40 Questions is the sole property of myself, two of my best friends, Amanda and Sade, and Max, the German exchange student. It's our game we made up one night while our families were all away camping together one weekend a few years back. Sigh, good times. And Yes I am BACK! My apologies for my time has been taken up with climaxes and plot twists, and I couldn't write this chapter (on the plus side, the net few are already set!)
Oh I give up! What is dialogue I can no longer be bothered slaving over to finish, I am damn well sick of this chapter so I apologise and good night!
OMG! 76.50 ENTER score! Yeah! The numbers are in and life is great!
GREETINGS all you guys and dolls...dadadadadadadum guys and dolls shooby-dooby-dooby guys and dolls...
smack Oh yeah: someofthisaintminedontstealitbigfinecourtcase etc etc.
It's JOSH! That fun loving sexy hot biatch here to make your miserable lives that much better, (or worse) with another 'pre-chapter entertainment!'
Bambadadaumbumbumbumbaaaaaa! cymbal crash
Now of course ALL of you read my last little slice of liturgical (?) bliss, and if somehow you missed it there are two things you can do: head back up to chapter 57 and read it. Read it good. Or if you prefer visuals, go to and
w w w . o n e n i g h t i n p a r i s . c o m and you'll get the general idea.
Now for those of you who are NOT unintellectual boobs, (hehe, boobs) you'll remember that I'm sixteen, I play guitar and also am on a quest to find my conscience. Now seeing as I haven't had a conscience for a couple of months now, you can guess what my life has been like. But for those of you who don't like guessing, head to w w w . o n e n i g h t i n p a r i s . c o m and you'll get the general idea.
I have only been in jail ONCE since I lost my conscience, as my Jedi powers and ability to sink into the depths of sleaze that exist in society make it incredibly easy to avoid the law and my name doesn't come up very often in the press.
So this afternoon I thought to myself, 'I think I should go and get my conscience back'. That may sound pretty convenient and short and to the point but again, having no conscience means I was thinking many other things at the same time...dirty things. I was thinking about the dirtiest thing that is physically possible without two of those Japanese acrobats... yup...you guessed it...mud.
Mud is very, very dirty for those of you who never go outside. It's squelchy and squidgy and tastes a lot like homeless people.
(Butterscotch schnapps, Mardi Gras, don't ask)
Anyway, I have come to the decision that a conscience may just have enough benefits to justify a dangerous quest to retrieve it. (Besides, I'm sure it is somewhere near Melbourne's red light district!)
By the way, the best way to read this story is while listening to Blink 182's greatest hits CD, or some other viable substitute.
So...here goes:
I watched Evil the eagle fly away with my two little consciences, or rather, my non existent vision of a metaphorical representation of conscience(s). I had to do something. My best option was to open a rift in the space-time-continuum and go back to before I summoned my conscience and prevent it from ever happening. Unfortunately this is such a low budget story that we can only afford cheap hookers and stuff using smoke and mirrors. So I decided to embark on a quest to get them back. I grabbed my Stratocaster (that's a guitar) and headed off out the door.
It was then I realised that I had no idea where to go.
It was then I also realised there was an EXTREMELY hot girl sprinting straight for me. I'm telling you, this girl could make a hessian bag and a lump of mouldy cheese look good if she wore it, but the leather outfit was much cooler. I opened my arms to embrace this gorgeous woman, but to my utter shock, horror and disbelief she kept running straight past me.
(Actually it wasn't THAT big of a surprise, matter of fact girls run from me every day. I think its one of those reverse psychology things that's meant to entice me to go after them, but Adi says its got something to do with me being 'an unintellectual bum'. Yeah. Like that's it.)
In this case the leather bound-beauty was way to hot to let go so I used my Jedi speed power to catch up with her.
ZooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooom. (speedy)
I was running beside her, ogling, when I decided that drooling may not be the best way to gain her attention. I changed tact.
'Hi...I'm Josh, who are you? Can I buy you a drink? Do you come here often?'
'Ram-Jas,' she replied, and kept on running.
'Why are you running so fast?'
'Because, I am OBVIOUSLY a damsel in great distress and need rescuing.'
'Oh.'
'Well?'
'Well what?'
'Aren't you going to save me?'
'From what?'
'That.'
She pointed up to the sky above our heads. A huge eagle, about the size of a large wooden badger was bearing down on us. I said some dirty words, and ran faster, leaving the girl behind to be eaten or whatever. Having no conscience is great!
But then I thought; hang on, that chick is REALLY hot, maybe I can win her affections by saving her from that giant eagle.
