So sorry for for not updating sooner. Between school and vacations, I just couldn't. I even had an stress problem, and when I

went on vacations, so…as you can see, lots of things happend at the same time. Not Good. But tha doesn't matter anymore,

here it is, and I'm already working on the next one.

It took me a long time to do it, but it is finally here. I hope you enjoy it. Please don't hate me for not updating.

Oh, another thing. Thanks to Aspen Snow. She doen't know it, but I got the insoiration for thic chapter from one of her stories.

She doen't know it, but she saved my life. I love you. Ans another thanks to my editor. Helped me when I was having

problems.

The pain of loving you

Too much

"Cough, cough."

A cough interrupted their shared moment. It brought them back to reality, reminding them of all the things that they had to do, of all their duties, of their separate lives...A simple sound was all it took to brake them apart. It wasn't even a word. It was only a cough. How could such an ordinary sound break what they were sharing? How could one single, pathetic, little cough feel like a slap on the face? One cough; that was all it took. With great effort, Hitomi let go of Van. She unhooked herself from his arms, immediately feeling lost. She did not dare look at him. She was afraid of his reaction.

'What if he regrets what just happened?'

Her mind was spinning with a lot of unwanted thoughts.

'What if he never wanted me to kiss him? What if he was confused and didn't know what he was doing? What if kissing me was a mistake to him?'

Thinking all those things was hurting her a lot, so she turned all her attention to the ones that had caused all this mess. Barton and Lila stood in front of them, looking innocent and incapable of doing any harm. Had Hitomi not know exactly how powerful and cruel they could be, she would have confused them with normal people.

"Why did you do all this?"

To Hitomi's surprise, it was Van who spoke before she had a chance. His voice still sounded pain, but not as much as it had just moments ago. He seemed to be back to normal. Hitomi let out a sigh she didn't know she had been holding.

"We had to do it. We had to make you understand who you are. How can you save the world if you don't even know who you are, if you don't understand your importance in this world?"

Hitomi tried to comprehend Barton's words. Understand who they were? But she had always known that! She was Hitomi Kansaki, queen of Kansaki, pursuer of peace, fiancé of Allen Schezar, and seeker of the Heart of the Dragon. What was hard to understand in all that?

'What about Van?' Couldn't the voices in her head let her forget about Van for just a second? Of course not, it had to drag him back to her.

'I'll think about Van later. Right now, I have to think of other things.'

"I've always known who I am." She threw back at Barton. The knowing smile that appeared on his face did not make her happy.

"For a moment…" He said. "You forgot. You forgot everything. True, you managed to remember it, but you got lost for awhile."

Hitomi didn't answer back. She didn't have anything to defend herself with, except…

"But I remembered everything on my own!" She exclaimed. She wouldn't let the old man make her, a queen, feel small.

"Of course you did. But that was not the purpose of your task." He looked at her and rose and eyebrow. "I would dare say you finally accepted something you had been denying?"

'I think… I'm falling in love with you, Van…´

Could she…? Could she really be on her way to…? Could she love Van?

Flashback

"Why am I here?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You passed your task."

"Which was?"

"To not forget what was most important to you."

"But I did forget. I forgot about peace."

"But you never forgot about Van. He was always present in your mind, even if you didn't notice."

End Flashback

The most important thing….Van…he was what she held close in her heart. He was what she held dearest…

"I see." She managed to whisper. Gosh, she had a lot of thinking to do.

"And what was my task?" Van asked. Lila took a step forward, trying to keep eye contact with Van.

"Your task was to let go of the past." She looked and sounded so childish. How could anyone that looked so fragile and small torture someone in the amount she had done? "It was my mission to let you understand that who you were no longer matters. You have changed, and that is all that matters. What you did in the past is part of you, but you have left that behind. You have finally managed to bury it. You can now look forward."

"But if it hadn't been for Hitomi…"

Lila smiled gently at him. "That does not matter. The Dragon would have never allowed her to help you. The Dragon would not have suffered as much as you did. He would have simply not cared. You do. That is what makes you different. You care about others. What you do from now on is what is important."

"You both went through a lot, yet your real task is yet to come. You managed to win over darkness. You made it through the webs that lingered in your minds. Now, you have to find the Heart of the Dragon. Your time is running out. Soon, the final battle will take place, and you will have to choose between what is easy and what is right. The fate of Gaia depends on you, on your friends, and on Dornkirk. Don't let us down."

Barton clapped his hands, and Hitomi felt the earth shift around her. A strong wind surrounded them and lifted them into the air. Hitomi looked up and saw the sky disappear and a new one, the real one, appear. The wind was pushing them to the surface when Hitomi remembered something.

