of the Pirates of the Caribbean Crew members.
I regret it. I don't mind admitting it. I know I love him. I know I shouldn't love him, but I do. I know Will shall never understand why I love that man. But I do… even though I chained him to his own ship and left him for dead. I don't think I realized at the time that when I chained him, I managed to chain me as well. I really don't know why I left him. I was trying to escape my problems, or was I?
I think it all comes down to fear. I was afraid. Afraid of freedom that the Captain always talked about, afraid that if I didn't get rid of him we'd never get anywhere.
We managed to get nowhere still. So what was my reason? Did I know we'd all die eventually? Did I want him to go down with pride? Did I want him to die with the only thing he truly loved- his ship? What was my reason?
I know I did something wrong. I know I have to live with this mistake. Jack will never get to live with any of his mistakes anymore. He's dead. He's gone. I killed him. I'm his reason for dying.
He has a reason for being dead. Yet I have no reason for killing him.
I did it out of selfishness. I did it out of pure instinct. I am heartless. I am reasonless. I am a pirate. I am cold. I am dead. On the inside. I am nothing. Without him.
I murdered the man I truly love. God, what did I do? What did I do?
I, at least have his compass… but it's not the same without Jack's rough hands holding it. I am nothing without Jack's tender hands holding me. I am nothing without him.
Will is not Jack. Will is not even a pirate. Will is a replacement. Will is the sidekick. Jack is the hero. Jack is the one you wake up for. He's the one you'd die to touch. Jack is a pirate. Jack is danger even if he laughs in the face of himself. Will is just on a mission. He holds his promises. He gives too much. Jack takes too much. But Jack has so much to offer. His personality, his presence is enough. He'll take your breath away. He'll take away you're restful nights. He'll take away any doubts of loving him. He takes all the cares and worries away. He takes me away.
He was the only thing keeping me solid, now I'm nothing more than the sea. Flowing in what ever direction the wind takes me- flowing in the direction they take me.
He loved the sea. It makes most sense I became what he loves. If he could only see me now with these stupid tears crawling out of my eyes and regret covering every inch of me. God, what I would give to hear his voice, to see him one last time. If I could only kiss him one more time so our first touch of lips wouldn't have been our last. If I could only feel his arms around me one more time…
I don't know what I want. The compass doesn't even know since it points to where the ship and its captain now lay. But how can I want a corpse? Oh God Captain Sparrow… my captain is nothing more than a lifeless body. What did I do?
I used to want Will maybe because I couldn't have him. I wanted danger. I wanted a pirate. Will could be a pirate if he weren't so loyal. Jack could still be a pirate if he weren't so trusting. Now I'm blaming him. It's easier, but I shouldn't make it so since I should feel guilt and pain.
I shouldn't have gotten involved with pirates or men. You don't even need to love a man for it to be deadly. For instance each man in this crew blames Jack's pride. They have no idea what went on. They are haunted by the fact they left him alone. They do not judge me sitting here crying for they do not know it was my fault their captain ended up staying behind.
Will's glares pierce me. The crew's ghostly stares seem to add to my guilt. They kill me. They destroy me. One day they will have to know what I did. Will already knows I kissed him. Will doesn't know though that it wasn't because I loved him. I did out of duty…
One day I will have to face my mistakes. One day I will have to tell them how I killed the man I love. One day I won't be afraid. One day I'll be okay alone. For now I'll sit in this guilt that seems to be drowning me. For now I'll miss his touch, his taste, his smile. For now I'll be cold, I'll be nothing, I'll be selfish, I'll be heartless, I'll be reasonless.
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