Yey, a hundred reviews! I love you all! I'm so happy! I never thought so many people
would like this story! I'm just overjoyed. I can't stop smiling. Anyway, his chapter is not as
dark as the others, ok, maybe it is, but it is a little bit happier. I hope you enjoy it as much
as the rest because it is my favorite chapter. Go on, ready it and review! I'm dying to
know what you think of it!
Disclaimers: I do not own the song Wild Horses from The Rolling Stones. If I did, I would
be reach. Also, one of the sentences I use is not mine, I read it somwhere, but I can´t get it
out of my head, so I put it somewhere in the story.
The pain of loving you
Dance for me
Hitomi opened her eyes, but she closed them again quickly. A light that had managed to penetrate
the curtains was directly pointed at her eyes. It was the thing that had bothered her and had waked
her up. Hitomi tried to open her eyes again, but the light was still there. She turned her back to the
curtains, but her head stumbled upon a very hard, warm thing. Hitomi held her breath as she realized
the position she was in. Van's arm was around her waist. With the movement, he had tightened the
hold, and now, her body was completely against his, and his face was inches above hers, and one of
her hands laid on his stomach, and her face was buried in his chest, and she could feel the blood
rushing to her cheeks. This was not good. She had to find a way to untangled herself from him. If he
woke up and found them in this position, what would he do? It would be way to embarrassing, and
she just wouldn't be able to look at him in the face ever again. She delicately put his arm away, but
he refused to let go of her and just brought her closer to him. Hitomi sigh. How was she supposed
to get away? She tried again, but she failed miserably. He had a death grip and didn't seem to want
to let go any time soon. Hitomi closed her eyes and tried to think. She suddenly found that she
couldn't. He was just to close to her, and it felt so right to be in his arms. Hitomi could smell his
scent, and feel his warm, and his strong arms around her…She had had enough. She couldn't be
thinking things like this about Van when she had promised herself to another completely different
man. It was just not correct. Besides, she truly did like Allen, so why would she be thinking…stuff
about Van?
'Because you like him' her mind wisely responded
'Of course I don't' she answered back 'he is just a friend'
'A very sexy friend that you happen to like'
'Stupid mind, he is just a person who I was forced to join in order to safe the world, and who I
happened to befriend. Nothing more'
'Are you sure?'
'Totally'
'Then why are you holding him like your life depended on it?'
Hitomi blushed…more. Ok, so she was fighting back with her mind, which happened to always
disagree with her rational part, and for some strange reason, always seemed to win. It was just too
much for anyone to take, and Hitomi was sure that she had, at last, lost it. She was becoming crazy.
There was no other explanation.
'You just don't like the other explanation' her mind said.
'There is no other explanation. I'm becoming crazy. That's it'
'You are just afraid of facing your feelings. You know Van is becoming more than a friend, but you
keep denying it to yourself'
'I don't see him as anything more than a friend. I love Allen' for some reason, the declaration felt
out of place.
'Keep telling lies to yourself. We both know the truth. You are just denying it'
'Shut up' her mind did as ordered, but now Hitomi was angry. It was incredible how she could get
angry at herself. She had to get away from him. She had to be as far away from him as she could. It
was dangerous to be close to him. It was wrong, and it was forbidden. She would not have herself
falling for him. She could not risk everything she had managed to achieve for him. She wasn't going
to let her feelings win over her responsibilities. She was marrying Allen and that was it. She roughly
put his arm away from her waist, and with one quick move, she detangled herself from him.
Unfortunately for her, she was near the edge, and she fell to the floor hard. The sound and sudden
movement woke Van instantly.
"Hitomi, are you ok?" Damn him for always worrying about her.
"I'm fine. I just need some fresh air. I'll see you down for breakfast"
"Hitomi" she ignored him, put her shoes fast, and left before he could say anything else. He was left
stunned and confused.
