Summary: "What he doesn't know is that she does visit him"
Pairings: John/Liz but not really
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and it's characters don't belong to me. I'm just playing! Also, I don't own the song 'My immortal' by Evanescence. This fic was only inspired by this song.
Feedback is love!
The steady beeping of the heart monitor. The soft and slow breathing of a sleeping form on the infirmary bed in front of her. Her own quiet breathing. The only sounds she can hear. Tonight is one of the quieter nights she spends beside his bed and she is thankful for that. She isn't sure she'd bear one more night filled with his screams.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,
and I've held your hand through all of these years,
but you still have all of me"
She can recall the night from a few days ago very clearly. He was at the very beginning of the transformation back to human. He had to be restrained during his nightmares that had him waking up screaming and thrashing every single time. Sometimes the transformation process was too painful for him that he had tears streaming down his face, pleading with her to somehow stop the pain. She remembers the sadness and emptiness in his eyes, whether yellow or green, and it hurt her deeply to see him like this.
He wonders why she doesn't visit him. Carson tells him that she has a lot of work to do. What he doesn't know is that she does visit him. When the darkness comes and it's late, she's there, with no one, except Carson, knowing. She wishes he would forget everything about his conversion. She wishes he would forget he almost strangled her. She knows he won't probably ever forgive himself and it saddens her. He takes all the responsibility and guilt on himself and she knows it can destroy him slowly. So she stays with him every night to fight the shadows within him.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
and though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along"
She hears him move around the bed, shifting restlessly, the crease between his eyebrows deepening. She reaches for his hand and squeezes gently, while the other caresses his cheek and brushes his hair from his forehead. His features relax and for a moment he opens his eyes, staring directly at her and smiling softly. She smiles back and runs her fingers through his hair as his eyes close again and she lets him slip into much needed sleep, holding his hand. She knows he won't remember this, remember her. He never does. And she's okay with that.
That way she can keep her lonely vigil over him all night.
THE END