Hellos my fellow writers! I am so very sorry for not updating before, but I must admit I was a little lazy, and this chapter

cost me a lot. Another thing, my dear friends singed me up for community service, so that means I can only write on

weekends, so it will take me longer to update. I am extremely sorry about that, but I can't do anything to change it. Please

don't hate me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and review a lot. Please review a lot.

The Pain of loving you

Door of secrets

"We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude."

-Charles R. Swindoll

"Van?"

"Yes?"

Hitomi looked at Van with a small smile. Things had been a little awkward the past few days, but finally, they had finally been able to settle down. They had returned to their little friendship. Friends. That was what they were now. Friends. That was what they had always and should always be. Hitomi was very careful of not being near him, of not touching him, and of hiding her feelings. She was doing a great job. Everything seemed just fine. She smiled and laughed and joked. She treated Van as just a friend. She was cheerful and hopeful. No one who saw her would dare say she was sad. She looked like the happiest person in the world. Hitomi glanced at Van. She was a great actress. She wondered if Van suspected that it was all an act. He was the one that knew her the best. Maybe he could see through her mask. If he could, he had shown no signs of it. She didn't know if that relieved her or made her sad.

"Hitomi?"

She stopped thinking when she heard her name. She turned her attention towards him and gave him a bright smile. She then remembered why she had called him, and her face turned serious.

"We need to find the Door to Atlantis soon."

He stayed silent after her words. He looked towards the horizon, and for a moment, he looked lost, so lost. Hitomi bit her lower lip. She hated to see him worried. He had been through so much, and she wanted him to have a rest. She wanted the world to leave him alone, to let him be at peace. She knew it was impossible. Their destiny wouldn't let them be at peace. They had to save the world. A lot of people trusted them. They couldn't fail them. Still, despite what she told herself, she moved towards him. Her body wouldn't obey her mind. Seeing him there, looking so vulnerable, she had to go to him, give him any council she could give him. Slowly, she put her arms around him, hugging him from behind. She rested her cheek on his back and tightened her hold on him.

"Don't be so sad."

"Why do you care?"

Hitomi closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, savoring the moment. This was the first time in days that she had allowed herself to touch him. Why did she care? Hitomi felt like laughing. What could she tell him?

'I care because you brighten my world. I care because you are the reason I exist. I care because without you the world is too cold, too sad, and too unbearable. I care because I love you.'

Of course, she couldn't say any of this, so she simply said another lie.

"You are my friend. I care about my friends."

"…Oh, yeah."

Had she heard disappointment in his voice?

She didn't dare hope.

'No, he only thinks of me as a friend. He could never love me.'

Hitomi let go of Van and turned so she was face to face with him. She studied his face. In all her life, she had never seen eyes so full sorrow as Van's. It was as thought he had never been happy. Hitomi had never wanted to make someone smile as much as she wanted Van to do so. Everything she had had, he had lacked. Everything she was, he wasn't. Their lives had been too different to ever be compatible. They were too different to be compatible.

And yet...

Both of them were noble, but there were worlds between them. She was the cheerful queen of Kansaki. The one person that could lighten anyone's world. He…he was the person Gaea feared the most, after Dornkirk of course. He could make the bravest person tremble and the fearless run away in fright. Her kind never mixed with his. It was unheard off. If he ever chose to love anyone, it would be someone stronger, prettier, wiser… perfect…It would not be her, and that tore her heart apart, making her soul want to scream in pain, in desperation. It was ironic, the way things had turned out. A long time ago, she had promised herself that if she ever met him, she would punish him for all the things he had done. The first time she saw him…

Flashback

Everything was useless. There was no way to escape from the pain. She stood where she was and tried to stop her sobs. She had to calm down. She couldn't afford to be weak now. She had to be strong. A whole kingdom was expecting her to guide them through the war. Her people needed her. She was the Queen of Kansaki, and… she heard the sound of metal and immediately went still. There was something pointy at her neck, and she had a good idea of what it was.

"Turn around."

A shiver went through her body as she heard the coldness of the voice. Slowly, she got up. She didn't want to see his face. She didn't want to meet the man who had such dreadful voice. She kept her eyes closed, wishing this was just a dream, a hallucination that had been created from her pain.

"Look at me."

She didn't open her eyes. She couldn't do it. She was so scared…

"I said, look at me."

He grabbed her chin and pulled her close to him. Hitomi felt the hands on her chin, and she surprisingly found that they weren't cold, but warm, a contradiction to his voice.

"Look at me."

He whispered to her. She opened her eyes fast and made eye contact with him. She stood paralyzed as her eyes met his. She had never seen such brown-reddish eyes. She suppressed a gasp that was willing to escape her lips and put as much anger as she had into her gaze. She wasn't going to let him scare her. She tried to break the eye contact, but she couldn't get herself to do so. There was something in those eyes that called to her, something that was screaming for her help.

