When Snow Melts.
"You know Tori-san; I want you to be two thousand times happier than when you were with Kana!" Ayame exclaimed.
"Yes, yes!" Shigure happily added. "We're not happy if you're not happy!" I sat on the smooth, wooden porch bench. Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru were out at the lake.
Two thousand times happier than with Kana? No, that was impossible. Kana was the light in my darkness. She gave me happiness in her little ways. I stared at the photographs sprawled before me.
"These are her wedding pictures?" I said. She was laughing with a man; her husband. So she did forget.
I was clearing up my desk when I heard a voice ring in the air of the office. " Hello Dr. Sohma! My name's Kana and I'll be your new assistant! I know I'm just an intern but I'll try really hard to measure up to your last one!" A woman that looked just a bit younger than me was babbling on and on in front of my desk. She had short brown hair that was pulled back from her face.
"Excuse me?" I said. "Yes, I know you're my new assistant. So," I turned around and started collecting sheets of paper. "Your assignment to start is to fill out these forms and-"I was cut off by Kana.
"Ohhhh! It's snowing!" She swirled over to the window and rested her elbows on the frame. "Hatori-san?" She asked. "Let me ask you something. What becomes of snow when it melts?" I was a little taken aback. What did that have to do with anything?
"It becomes water of course."
"Nope!" Kana triumphantly declared. "It becomes spring!" She straightened and walked up to me. "Because no matter how harsh or how long winter is. Spring will always come to greet us." She smiled. "That's the riddle for today!"
No, to me, she was spring. It was as if while imprisoned inside the dark cage of the inner family, I had completely frozen into snow. And then there she was, fresh clear spring. If only I had been distant. If only I acted like I always had before; cold and dark like winter.
Eventually, Kana and I became closer. It was the middle of summer when I asked her on the first date. The weather was clear and warm: surprising for the hot, humid days of summer.
"Excuse me, but have you heard of the new restaurant called First Seasons?" I asked Kana.
"Yes," She answered, "I heard the food was delicious."
"If I'm not imposing, would you like to come with me tonight?"
She looked a bit surprised. "Are you asking me on a date?" Kana asked carefully.
"Well, yes I suppose. If you come………."
"Great! See you at 7:00!" She said cheerfully. Kana smiled. Somehow I found myself smiling alongside with her. I hadn't smiled since my childhood. It was such a strange feeling. It was as if Kana had started melting the frozen snow that my family had enclosed me in. Spring had come to greet winter.
It was 6:30 and I was unnerved. I paced around in my room. Why did I ask her?What if, somehow we touched? The result would be disastrous! She won't.
Trying to calm my self, I walked outside. Almost immediately, Shigure came up to me out of nowhere and started bombarding me with questions.
"Haa-san!" He laughed. "What are you doing out here at night? Are you going somewhere? Oooo! You have to be! You're wearing a suit! Gasp! Are you?"
"Am I what?" I asked quizzically. But I knew what he what going to say.
Giggling, Shigure started singing. "Haa-san's going on a date!'' He pranced around annoyingly until I whacked him on the head.
"You're going to forget this." I said as I grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Please Haa-san? I won't say anything to Akito!" He pleaded comically.
"No." I set my hand over his eyes as he struggled to get out of my grasp. I concentrated on what I wanted him to forget; from the moment he saw me to when he was prancing and singing. Suddenly, a flash of light that flared from my hand blinded Shigure and knocked him back into the wall. He fell limply onto the floor. I waited patiently as he quickly regained his consciousness.
"Haa-san? Wha-? Oh, there's only one explanation for this; Haa-san, what did you want me to forget?" He asked while rubbing his head, suddenly serious.
"Nothing." I responded as I walked away. "Nothing I would want to tell you."
The night went wonderfully and my fears were calmed for a while, but it was a few weeks later when they truly became real.
I was working when Kana stumbled into the office with huge stacks of paper in her arms. "Oh, let me help you." I said as I stood up.
"Th, Th, thanks." She grunted as she walked over.
It happened all so fast. Kana tripped over a piece of dropped paper and she tripped not onto the floor, but onto…me.
