Welcome to the fifth chapter of James McCloud's thing that he wrote in all of the time that describes how stupid he was. Originally I wasn't going to even type up this chappie until I had 15 reviews. Well, at the evening of 8 August 2005 I had 16 reviews so I'm going to begin typing.
One reviewer happened to remind me that Vixy is going to die before James. Technically, Vixy dies when Fox is a child but I've defied that already. Vixy will die before James but until Fox is older. I hope you will be pleased to know that a reader's suggestion between Pigma and Fox and Vixy has been incorporated.
Again, some time skipping in the entries will occur. Now for the disclaimer…
"If you have any empathy for my situation as a ghost then you will cease reading."
Shut it James
"Noooooooo! Disclaimer shall not be done so you will have to keep reading all of this nonsense between us"
Ok, that's it- Tricky will do the disclaimer
"Ok! Chibi does not own star Fox!"
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Chapter 5
Within a few hours after having his last seizure, Fox found himself with two tired arms and a sore pair of legs. He had been throwing the ball very far and running in the opposite direction in an attempt to lose Tricky for quite some time now. He had only managed to lose Tricky because he snuck into the Light-Foot village. He had some questions to ask the chief. Upon entering the village he noticed that it had changed…greatly. The tribe had obviously been doing some serious re-decorating. A huge glimmering lake replaced the swamp and they had more territory than before. Where the old worn huts had previously stood were now complicated and amusing water rides. Light-Foot village had become…a water park.
"Ah! You like the new layout yes/no you steenking freak."
"Um, yes actually it's quite nice. But I have some questions for you."
"The cost is seventy scarabs for a child, one hundred for an adult, eighty for students and senior citizens, and children under the age of fifty-five are free. But your age into our years is much older than fifty-five you steenking cheapskate."
"That's not what I wanted to…"
"We are open everyday as early as nine in the morning and we close the same time everyday which happens to be twenty-two o'clock in the evening. It's a ride all the rides pass so you do not have o buy individual tickets and we do group discounts for parties over ten."
"WILL YOU LISTEN? IT ISN'T ABOUT THE WATERPARK!"
"Oh. Well, why did you not say so you steenking idiot."
"Because you kept talking on and on…did you meet my dad?"
"I wasn't aware you had a father you steenking freak."
"I had to in order to have been born!"
"Then who was your father and why do you think I would know him?"
Sighing and resisting the urge to not kill the three metre tall creature, Fox pulled out his father's captain's log that he put into storage in the bag that was magically able to carry a huge lantern, seven bomb spores, fifteen grub tubs, two hundred scarabs, and other miscellaneous items. He opened up to the pages where his father spoke about the Light-Foot tribe. While the chief read the three entries Fox began to wonder if that was a good idea seeing as James did insult them. What he didn't realise as he was pondering this was that the chief was a speed reader and was already skipping ahead…
"You put sewing needles in outlets you steenking idiot?"
"Huh? When I was a kid I did…I was worse when I went to junior high."
At hearing this- the chief darted off very fast with the book and decided to read it to the Light-Foot children. Perhaps they would find him as stupid as the father. No wonder they smelled similar, acted similar, had the similar fetish for pixie sticks and liked exotic females. They were a father and son pair! As he gathered the children Fox caught on quickly just what the chief was planning to do. He couldn't blame the chief, I mean, he did defeat their top two challenges in a few minutes total time and obtained their Krazoa spirit. Revenge was revenge no matter what form it was in.
Day 365,
Normally this would mean it has been a full year since I began writing in this. But all I can say is that it has been almost fifteen years since I started writing. Fox has adjusted rather strangely to junior high. His first year he tried to be the cool kid on campus and being that he can pilot and Arwing he actually was. Now that he's hit puberty he's acting- like Pigma!