"Where is the Heart of the Dragon?"

"Ask Van…"

That was the only thing she managed to hear before they disappeared. Lila held Barton's hand, and in his other hand was his stick. They were smiling. Hitomi felt sad for them. They would forever be underground. They would never see the real sun or feel the air on their faces or the rain pouring over them. They were condemned to be alone, with just each other for company. Hitomi whispered a goodbye to them, and they disappeared from her sight. She grasped Van's hand, needing to feel the comfort only he could bring her. It was sad to know that some people would never be able to free themselves from their duties. It was sadder to know that she was one of them.

"What do you mean they're gone?"

Dornkirk stressed each word. His tone promised a severe punishment to whoever he was talking to. It was clear that whatever news he was receiving did not please him, at all.

"Mi…milord…they aren't in the city anymore. They vanished. We were busy fi…fighting with the enemy, sir, and somehow they…"

Dornkirk raised a hand and the scared soldier stopped talking instantly.

"You mean to tell me that…" Dornkirk stopped, trying to find the words. "That every single person that lived in Asturia has vanished, and we can't find out how? You mean to tell me…" Dornkirk's voice rose. "That I have the strongest army in all of Gaia, but we simply did not find out about their plans for escaping?" Dornkirk was practically yelling now. "You mean to tell me that those pathetic idiots managed to leave us, me, as fools!"

The soldier trembled. He knew he would get the punishment for bringing bad news to him. He knew that his lord's anger would fall upon him and only him. Taking one deep breath, he slowly said one word.

"Yes."

Dornkirk's eyes filled with anger. He turned to grab the pitiful man when someone entered the room. He turned his attention towards the new person, preparing to punish whoever had dared to interrupt him.

"What do you want?"

Dilandu stood at the door. The scar that Van had inflicted on his flesh was now bigger. Dornkirk's punishment for his failure had been to mark him forever, to make him an abomination. Still, Dilandu bowed with respect.

"We have found out where the people of Asturia are."

"Well, don't just tell me that. Where are they?"

"They…they are heading to Kansaki. Do you wish us to kill them before they get there?"

Dornkirk thought about it, letting his anger rest for awhile. Did he want to kill all of them? Sure, that was part of his plan, but the time to do so wasn't now. He would let them think they had fooled him, and then…then he would come upon them, his fury falling over them, and he would destroy them. They had simply changed their place of death. Kansaki was better built for battle, and it had magical defenses, sure, but he would easily break through them. If they wanted to die in Kansaki, fine with him. They had only changed the place for the final battle, the one that would mark their lives forever. The decisive fight; a fight Dornkirk was sure he could win.

"Don't do anything to them. Let them believe they have outsmarted us. In time, we will prove them wrong."

Dornkirk was about to leave when Dilandu spoke again.

"Milord, there is one more thing."

Dornkirk turned his head towards him.

"We have found the entrance to Atlantis. We know where the Heart if the Dragon is."

Dornkirk smiled. It seemed like the gods had interfered in his favor. He had found the place where the Heart was, and before the seeker and the draconian. Finally, he would be able to have what he had always wanted. With its power, all Gaia would belong to him. He would finally have all he had ever dream of…

The seeker, Hitomi Kansaki…

He would be able to have her. He would turn her to his side. He would get into her mind, twisting it until she was loyal only to him. Corrupting her until she could only think of, love, and want him. He would make her his queen.

"Send the draconian to Atlantis. I want him to bring me the Heart, the seeker and the traitor."

"Yes, milord."

"And Dilandu, move the troops to Kansaki. Prepare for the final battle, and prepare to take your revenge against the Dragon."

Dilandu smiled. Maybe staying in Dornkirk's side hadn't been such a bad idea. He would make the Dragon suffer like he had never suffered before. He would take the one thing that made him live; he would take her away from him. He would kill Hitomi Kansaki. Dilandu turned to watch his lord. He knew that he desired her, but he didn't care. If the cost for having her blood was his life, then he would gladly accept. Dornkirk could have all of Gaea. He only wanted her.

She knew it.

Perhaps, she had always known it.

She watched him move in front of her. He walked with certainty and security. His hair moved every time he moved. He looked so glorious, noble; perfect…She knew it was impossible. He, of all people, wasn't perfect, but right at this moment, he was, to her. Hitomi sighed. It had been difficult to be with him since…well, since what had happened in the Valley. They hadn't shared one word, one look, or even one touch since they had gotten out of there. Van had simply got up and walked, not even turning to glance at her, not telling her to follow him, not to get lost, not to be with him. He hadn't acknowledged her presence. He had ignored her. He was still ignoring her. And it had hurt. It made her heart scream in pain and her mind fill with more unpleasant thoughts. He didn't speak to her. He didn't look at her. He didn't care about her, just like in the beginning.