With a poof of smoke I transformed. Of course, Kana had no idea what just happened. Both of us dropped onto the floor and I was knocked out. She was panicking.
"Oh no! Where's Hatori!" She cried. Kana looked around and there I was; a small, 8 inch, pink, seahorse.
"Hatori? Hatori! HATORI!" Kana cried. "You're a sss…ssseeahorrssse!"
As the fact that I was a seahorse sunk into her mind, it dawned upon her that seahorses survive in water.
"WATER! We need water! WAIT! Is it seawater! What kind of water? WHICH IS IT HATORI?"
Apparently, Kana didn't wait for an answer. Picking me up by my tail, She leaped over to the bathroom and right next to the bathtub.
"Water…. water…wait! Bathtub!"
Flinging me into the bathtub, Kana fumbled on the water faucets. Realizing what she was going to do, I opened my mouth to scream out protests but it was to too late. My mouth filled with steaming HOT water. My tiny pink seahorse body filled with pain as the hot water rushed over me.
"Aaaghubt! Sthobht!" I cried.
"You know, if you throw a regular seahorse into a hot tub of water, it'll probably die." I sat on the living room floor as I dried my hair with a towel. Kana sat next to me apologizing.
"I'm sorry! I accidentally turned on the hot water! I'm so sorry!" I saw her wring a towel senseless with her hands.
But she saw me.
I stood silent. She would be disgusted. I turned into a pink seahorse for god's sake. I brought the towel down to my lap.
She sighed. "It all makes sense now; I was wondering why you never held me. You didn't want anyone to know. I understand. You must have been scared. Naturally, you would distance yourself from others. Especially if…it was someone you loved. But…you don't have to be scared anymore. Please don't push me away. I'm happy that I met you Hatori; I want to be near you…always." Kana smiled at me. Could it really? This feeling, it bloomed in my stomach, up my chest, and it rested in my throat.
What could it be? This feeling I couldn't describe.
Our next period of time together was literally like a dream. "Its like a lifetime of happiness concentrated into a few months!" she said smiling. That smile now pierces my heart.
"Oh! Is it here!" Kana gaped out the window of my car. We pulled up to a big lake house. It was the Sohma lake house. It was used for vacations and special occasions. Kana and I came to take a rest from the office. It was a vacation for the both of us. While walking up to the porch, I realized how much I had changed than the last time I had stepped on this stone pathway. Changed by her.
The door led to the balcony of a magnificent view. It looked down to a vision of a cerulean lake. Kana breathed deeply.
"Oh my god. Hatori, this is… beautiful. I'm afraid if, if I look away, it'll all disappear." She gazed at the waters of the lake. It was beautiful. As she gazed out to the water, I fumbled to get something out of my pocket. I kneeled, and she looked at me quizzically.
"Kana? We've gone through a lot of things and I want to say that I love you. But I won't. Instead, I'll ask you this: will you marry me?" I drew out the ring.
"Will you marry me?"
The words rang out and stilled in the air. I waited, holding my breath.
"Yes….YES!" Kana exclaimed. "Yes! Hatori…oh my god.
Hatori, I…."
"HATORI! YOU DID IT!" Cheered a familiar voice. Wait… two familiar voices.
Two shadowy figures lunged off the roof on to the balcony. They held signs that hollered: "GO HATORI! ASK KANA!" They were… them. Shigure and Ayame. Prancing around in long, pink cherub dresses; Ayame and Shigure sang the lyrics to So Happy Together in high falsettos.
Kana stared in amusement and disbelief at them. Then all of the sudden, she started laughing in joy. I however, was a bit sickened. Yet, a small smile crept on my mouth. It is also quite amusing to watch two grown men dance in dresses. That smile lasted me for a while. Whoever said comedy was short lived was never serenaded by those two.
However, I laughed and cried tears of joy. She had said yes. Yes.
They were the precious words. For the first time in my life, I felt as though I was allowed something. As though I had been saved from something. Saved from the Sohmas. I laughed as never before. This was life, as I have never known it. A life with someone in it. With someone that truly mattered. I lost myself in the dream.
