Chapter 39: Heaven

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven

Sean

I wrapped my hand loosely around her finger and pulled her towards me. She laughed as we ran down the stairs, not even attempting to be quiet. It was almost the end of the school year- what was the point in being sneaky anymore? Pretty soon we'd be out of here for an entire summer. We paused at the end of the basement hallway and caught our breath, still laughing as we gasped for air. Laughing at what? I'm not sure.

"Wait, Sean! Where are we even going?" Ellie choked out, her hands pressed to her side and her hair falling out of her ponytail.

"You'll see," I replied mysteriously, wiggling my eyebrows for added affect.

She rolled her eyes and shoved my shoulder. "Tell me now or else."

"I'll take my chances," I responded, my voice light and teasing. I wrapped my arms around her waste and pulled her closer to me, giving her a soft kiss before releasing her and grabbing her hand again. "Let's go!"

"Never have I seen you so... active. What's gotten into you?" She ran to keep up with me so I wouldn't pull her arm out of her socket.

I swung her around and pressed her up against the elevator doors and gave her another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate. She threw her arms around my neck and returned the kiss with a hunger I'd never seen before from her. We were acting like two teenagers completely in love (and lust) for each other- which is exactly what we were.

I was the first to break the kiss, and I rested my forehead against hers. "You remember this place, don't you?"

She looked around and recognized the area of the basement we had ended up in. "Saturday detention. How could I forget?"

I smiled and stepped to the small janitorial closet. "It gets even better."

I grabbed the set of keys and used them to unlock the elevator door. We entered cautiously, much like we had the first time, and glanced at each other out of the corner of our eyes. Every now and then our hands would touch, and we'd let them linger a bit. I don't know why we were so nervous... Well, I knew why I was nervous. I was ready to fucking propose to this girl. Propose... I still couldn't fully grasp my mind around it. If anyone would have told me when I started Degrassi that I'd be where I am today... I would have laughed in their face.

Now I'm riding in an elevator to the rooftop where this whole... this whole mess? No. It isn't a mess. It's difficult and it's hard, but it sure as hell isn't anything I'm ashamed of. Hell, it's probably the only thing that I've done in my life that I'm actually proud of. I've been devoted to this girl, faithful. Selfless. Brave. I've proven to myself that so far I'm a pretty damn good father. There's a chance that I won't fuck up this kid. I've actually proven myself capable of succeeding in something.

I just hope Ellie feels the same way.

The doors opened, and we cleared the small space. I climbed up the small ladder rungs first, constantly aware of the small jewelry box burning a hole in my jeans pocket. Thank God I had an older brother who had a decent job and understood the importance of a woman. After all, he has Wendy. It's just too bad I'll be paying him back for the rest of my life.

I helped her onto the roof like I had the first time we stepped foot on it. Once again, we headed over to what we now designated as "our spot" even though this is the only other time we'd been up here since that fateful day.

"Dream on."

Would she be saying that to me again? Would she laugh in my face? Would she-

"Sean?"

I glanced over and saw the concerned look in her eyes.

What I'm about to say next is about to make me the biggest pussy imaginable, but... How could I live the rest of my life without that look? I stepped forward and took hold of her hands, massaging circles into the tops of them with my thumbs. I stared at her feet, trying to think of the right words to say. Nothing seemed good enough. How was I supposed to put into words how much I cared for her and how much I wanted this family to work? It's not so easy. I can't just go and say "marry me" and expect that to be good enough. I mean, come on. "Marry me?"

"... What?" She whispered. I felt her hands freeze in mine, and I looked up. "What'd you say?"

Her brow was wrinkled as she looked at me in a way that told me I must have muttered those words out loud. Her grip tightened on my hand.

"What did you say?" she asked again.

"I, uh..." I shook my head slightly. "Marry me," I repeated, staring her directly in the eye.

Her knees buckled, and I steadied her. "Let's sit down."

"Sean..." she murmured, drawing her knees up to her chest the way she had that Saturday. I closed my eyes for a minute before opening them. Why did everything have to be exactly the same?