I was a little too late; the eagle swooped down and grabbed the girl in its talons. Pointy talons. That burn with the fire of a thousand evils.
I quickly turned and using my awesome Jedi powers I jumped high into the air and landed on the eagles back. This made him cranky. Quite cranky indeed.
'Use this, quick!' Ram-Jas tossed something up to me it looked like a Gibson SG (another guitar) but it was COOL. It was a deep crimson and played like a dream. After playing (insert whichever blink song you are listening to now) and putting a killer solo over the top, I realised that now may NOT be the best time to reminisce about the days of old...with that OLD TIME ROCK AND ROLL!
'Pump up the volume' Ram-Jas screamed.
Not one to decline the wishes of a dangerous and very sexy woman, I quickly obliged.
I turned the knob and a flames shot out of the guitar. I aimed the neck at the giant eagle and after several seconds we had a fried chicken Colonel Sanders would be proud of. Unfortunately this led to yet another dilemma. (You know when you just have one of those days.) We were several hundred feet up in the air riding a flying roast chicken. (There's something I thought I'd never have to say again.)
Fortunately I have the reflexes of a mutated badger, and was able to leap to safety, using the flamethrower/guitar as a jetpack. I grabbed the girl and we touched down safely...in the middle of a desolate, post apocalyptic wasteland with burning tumbleweed.
It was then that I got to take a good look at her: She was 5'4", average/skinny body, athletic legs and slightly athletic-looking everything else, um, blue/silver, gold eyes, caramel/gold hair, porcelain/English Rose-skin. About 15 or 16 I guessed...
Hot diggedy dawg!
We trekked for what seemed like minutes, trying to find shelter. We found a cave (convenient). Ram-Jas yawned and spoke, in a voice to match that of a sexy leather clad devil chick.
'I'm kinda tired, maybe we should get some sleep, we can discuss plans tomorrow.'
She promptly fell asleep.
'Hang on,' I replied, I don't even know why you're here, or why I'm here, or why there is a desolate, post apocalyptic wasteland with burning tumbleweed only a few K's out of our very small country town. I don't know anything about you, and you me.'
She murmured something about consciences and giant eagles, then went quiet.
She looked so perfect, lying there. A song came to mind. They say the ears are the last part of the body to switch off when you go to sleep, so I hoped she could still hear me. I spoke in a whisper...
'I could stay awake just to hear your breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life, in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure...' (Adi momentarily appears to beat up her brother for singing that appalling song while in her bedroom)
I watched her til dawn (Jedi powers let me live without sleep, though having the occasional shag is absolutely necessary).
I was about to wake her when I heard a voice. Tiny and high pitched, it called through the cave.
'Who's there?' it said.
'No-one' I replied. Realising my vital mistake a sat bolt upright. Just in time to see an orange claw come down upon my face.
'Kevin, looks like I bagged me a human...'
dum dum duuuuuuummmmm...
'THE END? DOT DOT DOT"
Well that's all from me for the mo, but seeing as it's holidays ill have more time to write, so expect the next exciting sequel in the next fortnight or so. Thanks to Kristine for your lovely comments, I will try my best to serenade you. Naomi, I've found someone else, so you can stop your husband from spending every night out on the porch with his shotgun. Not that it did much good, I have your house wired. The next instalment will contain more about the mystery orange claw, (Kevin the Hermit Crab and his Undersea Band?...) Jeff Penguin: PI, jelly wrestling with naked supermodels, more mad guitar solos and Jedi powers, and of course...Jeremy the Wonder Midget. And a special guest appearance by 'Disco Moo' the dancing cow.
Night y'all, stay classy and be spontaneous... Josh.
(Adi groans and burries her face in her hands, "Why me?" she mourns, "Why oh why does it have to be me?")
Okay's same deal as last time review for the guy ok? Thanks
Back in Erik's Twisted Cavern Of Genius
"So it's not Jack the Ripper?" Adriana repeated, Erik shook his head, handing her the American newspapers Nadir had received from the police, the Theatre Wraith glanced over and started to swear. She threw the paper onto the black leather couch beside Nadir, who had half a chess game played out against Erik, and stood staring at the floor silently fuming, Nadir looked at Erik with a raised eyebrow. The Phantom shook his head, indicating it was better to let the girl to seethe for a moment than to disturb her.
On cue Adriana sighed and looked up, "Back to square one then," she reached up a hand and ran it through her shortened hair, "Figures," she glared at the stack of files spread over Erik's desk and shook her head in frustration, "Gah, why me?"
