Chapter 1: Cracks
Izuku Midoriya has been an abnormal kid for as long as he could remember.
Normally, kids would have a quirk of their own. But Izuku was anything but normal.
He remembered tears filling his face as he faced his mother's non-stop stream of apology.
He remembered the day his father left without a word.
Because Izuku was quirkless. Has always been.
Yet, being a hero has always been Izuku's dream…to save people with a smile, to be fearless, brave, and strong. So he moved ahead with that hope, with those childish thoughts. Izuku wasn't afraid to try.
But before he knew it, Izuku lost his name…
It wasn't a pleasant memory, the day when his childhood friend's face contorted into anger…and suddenly Izuku realized that something has changed.
From that day, Deku was his name…
It was surreal to see how fast everyone turn against you, for being different, that friendly smiles could easily crumble into vicious snarls.
The teacher that used to cheerfully praise him for being smart now hardly spared him a glance. Friends, then Deku came to realize, is something he didn't deserve.
The name Deku now took a different meaning…no longer that naïve misspoken character Kacchan repeatedly to annoy him, but an epitome for his entire being.
Useless…
It wasn't long until the whispering and hushed words, and disgusted look turn into verbal threats. A sentence was all it takes before everyone follows them like common sense.
Kacchan has always been the instigator, insulting him, and berating him before everyone. People were reluctant at first, but seeing the teacher didn't even bat an eye, they began to get bold.
It wasn't long until the verbal threat turned physical, as Deku returned home with more bruises and more bruises every day.
'I was clumsy' 'I tripped.' 'Kacchan is a little rough today.' The excuses kept pilling, and Deku can't remember how these lies start to come into being.
A familiar feeling of every eye turning against him made him realize that speaking up wouldn't mean anything in the end, anyway. Because after all, it was his fault for being defective, for not having a quirk.
It's easier to lie anyway…
After living alone with his mother for a while, Deku began to notice how cold the house felt after his dad left.
His mother started to work more and more, and Deku felt alone. He missed the moment of her casually ruffling his unruly, instead of this distant atmosphere.
He hated it, but in the end, it amounted to nothing. There weren't any other ways.
Sometimes, when he curled up alone in the corner of his room, moments of him with Kacchan playing Hero vs Villain together, smiling so brightly before their eventual fall-out, crept up his mind ever cruelly.
Such warm childhood memories would remind Deku of how much he has lost. It was bitter.
Yet, Deku still wanted to be a hero, he could be useful. He could prove Kacchan wrong and maybe sort out this misunderstanding.
They would be friends again like nothing ever happened.
And then one day, he could repay his mother for all the suffering she faced because of him.
He didn't care if the world would continue to beat him down at every given chance.
He would always get up. It was not an option.
It wasn't long until Deku felt that something was wrong with his head, how his simple hobby of hero analysis has turned into something different.
He dozed off more than usual, feeling sluggish every time he snapped out of his daydreaming. He realized how his simple strength analysis, rough sketches, and friendly suggestions turned more detailed, more accurate, and more malicious.
Deku remembered being scared out of his wit when he found his analysis notebook with a familiar pro hero in it, along with information about his personal life, his hobby, and the most brutal and effective way to take him down.
And while Deku always did it mindlessly, he recognized the danger should these ever fall into the wrong hand. So he learned to start writing this analysis in code.
With much trial and error, and many more months of researching, he eventually gained some acceptable computer hacking skills. It was something Deku never bothered to develop any further.
But the problem kept getting worse as he eventually noticed chunks of memory missing from his mind.
A feeling of uncertainty crept into his mind every time he went into class, like a doll being torn apart at the seams. It scared him that he always did something he didn't remember doing.
He didn't tell his mom, he didn't want to burden her with more problems, especially since the bag under her eyes was getting worse.
It showed that the pressure was catching up to her. Something Deku didn't have the ability to help her with.
Sometimes, sitting alone in his room with only the sound of his own breath, directly opposite of the loneliness he felt before, Deku felt as if he is not alone.
The first time Deku felt pain was when Kacchan first hit him, anger filled his voice. About Deku being a liar, about if Deku thought he was above him.
Such thoughts have never crossed Deku's mind before.
Not like it changed anything in this awful game fueled by childish misconceptions. Pain has started to become familiar to Deku, almost dull now that he thought about it.