Van stood right where he was. What had happened that had driven Hitomi away? As much as he
thought about it, he couldn't get an answer. Maybe she just needed fresh air, like she had said. He
got up and went to the curtains. He opened them and allowed the sun to get in. The room lightened,
and Van was remained of Hitomi. Everything remained him of her. He just couldn't get away from
her. He haunted his very presence. She was in his dreams, in his thoughts, in every single thing she
did. She controlled his life, and she didn't even know it. She passed through life without giving him a
second thought, a small glance. She was devoted to her people, and he was just someone that got in
her way. The only reason they were together was because Boris had told them to. If it wasn't for
the Heart of the Dragon, he would probably be dead by now. He would have never met her, and
that would have been just fine with him because she was driving him crazy. She made his heart do
weird things, and she made him feel things he couldn't understand. He just didn't know why he had
the urge to protect her from everything. He didn't know why he felt like hugging her and never
letting go of her every time he saw her. He didn't know why he missed her when she wasn't with
him, or why he felt like kissing her every time he saw her lips. He couldn't understand the desire he
felt to kill whoever laid eyes on her. She had come into his life without invitation, and done a mess
out of him. The floor shook beneath his feet every time she entered a room, for god's sake! He
could not think when she was near him. He could not see anything but her when she was with him.
He could not hear anything but her voice when she spoke to him. He couldn't smell anything but her
when she was close to him. He couldn't concentrate on anything but her when she paid attention to
him. She had become his world, and he didn't know why, and it frustrated him to no end because
he couldn't figure out what he felt for her. He just didn't know what it was. He had never felt it
before. It was a whole new feeling. It made him want to be better for her, and it made him want to
erase his past, so she would not have to be ashamed of him. He wanted to be the perfect man for
her, and he didn't even know why. And then, there was that other problem called Allen Schezar.
Every time she spoke of him, a pain shot through his heart. She always smiled when his name was
mentioned, and he simply seemed to make her whole world light up.
Flashback
"Van?"
Her voice reached his ears, reminding him of what he could not have.
"What do you want, Kansaki?" His voice was cold, and didn't reveal the turmoil that was taking
place inside of him. He felt her hurt at his sudden change of attitude and mentally kicked himself for
hurting her.
"I… Van… I don't know…I'm sorry"
He felt his anger rise at hearing her words. Why was she apologizing for? That just didn't erase the
fact that she loved another. It didn't make her love him.
'Wait, love?' The thought paralyzed him and made him forget his predicament for a moment. Why
the hell would he want her to love him? He was more than sure that he didn't love her, so her love
meant nothing to him.
"What are you sorry about? It's not like there's anything between us. You and I are only together
because of the task set upon us and nothing else. If I could have my way, I would be as far away
from you as I could. Besides, you can love whoever you want. I don't love Kansaki, so don't get
any wrong ideas on that hard head of yours, and if I chose to love anyone, it wouldn't be a snobby,
clumsy, stupid, naïve girl like you"
He turned to look at her. His eyes were cold and vacant of any feeling, just like the first time she
had looked into the.
"I would never be able to love you" he told her and immediately regretted it as her eyes showed the
hurt he had inflicted upon her. The emotion rapidly changed to one of anger.
"That is the reason why I love Allen. He is a warm, kind, sophisticated person who has the ability to
feel something other that hate. He is the man that you will never be able to be. He is everything I
want, and you are everything I despise. You are just a hollow person who has no future and a
horrible past, and that doesn't care about anybody, and even if I didn't love Allen. I would never
think of giving you my most precious feeling. I don't waste it on mercenaries"
End Flashback
He would regret for the rest of his life saying those horrible things to her. He hadn't meant to say
any of them, but his hurt and anger had made him say foolish things. He had only made things more
awkward between them. Sure, they were friends again, but it wasn't the same. They tip toe around
each other, both of them not wanting to anger the other. It hurt him to not be able to make her smile.
He only made her cry and get angry. He was sure every time she saw him she thought of all the
things he had done. Sure they had grown to be friends, but there was no trust in their relationship.
Van went to sit at the bed and put his head between his arms. He knew she got uneasy when they
were alone in a room, and Van was sure she was still scared of him. It was obvious. It was the only
way to explain her former actions. She had run from his as if he carried a disease not ten minutes
from now. She probably wanted their task to be over and done with as soon as possible so she
could return with her beloved Schezar. Why was life such a bitch? Why did it have to bring her into
his life? Everything was so simple before her. Dornkirk ordered him to go destroy a village. He
went, massacre all the poor souls that lived there, rejoice on their suffering, and returned to Zaibach.