We've come from so far, don't let this end!

They were back to the way they used to be at their beginning of their task. Their relation was exactly as it used to be at first. It was like they had gone back in time, and all they had gone through hadn't mattered. Everything was back to the way it had started, except for one small, little thing.

She had changed.

Her feelings towards him were different. They had changed.

She could remember the first day of their task. It was as clear in her mind as if it had been yesterday, even though months were between that day and now. He had been cold, unfeeling and selfish. A mercenary with only thoughts of blood and death in his mind, revenge was all he lived for. An arrogant bastard that she thought she could never care about. How wrong had she been! She had feared him. He had made her feel less. She had lost count of how many times he had made her cry. Still, she had had the urge to get to know him. She had needed to know what was behind the cold mask and icy eyes. She had wanted to break trough his barrier and make him feel happiness, hope, faith, anything…She had wanted to make him human, and she had paid a high price for it. Somewhere along the way, she had started caring about him. What he thought of her had become important to her. The way he saw her mattered much more to her than what she really wanted to admit. She cared for him. She suffered because of it.

All I know

Is everything is not as it's sold

but the more I grow the less I know

And I have lived so many lives

Though I'm not old

And the more I see, the less I grow

The fewer the seeds the more I sow

If she really thought about it, it actually made sense. He had never asked her to help him. He had even refuse to be her firend at first. She had done it on her own. She had doomed herself the moment her eyes had fallen on him. On that cold day, when she had become a queen and he had tried to kidnap her, she had sealed her fate. The moment her eyes locked with his was the moment her life changed forever. Because she had known, even if she had denied it to herself, that she would never be able to truly hate him. That, of course, hadn't meant she hadn't tried. Every day she told herself that she hated him. She made herself feel disgusted by his very presence. She obliged her heart to loath everything that was him, form his eyes to his hair to his toes. It hadn't work. Everything she had done had been useless.

Brown met Green.

Their lives crossed, and their souls intertwined with each other.

Somewhere along the way her heart had escaped her and gone to him. It belonged to him, and he didn't want it. Hitomi stopped looking at Van, trying to find a distraction, something, anything, that would take her mind from him. Nothing seemed to be as interesting as him. Everything brought her train of thought back to him.

Then I see you standing there

Wanting more from me

And all I can do is try

Then I see you standing there

Wanting more from me

And all I can do is try

Once, not so long ago, the mere thought of him would have repulsed her. Once, before their paths had crossed, she would have been able to say that she was disgusted by him. Not anymore. Not anymore. His name made her heart beat faster. His voice made her soul rise. His touch made her blood flow faster through her veins. And it was just too much. And she just couldn't stand it anymore. She could take a lot of things, but been ignored by Van was not one of them.

"Van, please talk to me."

Her voice didn't sound normal to her. It had an edge of desperation in it. It was as if she would die if he didn't talk to her anymore.

'Maybe I will because what I feel inside is killing me.' She silently thought. Since when had she become so dependant of him? When had their relationship changed so drastically? She would have loved to receive a warning. Maybe then she would have been able to prepare herself for all of this.

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness

And all the real people are really not real at all

The more I learn the more I cry

As I say goodbye to the way of life

I thought I had designed for me

"Don't ignore me! Why won't you talk to me?"

She yelled it at him, wanting to get his attention more than ever. She missed the way he cared about her and his almost invisible smile and the way his eyes captivated hers, leaving her breathless. She missed all of him.

"What do you want me to say?"

His voice sounded flat, but Hitomi knew him, and she knew he was trying to hide something.

"I want you to tell me anything."

"What do you want, Hitomi?"

Of all the questions in this world, he had to ask the most difficult one. What did she want?

Then I see you standing there

Wanting more from me

And all I can do is try

Then I see you standing there

I'm all I'll ever be

But all I can do is try

Try

'You!' Her heart shouted. 'I only want you.' Her mind, though, new better that that. No matter how much she longed to be with him, to feel him close to her, she couldn't, wouldn't allow herself. They still had a lot of things to do. They had to save Gaea and bring peace between their people. He had to avenge his family and rebuild his kingdom. Her feelings didn't matter, and it would be selfish to put them before everything else.

"I want us to be friends again."

"…"

"Van?"

"We never stopped being friends."

