Chapter 15: The Gate of Judgment

Saturday, June 14th, 2005

"NO! KATRINA, ARE YOU STUPID? THE RIGHT HEM, THE RIGHT HEM, THERIGHTHEMTHERIGHTHEMTHERIGHTHEM!"

"Can't we just stop?" My stomach rumbles, and the books I was holding on my head fall down again. "Can't I just swear I won't run away and get out of this?"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! PICK UP THOSE BOOKS!"

I slowly bend down to pick them up again, and end up making the books on my shoulders fall as well. I groan, and go to pick up all six of them. At least I don't fall down again.

"STAND UP FASTER! COME ON! I'M NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE FOR YOU! YOU'E GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WALK ON YOUR OWN!"

I snap, right then and there. "GOOD! AT LEAST I CAN GET AWAY FROM YOU! I'M SO SICK OF THIS! I'D RATHER HAVE MY EYES GOUGED OUT!"

"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED, YOU KNOW! YUKINAAAAAAA!"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! IF YOU WERE PLANNING ON DOING THAT, YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED ME BY NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A FREAKING SADIST!"

She suddenly washes away all that anger, like usual, and smiles sweetly. "Put the books on your head again, Katrina." She makes her paddle appear in her hands and shoves the pointed end near my throat like a spear. Then she cracks up. "I'd make an awesome samurai." She giggles, and pokes me in the throat. "Go on, get to it! The sooner you get done, the sooner you eat. I can hear your tummy."

"I no longer have a tummy! It simply withered away four hours ago! You didn't even allow me lunch! It's been so long since I've eaten!"

"Aww, does Mommy need to get oo a tummy?" She tries to ruffle my hair. I bat her hand away, and she pokes me in the throat again the second I begin to inhale, and I breathe in wooden stick. I choke, and she releases. "Do it now."

I glare at her and her goddamned stick, angrily pick up the books, and balance the ones on my shoulders easily. But the head is always what gets me. She says I need to put two books on each of my shoulders and two on my head to keep erect and balanced and walking in a kimono, but I think she just wants to make me suffer. I can never get it on my head. I have a really round head. There is nowhere for the book to stay balanced on. She says that's the point. I say she just doesn't have enough to do. She pokes me whenever I say something sarcastic. It's the basic system.

I slap the thick book on my head, carefully placing it there. When I let go…it actually doesn't fall. Oh my god. I can't believe it. It's staying there. It's really, truly staying there. It's simply levitating there…I can't even feel it on my head…

I start to walk carefully, like a brick with legs, making sure that nothing is set even slightly off balance. We're in the narrow hallway outside of that white room that I woke up in. I take one step.

Botan zips behind me suddenly, and says, "Boo."

And it falls.

Naturally, all the other books fall too. Because that's just how it works here.

I whirl around to her. She's grinning widely. I can only hate her. I cross my arms in front of me and charge towards her. She looks surprised, and blocks with her wooden paddle. I glare at her, analyzing her fighting stance. Ah. So she's pretty strong, not leaving any body part exposed. I prepare my fists in front of my face to attack her.

Then, I see it. If I go in for a crescent sweep on her left ankle…she'll fall and I'll win. How the hell do I know this?

Without warning, I make my move. I dive towards her, aiming to kick her right in the vulnerable calf, when she counteracts easily. She agilely jumps onto her paddle, and swivels in the air. I have no time to block before she swings around and the flat end of it bitch-slaps me across the face.

Stupefied, I fall flat on my butt, blinking slowly. How…the hell…did she do that?

Botan (going in and out of focus) appears over me. "You've gotten a little rusty. I'll have to talk to Genkai once you've mastered the kimono. Besides, that blue light you were talking about means training big-time, girl…"

"…Ow…" I put a hand to my face. I think she just obliterated my cheekbone.

"You know, I think that's enough for the day. How about I take you someplace special that's guaranteed to help you feel better?"

"Th-th-the-the hospital?"

