Chapter 8: How Do You Annoy A Brit?
Wednesday Night; 2 hours before Marcus and hopefully, the four boys had to leave for South Park International Airport for their flight to London, England. It was a dark and cool night. Even though it was only about 7 'o' clock, the sky was as black as coal and the air as clear as it could possibly get with hardly a cloud in the sky.
Marcus found himself walking down a quiet street road; knowing that he had to convince the four boys' parents to allow them all to go to London with him. With his blue jacket on, blue jeans and winter hat on(which again hid all of his long-short hair), Marcus was quickly studying a drawn-out map on the back of his hand which told him where to go to reach all four houses.
"God, what a day today!" Marcus spoke to himself. "And I thought the only thing I'd be focusing on would be this bloody thing." He looked straight forward and crossed a near road. "I wonder if what's happened today will affect anything both in this country and back home. Hmmm, ah well, do I give a toss about it? NOPE!"
What Marcus was going on about was what happened within the school that very same day.
It was late morning and Marcus was walking through the corridors of the school. He was slightly confused at the fact that there was absolutely nobody there. No one in the corridors, no one in any of the rooms, no one even on the playground. It was as if the school was nothing but empty and abandoned.
Marcus was about to head on back to his house to begin packing his own bags for the last time, when he eventually heard a loud noise coming from the assembly hall. Marcus walked slowly; thinking that something surprising was going to be behind the double door entrance to the hall. He opened the doors and walked inside. He was quite surprised to finally see that all the loud noises were actually waves and waves of laughter coming from every single person in the hall; including all the children and the teachers. Marcus found a spot on the side wall and leaned against it like he usually did. Everyone was watching a large TV screen; laughing at what was being broadcasted onto the TV.
Marcus directed his attention to the TV.
What was currently on was a comedy sketch show of some kind. A broadcaster on the TV began speaking.
"Yes, yes, that was absolutely funny! I couldn't have put it better myself." The broadcaster spoke; with tears of laughter running down his face. "And now, let's continue this great day of comedy television. Next up we have our old favourite comedian actors, Bill & Bob Dee; mocking British people in celebration of today's brand new national holiday; NATIONAL 'LET'S TAKE THE PISS OUT OF BRITISH PEOPLE' DAY! Enjoy!"
"What the heck?" Marcus was both stunned and confused. His eyebrows were now further up than they usually were when he was shocked.
The comedy programme on TV began.
"Well helooooooo Bob!" Bill the comedian spoke in a very stereotypical posh British accent.
"Oh I say Bill, nice to see you too!" Bob replied.
Everyone was laughing hard at everything the two guys said. Well except for Marcus. He remained shocked at what he was seeing.
"I say Bob, that's a very niiiiiiice poooosh shirt and trousers you bought!"
"Oh why thank you Bill, I bought it at the Ye Olde London shop……in London…where I go to drink my tea and play CRICKET all the time!"
"But Bob, you don't need to go to a Ye Olde shop to buy those clothes."
"Well why is that Bill?"
"Because, we live in England; we always think it's still the 17th century here and our technology and language here is SHIT!"
"Oh yes, I forgot about that; I'm such a silly sausage!"
"Oh you sure are……now let's go and drink our Yorkshire tea out of our diamond-encrusted glasses and eat biscuits all day."
"OOOOOOO, I can't wait!"
The assembly hall broke out into a wave of laughter.
Marcus was not impressed one bit. He was the only one in the room who was actually annoyed at what he was seeing. His arms crossed and his eyebrows really low in disgust.
But there was still more to come.
"Say Bob, here's a joke, what do you get if you cross a fat person, with a dumb person with a small brain and lack of everything?"
"I don't know Bill, what DO YOU get if you cross a fat person, with a dumb person with a small brain and lack of everything?"
"……A British person. AHA HA HA HA!"
Multiple amounts of jokes were then followed by a huge slideshow of pictures of British celebrities with graffiti, doodles and modifications all over their faces. And just to make things even more badly, the two comedians made fun of that comedy sketch where some corny music is played with a video that's speeded up and they started to do loads of stupid things relating to mocking British people.
Marcus looked over to his near right and was utterly shocked to see that the four boys were laughing at everything that was shown on screen. This made him even more annoyed than he already was.
As Stan managed to break away from the endless rounds of laughter he and his friends were stuck in, he looked to his left; still half laughing and then stopped completely; changing his emotions from laughter and enjoyment to shock and guilt. He saw Marcus looking straight at him with a huge sign of anger on his face.
"Errrrr, guys………guys." Stan spoke; nudging his friends to try to get them to realise what they were doing. They eventually stopped and like Stan, their emotions changed into guilt. But by the time that they had done this, Marcus had already begun walking out of the door. The boys felt really guilty about what hey had done even though they hadn't actually done anything apart from laugh at something which was obviously funny to them.