But sometimes it would shatter his wall like glass.
One such time, perhaps the most painful time he felt was when his mother first hit him…
His mother was the only one that stayed kind to him, the only source of warmth left for him. So maybe that's why even though it was not powerful as Kacchan's explosion, it knocked Deku off his feet, his tiny hand caressing his face in shock.
It was an accident, really! Only a bad day at the hospital along with her accumulated stress led to her lashing out. What surprised him was that his mother managed to endure this for so long.
She really didn't mean to react that way, judging by how she fretted all day about it, apologizing to him and consoling him with kind words.
But despite her best effort, Deku couldn't bring himself to perceive her words the same way as before. And apparently wanting to blame her, who did everything for him, was something Deku felt guilty for.
How could he be so selfish when he was the only useless one around?
If only he was as strong as Kacchan, as smart and as brave as him, his mom wouldn't have suffered. Maybe then, she would be happier. So much thought was spent on that 'if'. But he realized that it was just wishful thinking.
He decided that if he wanted to earn the chance to even wish, he needed to change, to become stronger.
So one particular day, he instead asked his mother to let him take a self-defense class, coming to terms with himself that all of this would be worth it later. If he put effort into training himself, he wouldn't remain weak.
Kacchan wouldn't remain weak.
To be like Kacchan was his wish. And when he became a hero, he was going to protect her. He would make her feel safe instead of making her worry like this.
He didn't notice that he has put on a strong front. He didn't notice the pain has dulled.
He didn't notice the false confidence he wore every time he came to the self-defense class, hiding whatever weakness inside.
In a twisted sense, he has gotten stronger.
It was a coincidence that once upon many times he trailed home, he met a girl with blond hair and piercing yellow eyes. The girl was kind with her words, but all Deku spotted was a façade.
Her eyes were sad, as she tired out on the bench, enjoying every bit of peaceful time she got at the park.
It was some sort of compassion that made Deku approach her.
This got nothing to do with him, really. However, he wanted to help, to ask why she was wearing a face so similar to his own.
"Hey, can I sit here?" He has asked in such an awkward tone
"Um…of course! I don't mind." She responded, albeit reluctantly
It first started with conversations bland and awkward, but eventually, both of them opened up more and more as time went by.
This was the first friend Deku had in a long time, a perfect person to ease his loneliness. It made him wonder who is helping who.
Sometimes they were content with just sitting there in silence, sometimes they broke the ice with trivial questions.
Both of them avoided certain topics. Deku avoided anything involving quirks. And she avoided anything family-related.
It didn't take a genius to find out that they both had a problem.
Himiko didn't have many friends, and that was a fact that she solemnly accepted.
But Deku was nice enough. He knew she felt uncomfortable talking about her family, no he didn't mention them at all.
They had become friends in such a short time, and the bench at the corner of the park was their meeting spot.
"Hey…I have been wondering…what exactly is your quirk?" Deku asked with a wistful expression on his face "Um…sorry if it's insensitive, I was curious-"
"Tell me about yours first." She replied, defensively. And was also surprised that Deku asked something he tried to avoid since the first day they met.
There were many things she could think of that made Deku feel this way. In a society ran by quirks, villainous quirks, weak quirks, and mutation quirks were all frowned upon.
Deku tried to open up more, and it made Himiko feel inferior for she didn't have the gut to share her story.
"I-" Deku composed himself before sighing sadly "I'm quirkless…"
"Oh." Silence cramped between them for a second… "I'm supposed to be quirkless, too…"
"Supposed?" He raised a brow at that
"I-the doctor told me I'm supposed to have a quirk, but my parents didn't tell me anything," Himiko whispered softly
"Do you know why?" He asked as gears started turning in his head
"I don't know…but I think they are scared of me…"
The fact that her parents found her distasteful was something Himiko has known ever since she saw her friends, smiling brightly along with their parents as she stood alone. That was something sour to admit.
"I tried to find out what it was on my own...but I couldn't feel anything different in my body, well, besides these very sharp teeth here." Himiko said, pointing at her fangs.
"What else did you think made you unique from others?" Deku inquired
"I…I did have a fascination with blood since very young…I think it looks, well, I know this is kind of creepy…but it's…I think it's somehow beautiful…I know it's unnerving but I-"
"Then that means your quirk must have something to do with this tendency of yours, right? A blood quirk, perhaps? These are quite rare-" He said, rubbing his chin
"I don't know…but you seem to know a lot about this stuff, perhaps you can help me find out?" Himiko asked, and she could see a glint of excitement in Deku's eyes.
