This ish Chapter two of Chibi's very first Star Fox fanfic! She hopes to continue with this story and write longer chapters. Again, the story is set after Adventures but just before Assault. We need more fanfiction about James! And hilarious ones at that! One more thing- thank you to anyone who reviewed and to the one person who offered the constructive critisims it was very much appreciated. This ish the first StarFox fic so Chibi ish on new feet and she will check the fic recommended a.s.a.p. The idea of the fic was to be comical and she didn't want to much seriousness into it, but hey, is you say so.
Spiritof the late James McCloud, do the disclaimer
"Absolutely not! I refuse to comply with the wishes of an insane writer."
This insane writer controls the lives of your son and his friends!
"I find the afterlife much more entertaining than the living world."
Then why can't you ascend?
"The psychotic writer, Chibi, does not own Star Fox or Nintendo otherwise I wouldn't have to put up with this nonsense!"
You'd have worse James.
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Chapter Two- ah, yes, more entries
"No Fox, your father was not on crack."
"Then tell me why the third entry is just the word 'hi' with a page filled with exclamation marks?"
"I don't know Fox."
"Keep reading it Fox, your old man was just as crazy as you are now," retorted Falco. The feathers on his neck were pricked upwards in annoyance.
"I am not crazy! At least I can go through a mission without needing my hide saved. How many times do I get enemies off your ass?"
"Anyone who is obsessed with pixie sticks and eating twenty of them under thirty seconds like you are is crazy. Oh, and don't forget how you snorted two. The big ones too!"
"THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M CRAZY!"
"Day Four," began Krystal, reading over Fox's shoulders…
Day Four-Some strange planet by the name of Sauria in the far corners of Lylat was having problems. From what I understand, Sauria has many different species inhabiting it- Cloud-Runners, Earth-Walkers, Light-Foots, Red-Eyes, Sharp-Claws, Thorn-Tails, High-Tops, and Snow-Horns. The problem is that the Sharp-Claw tribe leader, General Scales is acquiring an abnormal amount of power and has hinted for a possible war for the other Saurian tribes. This has upset Gen. Pepper greatly because he fears the newly elected Sharp-Claw leader may eventually pose a threat for the rest of the Lylat system. I was sent by myself to speak with several tribe leaders. I will arrive tomorrow to speak with the young King Earth-Walker and Lady Cloud-Runner. But not together, no they hate each other! I guess it makes sense- earth-cloud…walker-runner…I wonder if the Cloud-Runner tribe can fly. Pigma is searching for information about the tribes online but it doesn't look like have any websites. Or blogs. Are the Saurians primitive? I'd better go finish my dinner- Ramen Noodles! Cheap as can be and fill the belly.
Spoke to Vixy for three hours on the phone. She misses me and I really miss her. It's kinda lonely not having someone to nuzzle against at night. I'll keep a picture of her with me the entire time. Hopefully once this mission is over we can finally get married. I feel bad for her- it must be hard having to wait for and undecided amount of days before she knows if I'm alive and then when I can come home. I'll do my best to buy her many presents then.
When you close the door in the refrigerator, what happens to the little light?
/James/
Day 5-
Arrived at the Walled City in the morning and spoke to the new King. He was more interested in flirting with some female Earth-Walker than his own people! He did, however, share many pixie sticks with me. I love pixie sticks. I snorted a few for the odd nasal feeling. After some time I was able to speak diplomatically with the King, i.e., I hooked him up with girl he was infatuated with. I managed to convince him that the Sharp-Claw could not possibly be a threat for several reasons-
They have a weak army. It is new
Gen. Scales is an idiot.
Love is much more important than war.
The third reason is what really convinced him.
Later that Afternoon.
Flew to the Cloud-Runners' Fortress. Lady Cloud-Runner was very nice and showed me to a nice place where I could buy Vixy some jewellry. Heh, exotic too. It wasn't even that expensive; the necklace I bought would cost a fortune if I'd bought it at Corneria. I also managed to convince the Lady Cloud-Runner, but only used reasons one and two. The Lady is very young; if she were the same species as myself or any other Lylatian, she would be approximately fourteen.
