August 2021
The next week passes as does our fight, we fall more into our routine as I start getting emails about the upcoming semester. I find myself working my one lonely shift at the cafe in the morning since I didn't mind it and she gave me the shortest one which was four hours usually every other week.
"I don't want to go back to school," I tell myself into the abyss of what is a slow morning.
"So don't go?" My other co-worker says simply from his spot.
"Yeah, that will go over well with my parents," I say sarcastically.
"But you moved out didn't you? I mean what are they going to do?" Aiden says to me. "Really?"
"Remind of it and yell at me when I go over for brunch?" I tell him simply.
"Well I think you're awesome on the CBC," He says clearly trying to make me feel better.
"I'm all right, but it was a summer internship. It all goes away in two weeks and then I go back to teaching dance and being here more and school." I tell him sighing. Part of me was hoping to be asked to stay on, but the other part knew it would only be contributed to knowing Owen Ford which tarnished it.
"I think you don't give yourself as much credit as you should," Aiden says which surprises me. Surprises me as much as I feel the familiar warm feeling of blood.
"I'm gonna go use the washroom," I tell him not sure what else to say and I walk to the back staff bathroom. I dig through my purse for a spare tampon I swear I swore had, though I also thought I ended yesterday. At least my period came this time around. I probably sit in the bathroom longer than I should, relishing in the feeling of peace and quiet.
I wash my hands and head back out to the front feeling like I had left Aiden alone for too long, though it was just as dead as when I left it. It would be another hour before the 8:30 rush would arrive.
I make myself tea and eat a banana between cleaning the counter again. Finally, after what feels like forever between the 7 am rush, people filter in more and more and out third person who would help comes in ready for their shift.
I am tired, but I leave the cafe with a wave of my hand and my dance bag in hand. I was surprised to see Tessa in the office.
"You're back," I say surprised. "I thought your vacation was longer? Did you have a good time?"
"I am, and it was lovely and I am only picking up some papers I needed for insurance this year," Tessa says. "How are you, my dear?"
"Surviving?" I say shrugging. "Oh, umm here," I say before grabbing a piece of paper and scribbling Ken's address on it.
"What is this?"
"Well, I moved in with Ken back in June and I thought you might need my new address for record-keeping?" I tell her.
"I didn't realize, I noticed a few times you were together more or had a different car," Tessa says surprised
"Yeah, it sorta just happened?" I say simply. "It's been good though, for me and him and even my parents. A little bit of space has helped a lot of the issues and fighting, especially with my mom." I tell her.
"Well, that is good then," Tessa says.
"It's been good," I reassure her. She doesn't need all the gritty details of course. "An adjustment of course, but it's been good."
"Do you want more work this fall?" Tessa looks up at me. "You can always go back to minding the shop if you want?"
"We'll see how things go. I don't know if I get a bit of an allowance being in school or not with the college fund like some of my siblings did when they couldn't work as much and not living at home?"
"Of course, you know as well, if you ever find yourself in need of a place to stay, I do know someone who has a small studio apartment for rent if you ever did need a place to stay?" She says carefully. "You always have options, beyond what you think?"
"I think we'll be okay," I tell her confidently. "I mean I was going to move out at some point and it's been a long time coming."
"Well go get some dancing in , I have a few more things to do here," Tessa says nodding her head.
I nod my head and turn to the changing room and change into my tights and leotard.
I start slow with warm-ups before I allow myself to become lost in the music, my shoes were almost dead, or were dead but yet I was still dancing. Going through the motions as I try to get out of my head. The songs change from classical ballet, to pop songs that are always on rotation.
I breathe hard and deep as spin and turn, striking poses, arabesque and attitude when the music allows for it. Then I am off again, little fluttering feet on the floor as I travel across it.
I feel sweat dripping down my back, and between my tights, I feel the muscles of my thighs and calves work overtime as I fight against the protesting. I feel my already bruised toenail scream at me beyond the toe pad and jelly pads.
Smile, beauty is pain after all.
The music faded away as I heard a polite clap from the doorway.
"Please, my apologies for frightening you, I was talking to Tessa and saw you dancing on my way out." He told me. "You are very passionate."