It was recess and the four boys were desperately trying to find Marcus.
"Dude, he's gunna be so pissed off at us. You sure we should apologize to him?" Kyle spoke; worried about what might happen later on.
"Kyle if we don't say anything, that'll just make it even worse. We've already laughed at his own country, the least we could do is at least say sorry."
"He's probably not that pissed off you guys." Cartman spoke; expressing a calmer tone of voice.
"Cartman, are you f---ing stupid? He's probably more pissed off at you?"
"Hey what the f--- did I do more badly than you guys!"
They walked slowly over to Marcus who was sitting down again on one of the benches again. However this time, Marcus had his arms crossed and was looking straight forward.
"Errrrr, hey Marcus, what's up?" Stan carefully said. Marcus said nothing. "Listen dude, we're sorry for…laughing at your home country and everything. We didn't mean it." Marcus remained silent. "Well……we're sorry." Marcus finally moved his eyes and looked at Stan. He stood up slowly and knelt down to Stan's level. Stan wasn't sure what to think; and neither were Kyle and Kenny. Cartman on the other hand wasn't even paying attention.
Marcus looked at the four boys and began speaking.
"You know……I'm going to forgive you guys. I can understand why you found all that funny. I can't stand low working class and high upper class posh people anyway."
"Well then why were you annoyed at us then?" Kyle asked.
"Because……no matter who we're dealing with, I hate it when Americans take the mick out of us Brits."
"Take the mick?"
"Yeh, it's a British term for mocking somebody."
"Oh"
"Anyway, apology accepted. So let's get this out of the way and get on with our lives."
Marcus walked off, yet Stan and Kyle were still unconvinced that Marcus had fully accepted their apology. They felt guilty about it.
"Dude, I don't think he fully likes us again."
"I agree, but what can we do?"
"Why don't we go and follow him and see where he goes. Maybe we'll see why he hasn't accepted our apology."
"Great idea Kenny. Hey fat-ass you coming?"
"F--- you Kyle, this is recess, why should I spend MY TIME doing something that's STUPID AND POINTLESS!"
"Whatever Cartman, we're going."
"Fine then, I'm going to play swing-ball……by myself, so SCREW YOU GUYS……I'M GOING HOME!...After I play swing-ball and after school."
A few minutes later, Stan, Kyle and Kenny found themselves inside the assembly hall again. Making sure they couldn't be seen by Marcus who was also in the hall, they hid behind the raised seating area.
Marcus had placed his laptop on top of a stand and had his guitar connected to a lead leading into the laptop.
"God, I hope these new tunes sound good…" Marcus spoke. "…One slip means this is all f---ed up; pretty badly."
"Yer' think he's gunna play another of his tunes?" Kyle whispered.
"Don't know dude, let's see."
Marcus set up everything on his laptop. His guitar was tuned in and he cleared his throat. He pressed play on the laptop and a strange little intro tune started playing. It only lasted for about a minute but then soon broke away into a slow-paced tapping drum beat. As soon as Marcus began playing his guitar, he also started singing.
"O Can You Hear…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You Hear…Crimson Noise?
Hearing Sights……and seeing sound,
Pummelling…to our ground.
And wondering what……our world has been,
Living through …this life is mean.
Do we know……oh do we know?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…the pain and tears?
But can we break these flooded fears?
Are we doomed…to fight?
Or are we blinded…by…our…own…thick…sight?
So Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You HEAR…Crimson Noise?
O Can You Hear…Crimson Noise?
Come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on"
By now some backing singing vocals had come into the tune and the tune itself had become much more emotional but still had a light hearted drum and guitar feel to it.
"Oh yeh…
Coz' ALL THAT I WANT…
Is peace to return to THIS WORLD!
I see too much pain.
It's like…we're building a world of hurt……yeh
Why……must it be?
Oh…can't we all see.
We're building a world of evil and frozen souls."
Violins came into the tune and Marcus began to sing in a lower toned voice; still playing his guitar and keeping the song in an emotional tone.
"So can't you see…the suffering?
From Morning rise…to evening.
This world has suffered……long enough,
And all it's done……is made it rough.
So can you hear……the crimson noise?
O can you hear, the crimson noise?
O can you HEAR, the crimson noise?
O can you hear……crimson……noise!"
The song faded away into a drum beat once again and finally ended.
Marcus was about to record another tune, but he looked at his watch and realised that recess was nearly over. Packing away his guitar and laptop, he began walking out of the assembly hall; stopping just before he went through the door. He looked round to where the three boys were hiding. Stan, Kyle and Kenny thought he couldn't see them, but Marcus had already known where they were, even though they didn't realise it. Marcus smiled and walked out.