Erik lost a pawn to Nadir's rook and groaned, "I think I need a drink," he muttered,
"Make that two," Nadir added, setting the pawn beside the board. Adriana rolled her eyes to the ceiling in resignation and walked over to the cabinet where Erik had formerly kept his morphine. She pulled out three glasses and poured liberal doses of scotch into each. Erik looked up from the couch,
"You as well?" he asked, she nodded, taking a swallow of one glass before bringing the others over to the two men. She perched on the arm of Erik's chair and looked at the chessboard,
"Any suggestions?" he asked, considering his bishop.
"Yep," she tossed back the rest of her scotch and rose to bring back the bottle as the daroga and Phantom did the same, "I suggest we get extremely drunk."
"Will that help?" Nadir asked disbelievingly,
"Nope," Adriana shook her head, "But it'll make us feel a helluva lot better for a few hours,"
With deft movements she poured three new drinks, then raised her glass, "Cheers."
The three clinked glasses and Nadir looked at her admiringly, "You can drink a lot for a woman," he noted, Adriana straightened with pride,
"Of course I can," she announced,
"How much?" Erik asked shrewdly, she took another sip thoughtfully,
"Most I ever had was about 25-odd standard drinks in one night, though I can't quite remember all of the night."
"What did you forget?" Nadir asked, she stared at him,
"My birthday cake for one thing, and insulting several people. I came too a little later and was told I had said some rather unsavoury things to several people I would have preferred not to show up." (true story)
"It was your birthday?" Nadir asked,
"Eighteenth," she shrugged, Erik grinned,
"Well done," he applauded, she grinned and stood to curtsey extravagantly,
"Why thankyou, good monsieur." She answered cheekily.
"Tell me," Nadir said, holding out his glass for a refill, "What is it that young people such as yourself do when you get extremely frunk…I mean drunk?"
"We dance around, pick up random people, sing abominably, play drinking games, and when someone passes out, we shave off an eyebrow." She giggled merrily, "But the best thing to do is play 40 questions."
"How is that different from 20 questions?" Erik asked, holding up his glass to admire the amber liquid. "Apart from double the amount I mean?"
"In twenty questions you're trying to guess something, in forty questions you take in turns to ask one another questions that have to be answered truthfully, and they can be on anything." She grinned evilly, "Sole property of me and my friends and brilliant for blackmail material,"
"But how do you know if someone is lying or not?" Nadir asked, Adriana laughed, leaning against Erik's shoulder, "Believe me Nadir, by the end of it, you're too drunk to even think up an implausible lie let alone get away with it."
"And the point of all this is…" Erik asked, she shrugged,
"To see how much juicy information you can get out of people."
"Why do I get the feeling this is going to be very dangerous?"
"Possibly because it will be, who wants to start?" her grey eyes turned on Nadir who was swirling the amber liquid in his glass as he stared at the chessboard, "Daroga? You're the policeman, begin the interrogation!"
"Err...," Nadir's nose was beginning to turn red beneath his dark skin, "Favourite colour?"
"Emerald green," Adriana answered instantly, she nudged Erik with her elbow, he looked up from his study of the chessboard and blinked,
"Blue," he sighed,
"What kind of blue?"
"There are different kinds?"
"Well duh..."
"You sound like an American,"
"Despite the fact I'm not?"
"Yes,"
"Well then...what kind?"
"Dark stormy blue, like the blue you find in night thunderstorms splintered apart by silver lightning,"
"Poetic," Nadir noted, Adriana smiled, "It's important to put thought into these kind of things, daroga?"
"I just asked the question," Nadir protested, Adriana raised her eyebrows, "You have to answer it too,"
"Oh, gold then,"
"Right," Adriana squirmed happily on her seat, "My turn," she frowned a moment, "Favourite animal,"
"Turtle," Nadir replied, swallowing his drink, Erik and Adriana both stared,
"What?"
Nadir looked equally puzzled, "Is there something wrong with choosing a turtle?"
"No..." Adriana answered slowly, "It's kinda weird though," (I have just figured out it may actually help to be drunk while I'm writing this excuse me while I go find my Carolan's) she glanced at Erik, "You?"
"The swan," the Phantom answered, staring deep into his glass,
"Would've thought you'd go for the- wait no that makes sense, never mind, I'm caught between tigers, snow leopard's snakes and giraffe's"
"You can have more than one?"
"No, I just have trouble deciding,"
"Favourite name?" Erik asked, smirking as he began to realise what the game could offer
"Christiaan," Adriana answered instantly,
"Why?"
