Chapter 12: Four Kids And A City
It was 10.45am and the four boys had just jumped off one of those big red old fashioned London buses once it had stopped at a bus stop. They were now standing in the middle of a very busy shopping street situated within the main area of the London city. Hundreds of people; both busy and non-busy rushed and buzzed by as the streets and even the roads were packed full of passing people. At the moment, London was keeping its reputation for being one hell of a busy city.
"Right, where to first?" Stan spoke as the boys walked over to a path bench.
"I dunno mate. Judging by what we've wrote down, it's gunna be hard to make a decision." Kyle replied.
"Hey look lads." Cartman shouted as he picked up a pound coin that he had found on the pavement's ground. "We should go an' buy one of those…like…scratch-card thingys. Maybe we could win loads o' money and then…like…we'll have some spending money for the day."
"That is a bloody stupid idea Cartman." Kyle replied; expressing a huge sign of disagreement.
"It is not Kyle you Jewish git! At least it'll spend………" Cartman looked at his watch. "……at least a few minutes of today."
Cartman and the others made their way into a nearby off-license shop. They immediately walked u to the front counter.
"'Illo, welcome to my shop. Cin I 'elp you?" An Indian shopkeeper said.
"Errrrr, yeh, we'd like to buy a scratch card please?"
"I am so sorry, but I kin not sell scritch cards to you childrin."
"We're not children…we're bloody way over 16……yer' tosspot!" Cartman spoke.
"OK then, if you are over 16, who is the Preem Minister of this country?"
The four boys looked at one another. Kyle answered.
"Errrrr…some jug-eared tosser who cares about nothing but himself and making up stupid laws in this country that no one likes."
The shopkeeper stared in silence. "Correct! Here you go!" He passed the boys a scratch card. Stan began to scratch off the card with his fingernail. There were two games on the card. One worth 10 grand, the other worth 5 grand. The first game was successful; showing two numbers of different sums of money just like they always show in rubbish scratch cards. However, there luck changed dramatically in the second game, as the four boys rubbed off the card to reveal three numbers showing a sum of 5 thousand pounds. The boys jumped up in celebration and walked out of the shop now with exactly one and a quarter grand each in their pockets.
"Bloody hell, look at all this money and dosh we won!" Kenny spoke; allowing the feeling of having a lot of money for the first time ever to sink in.
"Right, come on lads, let's go and see some sights in London." Stan spoke at which point the four boys walked off down the busy street.
About ten minutes later, the four boys were already at their first site; Big Ben. Looking up at the huge tower, the boys were surprised at how big and how weirdly built it was.
"Bloody hell; that's one big weird clock." Kyle spoke.
"D'yer' think that thing 'as batteries?" Cartman asked; scratching his head in confusion.
"Cartman, clock towers don't have batteries you stupid sod!" Kyle shouted.
"Well 'ow do they work it?" Kenny asked.
"I dunno. Probably people in there or sumin'." Stan replied; putting his hands in his jean pockets.
The boys moved on to view The Houses Of Parliament; whilst also viewing Tower Bridge in the near distance.
"I wonder why they call it Tower Bridge." Cartman spoke to himself. But the other three just looked at him and sighed. They were surprised at how stupid Cartman was; yet what was there to be surprised about?
The hours passed and along the way, the four boys managed to squeeze in enough time to visit places such as Madam Tussaud's, Leicester Square, The Millennium Dome (well what was left of it) and even Legoland. It was half past mid-day and the four boys were enjoying having a quiet of drink (of lemonade) in a small nearby nice café on yet another bust street.
"Cartman, you shouldn't 'ave mixed up the name tags in Madam Tussaud's you idiot!" Kyle spoke at staring at Cartman.
"Oh shut up Jew, it was so funny!"
"Cartman, what if people who have never been to there get Shrek mixed up with that famous footballer…what's he called again…yeh that's right…Wayne Mooney?"
"Don't worry mate." Stan replied; gulping a bit more of his lemonade drink down. "Who's gunna get him and Shrek mixed up so easily? I mean it's not as if they look similar in any way." The four boys looked at one another; making it seem that they were unsure about what Stan had just said.
"Hello there boys." A stranger spoke; walking up to where the four boys were sat.
"Errrrrr…hello!" Stan confusingly replied.
"Don't mind me, I'm just passing by. I was just wondering if you could direct me towards Westbridge Avenue if you happen to know where it is."
The four boys looked at ach other and pulled out the London map Kyle had stashed in his jean pocket. All four of them looked at the map and began to give directions to the stranger. However unaware to them, another stranger quietly and softly came up from behind them and secretly poured in a mysterious whiteish crystal-like powder into their drinks; where the four boys couldn't see. The other stranger was watching his moves; making sure he didn't do anything wrong or stupid. With the directions to the location given, the two strangers quickly walked out of the café and began walking up the street with their coat collars high and their dark shades firmly over their eyes.
"Did you pour all the powder in every glass?" The first stranger asked.