Soft tendrils of hair framed her face as they blew gently in the light breeze. I fumbled in my pocket for the jewelry box and grasped it tightly.

"I- I got you something. Here." I opened it with a shaking hand, and she glanced out of the corner of her eye.

"Ohmigod, Sean..." she shook her head sadly. She didn't take the ring.

I licked my lips nervously. "I love you. We're a family. We need to be together."

"We are together."

"You know what I mean, El. Look at me!"

She lifted her gaze and met mine. Her teeth worked on her bottom lip, and her knuckled were white. "We're in high school."

"I know. Weddings are hard to plan, but your mom will help you. She'll probably take control of the entire thing if you let her. And it doesn't have to be big. It could be small, and we could do it this summer."

"I don't want a summer wedding..." Her voice drifted off, and she looked away again.

Why was this so awkward? Why wasn't she wearing the ring, and why wasn't she happier? She should be happy. Why do I have this empty feeling in my stomach?

"Sean, we're in high school, and I'm not talking about planning the wedding. We're so young. What are we supposed to do? Get married on fall break?"

I shrugged. "If you want we could. I knew you'd want a fall wedding."

"Sean!" she choked out, her voice sounding strangled. I realized for the first time that she was crying.

"Why are you crying? Don't cry... Everything's going to be fine." I reached over to wipe the tears from her eyes, but she flinched away from me.

She sniffled and drug the back of her hand across her eyes. "Everything's not going to be fine because you're perfect, and I'm about to ruin it!"

I rubbed the palms of my hands up and down the legs of my jeans. "I don't get it."

She picked up the jewelry box and stared at the ring. The corner of her lips lifted up. It was a smile, but it was sad. "It's absolutely perfect. The ring. The location. You."

"So, is that a yes?" I grinned and reached to pluck the ring out of its bed. She jerked it away and snapped it shut.

She didn't look at me. She couldn't. Her eyes stayed fixed on the small pebbles that littered the roof of the school. "I just got better... I just got used to being a mom... And we... we just got back together and..."

I wasn't sure of where she was going with this. I placed my hand on her knee and squeezed it affectionately. "And I love you, and I think you're the most amazing person in the world, and I wanna be with you."

She smiled at me tearfully. "And I feel the same way."

"Then it's settled, right? We're getting married."

She shook her head slowly and handed the jewelry box back to me. "No. We're not."

Ellie

I touched his fingers as I handed the jewelry box back. He looked at me as if I had just kicked his puppy. I was a cold, heartless bitch who'd just turned down the man of my dreams. How could I even look at myself in the mirror from now on?

"I'm sorry," I choked out, the tears in my eyes refusing to fall. "I don't want to hurt you but... it's just too much..."

He cleared his throat and stared straight ahead. "Do you... do you not love me?"

My lips quivered at his words, and I turned my body towards him, taking his hand in mine and allowing our knees to touch. "You know I love you," I assured him, squeezing his hand tightly.

His shoulders heaved, and he looked away from me. I knew he was upset, disappointed, confused... I was feeling the exact same emotions. I was upset that I couldn't accept his offer. I was disappointed that I had to let him down. And I was confused with my own feelings. I wanted to say yes, but how could I even begin to think of getting married at this age?

"So what happens when you go off to University? You're going to find a new guy, and you'll forget all about me."

I lifted my head sharply and pulled his arm hard. "Are you kidding me?"

The look on his face told me he wasn't.

"You think I'm going to find someone new at University?"

"Yeah. Someone older and smarter and richer and..."

I swatted the back of his head, causing him to cry out in pain and glare at me as he rubbed his injury. "What the hell?"

"Are you that stupid? I would never look for somebody new, Sean. I love you, and I want to marry you-..."

"Then why'd you say no?"

"Because I'm too young. I need to figure things out, and so do you. We don't have to rush this, baby."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Can I at least just see the damn ring your finger once?"

I rolled my eyes and held out my hand, spreading my fingers to give him easier access. He took the nestled ring out of its box and slid it slowly up my ring finger. The diamond sparkled in the afternoon sun, and I couldn't help but smile at how beautiful it was.

