A/N: Yeah, long time no update. I've been busy with my other story and I've been having writer's block for this one. But this story's back now! And it's time for Two-Bit to sing. Yay! Okay, I'll shut up now. (Jay is a girl by the way)
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Outsiders," "American Idol" (I didn't really like Taylor. I wanted Chris Daughtry to win but he got voted out, and I swear Paula is drunk), or Good Charlotte's, "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous," which I am parodying (is that a word?).
"OhMyGod! IjustDrankThisWholeJonesSodaWhichHasForty-EightGramsOfSugarInItSoI'mReallyReallyHyper! DamnI'mSugarHigh!" said the frenzied Jay as she held her empty Jones bottle.
"Uhhhhh… can we get the nice men in white coats here?" Carly says as she slowly backs away from Jay.
"NO!"
"Hey, who took my Jones soda!" Kayleigh calls after looking the fridge that's backstage. Jay looks at the empty bottle in her hand.
"Oops."
"Welcome back to American Idol: Outsiders Style!" Xena W. Princess says as she continues the show unaware of what's going on backstage. "If any of you missed it, Darry just sang a heartfelt rendition of, 'Don't Want You to be Perfect!' And I am being forced to have writers write my lines 'cause some of the writers didn't like how I was hosting. Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that part. Oh, well. Two-Bit! Get down here so we can here you sing!"
A random writer comes out from backstage saying, "That wasn't what you were supposed to say!"
"So? It's more entertaining when it's not on script." The writer rolls her eyes and goes backstage again.
"I'm here everybody!" Two-Bit says as he rushes up onto the stage.
"Good, now tell us what you're singing before we run out of time. Or before people run out of interest."
"Okay, I'm singing this parody of a Good Charlotte song called--,"
Loud snoring is heard from the judges' table. Bob is seen pretending to sleep with drool coming out of his mouth. Gross.
"Aw, heck with it. Just listen (read?) and you'll get it," Two-Bit said.
"Well, everyone, here's Two-Bit Matthews with, 'Lifestyles of the Upper-Class Socs!'"
Two-Bit takes center stage and an upbeat drum rhythm is heard.
"Always see them on the streetsIn their cars and SUVs
The Socials who got all the breaks
All they do is laugh and jeer
At the long hair behind our ears
Saying that a haircut's what we need
Every day and every
week
They jump Greasers
on the streets
How are we supposed
to survive?
If I could spend a
day or two
Walking in their
designer shoes
Man that would be
so cool
So cool
Cool"
Two-Bit stares straight at the judges menacingly as he sings the chorus line.
"Lifestyles of
the Upper Class Socs!
They treat us like
locusts
Treat us like
locusts
With beer blast and
madras shirts
They're so rich;
they don't have to work
Did you know if you
were cool
You could jump a
grease
And there's no
such thing as the police?
As long as you got
the cash for bribery
You know if you
were caught
And you were
smoking weed
A goddamn miracle
is what you need
You could always
move out to the city
Every day and every
week
They jump Greasers
on the streets
How are we supposed
to survive?
If I could spend a
day or two
Walking in their
designer shoes
Man, that would be
so cool
So cool
Cool
Everybody sing!" Two-Bit says as he belts out the next chorus. Everyone is singing along with him. He shakes some hands as she's onstage and some girls faint after being touched by their favorite Greaser.
"Lifestyles of the Upper Class SocsThey treat us like locusts
Treat us like locusts
With beer blast and madras shirts
They're so rich, they don't have to work."
The same drum rhythm is heard for the bridge and Two-Bit songs out another chorus.
"Lifestyles of the Upper Class SocsThey treat us like locusts
Treat us like locusts
With beer blasts and madras shirts
They're so rich; they don't have to work!
Lifestyles of the
Upper Class Socs
We'll stay off
your turf
Just leave us
alone!
Lifestyles of the
Upper Class Socs
Lifestyles of the
Upper Class Socs
Lifestyles of the
Upper Class Socs!"