Guess what happened
Pigma came home from Venom a few weeks ago and gave us all presents. Fox didn't open his with all of the rest of us and that didn't bother me or Vixy any. It bothered Vixy when she found out what the gift- or magazine he received was. PlayVixens was its name and you can only guess what was inside. Nudity, nudity and more nudity! Fox will be turning fifteen in a few months and he's latest interest has not been spacecrafts but a Miss Fara Phoenix whom he has been dating for about a year now. Now she's no slut and her parents are nice but Vixy is concerned about Fox's hormones. She's afraid he'll be like me…
Her upset is that when we went on a field trip I flipped up her skirts. Now our school uniforms are a bit different then Fox's. The girl's sailor uniforms have longer skirts but lower cut on the shirt. The boys are a different colour than mine were (his is dark blue and mine was black) and the buttons are now made planet earth-oriental instead of a shirt and tie. Thankfully Fox doesn't have to wear a tie. But when he enters high school next year at the military academy he will. I confess, Pigma then influenced most of my crude behaviour to her.
If elves are naturally tall then what about the Keebler ™ elves that make cookies or Santa Claus's elves?
/James/
Day 370
It's official- Pigma's had too much of an influence on Fox. It seems the school's layout never changed from when we went to school there so all of the secret passages are the same. Pigma showed Fox a way to sneak into the girl's locker room. I guess he's been doing it for a few months now but was caught. He also was stealing some of the girls' lingerie when he was in there. He was caught because my sweet and angelic Vixy went to his room to clean it one day. Now Fox was not home to hear her reaction but I was. My ears are still bleeding and she attempted to choke me to death for not being able to teach Fox properly. She's not letting Pigma into the house.
On a side note many of my important documents between myself and Gen. Pepper are missing. I managed to get a hold of Peppy since I hadn't in a few years and told him. He's very confused. Some of his stuff is missing too. I wonder if any of Pigma's stuff is missing.
Birdie, birdie in the sky, what was that you dropped in my eye?
/James/
Day 426
I'm back on the Great Fox. A year has passed even more of my important documents are missing. All of them pertain to Andross. He obviously has a spy in his league and I suspect its Pigma. I'm going to stop relaying information to him. I won't see Peppy until this mission is over to tell him the same thing. The only ones on the Great Fox are me, my son and his girlfriend. He and Fara are very close and I bet they'll get married. They both go to the Cornerian High School Military Academy and are at the top of their classes.
Bill Grey, on of Fox's friends moved to Katina with his family a month ago and we are going to visit them. Falco was planned to come but his mother came down sick at last second. From what I've gathered, his father is an abusive alcoholic who was once a pimp for his mother. They never officially married but for the longest time his mother remained a prostitute just to put bread on the table. She's always told him to never let any other girl befall her fate. Falco has a part-time job and a young girl as a tail- Katherine Monroe, the daughter or the wealthiest CEO in Zoness- to assist in paying the bills. Her parents don't like him but she can't get enough of him. And poor Falco is afraid of her!
I'm teaching to young couple to live happily on a healthy ramen noodle and pixie stick diet. I haven't slept in four days and I am too lazy to write stuff that happens several months ago.
If I eat lots of instant cup ramen, get treated to noodle bars, hate the three minute wait, and have an evil kitsune youkai form, can I be a great Shinobi master that everyone must notice my existence?
/James/
"Fox, who was Fara? Is she someone I should know about?"
Fox knew that voice but its tone was not of murder but of sorrow. Turning around, he saw Krystal with a sad face and refusing to look him in the eye. Truth being, he never even officially broke up with Fara. But Krystal didn't need to know that.
"My ex. I haven't seen her since we met and how long have we been together?"
"You know, I never told you this but there has been a young woman who calls us a lot and she is looking for you. I told her who I was and she was upset."
Oops
Ignoring the possibly destroyed couple, Chief Light-Foot went on with the reading instead of the developing soap opera.
Day 430Fox has done it again and pulled a prank. He left pornographic magazines everywhere in the commander's headquarters late at night. He also purchased about twenty alarm clocks, hid them, and had them go off at ten-minute intervals. The clocks were my idea because I did it myself but the magazines were Pigma's. Needles to say the commander figured it out who did this VERY fast. I really could never figure out how he did that. It's like the commander is psychic or something. Fox also knows Gen. Pepper's cell phone number from me and called him. When Pepper responded Fox played the song "Sergeant Pepper's Marching Band" and refused to say who it was. Somehow he also figured it out that it was Fox, which I can't figure out. I mean Fox isn't the one who hums that song every time he walks by. I do that.
