Chapter Four- I Save Lives Not Souls

A/N: Yeah, I updated again. As a heads up, I'm sorry if I offend any Hilary Duff lovers out there. Personally, I really can't stand her but that's just me the outcast. And I do like Avril's music. You'll get why I'm saying all this shit soon.

Disclaimer: Sure, I own "The Outsiders" (favoritest book) and "American Idol" (I swear Paula is an alcoholic) and Panic! At the Disco's "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" (love this song!). Yeah, right. And the world ended on 6-6-06. Oh, wait, we're still alive! (I don't own Raelee Angela Winston either. She's TheMaskedArtist's OC from her story, "Raelee.") (I also don't own any of the reviewers who appear in this chapter)

"Don't say the H word," Carly said. "Never say the H word as long as I am within one hundred feet of you!"

"What? Hell?" Kayleigh said.

"Hell is not a swear. It is a place," Jay informed.

"We all know what she means," Anna said. Even though no one but Anna and Jay know what Carly is talking about.

"I think she means Hilary Duff, you guys," Two-Bit said as he "played" the piano. It was more like banging because he had nothing else to do. Boredom does weird things to people.

"NOOOOO! He said the H word!" Jay yelled.

"What the Hilary Duff are you doing Two-Bit? Carly is right here!" Anna said.

Carly is seen in the corner. She is in a feeble position with her knees up to her chest.

"Evanescence… Evanescence…. Wake me… up… inside…" Carly mutters. (BTW. Don't own "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence)

Anna, Jay, and Kayleigh go after Two-Bit and wash his dirty mouth with soap. (Anna used Hilary Duff as a swear which is the right context anyways so they don't wash her mouth for it.)

"Ahhh! Soap in my mouth! It's cucumber scented!" Two-Bit yells.

"It'll teach you never to use the H word when we're around! Unless it's as a swear," Jay says. Johnny and Ponyboy walk in on the scene.

"You know what? I don't even want to know," Johnny says looking away.

"Welcome back Outsiders fans! We have another performance, this time by that hottie bad boy that everyone loves, Dallas Winston!" Xena says into the microphone.

"Wait, didn't you die?" Cherry asks.

"We went to the Afterlife department and convinced them to let us borrow Johnny, Dally, and Bob for the show! And they actually let us! Woot!" Xena said.

Cheers come from the crowd. All the Dally fans and the Johnny fans go wild. The Bob fans do nothing. Maybe that's because there are no Bob fans?

"Okay, Dally you're up. Anything you want to say before you go on?" Xena asks the blond-haired tow-headed seventeen-year-old.

"Well, I just want to--," Before Dally can finish; a greaserette appears out of nowhere next to Dally.

"Oh my God! Dally! You don't know me, but I'm cherrybombxox and I love you!" Then she mauls Dally over with hugs and kisses. (Sorry cherrybombxox if this was not what you had in mind!)

"Uhhh…SECURITY!" Xena yells.

"How many times are people going to call me?" Kayleigh says as she appears onstage. Then she sees the greaserette Dally mauler.

"Oh, boy," Kayleigh says sarcastically. The Dally fans become restless as cherrybombxox mauls their favorite greaser.

"No! No more riots!" Xena yells. Upon hearing this, Kayleigh quickly drags cherrybombxox off of Dally and directs her to her seat.

"And what if I don't?" cherrybombxox retorts.

"Then you'll have a mouthful of this," Kayleigh says indicating her fist. Since many of you don't know Kayleigh, let me tell you this: You don't want to be on the receiving end of any of her punches, playful or otherwise.

Cherrybombxox goes to her seat unhappily.

"Okaaaaaay… back to reality, what did you want to say, Dally?" Xena says.

"Well, I wanted to give a shout out to my little sister, Raelee. Oh, she's here right now!" Dally says pointing to the red-brown-haired girl sitting on Curly Shepard's shoulders.

"Hey, Dally!" she yells waving. Dally smiles at his little sister.

"Okay, we gotta get on with this. Will you just ell us what you're singing and why the Hilary Duff you chose it?" Xena said.

"I'm sing "I Save Lives Not Souls' because Padme Snivvey gave RockerLane1110 a really good idea of parodying 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies.'"

"Okay, here's Dally with 'I Save Lives Not Souls!'"

Dally takes center stage and the palm-muted notes are played.