"Green eyes." he said softly. The words became engraved in her heart.

End Flashback

Had someone told her then that she would fall in love with him, she would have laughed…hard. Of all the persons in this world, he was the most unlikely for her. As she had said countless times before, he was a mercenary, a killer, an assassin…and the man she loved.

"So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

He sighed and looked at her.

"I…it's just…"

Hitomi frowned. Barton's words came to her mind. She opened her mouth, but closed it again.

"Barton told me to ask you where the Heart was" She finally blurted out. She examined his face, looking for any reaction to her question. There was none. "Do you know where it is? Is that what's bothering you?"

"I…have an idea of where Atlantis is."

"Really? That is great." Hitomi let out a wide smile "Finally, we…" She stopped talking when she noticed that he didn't look happy. "Aren't you happy to finally know where Atlantis is?"

"It's just…we are…" Van shook his head. "Forget it, you wouldn't understand."

Hitomi felt her anger rise. How there he say she wouldn't understand him? After all they had been through; he had no right to talk to her like that.

"You idiot, if I don't understand, who will? I have put up with you for way to long, but I will not, and hear me right, will not tolerate you treating me this way. Whatever is wrong with you, you are going to tell me." She looked into his eyes with her anger, and saw his surprise in his. He nodded obediently, taken aback by her outburst. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I…I couldn't help but notice that all this time, we have been getting closer to…" He turned his back to her. "We are getting closer to Fanelia."

Fanelia…

His home. His kingdom. His family. His memories. They were heading to his past.

"Is Atlantis in…Fanelia?" She spoke the name in a whisper, as if it was forbidden.

"I believe the door to Atlantis is in…there."

His voice sounded so cold, just like the first time she had heard it. She knew what he was trying to do. He was hiding his feelings from the world, from her, and from everyone. He was closing the door to that world of his, where no one could reach him.

"Don't hide from me." She said, before thinking about it.

"What?"

"You are hiding your feelings."

"How do you…?" He turned to look at her. From the first time in days, he looked a little relaxed. "You know." He whispered softly.

"Of course I do, you silly. After months of traveling with you, I've finally learned some things from you."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, when your eyes turn redder and your hands form into fists, it means you are angry. And when you are sad, you have a vacant expression. When you are uncomfortable, you look all around you, as if you were trying to find a way to get away, an exit. When you are nervous, you play with the tilt of your sword; you just need to have something in your hands. When you are happy…" Hitomi stopped talking as she realized that she had said way too much. He would get suspicious if he found out that she observed him so much. But he stepped closer to her. He touched her cheek. The touch was so soft, it hurt. A painful reminder of what she could not ever have.

"What happens when I'm happy?"

"Your eyes shine…" He came closer to her. His lips were so close…

"Go on." He said in a husky voice. Hitomi's heart beat faster. Her pulse increased. Her whole body felt like it was melting.

"Your lips…" She touched his lips with a finger "They curl up slightly. It is not enough to be a smile, but you look…"

He laughed, and Hitomi felt like she would explode. Having him so close, inches away from touching his lips…

"Who do I look?" God! Was there no end to this torture? His voice was as sexy as the rest of him. And the way he was using it…the butterflies in her stomach gave her a strange feeling that she didn't want to let go off. He made her feel…alive.

'Gorgeous. You look like a god when you smile. You always look great. You are perfect.'

"You look…human." Yep, she had messed up again.

"Oh." He separated from her, and Hitomi almost fell to her knees. She felt lonely now that he wasn't close to her, his whole attention on her, his eyes looking at just her…

'Stupid, stupid, stupid, why don't you tell him the truth from once?'

'He would hate me, or worse, he would pity me.'

'He should know.'

'My heart can't take rejection from him. It can take it from the whole world, but not from him.'

"Does it hurt?"

Hitomi blinked twice, for a moment confussed. Her eyes panicked, and she tilted her head to the side and bit her lower lip.

"What?"

"When I hide my feelings from you."

Hitomi supressed the sigh of reliewf. "Yes."

"Then I'll try not to do it again."

She smiled. "Good. Is Fanelia close?"

"Very."

"Where?"

He signaled to two mountains in front of them.

"Behind those mountains, there is a great ocean. Its waves used to hit the walls of Fanelia."

He was looking at the mountains with a melancholy look on his face. Hitomi intertwined her hand with his.

"Van?"

"Mmm?"

"Everything is going to be alright." I won't leave you.