"I…"

She let the sentence fall. A long silence built itself around them. She hated the long, uncomfortable silences that always came between strangers. Of all the things they were, strangers were not one of them, and it pissed her off to find herself in this situation.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Hitomi looked at him surprised. Why had she kissed him? In that one moment, it had seemed like the only rational, logical thing to do. She had felt so much, suffered so much, been afraid of losing far more, that she had done the one thing that seemed right.

"I wanted to save you."

How could one kiss finally open her eyes to the truth that she had been trying to deny? If she had known of the consequences of that kiss…she would have still kissed him because she could never, would never allow herself to lose him in that way.

"Is that all?"

"What else would there be?"

"I…you didn't mean anything else by it?"

She wanted to tell him how much that kiss had meant to her. She needed to tell him that she did not regret kissing him, that it had meant the world to her. She didn't. Hitomi knew that if she didn't look at him in the eyes and lied to him, he would never believe there was nothing more in that kiss. So she did what she had to do.

"No, Van, I only think of you as a friend, you know that, right?"

She broke eye contact, afraid that he would see the truth in her eyes. Lies, she had told him so many lies. And it tore her to see his eyes become colder and his expression tougher. It killed her to know that she had ruined any chance she had with him. It drove her insane because she didn't think of his as just a friend. She wanted to run, fly, and escape from her reality. She wanted to tell him that she only wanted to be with him and that she would die without him. She wanted to tell him so many things, but she stayed silent, for she knew it would be a mistake.

"Good, because I only think of you as a friend too."

Friends…Hitomi smiled, even though inside she was bleeding to death. She ignored the pain in her chest and walked besides him. She refused to let her hurt show, and put a mask of happiness on her face. She wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn't been a princess with the world on her shoulders. She wondered what it would have been like to be loved by him. Because she loved him, that's for sure. She loved him enough that she would rather sacrifice herself before bringing more confusion into his life, so she staid silent, for his sake.

All of the moments that already passed

We'll try to go back and make them last

All of the things we want each other to be

We never will be

And that's wonderful, and that's life

And that's you, baby

This is me, baby

And we are, we are, we are, we are

Free

In our love

We are free in our love

She wonders what it would have been like if she had been normal. She longs to know what her life would have been like if she had met him under different circumstances.

Could he have loved her? Could she have allowed herself to love him?

She wonders when she had started embracing the darkness.

She knows she always knew that she would end up loving him.

I'm sorry for lying to you…

He was scared.

Maybe, he had always been scared.

He walked in front of her, trying to ignore her for his sake. His world had changed drastically since he had laid eyes on her, and he didn't like it one bit.

He hated her.

He hated the fact that he couldn't hate her as much as he wanted to.

Nothing made sense anymore, and everything seemed to be wrong. Where had all his training gone? Where was the emotionless mercenary? What had she done to him? Well, that, at least, was simple to answer. She had changed him. Somehow, she had gotten through his cold exterior and deep into him. She had made him feel what he thought didn't exist. She had made him spin, and now he found himself feeling dizzy. He didn't understand what was happening to him. It was impossible to feel so much. His body was sure to explode with all the emotions he had inside. His heart would stop beating if he didn't stop the rush that went through his whole body, his whole being, every time he had her near him. It wasn't fair.

Hitomi Kansaki.

How could one name leave him so weak? How could one small, insignificant girl have his life in her hands? He hated everything that had to do with her. He was disgusted by her smell, so sweet it made him want to get lost in it. He could not stand her smile. It made him want to do something, anything, every thing, to make her smile last forever. He loathed the color of her eyes. They were so green, so warm; he wanted to just look into them and let the world do as it pleased.

I'd die for you every time I see you cry…

Something inside of him hurt every time he saw tears in her eyes. Something moved within him every time she suffered. He would defy the world if t made her tears go away.

I'd take your pain and make it mine…

He hated the fact that he would do anything for her, and she would do little for him. He couldn't stand to be near her, so he turned his back to her. And it hurt because all he wanted to do was be near her.

"Van, please talk to me."

He had to ignore her because if he didn't he would lose his resolution to hate her. He wants her to be far away from him so he can have some control in his life.

"Don't ignore me! Why won't you talk to me?"

To hear her plead to him, to listen to the desperation in her voice was just too much for him. He wanted to be far away from her, but not if it caused her pain. He would never, ever hurt her again. He wouldn't be able to stand being the causer of her pain.

I'd go and never come back if it made you happy…

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me anything."

"What do you want, Hitomi?"
It is just one question, and it was an easy one. She was, is a princess. She has always known what she wanted, so why does she take so long to answer it? Hope began to rise within him. It was something he had never felt before, but it felt good.