"Because it's cool," she grinned, "Found it in my family tree,"
"Oh, daroga?"
"Risaph," Nadir smiled at some long forgotten memory, Adriana glanced at Erik, who shrugged, "Dinah," he answered.
Adriana pointed at Nadir, "Your turn again Daroga,"
"Oh..." Nadir's swarthy face crinkled into a frown, "Favourite game,"
"Pin the Punjab on the Fop," Erik spat scotch half way across the room (on that note we filmed our own soapies in yr 9 and one of the guys I went to school with did that in his and it was hilarious!)
"I beg your pardon!"
"What?" Adriana looked at him quizzically, "It's a hot fav at the DBCA,"
Nadir stared, "The what?"
"Never mind," The Opera Ghost and the Theatre Wraith chorused, "You don't want to know," Adriana added,
Nadir looked confused and Adriana sighed, "Just answer the question Nadir, there are some things you should definitely not hear about,"
The daroga shook his head, sloshing the liquor around in his glass, "Chess then mademoiselle," he looked at the Phantom, "Erik?"
"The same,"
"Alrighty then," Adriana murmured, "My turn again, hmm...Favourite fabric?"
"What has that got to do with anything?" Erik asked, raising an eyebrow,
"What has anything got to do with anything?" she retorted
"Good point,"
"Thanks, I know,"
There was a pause, "Well?" the Wraith prodded, "It's not going to answer itself you know,"
Erik sighed, "Very well then, oriental silk, black picked out with gold,"
"Nice, daroga?"
"Lace,"
Adriana smirked, "The policeman has a feminine side," she noted smugly, tilting her nose into her glass, Nadir flushed red, "Black widows lace!" he countered, "The kind used on mourning veils," the Persian man paused and stared aimlessly ahead, "There is an infinite beauty in that damnable sadness,"
"A poetic side too," Adriana murmured softly, "But I love cotton,"
"Why?"
She shrugged, "Because it seems more earthy and homely than riches which sooner or later give you a headache,"
"Oh," A dense silence descended over the trio as they sat staring into their respective glasses.
"Favourite piece of music?" Erik asked suddenly, breaking the mood.
"Valse from Sleeping Beauty," Adriana replied dreamily, "Or Unlyriced," (one of Josh's compositions) Erik looked hurt, "There's a difference between a song and a piece of music you know,"
"I knew that!"
"Well so much of what you play you never even bother to name so I can't exactly specify which of the fifty six daily compositions is my favourite!"
"Mine is the Humming bird dance, from my home country," Nadir broke the tension rife in the eyes of the two before him, clearly tempers, alcohol and Opera spirits did not mix well, then he tossed back his glass and reached out to the decanter for a refill.
"Salevare," Erik added tersely, folding skeletal arms across his chest, Adriana blinked as she recalled seeing a sheaf of music bearing that name on the organ.
"Well that destroys my theory,"
"I'm sorry,"
"No you're not," Adriana ran through her mental list of questions and jumped on the next one, "One food for the rest of your life?"
"I don't eat," Erik replied,
"You eat sometimes," Adriana protested,
"Only when you decide to forcibly ram it down my throat,"
"Only because you're too stubborn to actually get up from your music for five minutes even though you haven't left your organ in two days non stop,"
Nadir took hold of the decanter and placed it far out of easy reach from the Ghost and the Wraith, the all of a sudden the conversation changed again.
"If you could be an animal for one day what would you be?"
"I thought we already had an animal question,"
"We did, so what?"
"Oh, a butterfly,"
"A dolphin,"
"A tiger,"
"Weirdest outfit ever worn?" Nadir watched Adriana sharply through a somewhat foggy state of mind, the blonde girl was obviously the only one who knew how to play the game, switching endlessly between topics as she sat perched on the arm of Erik's wing-backed chair, her gaze locked with the Phantom's as she strove to trap him in words. Nadir's mind wondered, what in Allah's name was she fighting against him for?
Erik paused at the question and shrugged, then answered with a query of his own.
"Favourite quote?"
"Imagination is more important than knowledge,"
"Who said that?"
"Albert Einstein, inventor of the theory of relativity,"
"Which is what?"
"Emc squared, mass is equal to energy or some such thing, really should've paid attention in chemistry,"
"So much knowledge just thrown away," Erik mourned
"Worst surgical procedure?"
"Morbid,"
"Bloody,"
"I don't think those are real practices,"
"Does it matter?
"I guess not,"
"Very well then, favourite play?"
"Phantom of the Op- er uh, Macbeth!"