I've decided to go to Thorn-Tail Hollow and the Light-Foot Village next. Lady Cloud-Runner advises that I be careful around the Light-Foots. I'll heed that advice. She also gave me some pixie sticks! HAPPY DAY!
/James/
Day 6-
I hate the Light-Foots.
/James/
Day 7-
Damn, I really hate these Light-Foots
/James/
Day 8-
Let me explain why I hate the Light-Foot Tribe. First, I was minding my own business and decided after visiting Shabanuga the floating dinosaur shopkeeper to go to Cape Claw. After all, he's thinking of relocating his shop there. I did buy some maps for various areas for twice the market value! Also, planet Sauria's currency is scarabs- dung beetles. I had a nice amount, but twenty scarabs for a map of Thorn-Tail Hollow? I could have asked the gatekeeper for a better map at a better value! While traveling, I saw a baby Light-Foot trying to get fruit from a tree. Being the good citizen that I am, I got the cute Light-Foot some dumbledang pods. Next thing I know, I'm unconscious and locked in a little hut without my blaster or P.D.A. But I had you and a pen. The leader of their tribe's reason?
"No ted'k cabo jkoodbadw vehoadohj!"
Translation: we don't like steenking foreigners!
When I told him I was only trying to give the baby Light-Foot a fruit and try to calm down the various tribes because they were uneasy about a possible attack from the Sharp-Claw…
"No ted'k cabo jkoodbadw jkuhj!"
Translation: we don't like steenking liars.
Idiot
I then decided to trade some pixie sticks for my freedom. Surprisingly, that worked. It seems the Light-Foot chief's son Muscle-Foot loves these. I managed to trade in a few large ones for my P.D.A and blaster to be returned.
But back to the mission- the Thorn-Tail had no problems agreeing with no war and they even agreed to send someone to speak with the High-Tops and Snow-Horns for me. I just found out today that the Cloud-Runners already spoke to the High-Tops. I have made friends!
Checked out Cape Claw. Not bad. I think I'll take Vixy down to the beach here for a romantic stroll. She'd love it here, I just know! Gathered up lots of sea shells for her. I hope she likes them.
Since the Red-Eyes are good friends with the Sharp-Claw I've decided to not visit them. I'll be leaving Sauria tomorrow. I have many presents for Vixy.
/James/
Day 9-
I'm back on the Great Fox. I haven't slept all day. I'm headed straight for Corneria. Ate three containers of Ramen Noodles. I was famished! Can't sleep
Later
Do happy things make people happy?
Three Hours later-
If I never blink will time stop flowing?
Day 10-
I'm on Corneria now. I'm also at the house I bought for Vixy and I. I arrived at Corneria early in the morning and eventually fell asleep. Pigma's also here because he arrived a few hours ago. He's very fond of Vixy and a complete pervert! Peppy will arrive shortly for the dinner party. Vixy's making a nice meal of something. She's also wearing the Cloud-runner necklace I bought her! She loves the presents I brought her.
Later that night—
Pigma's going to the red-light district. I don't approve of that area and Peppy's home. I'm gonna spend this night with my Vixy.
/James/
Day 11-
Woke up late. But I had the best night. I won't fill you in on the details, because well…some things are too personal to be written down. But I'm sure you can make assumptions. I sure do love smores. I nearly made the microwave explode though…
I have to return to the Great Fox within a few months. I probably won't write in you everyday because I'm not on missions. However, if I don't write for a month, the next entry will still say "Day 12" because I like being difficult. Vixy ate a lot this morning! I wonder why…she'll get fat at this rate but then all of a sudden she threw up all over me. I have a feeling it was because of all she ate. Can you imagine she beat my record of pixie stick consumption! Thirty pixie sticks under thirty seconds! That's less than one pixie stick per second. She also ate three boxes of cereal under one minute. Does she not eat when I'm around?
To what degree is a marshmallow burned?
