Reviews, Ideas and more! Welcome to the next chapter of the Diary, err, Captain's Log of James McCloud. Oh and by the way, this is a humour fic. So to the one reviewer, who said that the humour is ruining the seriousness of the story, realise that the story is under the category humour! Oh well. She also needs to get that Chobits fanfic of hers in the move. But listening to Full Metal Alchemist songs are much more interesting.
"Stupid writer who messes up my life"
I'm not messing up your life James. I'm telling it as it was. Now, what entry should we re-begin with? Do the disclaimer James.
"If I don't do the disclaimer then and I rant on and on, then won't it take longer for the story to continue?"
It would if I wasn't lazy. So I shall do the disclaimer myself. I do not own Star Fox, James, pudding, rocks, apples, hot irons, N2 Bombs, a boat, pineapples, chickens, a mashed fork or pie.
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"We will be arriving on Planet Sauria within three hours Fox"
"Thanks R.O.B. Do others know that we have changed course?"
"No. Your crewmates and girlfriend are too amused by your father's entries in his journal to pay attention."
"Excellent. Last thing I need is Peppy going on how we should be in Corneria and giving the diary to the mass media because it was in my father's will."
"Very well"
Fox walked out of the control room to the den where everyone else was. It was late in the evening. As soon as he entered the room a large bowl of chocolate pudding was thrown at his head. He was literally, a chocolate fox.
"Falco, just why did you do that to me?"
"I have no clue. It just seemed like a good idea at the time"
"Don't for get the chopped fruit to go with it," squeaked the annoying, helium-filled voice of Slippy. "How about some apples?"
Before the fruits were flung in the air, a well-placed rock was chucked at Falco's eyes. While the eyeballs remained within the socket, a considerable amount of blood did not. Also a string of inappropriate words left Falco's mouth. This didn't go so well for the aged, old-fashioned hare who was enjoying a lovely Macintosh apple.
"Shut your damn mouth Falco! I want to consume my fruit in peace!"
"What a minute you sagged pile of fur and fleas, did you just swear? At moi?"
But night had fallen and even though a small apple and pudding food fight occurred, the real damage was from Krystal. Having a fit because she was going to have to be the one to clean up the mess, she chased and severely injured the men with a hot iron. Peppy's fur was no longer wrinkled, Falco's feathers were neat and presses, Slippy had a burnt back, and Fox…will not be sitting down on his butt for quite some time. But what did that matter to him? While all was quiet in the ship he opened up the book for some nighttime reading.
Day 193I left the hospital today. I suppose this captain's log is good for one thing- remembering what to NOT do. Oh well. Summer break for Fox's school only lasts for another month and a half and we are going on vacation. It will be just myself, Vixy, and Fox. Where we are going I have no clue. Does proper grammar need to exist? Take a look at three sentences back. The answer lies within.
I spoke with Pigma on the phone. It seems Andross has acquired an abnormal amount of N2 bombs. I guess he's way over the legal limit. By my questions really lies with this: Andross is on Venom and no one has made the laws for Venom. Andross is also a great scientist so he would know how to build those. And here is my question:
If mouths have roofs do they have siding and basements too?
/James/
Day 200
Now that my face is no longer swollen-- Oh, what happened? I suggested to Vixy that we go take our vacation on Saragesso. She wasn't exactly thrilled to hear that but Fox really wanted to go. I don't blame the poor fella. So we are now on Aquas and on a big boat--- a cruise liner! I have thrown up approximately seven times during the past three days. The first time was on the captain, the second time was in his dinner, the third time was on some snotty old woman that kept criticising my parenting skill's pineapple, the fourth time was on that same old woman, the sixth time was in my dinner and the seventh time was OVER the ship itself. I suppose one out of seven tries isn't all that bad.
Here is that snotty thing's problem: Fox decided to go off on his own for about an hour while Vixy helped me deal with my nausea. Now Fox is turning NINE very soon and while I know he's too young to be wandering around by himself and granted he's no angel. But to allow him to wander around in an arcade when Vixy and I are right down the hall and we've signed him in, then I think he's ok. He had some money to play a few games and was talking to a few kids. I saw no problem. VIXY DIDN'T EITHER! For some reason or another this woman was fussing on how violent the games were. My son at the time was playing a spaceship-shooter game. Fox was beating her son in that game. She accused my son of having a violent temperament to be so destructive on that game. From what I understand, he told her that he'd done the whole spacecraft-flying thing in real life. And he has! He can fly an Arwing very well. And he's shot down many asteroids and other flying debris in space. A simulator game is nothing!