That was how his life had been. That was how his life should be, but no, they had to send Hitomi to
him and make things complicated. It was just not fair. He didn't even try to find some kind of
control over the situation because it was far from his hands. He could just sit and observe how a
little princess played with his life without even noticing. Van let out a growl. Why did he have to
stand her? Why did he allow her to do whatever she wanted with him? He was a trained killer, and
she was just another one of his victims. Okay, so that was a lie. She used to be one of his victims
until he found out he had to work with her, but that was not the point. The point was that he had a
training that was supposed to help him face any kind of situation. How come no one had ever
warned him about this kind of situations? No one had trained him for this. There had been no
lessons on how to protect themselves against high spirit girls. All his instructors had shown him how
to kill, defend, and hide his emotions. He had learned to suppress them till he almost forgot he could
feel anything but hate and pain. And then, she had come and opened a whole new world to him. He
had no shields to protect himself from his own feelings. He lacked from the necessary barriers that
were needed to keep her away from his heart. He had no tactics to defend himself from her, and
what was worst was that he was starring to believe that he didn't want to be protected from her. He
didn't want her out of his life. He didn't want anyone to save him from her, and that scared him. It
scared him so much he felt like running away, but he didn't do it because he knew that was what he
had been doing all his life, and he didn't want to do it again. He wanted to stop running and start
living. He laughed bitterly. What kind of spell had Hitomi Kansaki pull on him? She couldn't be a
seer. She had to be a sorceress. She had pulled a spell in him, and that was why he was acting so
unnaturally. It had to be that, right?
"Stupid women with their stupid spells that bring stupid emotions that make me dizzy and confuse"
he said to the air. He decided to put the matter aside. It was not like he could do anything anyway.
He just had to wait till he figured what this new feelings were. It couldn't be anything important
because, if it was, he would have known it. If it was something that would change his life forever, he
would have known right away. Convincing himself that whatever he was feeling was of no
importance, he put his shoed own and went to join Hitomi at breakfast.
Millerna was sitting on a chair in the darkest corner of her room. She kept rocking back and forth.
Her eyes were red and puffy for all the crying she had done, and tears kept falling from her eyes.
She wondered when she would run dry and no more tears came out. She wondered if her heart
would ever stop hurting. It had broken into a million pieces when she had heard about Dryden's
death. Those pieces had broken into a million more when she had seen his body become ashes,
never to be seen again. She shut her eyes close. She would never lay eyes on him again. She would
never hear his voice again. She would never be by his aside again. He had left her alone and
suffering. More tears made their way down from her eyes. Stupid Bastard! How dare he leave her
alone on this time of her life? She would never, ever forgive him for what he did to her. Angry tears
came out of her eyes, and Millerna wiped them away with fury. She let out a yell of frustration. Why
did everything have to happen to her? Why did life took it against her? Why did the god's agreed to
make her life miserable?
"Stop crying" a voice ordered her. She raised her head and was angered at what she saw. In front
of her stood a cat girl made, and Millerna felt her anger rise. How dare she, a simple maid, tell her
what to do?
"How dare you tell me what to do?"
"Milady, I know I am no one, but you should stop crying" It seemed like the maid had caught the
edge on Millerna's voice because she was now talking more carefully.
"I will do what I please whenever I please"
"Milady, with all do respect, you are acting childish and selfish"
"So? I have a right to act like that. The love of my life is gone and will never be back"
"So have many others. You are not the first to suffer, nor are you the first to lose someone. Your
tears are not the first to fall, and you're heart is not the first to break. You have only lost the man of
your life. Tones of women outside these walls have lost their fathers, lovers, and sons. There are
some women that have lost everything they had, but they are helping in any way they can. You are
queen of Freid, your majesty. Your people depend on you. Part of this war depend on you"
"But…I have no more strength to fight or help anyone" Millerna lowered her voice "I can't even
help myself"
"Find your strength. This is a war, and sacrifices have to be made"
"Have you lost anyone?" The maid stayed quiet for a moment, but then she answered.
"Yes. I lost my whole family. The Dragon killed them. He destroyed my home, and just when I
thought everything was over, Allen took me in. He then sent me to the Kansaki Kingdom, and I
became the personal maid of queen Hitomi. I too have lost people I love, but I'm okay now. I even
managed to forgive the Dragon. Your majesty, everyone has lost someone they loved, even the
vilest persons. Queen Hitomi lost both her parents. King Allen lost his family and his wife. Even the
Dragon has lost people. Each of them has managed to get on with their lives, one way or another. I
don't see why you should be any different"
Millerna stayed quite for some moments, thinking about what the maid had just said. It was true.
Everyone suffered, but she felt like her whole life had ended. She felt like her pain was greater than
anyone else.
"If it helps you" the maid continued "think about the pain King Allen is passing through right now.