Finally, after traveling day and night, they had reached Kansaki. His people looked tired and weary, but they were all safe, and alive. It seemed kind of incredible, though, that they had managed to leave Asturia and arrive safely at Kansaki. He was pretty sure that Dornkirk would have found out their plan soon enough to track them down and attack them, but he had not done so. He had stayed quiet and unnerved. He had done nothing against them, and it unsettled Allen beyond anything. Dornkirk was planning something. He knew it, but what was it? Why hadn't he attacked them? What could possibly be so important that he had not done them some wrong?

'Could he…could he have found Hitomi and Fanel?'

The thought crept into his mid, chilling his bones. He knew that Fanel was able to protect himself, but could he go against Dornkirk? And would he protect Hitomi with his own life? He doubted it. Fanel did not care about anyone but himself. If he had to choose between his life and Hitomi's, he was sure he would choose the latter. He cursed loudly, causing a few people to glance his way. He ignored them.

'How could I be such a fool? I should have never let Hitomi go with him. I did not think of all the dangers.' He let out another set of curses, and the people close to him backed up. Allen did not care. His mind was spinning with a thousand possibilities of what could go wrong on Hitomi's task. Each one was worse than the last, but the most dangerous one was the most real. By now, Dornkirk probably knew that Fanel had betrayed him. Fanel had been his best man, and his betrayal had probably angered the emperor of Zaibach. How many men had he sent after Hitomi and Fanel? How many obstacles had he put in their way? All of them were racing to find the Heart of the Dragon. Maybe Dornkirk had seen them as a menace and had ordered them killed. Had he succeeded? He had not heard one single word form Hitomi since she had gone, and therefore, had no way of knowing her whereabouts. She could be dead for all he knew. Allen closed his eyes painfully. If Hitomi was dead…he would never forgive himself. He had been able to survive until now because of the sweet promise of tomorrow. His marriage to Hitomi after the war was what had kept him going. If she no longer existed…

"Allen, what is wrong with you? You are scaring the people..."

Allen blinked and looked at Millerna. Her dress was dirty and broken in many places. She had a scratched on one of her knees, and her hair was tangled and without its usual shininess. Still, she managed to keep her dignity. Her head was held high, and she had an air of royalty around her. Even looking torn and weary, she managed to look like the queen she was. He couldn't help but respect her for that.

"Are you even listening to me? No, of course you are not. Allen, what am I going to do with you?"

He smiled at her and touched her cheek.

"Nothing, you need do nothing with me. I'm just a little bit worried about Hitomi."

She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Gadess. Allen's hand left her cheek as he turned his attention to him. Gadess greeted him brightly.

"It is good to see you here, milord."

"It is good to be here, Gadess."

Another man stepped from behind Gadess. He was tall, and looked slightly like Allen. He had an air of arrogance around him that he did not like.

"King Allen, I am General Amano. I have been in charge here since…since our king died. I would like to present my gratitude to you for your help." He stopped, and both men analyzed each other. After several minutes, he finally spoke again.

"If I may ask, do you know anything about Queen Hitomi?"

Allen's eyes filled with sadness and uncertainty for a second, but he quickly covered it with confidence.

"No, we haven't heard from her since she left on her task, but I can assure you that she is safe."

Amano lifted an eyebrow. "How can you assure me that if you haven't heard from her?"

Allen's eyes turned cold. Amano was too…aloof to his liking.

"She is with the most capable man in Gaea. His abilities are beyond anyone's, and he will not hesitate to put his live before hers." Behind him, Millerna smirked. "Trust me, she is safe."

Amano nodded after a second, and relaxed a little. "I am glad to hear that she is in good hands. What is the name of the man she is traveling with?"

For the first time in a long time, Allen was left speechless. His name? Well, that depended. He could either be the Dragon, a mercenary that used to work with Dornkirk and was feared in all of Gaea, or Van Fanel, heir of a destroyed kingdom who was thought to be dead.

"Well, his name is…"

"Van Fanel."

Amano, Gadess, Allen and the few people that had heard the name turned towards Millerna.

"What?" Amano looked disbelief. "What did you say?"

"His name is Van Fanel."

"Van Fanel is dead."

Millerna let out a small laugh. "I can assure you he is very alive. He had just been…waiting for the right moment to come out. After all, his whole kingdom was destroyed, and he had to wait until he knew who his enemies were. He is on our side and ready to do anything against the kingdom that destroyed his. Trust me; there is no one else in this world that would protect her better."

Amano did not speak. His eyes were wide, and he seemed to be about to explode.

"You mean to tell me…" He said, emphasizing each word "that my queen is with Van Fanel, who was thought to be dead and did not appear until recently and who could be lying and on Dornkirk's side"

"Well yes, but he isn't lying."

By the way he looked, it was obvious Amano did not agree with her.

"You…"

"Amano, be more respectful of the King of Asturia and Queen of Freid." A red head appeared besides Amano. She bowed before continuing to speak. "I am sorry for his attitude. You must understand that we are worried about our queen's safety. She is our only hope."

