Summer, Highland Falls

They say that these are not the best of times

But they're the only times I've ever known,

And I believe there is a time for meditation

In cathedrals of our own

Jason sat alone at Jake's, his head in his hands. He couldn't get Carly out of his mind. Everywhere he went, everything he did, brought back memories of her. He didn't want to be thinking of her but he couldn't stop, especially after seeing her at James and Courtney's party. Everyone kept telling him he had to get over Carly, but that would be impossible, even if he did want to do it.

He took out his cell phone and called her parents' house. "Is Carly home?" he asked when Laura picked up the phone.

"No, Jason, I'm sorry. I think she said she was going to Sonny's," Laura told him.

Jason hung up, upset. "I should have known," he thought. Carly was always at Sonny's lately and Jason couldn't stand it. Sonny was supposed to be his best friend, he wasn't supposed to be seducing his wife. "Ex-wife," Jason had to remind himself.

He stood up and paid for his drinks, and then he trudged outside, not really knowing where he was going until he got there. He looked up at Harborview Towers wondering whether or not he should go in.

"All the way up please," Jason told the man working the elevator.

He stepped out of the elevator and greeted Max. "Hey, man. What's Sonny up to tonight? I have some business to discuss with him," Jason said as though he had no idea Carly was there.

"I'm not sure what Sonny's doing tonight, but the business will have to wait. Sonny said not to admit any guests tonight," Max informed him.

Jason was pissed. Here Sonny and Carly were acting like her relationship with Jason had never even existed. "Come on, Max, I'm Sonny's best friend, I can hardly be called a guest. Besides, he would want to hear this. It's a message from the boss," Jason argued, slurring his words, the alcohol starting to hit him.

Max sighed and took out his cell phone. Jason waited as he dialed a number and told Sonny what was going on. Max hung up and told Jason, "You can go in, but Sonny is not happy."

Max opened the door and added, "He said to wait here and he'll be down in a minute."

The room was empty, but there were two uneaten dinners on the table with candles set out everywhere. Jason knew that Carly and Sonny must be upstairs, what they were doing, well Jason didn't even want to think of that.

Sonny came downstairs with no shirt on and looking very nervous. Now Jason was sure that his suspicions were correct: his best friend had slept with the love of his life.

"This better be good, Jason," Sonny said upon entering the room, but Jason took no note that he had spoken.

"Where is she?" he asked, trying to remain calm. It was getting harder and harder as the alcohol kicked in. Jason still wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do when he found Carly there, but he had to do something. The drinks had given him an extra shot of confidence that let him believe he had a chance at winning Carly back.

"What are you talking about?" Sonny inquired. He knew Jason was talking about Carly, but he didn't want his best friend to know that she was right up in his room, waiting for him to come back to bed. As much as he loved Carly, Jason was still his best friend and like a brother to him. Sonny did not want to see him get hurt.

"Don't play dumb with me," Jason yelled, all thoughts of being calm having flown out the window. "I know she's here. I know she's upstairs in your bed. Don't lie to me, Sonny."

"She isn't here," he replied, lying again. "I'm sorry, Jason, but I don't know where Carly is. Look, man, you're drunk. Let me have Max drive you home."

"No! I'm not going anywhere until I've seen her," Jason shouted, pushing Sonny to the side and running up the stairs. Sonny chased him but Jason was already standing outside the bedroom with his hand on the knob.

Jason twisted the handle and then hesitated, as though hoping if he stood there long enough Carly would disappear and he could go on believing that nothing had happened in there.

He opened the door just a crack and heard Carly say, "Did you get Jason to leave? Come back to bed, Sonny."

Jason was furious and hurt. To hear her saying those words to a man besides himself cut Jason like a knife. He pushed the door open with great force and yelled, "No, he didn't get Jason to leave. I'm still right here and I'm not going away. Carly, why don't you see that I love you so much? All I've ever wanted is for you to return that, so why the hell don't you?"

He looked at her, sitting in Sonny's chair all curled up with a blanket. She looked happier than he had seen her in a long time, or she had until he barged into the room. After that she just looked afraid, afraid of him.