A final drumbeat is heard before the song ends. A roar of applause came from the audience.
"Yay, Two-Bit!" the very excited fans call out! The judges get ready to do their… judging.
"It was very interesting but I don't think it was a good idea to make fun of us Socs if we're the ones judging you. I think it's unfair to say that about us Socs if you don't even know us," says the cynical Cherry. All the Cherry haters stick their tongues (and their middle fingers) at the back of the redhead's head. She doesn't notice a thing. Xena is holding back a giggle. Cherry still doesn't notice anything.
"It was okay. I enjoyed it even though you were slamming us like that. What the hell was that 'designer shoes' part about?" Randy said.
"I wouldn't know. RockerLane wrote this," Two-Bit answered.
"I was bored! That was the whole reason why this thing was even created!" shouts RockerLane1110 from backstage.
"Okay, this just proves why Greasers shouldn't be allowed onstage. They make fun of us but don't have the guts to challenge us to a fight!" Rob… eh… Bob said.
"BOO!" yells the crowd.
"What? I'm just saying what I thought!" Bob defended.
"You want a fight? Okay, you got one," Two-Bit said as he jumped off the stage.
He made mock impressions of kung-fu fighting. Bob rolls his eyes.
"Yeah, that scares me," he says sarcastically.
Suddenly, a random tomato hits Bob in the face. While he is caught by surprise, Two-Bit sucker punches him in the stomach. Before Bob can fight back, Kayleigh breaks up the fight.
"You guys can't fight here! There's too many people!" she says.
"Yeah, Two-Bit! So don't start anything!" Bob says as if he's won.
"If you guys want to fight, take it backstage!" Kayleigh finishes.
"With pleasure!" Two-Bit responds. He drags Bob across the floor and goes backstage with him. We hear crashing, pounding, and some glass shattering.
"You broke the Jones soda bottle!" Jay yells.
"What?" Kayleigh says as she goes backstage too to recover her soda.
"Jill, you bitch! You drank it all!" Kayleigh yells from backstage. More crashing and banging is heard.
"Uhhhh… this would be a great time for commercial, don't you think? Well, Dallas will be up next singing something that won't start another fight! I hope," Xena says as she tries to cut the scene short. The audience looks confused as more crashing is heard from backstage.
Commercial #3(It's a car
commercial for Mercedes-Benz. Carly is driving the car as carefully
as she can)
Carly: Wait! I don't
have a license! I'm not supposed to be at the driver seat! How do
you stop this thiiiiiiiiiiiing?
(Carly hits the brakes
suddenly, then wraps the car around a tree)
Announcer: The
Mercedes-Benz has been rated the safest car to be driving today!
Carly: (airbag
inflates) (sarcastically) Oh, I feel so safe.
Announcer: This has
been tasted by many crash dummies enough to be proven as easy to
drive and nearly accident-prone… I mean proof!
Carly: Nearly? And are
you calling me a dummy?
Announcer: You crashed
the car.
Carly: This was my
ex-boyfriend's car. He broke my heart, so this is revenge.
Announcer: Uhhh…
yeah. Buy a Mercedes-Benz today! You won't be sorry!
Carly: Until you wrap
it around a tree.
Announcer: Shut up.
Kayleigh: Was anyone else confused by that? Jill, you're buying me another soda!
A/N: Sorry, guys. I'm bored and I have writer's block. This is a sucky chapter, and I have no idea why I put Bob and Two-Bit fighting or Jill and Kayleigh fighting. So if you're gonna flame me, go ahead because you'll only be telling me what I already know. For those of you who haven't read the author's note of the latest chapter of my other story, Someone to Lean On, I am going to be losing the Internet on May 31. That means I may not be able to update as often as I want to. I am really sorry for that. But I'll figure out some way to keep the story alive! (Jay, is your offer still good?) Anyways, R&R.
Xena: And for all you Dally lovers out there who wanted to appear in his chapter, we are under construction of that right now. (And thanks to Padme Snivvey for that awesome idea of parodying "I Write Sins Not Tragedies!")