Everything Burns
Chapter: 12
Pairing: Robert and Holly
Rating: PG
Robert turned around to face her. "What is it, luv?"
"Benjamin is older than Alexander." Holly told him. "He's your son."
So many emotions washed over him, he was in total shock. "Cesar made it sound as though Benjamin were his." Robert said slowly. "I have a son? We have a son? Together?"
"Yes." she smiled.
"I have so many questions." he told her. "But right now we have to get to Benjamin and Alexander."
"I'll answer all your questions on the flight to England." she promised.
WSB Jet
Holly shifted in her seat trying to get comfortable as she prepared to lay out all the brutal details of her past to Robert. Whilst she knew it was going to be painful she also knew that talking about it would help, it had in the past with extensive therapy that she was still continuing. Robert approached with two glasses of wine in his hand. He handed one to her before he took a seat beside her.
"Should I start from the beginning?" she asked.
"I think that would be best." he replied.
"Okay." she agreed. "If you have any questions I want you to stop me and ask."
Robert nodded in understanding. He knew that Holly had gone through hell with Faison and the fact that she was willing to relive it all over again just so he would know the truth made him remember just how strong and brave she was.
"When I had the car accident in England I was pregnant although I never knew it." she told him. "I was only about eight weeks along. Benjamin was born on November 17th 1987. He was six pounds, 9 ounces and 20 inches long. The doctor's were amazed that I had carried him right up to the intended due date. After he was born Barry named him, he wanted the baby to have his initials."
"Who took care of Ben whilst you were still in the coma?" he asked.
"Benjamin." she corrected.
"Sorry, luv, Benjamin." he said. "Who took care of Benjamin?"
"Barry." Holly answered."
"Barry with a baby?" Robert laughed. "That I would have liked to have seen."
Holly smiled. "He did a wonderful job with the help of a nanny of course."
"I'll be forever indebted to Cousin Barry."
"As will I." she replied.
"Please continue." he encouraged.
"I woke up from the coma in February of 1989. Everything was fuzzy for a few days as I readjusted to life." she told him. "A week after I awoke, when I was strong enough, Barry brought Benjamin to me. I beyond shocked to learn that I had a child. Your son. He was the most adorable little boy, Robert. He has your piercing blue eyes and your dimples when he smiles."
Robert smiled as he tried to imagine his son.
"I was released from the hospital a week later." Holly continued. "I moved in with Barry whilst I got the hang of motherhood. I found out you were engaged to Katherine, but I still intended to tell you about Benjamin, I just needed a little time first. Unfortunately Cesar captured us before I had the chance. My family did everything they could to find us, but Cesar was good at hiding. He left behind false clues to throw them off track."
"Your family could have contacted me."
"You know they wouldn't have." she told him. "They didn't even inform you that I was in the accident in the first place."
"When did Faison kidnap you?"
"March 17th 1989." she told him. "Barry was away on family business and Cesar just showed up one night and took us. We ended up in Provence, France, in this fortress type of place. I tried my best to escape. I pleaded with Cesar to let Benjamin go and keep me but he wouldn't do it." she recalled as she felt the tears spring forward in her eyes. "He had a master plan."
Holly paused and took a few drinks of wine. "The rapes started about a week later." she told him, a single tear slipping down her cheek. "I learnt very quickly that fighting Cesar only made the rapes more violent so I stopped resisting him." she said softly, her tears now falling freely down her face. "Things went much faster that way."
Robert brought his hand up and gently wiped away her tears. "You don't have to continue." he said as his left hand lingered on her face.
"Yes I do." she whispered back. "I need to tell you everything. I don't want to keep anymore secrets from you." Holly moved her hand away from her face, but never let it go. "I need to do this."
"Okay." he said softly.
"I found out that I was pregnant with Alexander in early June." she told him. "I got pregnant within the first week of when he started raping me. I was afraid of Cesar's reaction, I thought he'd force me to have an abortion, but he was ecstatic about the baby. It was almost as if that was his plan all along."
Robert gently squeezed Holly's hand that rested on the seat between them, giving her the strength to continue.
"I spent the first part of my pregnancy resenting my unborn child., hoping against hope for another miscarriage." she admitted, painfully. "When I thought of the baby I could only think of Cesar and what he did to me. Once I entered my second trimester and the risk of miscarriage decreased Cesar insisted that we get married, he knew that it would be invalid but he didn't care. We married in Paris. He went all out, the gown, the flowers, the tux, everything. It was actually worse than the rapes themselves to stand there before God and take those vows."
"You can stop anytime you like." he told her. "You don't have to tell me everything tonight."
"I want to get it over with, Robert." Holly replied. "I want to finally be able to shut the door on my past and lock it without ever looking back."
Robert brought her hand up to his lips and gently placed a kiss on the back. "I just want you to know that you can stop anytime you like."
Holly nodded. "I was detached from Alexander throughout the rest of my pregnancy. All those great emotions that Mother's are suppose to feel, all those things I missed with Benjamin, I didn't feel. I resented him because of who his Father was and because of how he came to be. I couldn't understand how I could feel so much for Benjamin but nothing for my unborn child. Even when he kicked or moved I felt nothing but resentment."
"What about your relationship with Cesar?"
"Eventually I became his loving, devoted wife."
tbc...