I am jolted awake. I am quickly aware of the weird squirming next to me accompanied by some weak whimpering. In the darkness I vaguely make out Haruna who has both arms in the air in some simulated guard position, one of them clenched around a knife that is not there.
Ah, it is another of her nightmares. 5 years since Leyte, 2 years after the fallout, 1 year after the birth of our daughter (with another on the way), and they are still there. And then here I am, having no recollection from that operation other than the fact that I got injured. It's funny; the man who remembers nothing, and his wife who remembers too much. If this were in any other context it would be the punchline of a joke.
I sigh. I don't want to wake her up to ask if she is okay, so I do the only thing I can do. One of my arms snakes its way between her back and the bedsheets, while the other wraps over her waist across the slowly growing baby bump. With that, I slowly tighten the embrace.
"It's all right; I'm here; We are safe now; I love you," I whisper tenderly to her. She squirms a bit more, but I can gradually feel her body relaxing. Her arms stop moving so erratically, eventually coming back down.
I take some time to watch her sleep, partly to make sure she is indeed alright, and partly, because, in a tale as old as time, I find myself captivated by her serenic beauty. Her chest rises and falls ever so slightly with the rhythm of her breaths; her nightgown accentuates her curves and highlights the finest parts of her figure; her sleeping face, normally bearing traces of a traumatic event buried deep in her subconscious, is instead tonight one of tranquility with hints of vague optimism for the future.
Our future.
With a few wiggles, Haruna rolls over, facing away from me. One of her arms brushes against mine and comes to rest in a position for me to hold onto. I subconsciously oblige.
Partly out of concern and partly out of curiousity, I have asked Haruna what exactly are her nightmares about, but all I have ever gotten were series of non-answers. Sometimes I wonder if this is something I should be sticking my nose into - we all have our secrets and inner demons.
I crank my head to peer at the nondescript pill bottle on Haruna's bedside table. It should be just within reach. But should I? I have never entered Haruna's mind without permission, and I don't intend to set a precedent. I shrug and set my head back down, but just as I am getting comfortable, Haruna squirms a bit, her free arm clumsily sweeping onto her bedside table and grabbing onto the pill bottle after a few gropes. The bottle then sort of plops onto my cheek.
"One pill Hansi...," she mumbles.
Well, I guess I have her permission. With my own free hand I manage to pop the cap off and shake out a single pill. Pooling some saliva in my mouth, I manage to swallow it.
"Let's see what's troubling my darling," I muse as I feel myself slipping under.