"No, no, you're only going to have a slight bruise. Not enough of a cut to trouble Yukina with. Here, let me just show you the place, okay?"

No… My mind whispers, but my mouth moves in a different pattern. Wow. I can't even hear myself. She knocked me around pretty good…haha…hahahahaha…

So, she turns around and offers me the blunt end of the paddle. Oh, that was the thing that smacked me. And there's two of it! Hahahahaha! I reach out to grab it, and my hands miss several times. It's moving around too much. Ah…there we go…I grabbed it…hahahahaha…wow…this is really fun…are we flying? Haha, there's still two of everything…this is so fun…everything is rushing along…I think we're flying…haha…this great big purple thing that's wrapped around my body is flapping behind me…fly, birdie, fly…hahahahaha…ooh! We're going down some stairs now…HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, look! There's a big glass door over there down the hallway! WHOA! What a big glass door! I haven't seen any big glass doors around here before! I just saw the doors that were made of great big slimy crabs…lots and lots of crabs…yum…

Big…big glass door…wow. That big glass door makes me tired…

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Ahh…wow…this is a really warm place…it smells so nice…I open my eyes. Wow. I feel so relaxed and refreshed. I don't even want to wake up…I was just in the middle of a very good dream…Ooh, where is this place? This is even better than that dream about a big glass door and getting slapped with an oar! Hm…for some reason the entire right side of my face hurts…

I blink in delight. I'm lying under a huge sakura tree with huge pink flowers overhead. Between the thick-leaved branches, I can see a huge glass plate above it. Huh? I look closer. Maybe that's a kind of roof. Yes, yes it is. I can see that sparkling cottony mist above it, only it's golden and glowing. I sit up, and gasp in surprise. I'm in a huge, lovely jungle. I look down. I'm in a bed of grass, next to a three-foot high stone wall, and all around me are the most amazing flowers and herbs and stalks and trees. And the most heavenly smell is wafting from it all…wow. What is this place?

I try to stand and remember I'm in my kimono. So, I use the stone wall to push myself up. Still a little wobbly, I simply sit down on it and gaze all around me. I'm in some kind of forest, maybe. A magical forest. This is the kind of forest you read about in fairy tales. All except for the scary talking animals part. There are a few plants I recognize, like some buttercups, some mustard trees, some common neighborhood grass, something my mom would like…

Mom?

I try desperately to hold onto the memory, and it vanishes again.

And then, my rage disappears. Oh yeah. Botan hit me across the head with her paddle. I bet it loosened up some of my hidden memories.

Wow. I am completely content with this. Why is some part of me telling me that I should be mad at Botan for hitting me? I simply breathe in another whiff of the fresh, clean air, and gaze around at all the flowers again. There are some I don't recognize at all—orange-glinting blue ones, ones that are emitting puffs of purple air, ones that seem to have tongues, some that are not trees but taller than trees.

Paradise. That's what this is.

I've been relieved from my suffering.

I laugh out loud, and the sound echoes just slightly. I look behind me. Wow. Under the stone wall rides a huge river. It has such a peaceful glow…

I bend down and take off the horrible wooden sandals and socks that came with my kimono, and stand up feeling much more comfortable. But there's still the issue of running, and walking for that matter. I try to hitch up the ends of the kimono, but again, there's those five under-robes. I give up and take tiny baby steps in it. I slowly leave the wall and travel over to the nearest orange flower. It looks a little like a tiger lily. I sniff it. Ah. Great. Like a citrus…

Next one: oh my god, even better!

Next one: (gasp) it smells like everything good in the world…

I move down and down the chain of flowers. Whoever said you can't get high off of flowers was high on something else entirely. Each one, with all of their strange scents and appearances are all exquisite in their own way. I sound really strange right now. A flower critic. Hahahahaha. Dear god, am I seriously high right now?