"Thank you," I tell him.
"We're holding auditions in a few weeks in New Brunswick," he begin and I cut him off before he could finish.
"I'm twenty," I tell him quickly.
"Well, there is always the aspirant program which is college-based, though your technique is very nice, which is understandable if you trained with Tessa, Miss?" He asks he said pulling out a business card and walking over to me.
The Royal Winnipeg Ballet, I stare at it.
"Miss Blythe," I say taking it. "Rilla Blythe."'
"Have you ever auditioned before?" He asks me as if he remembers me out of the thousands of kids who audition for the ballet school.
"Years ago," I say nodding my head. "I was fourteen at the time, but my parents—well they didn't think it was worth the money as they don't see dance as a career," I say honestly to him.
"Yet you are still dancing," he hums.
"Only by determination and against most of their wishes," I say shrugging.
"Do you do any other dance?"
"I—, Lyrical, a little bit of modern?" I stammer blushing.
"Can I record a video of you for the others I work with? Just dance and pretend I'm not here?" I look at him for a long moment. Could I trust him if he was friends with Tessa?
"That is harder said than done," I say jokingly. "Umm, let me see what's on my playlist," I add on. I go to my phone and look through it when I see an old one. One that existed long before Owen.
I nod my head as the old song comes on. Yiruma, it had been so long since I had danced to the artist. I take a deep breath and fall into old routines that are buried in the back of my mind. I start simple, but as it picks up I am flying about the room, twisting, turning, jumping into the melody falls once again and I slow to the pace of it. I find tears threatening to fall as I tried to not think of fifteen-year-old me.
"You have good feet, though you favour one ankle more than the other," he comments, exactly what the judge told me once more.
"It's a bit weaker," I nod my head.
"Call me, I think we can work out some sort of audition for an apprenticeship, or at the very least the aspirant program." He tells me. "It was nice to meet you and watch you dance," he says nodding his head before leaving the studio.
I stand there in disbelief and shock for a good moment before I grab my things and head back over to Tessa's office.
Where I see Tessa grinning at me.
"What?"
"I knew it, I knew he couldn't resist it," She says with a cat grin.
"You didn't invite him here just because of me?" I say mouth hanging up.
"Of course not, he was on vacation and he's an old ballet friend who called and asked to stop by. You just happened to ask to use the studio and I couldn't pass up that chance," Tessa says simply.
"Tessa, I have a toddler," I say trying to remind her. "Dance is never going to be that sort of thing for me."
"And you are way too talented to think that way," Tessa tells me. "You think they care in the grand scheme of things if you have a child? They care about your feet and talent."
"Did Owen get off with my parents easy enough?" I ask Ken as he gets in the car when I pull up in the driveway. I don't offer for him to drive, but that was all part of my plan.
"Oh yes, I mean she doesn't make much of a fuss when it comes to them, though your mother was oddly inquisitive asking a bunch of questions that I had no idea about," Ken says.
"Ahh, well when I ask if she would watch Owen for the night, I needed some sort of reason," I say to him.
"Okay, well where are we going?" Ken asks clearly amused.
"I thought we could go out to the lighthouse," I tell him as I turn down the road that leads to it.
"The lighthouse?" Ken repeats.
"It's August 11th," I say simply.
"Of course," He says nodding his head it clicking into his head.
"I know we hadn't talked about it, but I just wanted to do something you said yourself that when someone asked you once, you said that August is much more real to you. Plus I got your favourite," I add on.
Ken raises an eyebrow and I waved to the back seat.
"Move my bag over," I tell him and when he does he see the familiar take-out bag of his favourite take-out place. One I generally don't partake in, because it's greasy and fatty, so I also have a salad from the grocery store as well for myself.
I park the car on the side of the road and he grabs the food and grabs the bottles of water.
He kisses me happily as we sit down at an old picnic table that is around. He opens up his burger and poutine that I had gotten him.
"Oh my favourite," He grins. "However did I get so lucky?"
"I love you enough to subject you to a greasy fatty death by poutine?" I say shaking my head.