His fiancé is somewhere else risking her life for Gaea. His best friend sacrificed for Asturia, and his
other best friend is hiding in her room, and to top it all, he still has a war to win, and it seems like it
will never end. Zaibach just keeps bringing more troops, and people on our side keep dying"
"Hitomi…she has the worst part on this, doesn't she?" Millerna knew just how much Hitomi
despised mercenaries, and she was stuck with the worst of them. She was somewhere alone with
him, but she had not complained about what she had to do. She had gone with him because it was
the best thing for her people. Millerna wished she could be a little bit more like Hitomi. She wished
she could put herself aside just like she did.
"I…thank you" she told the maid "What is you name?"
"Merle, your highness, I have to go, but it was a pleasure to talk to you" she said before leaving the
room. Millerna stayed where she was, thinking things over. It was true. She was acting like the
spoiled brat she had always been, but it had to end now. Her people needed her, and her husband
had sacrificed himself for them. She just couldn't let his sacrifice be for nothing. She got up from her
chair and wiped her remaining tears away. She would find the way to help her people. She would do
anything in her power to help others.
The wind was blowing hard. The night was chilly. The moon was hidden and no stars could be seen.
It was so dark one could barely see their noses. Lots of persons would think this was a horrible night,
but not him. It was, in fact, the perfect night to carry on with his plans. Dilandu smile evilly, an edge of
madness was caught in his eyes. He looked at his dragon slayers. They were all ready to follow his
orders. He turned his attention back to the village. The Dragon was there, but he was sure he
wouldn't come out if he called him. He had to drag him out, and what better way than by putting his
object of affection in danger? He had been very please when he had found out about the Dragon's
feelings towards the girl. He would have never imagined the Dragon would have fallen so easily for
anyone. Actually, Dilandu had thought the Dragon had no feelings at all. In his entire life, he had only
seen him show signs of annoyance, hatred, and anger. It had surprised him to find out that he cared
for anyone, let alone a simple seer. Dilandu was curious to know what attracted men to her. Dornkirk
and the Dragon both seemed very interested in her. Maybe Dilandu would kidnap her and find out
what was so irresistible about her. He remembered her angry and determined eyes when he has
tortured her. He thought she would cry out in pain and give him all the information he wanted, but he
had been wrong. Sure she had yelled in pain, but she hadn't spoken a word. He would definitely
have a lot of fun with her. Plus the bonus of taking the thing the Dragon cared most about.
"Burn the village. Kill everyone but the Dragon and Hitomi Kansaki" h Dilandu ordered. The boys
leapt into the night, getting lost in its darkness. Not even Dilandu could see their shadows. They
moved quietly, quickly, and invisible, just like ghosts. Dilandu's red eyes turned the color of blood
with the promise of slaughter. It was one his hobbies, to kill innocent people. He loved the way they
pleaded for their lives. He let out a mad laugh and went to join the others.
After breakfast, Van had parted ways with Hitomi. She seemed to be uneasy in his presence, and
Van had not wanted to disturb her rest, so he had allowed her to be on her own. Both of them had
decided to stay in town for the day and try to find out where the Valley of Truth was. Van had been
unlucky. He just hoped Hitomi had had more luck than him. He made his way to the dining room. He
entered it, and to his surprise, it was almost empty. Last night it had been full of people, but now it
was deserted.
"It is Monday. People are still working. In two hours this place will be full again" the owner told him.
Van nodded and made his way towards the table Hitomi was at.
"How was your day?" he asked her
"Not that good. I didn't find anything about the Valley, you?" She wasn't looking at him.
"Nothing" Silence followed their small conversation. It was that kind of silence that was so
uncomfortable, one just wanted to get as far away from it as one could.
"So…did you do anything else?"
"No, you?"
"No"
It was just pointless to start a conversation with her. She didn't want to talk to him. She probably
wished she was back at Asturia with Allen. The thought pained him, so he stopped thinking. Their
food was brought and they ate in utter silence. When they finished, Hitomi was about to get up when
a song started to be played. She sat down again.
"I love to dance" she told him
"I've never danced before"
"Never?"
"No, never had the time or the will to"
"I'll teach you"
"I'd rather not"
"Then I will dance for you"
She got to her feet, and as if in a dream, started to move her body to the rhythm of the song.
Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady you know who I am
You know I can't let you slide through my hands
Van suddenly noticed how perfect her body was. She had beautiful curves that moved with the
music. Her long, silky hair shined every time she made a turn. She turned her head towards him, and
a strand of it fell in front of her eyes, eyes that were shining with the fire of the chimney. Eyes that
were looking at him, and only at him. He could see his reflection on her eyes. Van could only look at
her. It was as if she had been born to dance. She moved like one with the music. Everyone in the
room had stopped doing what they were so they could look at the beauty that was dancing. Van
didn't care. She was dancing for him, and only him, not for Schezar or the morons that were in the
inn. She smiled at him, and his heart beat faster.