Of course, Himiko herself felt excited, too.
"I will do my best! I just need to do some research first! I think I can pinpoint it somewhat-hm...there are a lot of things to do, aren't there?" Deku sighed before getting up "I think I will go home first for now. I will see you next week and show you what I found, then!"
"Already Deku? I guess you do have a lot of work to be done. This place next week, then?" She asked with a smile
"You got it, Himiko."
Himiko couldn't help but grin the whole time as his tiny frame disappeared into the sunset.
The next time Deku met her has been unexpected, on his usual route walking home, Deku encountered her curling to a ball inside the alleyway, expression rigid.
He wanted to ask her what was wrong, she was his friend after all.
But before he could react, she lunged at him, her expression devoid of any sanity left, and dug her fangs into the side of his neck. He felt his blood being sucked out, as her expression slowly becomes clearer.
A look of horror washed over her face as she pushes him away, her hair flickering to a curling green.
At least the mystery of her quirk is solved.
It hurt quite a bit, and Deku felt afraid for his life.
But seeing Himiko shaking as tears start to leak, he embraced her in a hug, hoping she to calm down.
Himiko hugged him back tightly, with tears staining her now reddened uniform as she apologize profusely.
Reassuring her that he was fine, he promised to find a way to help her control this newly discovered quirk. She never had the chance to use her quirk before, so she might go out of control next time. She might do something she couldn't take back.
But first, both of them agreed that this should be kept a secret.
After tending to his wound with his first-aid kit, with a moping Himiko helping him, they waved each other goodbye.
But as he arrived at his house, he felt the familiar nagging feeling in his guts happen again. It's unnerving as he shrank pitifully in his room.
Seeing Himiko like that scared him. More than he could ever know.
A few days later, he stopped taking the self-defense class, but he noticed his mother still paid for it monthly.
And the pit in his stomach is growing every day.
Deku was just glad to help Himiko with her power…
That meant gushing about his theories to her all day while suggesting ways to improve them and noting all her weaknesses in hindsight.
He even bought her a clove of garlic to see if it was actually toxic to her. Of course, it was not, but seeing her face scrunched up was actually hilarious.
It was probably not a good idea to laugh, though. Fact learned that Himiko got upset and refused to talk to him. For a day.
A whole day. The audacity.
But there were days when rare moments of childish innocence, talk about heroes, and dreams turn into a grim overcoat. There are days when Himiko came at him, tears filled her face as she wailed.
She doesn't have the best family. A family that was willing to accept her quirk as a part of her, and instead, look upon it with scorn and fear.
It made Deku think…even if he's quirkless, he has at least his Mom to fall back to.
"Have I ever told you about my family?" She finally asked, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. It only made the bruise on her cheek more visible.
"Yes. They are wary of your quirk, right?" He responded carefully, knowing this was sensitive for her.
"That's an understatement. They hated it. And in hating it, they hated me as well." She spat, her voice shaky as her expression rigid
"You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to. You are clearly uncomfortable-"
"I'M FINE!" She gritted her teeth in frustration "From the day when I began to show my fascination with blood, they had been scared of me. They were scared that I would turn on them. I don't think they even want to live under the same roof as me."
"..."
"They looked at me like I'm some sort of monster. I hated that look so much."
Of the two of them, one was frowned upon for not having a quirk, one was frowned upon for having an unwanted quirk.
It was unfair, Deku has known this long ago. For now, he just wanted to be there for her.
It's better than suffering alone. He knew that too well.
If Himiko's family is too cowardly to be there for her, he won't be like them. He thought as he envelop her in a hug, while her tears streamed down continuously, staining his uniform.
"Why…why can't they understand?!" She choked as her voice came out raspy, desperate
"Shh…it's okay, Himiko. I'm here for you."
Perhaps Deku should revel in the fact that he is pretty much useless in this situation. Deku couldn't help his friend, he could only offer words of consolation and encouragement in return.
Deku remembered every time his mother hold him, whispering his lullabies and good night. He remembered feeling better at hearing her soothing words. So he did the same for Himiko, trying his best to cheer him up, to make it so that she won't be alone.