/James/
Day 12- three weeks later
I've married my sweet Vixy! She nearly castrated Pigma when he tried to lift up her dress. I watched for three hours while she chased him with a chainsaw in her wedding gown. She has such tiny feet. I've never seen a person eat so much before! She ate almost all of the wedding cake and when she had to shove some in my face, she licked it off. I didn't see her near the end. I think she was throwing up. Poor thing, I think she's mad at me because I will be away so much. I offered to let her blast me with a daemon launcher, but she refused the offer. Something doesn't seem right but I can't figure out what it is. I'm taking Vixy to Aquas for a week. We'll spend some quality time together.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
/James/
Day 13-
We'll be leaving to Aquas soon. Tomorrow is the departure date. Received many gifts from everyone. Gen. Pepper came and congratulated us. Poor Vixy just isn't herself lately. She's been sick.
Later
I decided to postpone the visit to Aquas and set Vixy up for a doctor's visit. She wasn't exactly thrilled to hear this because she insists that she's fine. She was really looking forward to going to Aquas. I took her to the theatre to watch the new Spam-a-lot play. I love those people. Treated Vixy to ice cream when the play was over. That was a major dent in my wallet; she is still eating like no tomorrow. Vixy's downstairs watching some soap reruns and I'm writing to you. I really shouldn't though, because this isn't a mission. It's my life and how I choose to live it. But maybe, some years after my death, people will read this and laugh. Or maybe when I'm old and bed bound I'll read you again for laughs.
I received some mail today from King Earth-Walker and Lady Cloud-Runner. It seems my wedding was public knowledge on Sauria and they offered congrats. Chief Light-Foot even sent me a package. He warned me not to be a "steenking cheater to my new wife." As if! There's no one in the world for me except my Vixy. If I wanted to court some other woman, why would I have married Vixy? At least the presents were good- exotic fruits and candies. In his letter, King Earth-Walker thanked me for getting the girl of his dreams to be his mate. Yeah, whatever buddy. Lady Cloud-Runner wishes she was old enough to get married. It's too bad some of the Saurians couldn't come. I got along with many of them…except those damned Light-Foot.
When you sneeze and cough at the same time what is it called?
/James/
Day 14-
VIXY'S PREGNANT!
/James/
Day 15-
What the—I can't believe I'm going to be a father already! I took Vixy to Aquas as promised but I still can't it out of my head. Her gestation period is two months and she's been pregnant for three weeks! That means in a little over a month I'm going to have a child. I'm so excited, but I'm scared as well. I love children very much but I've never had to deal with them often. I had brothers and sisters from my mum's litter, but it's not like I had to baby-sit any of them. Growing up we were all we had. Its not to say we didn't have money, but there were no other children in the neighbourhood. Oh, I have the ability to deal with children but it's so much different from a parent's perspective. You can be much more open as a child. Insults flow freely, fists fly and tempers are lost. As an adult, you must be patient, kind, and understanding.
Aquas is nice. Vixy's becoming more buxom because of her pregnancy and looks very nice in a bikini. Even though the baby is beginning to show. Or will she have more than one? I was born in a litter of six and she was a single birth. I'm excited either way!
/James/
Fox closed the captain's log for a bit. It was time for lunch. Falco and Slippy rushed out to race to the kitchen. They ended up crashing into each other and nearly sent R.O.B flying! Poor R.O.B, all he was trying to do was get the ship to Corneria. The log was to be public knowledge and they had a course set for the attorney's office. Peppy walked out, using a cane to support him as he was getting on in age. Krystal remained with Fox as he hugged the log against his chest.
Him
He was about to be born. He knew how he acted as a child, but now a new perspective of it. Also, there's just a warm feeling you get when everyone is talking about you and remembering you. It was almost as if his father was right here telling him these tales.
They acted the same. The both loved pixie sticks. And they both traveled to Sauria and dealt with the various tribes. His father also had a hard time with the Light-Foot chief. He had known King Earth-Walker before he had married and before there was a Tricky. But…why had the King never mentioned this before? Or the Queen Cloud-Runner?
Krystal rubbed Fox affectionately against his neck and motioned for him to join them for lunch. Fox smiled to her and let her go ahead. He'd catch up with them soon. After Krystal left, Fox went to R.O.B
"Change of plans R.O.B. We are going to Sauria. Change course immediately."
"Affirmative."
END OF CHAPTER TWO
So, what do you think so far? Chibi hopes you like it. Ok, now clicky the button that says "Submit Review" so she can get some feedback. She will try to incorporate some reader suggestions—if there are any.