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away
All his life had been full of pain and blood until he met her. He had no real reason to exist until she
entered his life. From the first moment he had seen her, something in him had begun to change. Hitomi
grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. He found he was not able to resist her. He would have
done anything for her. She only had to ask and he would obey.
I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
now you decided to show me the same
No sweeping exits or offstage lines
could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
She had brought happiness into his life. She had given him the hope he had lost a long time ago. She
had faith in humanity, and was so unselfish that she would give up everything she own, possessed to
make her people happy. She would even wander through the world with a mercenary she couldn't
stand. Even through her own pain, she had managed to stay innocent, naïve, and pure. She was
everything that was forbidden for him, and he longed to be part of his life.
"Dance with me" she whispered to him
"I don't know how to dance"
"I'll teach you"
She put his arm around her wais and grabbed the other one with her own had, raisin it at the level of
his shoulders.
"Just move with me" she told him.
I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Let's do some living after we die
She guided him though the room, moving slowly so he could follow easily. She smiled gently at him,
and he pulled her closer.
"Hitomi"
"Van"
He could not take his eyes away from hers. She was so perfect, so unreal. He didn't want to ever let
go of her. He wanted to stay by her side forever and protect her from everything. He wanted to stop
her pain and make her smile, just like now. She was smiling because of him, and Van, for the first
time in ten years, smiled back. It was the ghost of a smile, and Hitomi wouldn't have noticed it if she
hadn't known him. But she did know him, and it seemed to her like she had been waiting all her life to
see his smile.
"You are smiling" she said it as if she was afraid her words would take away his smile.
"I smile because of you"
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day
The world had stopped around them. All that mattered was the two of them. For a moment, they
forgot their duties, their responsibilities, and all the people that were between them. For just a fraction
of second, all that existed was the two of them, no one else, and nothing else. They didn't even
realize that the music had stopped. Van was getting lost into her eyes. They were the feature that
stuck him the most; the gentle, shiny, green eyes that spoke of fire and mystery and mischief, which
called to his soul and beckoned to his heart. He didn't know how he had come to care so much
about her, how a simple glance from her could move his whole world, but he didn't care anymore.
Nothing mattered just as long as he could hold her forever.
He slowly bent his lips towards hers. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the so waited kiss.
He was so close to her, only a few more inches, and he would be able to touch her rosy lips. One
more movement and their lips would finally touch; in less than a second he would be able to taste her,
just…
A loud cry was heard from outside, followed by others. Van and Hitomi separated themselves from
each other and paid attention to what was happening. A woman came into the room.
"Fire, there is fire every where, and someone is killing everyone" she said before collapsing. Hitomi
quickly went to her, followed by a very angry Van.
'Bloody fire' and other curses were running in his head. Another scream was heard, and a dead mad
was send flying through the window. Van caught sight of the show that passed and new immediately
who was behind everything.
"Hitomi, wait here, I have to go deal with Dilandu"
"Dilandu?" The fear was in her voice, and Van bent towards her and looked at her in the eye.
"Everything will be alright. You have nothing to fear" She nodded and hugged him for a second.
"Don't get yourself in trouble"
"I never do"
He let go of her and got lost into the smoke and chaos that was outside. Hitomi silently prayed for
him. If something happened to him, she would never be able to smile again. She prayed with all her
might for his well being. He just meant so much to her. A lonely tear fell from her eye.
Finished! The longest chapter I've ever written, and I must say that it is one of my
favorites. Can you feel the love van has for her? Beautiful, but as always, I just couldn't
make them kiss. It is way too soon. You have to remember that he is a mercenary, and she
has a fiancé. They have no idea of how to deal with their feelings. Also, Van is wiser with
his emotions because he has no shields against them. He had never felt them before,
didn't even know they existed, and so, he never expected to feel them. Hitomi, on the
other side, knows about their existence, thought she has never felt them before. She is
ready to deny everything because that is what she has to do. Anyway, thank you all for
your reviews. I've reached a 100! I couldn't be happier. Please keep reviewing, and I can
assure you I will keep updating as fast as I have till now! Oh, and have you noticed that
when hitomi and Van are akward, one of them always leaves?