"I love it," I murmured, wiggling my fingers a little.

"Do you?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Mmhmm."

"I thought if looked like you," he mumbled, his cheeks turning red with embarrassment at how sentimental he was being.

I leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. "I can't wait to wear it someday."

We sat for a few more minutes, admiring the ring and sneaking a few kisses here and there. Suddenly, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. I just turned down Sean's proposal, and we're here cuddling. He should be furious with me. He should scream at me and tell me I'm a waste of time and find a new girl and-

"I'm the one who should be worried. You're going to get tired of me and find a new girl while I'm away at University..." I pouted and looked up at him with big eyes.

He snorted and put an arm around me, drawing me to his chest. "Don't even think about that. That's never going to happen. I've already invested in a ring for you..."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his chest, just enjoying the nearness of him. "I know you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, but I really think it'll work out better this way, Sean. I'm not turning you down because I don't want to. I'm turning you down because I want to make it right."

He nodded and kissed the top of my head. "I think I understand."

I was vaguely aware that lunch was probably over soon but nothing really mattered to me at the moment besides Sean. I looked at the ring on my finger again and marveled at what it meant. Sean's right. I don't have to worry about him finding another girl or getting tired of me. He loved me very much.

Growing up I always envisioned the perfect life, and although I may have dressed differently and wore more eyeliner than most girls my age, I always believed in marriage and family. I believed in finding that special someone and staying faithful and growing old together. I would never admit this out loud, but it was always something I hoped I'd find one day.

Sean's grip tightened around my hand.

I think I might have found what I was looking for.

"Should we head in?" Sean's voice interrupted me.

I sighed and nodded. "Yeah..." I slid the ring back off my finger and held it out to him. "Here."

He raised his eyebrows and took it from me, placing it in the jewelry box. "All the trouble I went through..."

"Sean!" I warned, feeling a little guilty that I let him down.

He slipped the box back into his pocket and framed my face with his hands. "Hey... I'm kidding. Don't feel bad. You're right... I guess I just don't ever want to lose you."

"Well, you won't. So relax."

We kissed and walked hand in hand towards the opening that led back to the school and back to reality. Nobody would even know the conversation Sean and I had on the rooftop and the decision that was made. I could have been a blushing bride by summertime, but nobody would ever be the wiser. Well, maybe Marco...

We checked the hallway for teachers or Mr. Radditch before coming up from the basement. The first bell rang, and I looked over at Sean. "Just in time..."

"Great. English. I can't wait," he deadpanned.

I wrinkled my nose and let my fingers slip away from his. "Yeah... math... Better get there before Mr. Armstrong gives me detention. He has it out for me."

"You? Miss Smarty Pants?"

"Oh, yeah, um, remind me later... to laugh."

We turned our backs to each other and walked our separate ways.

"Hey, El?"

I turned back around.

"So... someday?"

I smirked as I walked backwards and thought about it. Someday... Someday...

Scenes from a life with Sean flashed before my eyes. Us taking care of Brayden... Our first home... More children... Backyard barbecues and weekend trips to the zoo...

Yeah, someday.

I flashed him a huge grin, a skip in my backwards step, and set him with a coy look.

"Maybe sooner than you think..."

Aw! I hate to see this story almost over! I have an epilogue (an idea that sprung to me while driving home one day) left and THEN it will be finished. I hope this chapter does all your lovely reviews justice! You guys are so nice and encouraging!

I started the story with the idea that they would marry in the end... in high school. Then I came to my senses and realized that, while I could probably make it work, it would all seem just too easy and convenient. So, instead, I had Sean pull a Craig and ask and Ellie reject him... for now. It's very reminescent (sp?) of Craig/Ashley but I don't care!

I hope you enjoy the lighter and happier ending. I figured I'd end on this kind of note since Ellie and Sean have both been through hell in this story. I though the lighter tone to the chapter would show how good of a place they have come to be in.

Well, I'm going to actually try and finish the epilogue... right now.

Oh, yes... And song is by Bryan Adams. The song came on while I was writing, and I just couldn't resist putting that part in there.