"Why don't you, Carly?" he asked again, desperately this time. "What happened to us?"

Now I have seen the sad surrender in my lover's eyes

And I can only stand apart and sympathize

for we are always what our situations hand us

It's either sadness or euphoria

Jason held his stare and realized she was crying. Had he really caused that? He hadn't meant to make her cry, he just wanted to get something out of her, anything, it didn't even matter what. It would be better than the nothing he normally received.

"I'm so sorry, Jase. I loved you, I really did, but you and I just weren't made for each other. We wanted to be, and we worked so damn hard at making our relationship work, but it just didn't. When we divorced it tore me apart for a long time, but I found a way to move on. And you haven't, Jason, and it kills me to see you acting like this," Carly told him, trying to control her tears. She had been happy with Sonny that night, and then Jason had to come in and make her feel guilty for what she'd done.

He took a step back. He hadn't known she felt that way, that the divorce had hurt her as much as it hurt him. But there were those two little words that he wasn't sure he knew the meaning of: "moved on." How was he supposed to move on from this; move on from the most important thing in his life?

"I can't move on. I refuse to accept that you and I are over after what we had. If this was supposed to end it wouldn't have hurt so much."

"I loved you for seven years. Of course it's going to hurt when we split up, but it had to be done. If we had stayed together we would be just as miserable as we were after the divorce. And I was miserable, but then I made the decision that I couldn't dwell on what had happened. I had to be happy and make the most of every situation. I am now, I'm happy."

So we'll argue and we'll compromise

And realize that nothing's ever changed

For all our mutual experience,

Our separate conclusions are the same

"Well, I'm not like you. I can't be happy without you. I can't just decide to be happy," Jason said.

"Yes, you can. You just won't let yourself. You keep holding on to this thing that doesn't exist anymore and it's getting in the way of the rest of your life."

"I have no life without you!" he protested.

"You do. It might take some searching to find it, to find a way to live by yourself, or at least without me. It's hard and it hurts, but I know from experience that it can be done," Carly reassured him.

"It can't be done, not by me. I can't just stop caring about you. Maybe that's something you're capable of, but I'm not," Jason told her.

"I didn't stop caring about you," Carly argued. "I never stopped caring about you. We were young and stupid– and in love, yes– when we decided to get married. But somewhere along the way we fell apart and stopped working. I'm not sure we ever really worked. So we got a divorce and I moved on. You were my husband, Jason, and I will always love you and care about you, just in a different way than I used to."

Jason just nodded. Hearing her voice and hearing her say she had cared about him and had loved him, even if she didn't still, made him feel so much better. He thought about what she said, how he would be miserable right now even if they were still married and he had to smile. She was right, they had driven each other crazy. They had had their happy times, and their unhappy times and they had both been wrong. Of course it was still hard knowing that they would never be together again, but they'd given it their best shot and it just hadn't been enough. He would just have to learn to accept that.

"I'm sorry, Carly. Sorry for everything I put you through, sorry for tonight. You're right about all that you said. I don't know how long it's going to take me to move on, but I'm going to try," Jason said, trying to smile at her.

"So the Jason and Carly story ends tonight?" she asked hopefully.

"I wouldn't say it's ending totally. I mean, we gave it a hell of a run..."

"Friends?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll try."

Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity

Our reason coexists with our insanity

And though we choose between reality and madness,

it's either sadness or euphoria.

"Thanks, Jason. And I'm sorry that you had to walk in here and find out about me and Sonny this way. We should have thought to tell you about it before."

"I'm sorry too, for the way I treated you tonight– like you'd committed some kind of crime. You didn't deserve that. I just had something in my head, some voice or whatever, telling me that the only way I could live was with you as my wife. But you're right, we were way too dysfunctional to last very long. We would have never made it," Jason replied, much calmer now.

"No, I think we could have if we were different people, but obviously we're not. We were stupid to think we could, but we were also in love, and for a while there that love was able to override all the negative aspects of our marriage, but as time went on it couldn't anymore. I'm just relieved we got out in time to be able to be friends again."

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies

Perhaps we don't fulfill each other's fantasies

And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives,

It's either sadness or euphoria