"Yes, we should be able to track their movement from MI6 headquarters now that the thermo organic crystallitic serum is inside them." The second stranger replied.
"Good, I knew Kane-Bridge wouldn't agree to do that. Looks as if everything is going according to plan."
"So when do we begin the next phase of the mission?"
"You mean the part that Kane-Bridge doesn't know about; soon, we just need more time to check that Kane-Bridge doesn't suspect anything. If he finds out what we're planning, we're in deep shit. Until then, let's keep to plan Alpha."
Meanwhile, the four boys were competing against each other to see who could drink their ice cold lemonade the fastest; the same drinks that had the powder in them. Cartman was the first to finish his; with Kenny coming a close second.
"HA, I WIN! Looks like I win 200 quid!"
"Bloody hell Cartman, yer' only won coz' your so fat."
"Whatever Kyle. I just won 50 of your Jewish quid…so HA!" Cartman replied; now with a huge smirk on his face.
The four boys left the café and head down the busy street to go to their next chosen destination.
2 o clock pm. The four lads were standing out in the warm and sunny open; looking up at a structure that they had never seen before. They were quite confused into what it actually was meant to look like.
"Errrrr, lads, what the bloody hell is this supposed to be?" Stan asked with a look of confusion on his face.
"I dunno mate! Looks as if a bomb jus' wen' off!" Kyle replied.
What the boys were actually looking at was the not even nearly finished new Wembley Stadium; a 90,000 or so capacity football stadium that had already been delayed 3 or 4 times from its original deadline completion. Suddenly, a construction worker came walking by and started talking and looking at the stadium as well.
"Yep, there she is; good old Wembley Stadium. Well, it's not the stadium yet…but it will be…y'know…like…in another 2 years probably." The worker embarrassingly looked down at the floor.
"Why does this thing look so shit anyway?" Cartman asked
"Coz' it got delayed so much in the past. So much that we've had to delay delaying in telling everybody that it's actually delayed. So that means that the delayed delaying date has to be delayed because we're delaying the delaying delayed date to delay our delayed date and hopefully not get the delayed date to affect the construction on this stadium……which is delayed until 2007. OH GOD, IT'S SO AWFUL. THE HORROR…THE HORROR!" The worker started crying.
The four boys looked at one another.
"Whatever mate, we don't give a toss!" Stan spoke quickly; at which point the four boys walked off. But eventually, they were stopped in their tracks when they accidentally bumped into a smug-looking guy wearing a suit.
"OY! What d'yer think YOU'RE DOING bumpin' inta' the likes of me? Don't ya' know who I am?"
"Errrr…no!"
"Well then, let me tell yer' so your fat, thick heads can let it sink in. My name is SIR ALAN COFFEE ALRIGHT? And there are two kinds of people I hate in this world. People who don't respect me and my supposedly big business company. And people who don't usually kiss my arse now and then becoz' let me tell yer a little thing about me and my smug little life."
"We don't want ta' hear it!"
"Being the smug, heartless self-centred business man that I am, I don't give a toss about anybody except myself. I only do those bloody 'The Apprentice' shows on the BBC just so I can own even more Greek islands and yell at people for being so bloody stupid and make them look like complete daft arses on low working class telly. And y'know what, judging by the looks of you lot, yer' don't look like very good business people yourselves."
"We don't care, we only came here to look at that stadium and go somewhere else in London. We don't give a toss about you and we don't give a toss about your business. Besides, we were giving a list saying who to avoid in this city. And you're on the list. Plus, our friend wrote down next to your name to say this: 'You're a selfish, self-centred, self arse-licking, grumpy twat who needs to get a shave coz' you look like a scruffy twat who just came out of a gargoyle's armpit.'"
"Well y' know what, I don't like yer', yer' too slow, yer' too short, yer' too thick and yer' look like a bunch of rejects. So I'm glad to say to all four of yer'…YER' FIRED!"
The four boys looked at each other. "We don't work for yer' anyway."
"Not anymore you don't! YER' FIRED! Don't make me wave my diamond ring-covered finger at yer' again!"
Looking really annoyed and pissed off at Mr Coffee, the four boys walked off back into the main streets of London.
"What a twat!"
"Indeed."
Another hour passed and the four boys had made their way over to a huge posh-looking building where loads of people were also situated. The area was guarded by loads of guards, so the boys immediately knew that this place must have been really important.
"Woah lads, look at the size of this 'ouse!" Stan spoke; as the four boys were leaning on the iron gates that went all the way around the building.
"Whoever lives 'ere must be one rich geezer." Cartman replied. However little did they know, that this large 'house' was actually the royal palace where the royal family lived.
"Hey, what's that bloke doin'?" Kenny asked; as he pointed towards a balcony-like part of the upper section of the palace.
"I dunno, he looks as if he's climbing onto the side of the palace. Is he out of 'is 'ead?" Kyle replied; as the four boys watched one of those ridiculous fathers-for-justice guys climb onto the side of the palace; wearing a stupid superhero costume. The police had already surrounded him in the best way they could and were desperately trying to get him down. But the man managed to get to a high enough area and unfolded a huge banner for everyone to see.