It's like everyone but Fox and I are psychic or something. While Fox is away at school Vixy manages to figure out who forgot to leave the toilet seat up.
Also to note that Fara has a temper as short as Vixy
/James/
Day 431
Ugh. I have a mission to run all the way to Venom. The whole Star Fox team is going and so are the Cornerian and Katian armies. The mission begins in a week so I have a week to stock up on Ramen Noodles. I'm so beginning to miss them. Fox with return from school on summer break tomorrow and Fara is coming home with him. Falco just one day moved in with us and has his own bedroom, toothbrush, dinner plate, spot at the table, clothes and even TV time.
I must confess only to you that I'm afraid Pigma may betray us. I want to keep him under my watch without revealing anything. Peppy says I'm overreacting and that Pigma is missing items and he found his and I'm stupid. The third may be correct but I know I am not paranoid. Right? Wait…I thought I heard someone.
I'm really not paranoid am I?
/James/
Day 432
Fox failed three courses: science, history and Cornerian language. He speaks that very language and yet he fails it. Just like me ()! His friend that he met in junior high, Slippy Toad has recently moved back into town. They met in eight grade but then the Toad family moved. I know the father, Beltino, at the Research and Development lab very well. Slippy is returning and into our neighbourhood the day before I leave. Slippy is already in college because he was so smart he graduated early. While I'm away Bill is also going to be spending time at the house. Poor Vixy is going to have her hands full while I'm gone. Peppy hasn't given Pigma any information at my command and I've stopped his ambassador routine but I fear it is too late. I wonder if I should tell this to Gen. Pepper?
I did tell Vixy though and she's worried. She's also been suspicious of Pigma but when she found out that documents were missing she told me to sever ties with him. She's working on his resignation forms so we can dispose of him. Fox and his friends will be entering their final year at the academy. I can't wait until they're out. I have trained Fox and Falco and even Bill to pilot the Arwings. Fox probably taught Fara and Katherine has her own spacecraft. The whole crew will be at my house. When I get back I have asked Beltino's permission to train Slippy to pilot the Arwings and we will begin training immediately.
I haven't seen or spoken to the Saurians in a few years. I wonder if they're ok.
In recent new the lovely planet Cerina was "mysteriously" destroyed. I've been there and it was nice. I suspect that Andross did it to test his new powers. But Cerina was the daughter planet to Sauria which is why I'm concerned about Sauria. Did you know Andross has a set of mercenaries? They are called Star Wolf! Their leader is named Wolf O'Donnell and I've seen him. He's two years older than Fox and was physically abused by his parents' servants he is the son of two wealthy Cornerians and neglected by his parents themselves. No wonder the poor kid chose the path he did. Another member on the team is Andross's nephew Andrew Oikinny. The third and final member is named Leon Powalski and he was brought up in a decent family with three younger brothers and an older sister. He became cold-hearted and murderous from and early age and the rest of his family is seemingly normal. It's rumoured they have a fourth member and I am guessing that it is Pigma.
/James/
Day 439
On Great Fox
Two Hours Later
When is tomorrow that this little red haired thing speaks of?
Four Hours Later
Peanut Butter and Jelly! Peanut Butter and Jelly!
/James/
As you can see children, like the vulpine standing before us, the father was a steenking idiot. And the son is a two-timer.
"I am not…KRYSTAL WAIT!"
Chasing her down through the village he managed to catch up to her in Thorn-Tail Hollow where the Arwings were resting. Tricky had also been listening to the stories and all of that humour into his wee little brain gave him a split moment of intelligence where he returned the book. Remember a split moment.
"Fox can we play? I want to play again! Why is your girlfriend about to kill you? Are you going to break up? Where is your dad? He's funny! Let's play! We can go to the woods and you can throw the ball like before. Remember earlier today? We were playing! We should play now that she's done filing your fur off your body. But you should clean your blood before we play. I want to play! But not with that Pigma guy! He was a…"
"DO NOT SAY THOSE TWO…"
"Bad guy!"
End Chapter 5
If you do not review and leave a suggestion then may Tricky forever haunt you by saying the phrase "bad guy" over and over so that you may never hear anything else or get rid of it when you die. But may the curse be lifted when you review to this chapter or the next one because the next one will not be added until I have at least twenty reviews.