Chapter 79 Penance

My friends our time draws so near. Less than a month until I am to move, not to mention the packing. How am I to choose six books out of my personal live in fifty? Anywho, my love to all and hope you enjoy this next chapter, it has a special meaning for me.

Adriana was perched on a stool at a table she had dragged out from the kitchen, sprawled across it were the thousand and a half masques she had taken on for the Ball. Beads, feathers, glass and paste jewels and stiffened wires were spread across the wooden workplace. In one hand she held the tightly pinched ends of a silk plait and in the other, a sewing needle threaded with plum thread. Squinting at her work she tried stitching the ends of the ribbon plait together, but her fingers were clumsy with tiredness and all she succeeded in was stabbing herself in the thumb. "Oh dammit!" she sighed. She sucked the red bead of blood welling from her thumb and tied a black piece of tape around the plait end before shoving it away in exasperation. "Moi give up!" she groaned, burying her head in her hands. Erik looked up from the notes he was hurriedly scrawling onto a handy sheet of parchment, "You're pushing yourself too hard," he told her, refilling his quill with ink the same colour as that which was smeared across Adriana's hand. A sleepy snort of laughter answered him, "Coming from you, Sir-Food-and-rest-are-a-waste-of-time."

"There is enough time for sleep when one is dead," Erik proclaimed sententiously, Adriana shuddered, "Morbid," she muttered, "That reminds me of a song for some reason,"

"Really?" Despite the rather dismal mess that made up most of her CD collection, Erik had found that some of the songs or lyrics actually possessed some semblance of taste. Though how one could keep Beautiful Ballet and the Lord of the Rings soundtracks in the same case as Foo Fighters and Blink 182 and call it a good collection still managed to escape him.

"Yeah but," she yawned, "I forget it now, something about 6 feet under when the parties over or something," she nuzzled her face in her arms, "I think I need chocolate,"

"Indeed," Erik stood and walked over to her, watching her curled up form contemplatively, then with a grin on his distorted face he swept her up into his arms and spun her round, catching her lips to kiss her thoroughly. Adriana returned the kiss with a relieved sigh, stretching her arms up languidly to drape around the Phantom's neck pulling him in closer. They stopped spinning and he released her mouth, still holding her high in his arms.

"Mmm…" she relished, closing her eyes, "That was even better than chocolate,"

"I am honoured to be placed on par with such a miraculous substance," Erik returned, he moved to set her down and she tumbled out of his arms and straightened on the cold floor. "You should try to sleep,"

Adriana shook her head dazedly, still slightly dizzy, "Nah, I need to read a bit first, my brains going too fast at the moment," she bent and dug through a pile of books stacked by one of the loveseats, considerately dropped off by the Authoress, who seemed to find it amusing to use Erik's head as target practise for her deliveries. With the possible exception of the hardcover Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes, which had successfully knocked out a stage hand who had nearly discovered Erik hovering in the flies one day, almost tripping over the lean phantom in the dark before meeting the leather-bound famous detective…although this may have been a slight miscalculation on the Authoress' part.

"You need sleep," Erik told her, returning to his work.

"I need my brain to slow down," Adriana replied.

"Any slower and you'd be going backwards," Erik retorted.

"Oh ha, ha…Aha!" she extracted the sought after novel and retreated before Erik could insult her again.

xXx

Some hours later, Erik found Adriana sitting in the middle of the stage, cross legged and with her hair falling around her face and obscuring the book she held clutched in her hands. With a heavy sigh she turned a page and read for a few moments, then carefully closed the book and placed it to one side, and buried her head in her hands.

"What are you doing out there?" he hissed, gliding to stand before he, cloak swirling about him as he halted and brushing the Phantom's long form.

"Oh leave me alone," Adriana moaned, her face still hidden, Erik frowned, reaching down one long arm to pull her hand away from her face, she flinched away and curled up into herself, "I said leave me alone!"

"What's the matter with you?" Erik demanded, hauling her up by one arm, her gaze flickered to the book left lying on the stage, Erik's eyes followed and he read the title Reave the Just and other tales "That?"

Adriana nodded, "Scriven..." she sighed

"What?"

"Not a what, who"

Her lolling head and sightless eyes were beginning to disturb and irritate Erik, "Some knight in shining armour I suppose?" he countered harshly, "Sweeping away his lady love to a life of joy and sunshine,"

Adriana wrenched away from him, "You know me better than that Erik," she retorted angrily, "I despise sweet romance, don't judge what you don't know,"

"No romance?" Erik asked sardonically, "And I suppose A Midsummer Night's Dream is a parable for the coming of Judgement Day,"

Adriana's eyes flashed anger and she stepped away from him, half facing him, half to the stage and empty seats before her

"Do you question my sincerity, my lords?" she flung her arm as if casting away a heavy goblet, "Do you believe that I dissemble?" Erik was silent "It may be that I have no soul." she cried. "But I have a heart!" her fire dimmed and she swayed slightly on the plain wooden stage, blinking with a lost expression etched onto her face, ash and regret seemed to fill her mouth as she repeated "I have a heart. I wish daily that I did not." She shook her head a few times, then bent and retrieved a thick novel from the wooden stage, "Here," she pressed it into Erik's chest as she passed him, "Penance, read it," she stumbled away into the shadows as Erik stared after her, then down at the book in his long white hands.

"How does the rest go?" his own voice shocked him, hoarse and shaking, to think a mere book could stir such emotion, Adriana paused, and then rallied herself against her weakness. "But I do not ask God to take it from me. It is mine. My life is only my life. Doubtless you will slay me, when I am done with my tale. But you cannot erase my pain, or stifle my yearning-or avoid the cost."

She bowed her head, then glanced back at him, one hand poised on the door to a trap that would take her back to the lair, she swallowed and opened her mouth to say something, then blinked and changed her mind, "It's just..." she sighed, and disappeared from his view.

Penance is by Stephen Donaldson, he is the best writer I know of, and that's including Lewis, Tolkein and any other greater than great name you would care to mention. The "I have a heart" lines are directly quoted, and it is one of the most heartbreaking stories you will ever read, which I truly suggest you do. He also wrote the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, which are hard work, but Daughter of Regals and Reave the Just are his short story collections, which are fantastic! As are the original The Mirror of her Dreams and its sequel A Man Rides Through. This chapter may not have made a lot of sense to those who haven't read Penance, but if you love Erik and the Phantom's tale, you will love Penance, try the library, try the bookshop, try used bookshops (my second home) but find it and read it. Because while Erik's tale is my favourite legend and story, Penance has been my favourite piece of writing from the first time I read it.