"What the heck was that all about?" Stan spoke.
"I don't know dude. That's twice we've heard him sing now for no apparent reason." Kyle replied.
"Well maybe there is a reason."
"What?"
"Maybe that's why he didn't accept our apology from before. Maybe by him singing and doing those tunes he keeps doing, it helps him in some way."
Kyle and Kenny looked at Stan.
"Dude………that sounds really, really stupid! Come on Kenny, let's get to class."
Stan was slightly annoyed at what he had just said but he eventually began to walk out of the hall with Kyle and Kenny.
Marcus' flashback ended once again. He looked back at the map on his hand.
"Right, Stan's house should be just up here." A few yards later, Marcus stopped suddenly in a state of shock and confusion. "What the f---'s going on here?"
Parked outside Stan's house were about four or five huge black vehicles; no bigger than land rover vehicles. There standing at Stan's door were Stan's parents talking to two guys in thick, black suits with black shades on.
"Stan, what the heck's going on?" Marcus asked; walking up to Stan who was standing on the driveway.
"I don't know dude. One minute I'm shovelling the snow off the driveway, the next minute I see these big vehicles parked up outside my house and all these guys in black suits start talking to my parents.
Marcus walked over to see what was going on. He had a clear idea of who these guys were and knew that there was only one way to find out the truth.
"So you see Mr and Mrs Marsh, it's important that your son is allowed to travel to London with Marcus…" One guy in a suit began. "…We've already spoken to the parents of your son's other friends and they've all agreed to let their boys travel. Please, Marcus' college course is very important to him."
"Yes, it's important that these boys are allowed to travel to the U.K. so that we…errrr I mean Marcus can watch over them and study them." The second guy spoke.
"Well what do you think Randy?" Sharon Marsh spoke.
"I don't know…after all, our countries DO hate one another at the moment; so how do we know we can trust you?" Randy asked. The two guys in suits looked at one another through their dark shades.
"Look, we promise that your boy will have a great time in London. I swear that no harm will come to your son, I GUARANTEE IT."
"Well I see no problem in that. Alright then, Stan can travel to London." Randy spoke; at which point, Stan started jumping up and down in complete delight at the news. He rushed back inside to begin packing his bag.
"Excuse me guys, can I talk to you two for a moment?" Marcus spoke to the two guys.
Yes, of course Marcus. Excuse me Mr and Mrs Marsh."
Stan's parents walked back inside and Marcus brought the two men over to the far side of the front lawn.
"ALRIGHT, WHAT THE F---ING HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?" Marcus shouted to both of them in an annoyed tone of voice.
"Huh?"
"Don't 'huh' me? I said I'd take care of the problem and you just come along and make the whole situation a lot worse. You some kind of f---ing dumb twats or what?"
"We've already been in this country for a few days Marcus!"
"You……you what?"
"The head at MI6 knew that their parents would say 'no', so he sent us both here to persuade them to let the four boys go. Relax Marcus, the job's done. All we need to do now is get Stan and the other three up to your house."
"Oh boys!" Sharon Marsh shouted. "Would you like to come in and have some coffee and some star-shaped cookies; I just baked them."
The two MI6 officials looked at each other. "OKAY!" They walked into the house; leaving Marcus in a current mode of balanced emotions. He looked at the main black vehicle.
He began walking up to it and as soon as he was right next to it, he slid the side door open and looked inside. In there he found Kyle, Cartman and Kenny in their seats with their seatbelts still fastened and locked in with their bags and luggage bags beside them.
"Oh hey Marcus?" Kyle spoke; noticing Marcus' head popping into the vehicle.
"What are you guys doing in this!"
"We're getting a ride from those big guys in those black suits. They said they'd give us a ride up to yer' house as soon as Stan's finished packing."
"Oh……right." Marcus looked at the boys bags. "Looks like you guys packed quite a lot in those bags."
"Of course Marcus..." Cartman spoke; making Marcus sound like an idiot. "…well except for Kenny, he's so poor he only needed his small bag to pack everything he's taking."
"Hey don't mock me for being poor fat-ass!" Kenny shouted in an annoyed muffled voice.
"Don't call me fat you poor son of a bitch Kenny!"
Marcus closed the sliding black door as Cartman began arguing with Kyle and Kenny as he usually does. Marcus looked down at the snow with his hands in his pockets.
"Oh well, at least it's going right so far…in a way." Suddenly he realised something. "OH S---! I'm missing the 'Match of the Day' highlights. I better get home quick!"
Marcus began rushing off home; running down the streets back to his house.
So far, so good. The mission was going according to plan; or so it seemed at the current moment. Next stop; LONDON! (In another 2 hours though)