"Are you going to have some?" He asks and I shake my head.
"No, it is all mostly yours, might steal a few, but you know me," I tell him. Also, I didn't want to completely ruin ninety minutes of dance, but I wasn't saying that out loud.
If anything, I steal a cheese curd or two, and one lone fry, between bites of my salad.
I close my eyes, breathing in deeply. All the mixed feelings of that night, how naive I was back then. His hand grips mine as I walk, we never venture truly down this way. It's like an assault on my-our memories and senses.
The old bonfire pit is still there, flashes of memories and sounds flash to my mind. Dancing, laughing—him and those grey shadowy eyes. My red halter dress, purple hair.
I open my eyes and find older much older than me Kenneth Ford-- naked—-wait, Kenneth Ford? That couldn't be him. No? He was older than the last time I saw him, but who else could it be? I scoot away from him on instinct, this wasn't good at all. How could I not notice? Did he even realize? I try to think about the night before but it's all a blur.
His grey eyes open almost too on schedule and it takes him a moment.
I suddenly reach for a blanket, anything when I realize I was naked. I knew that you probably could count my ribs from how I was laying. My eyes are wide and I'm not entirely sure what to do or say. I can see him processing.
"I'm going to hell, I'm fucking going to hell,"
"Can you please stop shouting?" I ask him as he keeps panicking as my head is pounding.
"Stop shouting? What the fuck, Rilla, this can't be happening. I did not just do this!"
"Can I dress before you go off again?" I ask him boldly. He suddenly realizes we are both naked. He grabs his clothes and throws mine at me.
He turns away and I pull on my dress and underwear. He grabs his bag rifling through it, sighing at one point. It was another good moment before I hear him say anything.
"I am going to be murdered by Walter, everyone," he mutters.
"Only if we tell people," I tell him. I find my other sandal and my phone it's barely 7 am and the battery is close to dead. I sigh but hold onto it by tucking it into the waistband of my dress between my boobs.
"That isn't the point--where are you going?" he asks as I try to leave the tent.
"Home?"
"I have my car, I'll drive you," he says sighing.
"It's fine I can walk," I argue back I did not want to draw this out further than it already was.
"It would take you like two hours to walk home," he argues back. "Just please let me make sure you get home safely it's the very least I can do." His voice is softer and filled with guilt. Guilt over me.
Over what happened.
If we only knew what exactly we did that night in hindsight.
"Penny for your thoughts," Ken says breaking me out of my memories.
"Sorry was just sort of thinking," I tell him.
"About what?" He asks.
"That morning," I tell him honestly.
"Yeah, that wasn't exactly fun," Ken says nodding his head.
"A friend of Tessa's was at the studio today," I tell him as dig out the business card from my back pocket.
"What do you mean by that?" Ken asks eyebrows scrunching at my lack of clarity.
"I tried to tell him that it was impossible, but he just gave me a card and told me to think about it essentially."
"You're still leaving things out," Ken says nudging me lightly to get me to use say.
"He saw me and dance and next thing he was telling me to call him and they would set up an audition for me when I told him that I was already twenty."
"Where is the ballet?" Ken asks hesitantly.
"Winnipeg," I tell him with a sigh. "Too far away for me to go." I hand him the card and he reads it.
"Rilla, you should audition, if the artistic personnel thinks you have a chance….you need to audition," Ken tells her.
"But, Owen?" I speak quietly. "Your job?"
"Rilla, Winnipeg has one of the newest museums in Canada, and plenty of universities, I'm sure I can find a job if I needed to. " Ken told me "As for Elowen, I mean isn't it easier to do this to try this out before she starts school full time?"
"Really?" I look up at him.
"Yes, call him while he's here, if he's willing to set up some sort of audition, do it Rilla. This is your dream, we can figure things out as we go." Ken grasped my hands.
"Ken ballet is expensive, shoes, hell Owen will need daycare, the life of a dancer means long days." I try to explain to him.
"If it means you get to do something you've only dreamed about, isn't it worth a bit of chaos?"
"And there's school?" I say groaning.