"What?" Nadir looked up from the contents of his glass,
"I said Macbeth," Adriana amended hastily,
"I could have sworn you said..."
"You have to answer the question daroga," Erik cut in.
"Oh, Othello,"
"Thankyou, Favourite piece of clothing?"
"My gold tunic,"
"My cloak,"
"His cloak,"
"You can't take my cloak!"
"Sure I can, it doesn't have to be the owners,"
"Ah," Erik paused thoughtfully, "In that case I'm almost tempted to change to that black silk slip you created whe-" a short fingered hand was clapped over his mouth by a blushing Adriana, "I didn't ask for details,"
"Erik removed her fingers, lightly kissing her palm, "But you love details, like the time you-"
The hand was replaced over the Phantom's mouth.
"Do you get stage fright?" Nadir asked curiously, looking at Adriana through confused jade eyes.
"Yes," Erik stared at the blonde girl, "You get stage fright?"
"Yeah," she shrugged, "It just doesn't show,"
"You are odd,"
"Thankyou, craziest moment you ever burst into song,"
"Feeding Ayesha,"
"I cannot sing,"
"Anyone can sing daroga!"
"Believe me my dear," Erik winced, "This man cannot,"
"Oh, well mine was cleaning an oven...well actually that wasn't so odd, possibly setting up for a party and suddenly running on stage and breaking into NYC from Annie,"
"I'll nod and pretend I understood all of that,"
"You do that,"
"Favourite song?"
"Iris...Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive, And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand..."
"Quiet."
"Yes Erik,"
"Greatest fear?"
"Being alone,"
"Clowns,"
"Clowns?"
"Clowns are bloody scary! Have you seen their eyes?"
"But clowns?"
"Shut up, I'll be scared of what I want,"
Erik rolled his eyes, "Clowns," he sniggered, "Of all things,"
"Pet peeve," Adriana interrupted the Phantom's private laughing session,
"You," he replied snarkily,
"Hey!"
"You did ask,"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever,"
"Whatever?"
"Whatever."
"Favourite book?"
"Reave the Just and Daughter of Regals by Stephen Donaldson" (if you can find and read Reave the Just, Scriven, it will help later in the story for a very favourite chapter)
"Edgar Allan Poe,"
"The Koran,"
"Most prized possession?"
"My music,"
"My insanity,"
"Really?"
"Nah, my cat when I had her, or maybe my necklace, oh! My notebooks!"
"How many do you have?"
"Over thirty something?"
"How many are filled?"
"Filled? Only a few. Written in? All of them,"
"Favourite myth,"
"Aladdin,"
"The Rose and the Nightingale"
"Dracula, or the tale of the minotaur,"
Nadir stared openly at Adriana, Erik chuckled, "The little Wraith has a morbid streak," he smirked,
"Weirdest title you've ever come across,"
"Loyal ruler of many obsessive sugar high nut cases caught within the bonds of addictive insanity,"
"Who holds that?"
"I do,"
"Ah...that explains everything,"
"And you Erik?"
"Oh there are many that come to mind daroga, 'The Shadow of God' for instance?"
"Erik..."
"Forgive me daroga, you know my humour,"
"Favourite mathematical sum?"
"Addition, one plus one equals two,"
"Excepting the cases when one plus one equals three,"
"There is that,"
"I don't understand,"
"Ignorance is bliss,"
"I thought we already had the quote question,"
"Oh shut up,"
"The worst way you could die?" Nadir asked carelessly, Erik and Adriana froze, then she sat down her glass,
"I'm not afraid of death. Entrapment? Yes. Beyond life? No. But on that note," she paused thoughtfully, "Strangulation."
Nadir opened one jade eye and stared from her to Erik, she giggled,
"Ironic isn't it." She said dryly, both men stared, then they all collapsed into helpless scotch induced laughter.
xXx
Nadir was the first to succumb, he had been dozing in his deep chair by the fire when a large snore came from his mouth, Erik and Adriana looked up from their cards.
"Oh dear," Adriana sighed, Erik looked her,
"Didn't you say something about shaving off an eyebrow?" he asked, Adriana grinned evilly.
"Where's your razor?"
xXx
"You know what?" Adriana asked to the shadows shifting in the flickering light of the street lamps as the carriage drove off.
"What?" A slightly unsteady voice answered her as Erik tried to ward off him already growing headache, pounding in his skull like a muse throwing a fit.
"I really, really can't wait to find out his reaction once he sees himself in the mirror,"
The only other rule about 40 questions is that apart from telling the absolute truth, you never really get to the end. Cheers and finish the rest of your review, i'm going to get chocolate