Somehow the lady thought my son was a violent homicidal maniac and was going to slay the great scientist Andross over a family problem, have two girlfriends, get chased by an annoying baby dinosaur, and have to ride on the wing of his mortal enemy's spacecraft.
And people say I'm crazy.
If feelings can be bottled up can they be canned or pickled?
/James/
Fox studied what his father wrote for a minute. An odd feeling went through his body. Coincidence? But before he could ponder on it he fell asleep.
Next Day
"Fox, if you don't get your lazy self out of bed I am going to make sure every strand of fur on your body is hot pink."
Fox shot his eyes open immediately. Hovering over his bed was Krystal with a bucket of paint and a paintbrush in her hands. Rolling over to the far left side of his bed, h noticed that the current time was 11:42. He slept in late. Veeeeeeeeeeery late.
"By the way Fox, why are we on Sauria?
"Err…umm…because I said so. Now-I-gotta-go-take-a-shower-see-you-soon."
Krystal thought for a bit as Fox raced out of his room an in the direction opposite of the bathroom. Just as he was about to enter the control room, all of his ribs broke and the air within his lungs was gone. The reason? A gigantic, hyperactive, Earth-Walker with fancy ornaments on had leaped from wherever it had originally been standing and onto Fox. Prince Tricky was…BIG.
"Air...escaping body…can't feel chest"
"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
Three hours later
…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX!"
After screaming very loudly, Tricky looked at Fox to ask why he hadn't responded immediately. He soon got his answer when he saw Fox was struggling to breathe. Stepping off to the side, he nudged Fox in his ribcage to only hear Fox yell in pain.
"Sorry about that! You should have mentioned you couldn't breathe!"
"Tricky."
"Yeah? Do you wanna play? I wanna play! Let's play! And guess what? I was travelling in the area and having fun, because I was playing. Let's play! We should Fox now that you're here! And while I was in the woods playing I saw something! And I didn't know what it was so I asked it if it wanted to play. I did that because you weren't around to play! And you are now so we can play, but I got a closer look and know what it was? A BAD GUY!"
Tricky had done it. He said the two words that while on the Sauria mission drove Fox to temporary insanity. Because Tricky was oblivious that he naturally gets people to want to hurt him he didn't notice Fox having an epileptic fit on the floor. Of course, within five minutes it ended, but still…
"T-t-tricky…NEVER SAY THOSE TWO WORDS AGAIN!"
"Hey! What's this! It's a diary! Is it yours Fox? Can I read it? Thanks!"
Day 205We had a food fight in the dinning hall this evening. I managed to throw a greasy chicken at the lady who said many bad things about my parenting skills and being a proper role model. I used the food fight as a lesson the Fox on how to attack people in the mist of war. That way if he's ever stuck on the front lines he will know how to find the best sniping spot to get people. And since we're using food nobody is getting seriously injured. We are so lucky that Vixy wasn't around to witness the fight. If she was, then we would be so doomed.
Earlier today we went swimming in the pool. We had a lot of fun. The annoying old lady's son almost drowned and she blamed me because I "looked at him weird and he lost confidence." Firstly, I was just noticing he had a stain on his shorts. Secondly, she is a pain.
For the past few days I've been throwing up. Now I just get dizzy. The cruise will be over in a few more days.
If people can seem fishy and be crabby and be a shrimp can a person turn into a whale?
/James/
Day 208
Today is the last day on the cruise. It is currently the evening. The annoying old woman complained to Vixy about the food fight saying that as a father I must be polite and reserved. Well excuse me for hating the Victorian saying that children are seen and not heard. If Fox wants to make a riot he can. I mean, I set off firecrackers in my basement. I stuck a mashed up fork in her plate of pie for dessert today.
Later
Pigma greeted us when we got back. We gave him his present and he was happy. He told Fox when he's older he will teach him things I won't ever. I'm wondering what that means but I really don't care
/James/
"Wow Fox! Is that the diary of your dad? And that old lady was mean! She was a bad guy"
And thus Fox's seizures started yet again.
End Chapter 4
Sorry it took so long to right. And who doesn't want to kill Tricky when he goes "Bad Guy!" No duh Tricky, I've been attacking them for five minutes now! I also apologise if the story wasn't all that funny. Review please, tell me what you want and I will do what I can. Man, this story was short!