"Which you hate the idea of anyway?" Ken reminds me. "Look you let me go film a movie and be away for eight weeks. The least I can do is let you try and do this?"
"He said something about an apprenticeship, which would be more of a job than a school program, I don't even know if apprentices get paid there" I explain.
"Then we just have to see," Ken says. "Call, ask questions and we'll figure something out." He said to me.
I nod my head and hold the card in my hand. I look out to the ocean for a moment before I stand up.
"What are you doing?" Ken asks as I pull off my tee shirt.
"What does it look like?" I ask as I wiggle out of my shorts. I walk towards the water. This morning's spotting was a fluke and only last an hour or two and by the time I was done dancing and showered it had disappeared once more.
"We don't have towels!" He calls out and I wave at him ignoring him as I dip my feet into the cool water. It doesn't take long for him to come after me thankfully, stripped down to his boxers
We splash at each other laughing as we dived and dunked around, as I swim between his legs. Swimming like this was rare at best as we usually are watching and playing with Owen. My legs wrap around him as I kiss him and he holds me up.
We stumble out of the water laughing as I race towards the lighthouse, the lock is old and anyone in the area knows how to jimmy it open. Or at least my friends did. My back hits the rocks and I groan as I feel him grind into me until he moves us again and moves us to an old counter or table. Evening the height difference in the process, but things like that matter.
Yes, this was spectacular.
"All right, come on this isn't a love shack," we hear a voice shout at us through the door. "Your clothes are by the door for you."
Ken and I look at each other. Burst out laughing He opens the door a crack and grabs out things they put there for us.
We dress and bashfully open the door red in the face. Then all I saw is the familiar face of Uncle Fred and scamper away from him even more embarrassed then I thought possible. .
"Sorry," I say face completely red rushing past him.
"I better not hear your mother venting to Diana next month either young lady!" He calls out to me.
"We were just kissing!" I shout back and Ken groans.
"Yeah I've heard that one before," Uncle Fred says shaking his head.
We grab the rest of our things still laughing as Uncle Fred watches from a distance to make sure we were leaving. I toss on my shirt and shirts as Ken does the same. We head back to the car and I grab him kissing him firmly.
"I thought your pills were suppose to keep you level headed?" Ken jokes
"They do, but you're just to damn irresistible," I grin at him
We get home, still in a rather contagious sort of mood as we pour wine and and make use of our child free night.
There is someone banging things in the kitchen, which makes my head pound as I shake Ken who groans. Too much wine and at least two rounds of bedroom aerobics, that one for sure did not happen in the bedroom.
"Get up," I hear mom's brisk voice say from our bedroom door. "Seriously it's almost noon and I don't care how much wine you drank or what you did. Get up already and take care of your kid, because you promised to pick her up and nine this morning and you didn't and frankly I have things to do and it's 11:30. Though Ken you can wait until I'm gone, I really don't need to see any more of you if you're not wearing underwear. Also, it's called a garbage can, wrappers go in them, though good to know you're still being safe."
"This has to be a dream?" I groan.
"Up!" Mom says loudly, at least it felt loud. "And remember this, the next time you ask for a night off, I'll remember this, and so will every other babysitter. Be an adult for god's sake, and not some drunk college student every time she gets a chance. Responsibility might be great for you to get some before school starts again this year, both of you."
"I hate school." I shoot back at her.
"No one likes school, and god forbid you to end up like the boy the Di keeps dating, no future or anything." She says.
I sit up in bed and zero in on her as I grab a robe and stand up, tying it tightly around my waist.
"If you gave him a chance you might realize he is actually quite smart, but right now you can leave any time, I'm up aren't I and alive? Though it appears you already made up your mind to be angry at me for sleeping through my alarm, then to be worried about us at all?" I tell her icily.
Hope everyone is having a good week!
Did I have a-bit too much fun with some of this? Of course I did.
Off-screen/page I definitely see Anne and Diana talking about the past and Diana reminding Anne that she had her own questionable choices, and that the reason she is so strict with Rilla is because Rilla is to much like her younger self and she knows what she got up to!
If anyone has a spare moment I always love to hear from my readers! I do cherish you all very much
Tina