He picked up some medical skills from his mother, trying the ease the pain from the bruise litter Himiko's body every day. He thought it will never stop increasing. He thought.
Then one day, it did.
Himiko, now eyes were as bright as ever, gushing to him non-stop about a hero in black clothes and a grey scarf who saved her from her mother's temper, promising that he would come for her later, to save her from the hell she called home.
He was skeptical but felt glad for his friend nonetheless. However, it sounded too good to be true.
Turned out it was true…
The hero she told him about was Eraserhead, an underground hero. And apparently, the kind that Himiko would be safe with.
And that meant that goodbye was bound to happen.
Deku couldn't forget the day Himiko said goodbye as her mother got arrested and she found a new family that actually cared about her.
Deku smiled bitterly when he handed her a quirk analysis book he made specifically for her, hoping she could become a hero with the little information Deku provided.
The day was a bittersweet memory with tears staining her face and tight hugs, reluctant goodbyes, and promises to see each other again someday, she disappeared in the sunset.
Deku could only watch as his only friend disappeared.
Deku didn't realize he has been sitting at the park for hours until the ringing from his phone, a call from his mom, woke him out of his shock.
Deku didn't realize tears have quietly slid off his face, a stream non-stop formed.
There was no one to comfort him now.
Because once again, Deku was left alone. And reassuring as her words might be, Deku wasn't sure if he could count on it.
He has never been good with promises. The last promise he made had his best friend turned against him. It made him a liar.
And he was afraid he would slip before even seeing her again.
Sometimes, Deku couldn't help but wander back to the bench where they used to talk all day with each other. The uncomfortable nagging feeling in his stomach started to grow again every time he came back.
It doesn't feel right anymore…
Once again, he felt like losing himself in the passage of time.
The surreal feeling of loneliness started to take over him as days went by.
His body felt detached from this world. And it was true that everyone had a breaking point, after all.
He had a bad feeling when his mom told him she had an urgent business that required her out of town for a few days. She promised she will come back with some katsudon.
Deku could take care of himself for a few days, he is a big boy after all. He wasn't that much of a burden.
It was going to be like any other day.
Right?
He soon realized after the first day she was gone, the little solace he found in her presence is gone, with only himself curled up in the corner of the room.
Would she come back? What if she got enough and decided to leave him?
It was cold outside. And his inside felt cold, too.
And it kept getting worse. Loneliness was merely the start.
Because now he was standing petrified in the room, looking at his childhood friend.
He looked so angry, and Deku has never figured out why.
His notebook, scorched by Kacchan now floating in the koi pond.
It must have been ruined by now.
Then he got shouted in the face again by Kacchan, as he tried to keep his head down.
"If you want to be a hero so much, take a swan dive off the roof and hope that you will have a quirk in your next life."
His words have always been cruel. This is just another day. It will be fine.
But it would still hurt nonetheless.
'You can't be a hero. It's okay to have a dream, but you have to be realistic.'
Those words kept ringing in his ears… they wouldn't stop as they choked him inside out.
'I don't need you saving me, useless Deku.'
Being told off by Kacchan once again, being criticized for being the only one that didn't stay still and watch.
It kept piling up, and Deku realized that he couldn't tell anyone about this at all.
It was embarrassing, but at least no one was here to see him crying his heart out.
Not on the roof, anyway.
Before he could register the thought swimming in his head, he stood over the edge, feeling the smooth wind caress his skin.
'Will everything be better if I'm gone?'
Such morbid thought crossed his mind. It wasn't right, but Deku couldn't help but seriously considered it.
He was arrogant. He was outright delusional to think that he could be a hero.
He has always been running away from that fact, and now that it hit him back, it hurt more than ever.
This wasn't fair at all! What made him different from everyone else?!
He worked hard. He did his best in class. He tried to listen to others all the time.
A quirk, apparently. Because a quirk was everything you were in this society.
He was a nobody without a quirk. They would never let him be a hero.
Becoming a doctor, a policeman? How was that supposed to be realistic?!
As such naïve ideology can work. Being quirkless meant you wouldn't get a job most of the time. No one wanted to accept people with such disabilities.
He could live the rest of his life wallowing in his own pain and how society was unfair. Eventually, his pain would lead him to villainy.
He knew that given the chance, he would become a villain. He would take any ways to get out of this monotone life.
And he didn't want it to happen.
