Despite it being many hours later that look still played on his mind as he watched the blonde down another bottle.
It wasn't the first time Fai had stirred feelings of concern in Kurogane, his memory briefly brought him back to the Clover bar when the deceivingly complicated man had whispered his wish to be taken away. Rescued from things Kurogane couldn't fathom. Through the dim lighting of the bar he had seen the ever constant spark of cheerfulness in Fai wane. In that instant Kurogane had a slightly annoying yet overwhelming desire to save him, he felt it again tonight. This time was a bit different though, that night what was generating Fai's gloom seemed far away. Tonight it was palpable. In the entire time he'd known this enigmatic sorcerer he had never seen him so afraid. The blood drained from his face leaving it even paler than usual, terror hidden in his misty blue eyes. Apparently something more sinister than death disturbed Fai when the name Ashura was uttered. What had he done to deserve such fear?
Kurogane continued staring at him as he simpered happily back, an empty gesture. Why did he do that, smile when he was troubled? He was fooling no-one and as they were alone there was no-one to fool. As if sensing Kurogane's impending questions he began filling in the silence with cheerful babbling.
"What's this? We were drinking a little and suddenly its morning?" He sighed contentedly his eye's scanning the room; light shone in making the countless empty bottles glint "I just can't stop drinking! This country's liquor is good!" Kurogane had pondered this earlier. How it was that Fai drank so little in Oto and was parading around like a cat while here they had drunk multitudes of alcohol all night yet Fai could form perfectly discernable speech. Kurogane frowned deciding to humour him for the moment.
"Was that just an act in Oto?" he asked remembering Sakura and Fai's incessant caterwauling all too clearly.
"Hm?" Fai questioned casually.
"You were drunk, weren't you? Meowing like that?" Kurogane said nonchalantly.
"That was real…" Fai replied exuberance lighting up his expression "But actually…that wasn't real liquor we were drinking! It was only something in the game" Kurogane felt the annoyance of everyone's drunkenness from that night creeping back.
"It was the same feeling as having a magical sign sitting inside your body and doing its work" he added then blinked "Your face tells me that you didn't quite get that. You're probably thinking I'm some shady character now"
"Yep"
"I knew it" Fai was now grinning fallaciously like before but as he did it reminded Kurogane of the things he wanted to say, things that had to be said. He wasn't sure why he had to ask Fai what he did. Perhaps because he hoped it would not only ease Fai's anxiety but his own as well. After all he was unaccustomed to concern as deep as this about someone else. Kurogane took a heavy swig then leaned casually foreword his gip on the bottle neck tightening slightly.
"You aren't going to tell me about it, right?" he asked his rough voice reverberating off the walls in the near empty room. The blonde's positive temperament, bubbly and drunk before vanished, sucked up into his smile as he softly replied
"Who knows? You may be wrong" Kurogane glared evenly and inwardly now. It was up to him to make the next move. To do so would show he truly cared because this was obviously something very painful and personal. If Fai let his guard down, took the clown mask off, maybe he wouldn't be so alone anymore. Maybe he could find happiness in his grins instead of a place to hide. So Kurogane stared straight into his eyes, something warm and quiet about his usually wrathful red glare.
"It may be just a statue, but they started talking about Yasha. And the name Ashura came out, too" Kurogane's gruff voice spoke almost gently as he continued "It was just at that time that I saw your face lose colour" Fai's eyes grew dim and the two men became still. The silence almost took on a presence, looming over them waiting as they watched each other. It became clear to Kurogane that Fai would not answer, his sad sapphire eyes holding secrets but telling none. Still he waited not looking away from those melancholy eyes. The silence was broken, not with an answer but by two knocks on the door. Fai closed his eyes drawing back behind his merriment once more.
"Come in!" he called as though they might've been discussing the weather.
"Sorry to bother you… there was a rather strong earthquake last night. Were you alright?" the young man called Soseki asked pleasantly as he opened the door. Fai leapt to his feet with a jolt and Kurogane's glare finally flicked to the floor.
This conversation was over.
He stayed sitting, the two voices no longer in his attention, contemplating his wish now. The wish to know who Fai was. Why he was running. What secrets were held in the bereft depths of those eyes? Suddenly a voice reached him.
"Right…" Fai sounded apprehensive as Kurogane got to his feet then uncharacteristically, almost apologetically continued with "Kuro-sama?"
Soseki started down the hall and Kurogane brushed past Fai without a word, glaring forwards, unwilling to meet Fai's gaze.
"You two hold your liquor well" Soseki remarked jovially. Kurogane paused momentarily going to look back and say something, then continued on knowing he should respect Fai's silent decline.
Fai watched Kurogane in wait to see if he pressed him further but he continued on and Fai couldn't fight off the sadness anymore.
"I can't win" he whispered his voice flowing with hurt surrender. Despite the fact that Ashura was no-where near him and most likely soundly asleep he was still managing to deprive him of closeness. Kurogane had given him the option of having someone there to know his pain, to share the weight of his past but he remorsefully had to refuse, he had to. There was no other way, shutting himself off once again from others.
"He doesn't seem to be watching, but he's watching" Fai added following his closest friend down the hallway.
A/N: i was inspired to write this after reading this fantastic fic: (look up "Defining a Moment Fai" on Google or yahoo and it'll be like the first site to come up) despite the time and effort put into my fanfic i found it to be lacking when compared to Defining a Moment. I've read mine so many times and see no way of improving it now but I'll probably come back later and fix it up a bit. I hope you like it and any FaiXKurogane fans out there, definitely read Defining a Moment, it is so very awesome and sweet and brilliant! We are talking really, really good.