"God, what an idiot!"
"Completely; I wonder if he'll ever get down." The four boys walked off down the quiet street and out of the royal palace area. They all looked at their watches and decided to head for Trafalgar Square since they had already done and been to everything on their wish list. However they still had no idea where to go; even with the handy map in their possession.
Another hour passed and the boys found themselves walking down a path which was situated right next to the River Thames.
"Lads, we're never gunna find Trafalgar Square. This city's massive!" Kyle spoke; pulling out the whole size of the map.
"I agree." Suddenly, Stan spotted something that could possibly help them. "Hey why don't we ride that big, giant ferris wheel thingy-ma-bobby. Maybe we'll get a better view of the city from up there."
The boys made their way over to the Ferris wheel; unaware that this particular Ferris wheel was actually the London Eye.
"Yeh, what do you kids want?" A grumpy wheel operator guy spoke as he shoved a cigarette in his mouth.
"Errrrrr, yeh, can we ride this Ferris wheel please?"
"This ain't no Ferris Wheel you idiot; this is the London Eye!"
"What!" Kyle spoke as shock covered his face. The four boys looked at the map and suddenly realised that it indeed was the London Eye. "No wonder the bloody carriages are big. OK then, we'd like to ride the eye thingy please?"
"Five pound please."
"WHAT!" All four boys shouted.
"Oh that's friggin ridiculous. Are you 'avin a laugh! Five quid?" Cartman spoke as he showed signs of complete disagreement.
"Nope! Five pound, pay it or sod off!"
The four boys looked at each other and eventually agreed to pay the fee. By the time that they were near reaching the top of the wheel's rotation, they were already trying to reach up to see if they could get a better view of the city.
"Can yer' see anything Kenny?"
"No, nuthin'! All I see is buildings and stuff."
"Well errrrr obviously! We're in a bloody city!" Cartman shouted.
"Looks lads, why don't we try and climb on each other's shoulders. That way, we'll get the best view."
A few minutes later, the four boys had organised so that they were all on each other's shoulders. Cartman was finding it difficult to maintain his balance since he was the one who was right at the bottom; followed by Kyle, Stan and then Kenny who was at the top.
"See anything Kenny?"
"No nothing………oh wait…wait……yeh, I see it……I see something……I'm seeing all these bloody birds and seagulls flying around an area."
"That must be it then. Once we get off this bloody wheel, then we'll be able to head to Trafalgar and still have some time to feed some birds there."
"What?" Cartman jumped in shock; causing the other three boys to fall down. "I am not feeding or even goin' anywhere near those flyin' things full of crap."
"Ah come on Cartman, don't be such a sissy!"
"Shut yer' trap yer' bloody Jew. I don't like birds!"
It was now 4.30 and the boys were enjoying standing near the middle area of the square; feeding hundreds of birds that seemed to buzz and fly around them like swarms of flies. Cartman on the other hand was having fun scaring loads of birds away by running towards them and making ridiculous noises. Kenny had ran out of bird food and had made this way to one of the seed sellers on the inside perimeter of the square when suddenly, hundreds of birds as if from nowhere appeared and started pecking at Kenny; as if they mistook him for food.
"Bloody hell Stan, LOOK!" Kyle shouted as they stood and watched Kenny fall over after getting pecked to death from hundreds of seagulls and birds.
"OH BLOODY HELL! THEY KILLED KENNY!"
"YOU WANKERS!" Kyle yelled as he shook his fist at the bird-filled sky. Luckily Kenny managed to stand back up again and return to feeding the other birds; signalling that he obviously wasn't dead.
"Feeding birds huh? Never expected you guys to be doing something like this in London." Marcus spoke; suddenly appearing as if from nowhere behind the boys.
"Marcus, you're 'ere earlier than yer' said." Stan spoke.
"Yeh well, I managed to finish early at the school and I decided to head here quickly rather than slowly. Anyway, we need to be getting back to my house at once."
"Why!"
"Because, I need to start asking you guys some questions I mentioned from before relating to my Child Psychology course. Remember, I did say that you were here not just for a little holiday."
"Oh yeh, I forgot about that."
The boys began to make their way to the nearest bus stop in the square which would take them back home.
"Oh and guys, you can change back to your normal voices if you want, I don't mind." Marcus spoke; allowing the four boys to click their fingers.
"It's about f---ing time. God, it's so good to be back using this voice again." Cartman spoke; back in his usual American voice.
"Hey, Marcus…" Kyle began "Why do guys dress up like superheroes and climb up onto the royal palace and show huge banners just to advertise this 'fathers for justice' thing. I mean, the guy we saw earlier today was just a total douche."
Marcus sighed. "Oh god, I can't believe those guys are still doing that; haven't they got anything better to do with their lives? Don't worry Kyle, those people are just a bunch of stupid gits who are just plain old sad!"
"YEH, WHAT A FAG!" Cartman shouted in his usual high expressive tone of voice.