He looked down. It was a long fall. He definitely won't survive this.
His only regret was leaving his mother behind. Everyone else would move on with their life soon enough.
Kacchan would get into U.A and become a hero. It was no doubt as he was strong, smart, and resourceful.
Himiko has moved on, and she will accomplish great things one day. She would become a great hero.
His mother would be sad. It hurt when he thought about that, but he reassured himself that she would get over him.
Without him tying her here, she could find herself a better life. Maybe she could get back with his father.
Perhaps that was not the truth at all. But at this moment, negativity clouded Deku's brain that he couldn't possibly think of anything outside it.
And it told him that death would solve all his problems. It won't hurt anymore.
'It won't hurt anymore.'
With that thought, Deku smiled sadly before taking a step toward the edge.
He felt himself falling as the gentle wind turned vicious.
It didn't give him much time to register as he heard a sickening crunch…
And everything went dark.
A girl with blond hair came back with a wide grin on her face.
It has been a while since she last saw Deku, assuming that was really his name, and she was curious how he is doing.
Although life was getting better, she still missed her friend dearly.
Toga was probably not the sharpest tool in the shed, judging by her terrible perception of social cues. But she does care about others in her own way.
Or at least that is what she told herself.
Eraserhead…erm-Aizawa was very nice to take her in to live with him. He was caring, observant, and skilled! Toga guessed it came with being a hero himself. He's so cool!
It would take a while for Toga to confidently call him dad, but at least now everything was not awkward anymore.
Memories of a time they had a staring contest at the dining table bring shivers up her spine.
That reminded her, she also needed to return the analysis book to her friend. His advice was super helpful, and he was possibly the smartest person she knew.
Granted, she didn't know a lot of people, but the point still stand. Right?
Okay, maybe that was a flimsy excuse for just wanting to see her friend again, but Aizawa gave her permission as long as she came home before curfew.
Toga could live with that.
Now where to find him? Toga remembered Deku mentioned Aldera Junior High as a passing remark. He surely must still be studying there, the year isn't over yet after all.
But everything seems to be quiet. Almost too quiet for her liking. This was awfully unfitting for this time of day.
Whatever it is, it's giving Toga a bad feeling.
So imagine her shock when she saw how crowded the gate of the school was, with expressions varying from horrified to shock to indifferent.
"Um…excuse me? What's happening here?" Toga poked a chubby boy with red wings lightly, earning his attention
"Shit-ah…erm, sorry…I didn't expect-" He cut himself off, as Toga narrowed her eyes in confusion
After a moment, the boy replied.
"Apparently, a quirkless loser in my class decide he couldn't take it anymore and off himself. A fitting way to go, I must say." He spat begrudgingly…
Such cruel words coming from someone so young never cease to surprise her. And the content of it was no doubt twisted.
However-
No...there is something about this that unnerved her.
A quirkless boy committed suicide…
Quirkless.
Toga can't help but remembered what Deku told him about himself. The fact that he was-
Toga didn't waste another second as she jumped across the wall and weaved through the crowd. Something in her chest is beating very hard as her hold on the notebook tightens.
She immediately freeze when she saw a tiny body crumpled on the school ground, limbs bent in an unnatural way.
It didn't take her long to realize a strand of green behind the glistening color of red…
Toga can only register a loud thud as her hold on the notebook slip.
Bile started to rise in her throat. Because what's in front of her right now is no doubt coming from a nightmare.
Because the person that lied right there lifelessly was once her only friend, the only one that tried to help her out.
Dead.
Took his own life.
It couldn't be. It was so surreal so Toga can't imagine this was anything else than a bad dream.
Deku has promised they would be heroes together, hasn't he?
"This is not funny, Deku! Wake up!" She shouted but it was dried and what come out was instead broken whisper
She didn't realize tears started streaming down her face as the implication of what this meant began to set in.
Deku is gone…
The distant siren did nothing to wake Toga out of her stupor.
If it did, she would have noticed a blond boy with red hair, a haunted look plastered on his face.
It was a day after the death of the quirkless teenager named Izuku Midoriya that a strange sound came from the morgue in the dead of the night.
Supporting himself sluggishly, but failed miserably as he instead rolled down the table, making him grunt in pain as his body hit the ground.
Blinking in confusion at the world around him, The Analyst started to take in the surrounding environment.
What happened?
…