"I want us to be friends."

Six words and she has already destroyed his heart, vanished his new hopes. He can hear his heart breaking. He wondered if maybe she could too.

I'd rip my own heart out if it that is what you want.

"…"

"Van?"

He wanted to keep ignoring her, to turn his head from her voice, but his heart wouldn't let him. It belonged to her, and she could do as she please with him.

"We never stopped been friends."

"I…"

Silence. Why couldn't they find the words to keep on going?

I'd ignore my feelings if they bring trouble to you.

"Why did you kiss me?"

He had to ask because he had to know how she felt for him. Something in her eyes told him that there was more in that kiss.

'Maybe there is still hope for us, for me.'

"I wanted to save you."

"Is that all?"

"What else would there be?"

"I…you didn't mean anything else by it?"

"No, Van, I only think of you as a friend, you know that, right?"

His whole world shattered into a million pieces. He knew, the moment he met her, that this would happen. He knows he won't be able to pick up the pieces this time. Perhaps he will go back to being the cold mercenary he used to be, the Dragon...

"Good, because I only think of you as a friend too."

I'd do anything to make you happy.

If only you loved me…

He had to tell her lies. He had to look away from her eyes because he was scared she would see the truth in them. It had took him awhile to figure it out, what he felt for her. Once he did, he wished he had never done so. She was a princess searching for peace, and he was a cold mercenary seeking to avenge his family. She knew the warmness of life, and he only knew the coldness of it. She smiled when he frowned and laughed when he barely smiled. She was full of happiness and dealt with her pain. He was full of sadness and had been consumed by his suffering. They were just not for each other. She was, after all, going to marry another man, one that deserved her.

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

She was perfect. Everything about her was angelical. Her eyes were full of hope. Her smile managed to warm him on the inside. She was a high spirit girl, always thinking the best of everyone and wanting nothing but happiness even for her enemies. He wanted to destroy his enemies, and he never trusted anyone. She had tried to befriend him, and he had only treated her badly. Still, she had come back to him. No matter how much pain he put her through, she always came back. He wondered if maybe that was what had made him fall in love with her.

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

She had kissed him, and he had given himself over to her. In that one kiss, he had wanted nothing more than to be someone else; someone that deserved her, someone that could make her happy. He wished he had something to offer her, but he didn't. He was the King of a destroyed kingdom. He was the mercenary Gaea most feared. He had even allied with her, his enemies. She was so pure, and he was so impure.

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Now, they were walking side by side, as friends. He wanted to take her into his arms and never let her go. He needed to crush his lips to hers and kiss her until she forgot the idiotic Schezar and only thought of him. He desired her. He ached to be everything to her.

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

She smiled at him, and he managed to return one small smile to her. In that moment, he knew he would not go back to being the Dragon. It would be to painfull for her. If she wanted to be friends, then he would be friends with her. He knew it would hurt her if he treated her as just an ally. For her sake, he would act normal and pretend everything was fine. It didn't matter that he wanted, needed, desired, and longed to be more to her than just a friend. It didn't matter what he felt for her, as long as she was fine.

Oh and you're so beautiful
My darling
Oh you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful
Oh my baby
You're so beautiful
And you're so beautiful
Oh my darling
Oh my baby
And you're so beautiful

She was beautiful. He couldn't even dream of having the affection of someone as great as her. She was the only thing in his mind. She was the world to him.

He loved her.

Love was equal to pain, and it was hurting him to love her. Still, he would never change all the minutes he had spent with her, not for anything. A long time ago, his priority had been to avenge his family. Now, it was her. And he knew their love was impossible. For one, she didn't love him. And they had to save Gaea, destroy Zaibach and Dornkirk, and he had to rebuild his kingdom. There was no time for their love. That, of course, didn't mean he couldn't love her. He would always love her.

He wonders what his life should have been like if his family had not been killed. He wonders what his life could have been like if he had been different. He wonders when he started wating the light.

He wants to know if love is always so painful.

He was always scared of finding out.

I'm sorry for not having the courage to tell you the truth…

Ok, so I won't be able to update for the next couple of weeks because I'm on vacation, but you can take this chapter as your

Christmas present :).Well, anyway, I'm in the USA with a dear friend of mine, so I really have no time to update. I truly hope

you enjoyed this chapter because I loved it. After I get back to Mexico I'll be able to update as before, so don't worry. I'll

never give up on this story. Oh, and I know the verbs are a little confusing in thiss sroty. I'm completely sorry, but that was the

only way in which I could write their feelings, and I wrote this chapter in many days, so... Well, review, review, review, and do

tell me what you think of this.