"Oh, well imagine
As I'm driving across town with my two friends in the back seat
And I can't help but to see
No, I can't help but to see flames rising from the church
'The children are inside,
The children are inside!' says the chaperone to the teacher
'Yes, but what a shame, what a shame
That Jerry is too fat'

I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No it's much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of
Courage and stupidity
I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of…

Oh, well in fact, well I'll look at it this way
I mean technically we just risked our own lives
This calls for a rumble so bring on the fights
Oh, well in fact, well I'll look at it this way
I mean technically we just risked our own lives
This calls for a rumble so bring on the fights, bring on the fights!

I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of
Courage and stupidity
I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of
Courage and stupidity…
Again…

I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No, it' much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of
Courage and stupidity
I'd barge in with a, 'Haven't you kids ever heard of
Saving your own damn lives?'
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a hint of
Courage and
Stupidity

Agaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnn…"

Dally holds the last night and then a roar of applause are heard.

"Yay!"

"Rock on!"

"When does the album drop?"

As the audience settles down, the judges give their input on Dally's performance.

"I thought it was very good. But maybe it could've used a little more personality," Cherry said.

"What? Dally was great! Are you deaf?" says an audience member.

"Oh, great," Dally says exasperated at the thought of another crazy fan. "Who are you, now?"

"I'm mrs.patrickswayze!"

"Your name is mrs.patrickswayze and you're a Dally fan?" Xena asks.

"I could change it to mrs.mattdillon," mrs.patrickswayze says.

"That's alright. Are you going to maul me?"

"Can I?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with whip cream on top?"

"Noooooo…"

"With a cherry?"

"How many times must I say it?"

"Okay, movin' on. What do you have to say, Randy?" says Xena.

"I thought it was pretty good. We should have more punk rock music in this show. Maybe Avril Lavigne should make a guest appearance!"

"Avril's not punk!" yells Anna from backstage.

"Huh? I thought she was," Randy said.

"She's not punk."

Some preppy girls said, "I thought she was punk. She dresses that way."

Jay intervenes. "She. Is. Not. Punk. People. Get it through your heads! If you want punk get the Sex Pistols!"

"Or the Descendents!" Anna adds.

"Who cares about them? All of RockerLane's music sucks!" Bob says.

"Who the hell asked you?" Anna yells.

"Anna, it's Hilary Duff. Don't say hell on national internet," Jay says.

"WTF? National internet?"

"It's, 'What the Dr. Phil,' Anna," says Carly.

"Why are we making a big deal of my swearing? Kayleigh swears more than me."

"Kayleigh's a security guard," Jay says.

"So? You swear more than me. Carly swears too."

"True…"

"Guys, we're running out of time. We need to get to commercial," Xena says.

"I haven't said anything yet!" Bob said.

"You've said enough! Cut to commercial!" Anna shouts.

Commercial #4

(It's a VO5 commercial. You know the hair product. Yeah, Jay is supposed to be endorsing it but…)

Jay: AHHHH! My hair stinks after using the VO5 shampoo!
VO5 Representative: Well, is your hair more fuller and bouncy?
Jay: No. And why the Hilary Duff would I want my hair to be bouncy?
VO5 Rep: To sell the product. Now, we're paying you to endorse our product so…
Jay: Why would I endorse something that makes my hair smell like it's been in dog shit?
VO5 Rep: People don't know that yet…
Jay: What do you mean "Yet"? Is this made of dog shit?
VO5 Rep: Well…
Jay: (Looks at ingredient list on bottle)
VO5 Rep: No, don't look at it!
Jay: Dog excrements. This really is made of dog shit!
VO5 Rep: But it makes your hair fluffier!
Jay: (checks hair for fluffiness) Nope. No fluffy. You guys are liars.
VO5 Rep: But we're paying you…
Jay: Ha! L'Oreal would pay me more! As a matter of fact… (flips open cell phone and dials a number) Hello? L'Oreal? Is your endorsement offer still good? It is? I'll be there! By the way, what's your product made of?
(Jay walks off set leaving the VO5 Rep on her own. Out of desperation she…)
VO5 Rep: Anyone want to endorse our shampoo made of dog excrements? There's good money…

End commercial

Xena: What the Hilary Duff was that?

A/N: Heh. Yeah, the commercial. Jay, you remember when you were complaining about how the VO5 shampoo made your hair smell weird? Here's your revenge. (But seriously guys, it smelled weird) Anyways, I hope I didn't offend any Hilary Duff fans or any Avril fans. Avril's music is good, but she's not punk. End of story. Hilary Duff… where to start? Read and review, please!