Disclaimer: All characters belong to Meg Cabot, oh, and the line from the song belongs to Sarah Mclachlan (sp?)
AN: this is my first fan-fic.please don't hesitate to review and if you hate it, please tell me! I happen to like constructive criticism. anyways, on with the story
She made me watch "City of Angels"
May I just tell you all that I hate, despise, and Loathe "City of Angels"? I mean, what crack head came up with that plot! Girl meets Guy, girl and guy fall in love, guy turns out to be an Angel, girl dumps guy, guy finds a way to come to life, girl takes guy back with open arms, girl DIES! What the hell!
I don't know what Cee Cee was thinking. Really, I don't. Sure, the movie had a nice soundtrack and the part where it's raining and Meg Ryan can't see him, but she knows he's there and...I'm getting off topic. The point is: SHE DIES! They were going to be together and she DIES!
I officially HATE Hollywood.
The only problem is, now I can't get it out of my head. I mean, what if I found a way to bring Jesse back to life (unlikely, I know, but please don't burst my bubble) what's going to happen then, Am I going to die? I mean, I KNOW it's just a movie but...it could happen.
So now I'm depressed. Thank you VERY much Miss Webb. As if I don't think about this (my seemingly doomed relationship with the love of my life) enough as it is, now it's REALLY bugging me.
After we watched the movie I threw a fit...actually I didn't even wait 'til the movie was over. I waited just long enough to see if Meg Ryan's character was going to return as an angel, THEN I threw a fit.
"What the HELL, Cee! WHAT THE HELL! What kind of CRAP is that!"
Poor Cee Cee, she just didn't get it. She had no idea why that movie got to me so much. So she just stood there looking shocked, and asked me what was so wrong with the movie.
"What's wrong with the movie? What's WRONG with the movie! Cee Cee, i'm in that situation! You know about Jesse! How can you go and make me watch a movie like that!"
THEN it clicked.
"Oh, my god. Suze, I'm sorry. I swear I wasn't even thinking about that when I rented it. I just thought it was a good movie. I didn't know it would upset you so much. Please calm down, let's just put in another movie ok?"
But it was too late. I was near hysterics and I knew I had to get out of there before I started crying.
"I'm sorry Cee, I can't. I'll see to you later."
Ok, so I bailed on our chick night, but I just couldn't handle it. It was too much. You know, I get this all the time from Paul at Shifter lessons the whole It's-never-going-to-work-between-you-two-because-he's-dead thing. And Father Dom. And even, occasionally, Jesse feels the need to remind me that no matter how much he loves me, he can't give me anything. And every time, I tell everyone that I don't care. And I don't. So long as I have Jesse, I don't care that I won't lead a normal life because he is all I need. But sometimes, I get sick of everyone condemning our relationship. It's like they're telling me to stop loving him, and I can't. You can't just stop loving someone.
And now I was at home, curled up on my window seat, listening to some pretty depressing music...I guess I wasn't making much of an attempt to cheer myself up. But then sometimes maybe you just need to let yourself feel depressed.
"Querida"
I didn't jump at his voice; I wasn't even surprised that he showed up. I turned my head to see him leaning against one of the bed posts. And even though I felt so depressed, I could feel my heart start beating faster in my chest. It's sad what only the sight of him does to me.
"I heard you calling, what is wrong?"
He straightened himself and began walking towards me. I turned my head and rested my gaze on the full moon. I've always been strangely fascinated by it, I don't know why, it's just always had this weird calming effect on me. I heard Jesse kneel down beside me and when he put his hand on my arm I finally turned to look at him.
"Querida..."
That did it. I started crying. It was like everything that had been bothering me just poured out and once it started I couldn't stop it. Oh, I tried, mind you, I hate crying. I really, really hate crying. But I just couldn't stop. Jesse immediately sprung into action, pulling me into his lap and rocking me back and forth whispering Spanish into my hair. I cried and I cried and I cried until I felt dehydrated from crying so much. When I finally stopped sobbing into Jesse's shoulder he continued to rub my back, tracing his fingers up and down my spine. I didn't have to tell him what was bothering me. He already knew. He kissed my forehead and finally pulled away to look at me. I tried averting my eyes but he gently took my chin between his fingers and kissed me, oh so gently. When I finally looked up at him, he smiled.
"It's going to be alright. I promise: it's going to be alright."
When he said that, I returned his smile. Because he promised, and somehow, deep down, I believed that it was going to be alright too.
You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there.