"Kana and I…we wish to be married."
But as we all know, dreams are not eternal. Every dream must end somehow…no matter how good or bad it is.
Kana looked at me in assurance. I had to ask Akito (the head of the family) to marry her. So I sat there, in Akito's room with Kana kneeling behind me, and asked him for his grant and blessing. This did not agree with him. Akito slowly raised his head and abruptly smashed his flower vase on the wooden floor. Suddenly there came a world of shattered glass all around me, piercing my eye. The pain was unlike any other I had felt before.
"NO! I won't allow it! I'll never allow it!" He screamed. "I refuse to allow it!"
I grasped my eye, willing the pain to go away in vain. The crimson blood trickled down my face. Seeing this, Akito faltered.
"Hatori, what's wrong? Hatori?" He kneeled hesitantly. I heard Kana gasp in fear behind me. I turned and looked at her. She looked shocked and scared.
Akito looked at her in shock and denial of what he did.
"You…you, you did this!" He pointed at her accusingly. "It's your fault! It's your fault! Do you think you can lift the Sohma curse! Do you!" The door slammed open and Shigure ran into the room in a rush. He saw the blood that streamed down my eye and deduced what had happened. He had heard the ruckus.
"Kana! Take Hatori, get him out of here!" Shigure held Akito back by his arms.
She was hurt. Physically and mentaly, she wasted away. She wouldn't let anyone go into her room. I could see it was because of me. And our love.
"Your memory suppression skills would be helpful now, wouldn't it? Just erase her memories. You had no problem with the others." Akito played with a bird. It fluttered and danced around his fingers.
"What's hurting her are her thoughts of you, her memories of you." He grabbed my tie and whispered into my ear: "I think she truly wants to forget. To be released from her memories. Free her, that's what she wants." He stood and continued toying with the sparrow. "Think of it as a duty to her. It will be your last." Was this my chastisement?
Whenever Akito told me to suppress someone's memories, I did. Even if it hurt them or made them cry, I did with no mercy. When the order was given, it was done.
She sat kneeling in the middle of the darkly lit room. With dark bags under her eyes, she looked wearied of her thoughts and recollections.
I never thought I would have to peel away the memories of the one the most important to me, the moments we both shared and treasured. Was this my punishment?
When I finally was able to reach out my hand, and put it over her eyes, I felt the glimpse of her recollections. I concentrated on the memories. I saw a glimpse of our first times together. "Hatori? Maybe…maybe it would have been better…if we had never met. Maybe…" She started crying. "…it would have turned out to be a happy ending. I'm sorry, Hatori. I couldn't protect you. I…was right there with you and…I couldn't save you. Please forgive me."
No, I was the one who should be sorry. I was the one who couldn't protect her. Because of me, her memories had to be suppressed. Forgive me Kana. I'm sorry.
With a flare of light, I ripped all her memories of us together away. The force of the suppression sent knocked her back onto the floor. She was now unconscious.
Kana, I hope you find someone who won't hurt you. Who will make you happy. It is my dearest wish that you do.
Two of the maids picked her up by her shoulders and hobbled her back into her room for recovery. But, how can you recover when you have nothing to recover from? Thus was the power of suppression. They say innocence is bliss. No one knew as much as I did as how true that was to the ones I loved.
It was a week later and Kana had fully recovered. She smiled and laughed like her usual self but every time she did so, that same smile that once lifted me from the sorrows of the Zodiac, pierced my heart. Every day, she left holes in my heart.. Soon after, Kana was transferred
"I'm sorry it didn't work out Hatori-san. It's too bad I had to be transferred. I hope I see you again Hatori-san!"
I sent her out the vast wooden gates of the household.
Seeing her walk away with no second thought gave me immense sorrow. Of the times we spent together, I thought of the time she first walked into my office. "What becomes of snow when it melts?" she had asked. I had foolishly answered it with water. But what happens when Spring goes away? Does Winter become frozen again? Though I may have become frozen within the Sohma family's bitter jaws, I am relieved that Kana had escaped from it's web of deceit and lies. Winter has come back.