I eventually reach the end of the peculiar line of flowers. Oh. I've gone down a hill, that's why. And I'm almost at the river. Hm. All forest life simply ends there. That's odd. Maybe none of these plants are water plants?

I go closer to it. It seems to be beckoning to me, and me alone. I smile at it, and something inside it smiles back. Wow. What a great river.

Then, I remember, suddenly, just what it must be. I screech and back away from it so fast I fall flat on my butt into the soft grass. I crab-crawl away from it, yelping all the while. Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god…

Then, my back bumps into someone. I twitch out of fright and look up, expecting to see the grim reaper or something. And I'm completely right. It's Botan.

"Would you like some food?" She asks with a smile. Panting, I nod yes. She bends down (how does she do that so gracefully in a kimono?) with a plate of chicken and rice. There's not that much of it, per se, but I'm starving. I dive into it, marveling at the taste (it's almost as good as breakfast) and finish quickly, placing the plate next to me.

Botan sits down next to me when she's sure I'm done. She looks at me and smiles. "I guess you found the River Styx."

I blink. "Yes, I think so." I suddenly remember that she was the one who took me here. She took me through the big glass doors to here and I lost consciousness. "Why did you take me here if the River to Hell is here?"

She smiles distantly again. "Well, Katrina, first off, this is the most spiritual place in the spirit world."

I wait for her to continue.

"This is where a mortal goes to heaven or hell. You either float up through that rooftop…" She points up, "To heaven, or you go right down the river to hell."

"Do you actually want me to die?"

"No!"

"Well, your plan has been thwarted. I'm still here. Bet you're happy. Why am I still here?"

"Because there isn't a spot in heaven or hell for you yet and because no one pushed you in."

"…Huh?"

"Katrina, when you actually do die, your spirit is taken by me or another Spirit Guide (also me) to the Gate of Judgment. Here. Then, we do a quick evaluation of your achievements and failures, and give clearance to your eternal peace or shove you into the river of eternal suffering." She giggles.

"Is that why you're here? To push me in? Is this my last meal? Don't I even get a decision on my last meal?"

"I just took you here because it's a very soothing place. You used to like it."

I stare at her, anger welling up despite the soothingness of it all. "You took me here to calm me down, and you didn't even think to tell me that if I were to fall into the River of Hell— Botan, I have no memories! What if I fell into the River not knowing how bad it was?"

"Well, I couldn't very well tell you that. You were a little bit loopy after I got you. You asked me for sauerkraut mixed with engine oil several times. And I figured you'd instinctively know to stay away. Most people don't choose to go to hell and end their lives."

"Why would anyone rather go to hell than be alive?"

"The super-depressed ones. The ones that have lost all hope." She giggles yet again. "I know it's a lot. But, in other words, you don't really want to kill yourself, right?"

"Um…no, not at this moment…"

"Good. As long as you don't have any particular wish to go to hell, you'll be fine."

I don't say anything. "But what if I accidentally fall in?"

"Don't accidentally fall in. Here. Come back with me. It's already 11:00, believe it or not."

Maybe it's just the flowers, but I feel a lot more relaxed towards Botan. "Okay." I am really, really tired. I'm sure she won't do anything to me that she shouldn't.

She conjures her paddle, levitates, and offers me the end. I grab it, grateful that she's not going to make me walk.

I keep my eyes half-closed as we fly. Yes, there's the big glass door up there. I knew I remembered that when I was loopy.

We fly into the hallway, and I'm just waiting to get into bed. And then…

"OH MY GOD! WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS? YOU CANNOT WEAR A KIMONO WITHOUT SHOES AND SOCKS! IT'S UNHEARD OF! SUCH A SCANDAL! THAT DOES IT! I'VE HAD IT! YOU ARE GOING TO WALK BACK TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Botan…I changed my mind about the River Styx…I want to die…"

"MARCH!"

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Author's Note: I hope you guys understood that explanation. And in What Happened To My Life, I didn't describe the garden nearly as well as I should have, so I made this description extra long to make up for that.