"I understand and accept your apologies. May I know your name?" Allen asked politely, though his eyes were coldly placed on Amano.

"Yuraki. I am a friend of Hitomi."
Allen searched for her name in his head. If he was right, Hitomi had mentioned her a couple of times. Now that he thought about it, she had mentioned Amano too.

"A pleasure to meet you."

He placed a kiss on her hand, and she flushed. Millerna and Amano glared at him.

"Oh, god, you have been standing outside of Kansaki for hours. Where is our hospitality? We will place your people with our own and your soldiers in our castle. I'm sure you are hungry. I'll go see that they fix a meal for you, and I'll have your rooms arranged. Amano, treat them like they deserve, kindly. With out them, we would be dead, after all."

Yuraki left, and a long silence stretched between them. Finally, Amano signaled for them to follow him. Allen gave the order to his people and they entered the gates to Kansaki. His people looked happy for the first time in days, but Allen felt somber. With each step, he was reminded of Hitomi. This was her home. This was the place she loved most. The kingdom she would protect with her own life. This was what she was risking her life for at the very moment.

The white castle stood high over a hill. The ocean hit its walls, breaking as soon as they reached them. The seagulls flied over its towers, and a flag moved with the wind in the highest tower. It was the most beautiful castle mortals had created. It was a monument of the power of that kingdom. At the other side of it, a city like no other laid. It was the white city. The city of hopes, dreams, future…The most splendid city anyone had ever seen. A great fountain with winged humans stood in the middle. Houses were lined up, each with its own original design, and yet somehow managing to look exactly right at each other. The market was at the west side, and on the east side were the royal gardens. Flowers of all kind grew in them, giving life to the city. The smell of the ocean reached anyone who walked through the streets. A fresh breeze was always felt.

It was the perfect city.

It was all gone, destroyed, and smashed.

Van stood in front of two great statues. It was the monument Schezar had told him about. It was a reminder of what had once been goodness and greatness. The only whiteness that had survived the massacre, the reminder of his parents.

Hitomi was silently at his side, and Van was grateful for her. He did not think he would have been able to face his past without her. He grabbed her hand, took a deep breath, and proceeded to enter the city.

Everything was ruined.

Nothing remained of what had once been amazing. The houses were destroyed. The fountain that used to be in the middle was broken. One of the statues had a broken wing. Broken, like him. Everything looked exactly like it did thirteen years ago, after the massacre. No one had fixed it. They had left it as a reminder of what had been lost. Van kept walking, trying to control all the emotions that were building inside of him. He had avoided coming to this city like one avoided a plague. The moment he had become the Dragon, he had forbid himself to ever come to his past home again. At least his parents had not been able to see what he had become. He was sure they would be ashamed and hurt. They had always looked for a peaceful way to solve things. They had never used violence. Then again, he would probably not have become a mercenary if they had stayed alive.

Flashback

"Do you understand why we avoid violence as much as possible?" Van's mother asked him.

"Yes, mother. Violence only brings more violence. It destroys kingdoms and humanity. It only brings trouble."

"But, mother, what if there is no other way?" Folken had asked, his eyes full of doubt.

"There is always another way, Folken."

End Flashback

When he was four year old, so young and innocent, he had believed those words. He had truly believed that violence was not necessary. The moment he had seen his brother's assassination, all his beliefs had crumbled, laughing at him for ever been so naïve. They had been illusions, and illusions never became reality. He felt Hitomi squeeze his hand, and a sad smile formed on his lips.

"Do you believe everything can be solved without violence?"

"Of course, there is always another way. Why?"

He ignored her question. "What if there is no other way? What if you have to attack or die?"
"Sometimes, a great defense is the best attack."

Hitomi held the beliefs his mother had tried to put in him. She lived each day thinking that a complete peace could be achieved. He knew better than to think of Hitomi as naïve, but she was innocent. It surprised him, that she managed to maintain innocent after all they had been through. It was a wonder that all the dark things they had been through didn't touch her. She was the same girl with illusions and dreams that he had met in a garden in Asturia. He looked in front of him. The remains of his castle stood there. The remains of what he had once been.

Come on, brother, bet you can't catch me.

My little son, don't ever change.

You are too naïve for your own good, Van.

We will always be with you…

So many memories. So many things that he had lost. Van walked towards the castle. Each step he took was heavier. Each one brought him closer to the place where his happiest years had taken place. His foot stepped over something, making it crack. He looked down and picked up a small frame. The crystal was dirty and broken, and Van carefully removed it. He let out a gasp of surprise at what he saw. It was a picture of his parents, his brother and him. He remembered when it had been taken.

Flashback

"Mommy, what is that?"

"Oh, that? It's called a camera. It creates portraits of pictures in less than a second. It's a new invention our scientists have made, and it is wonderful. I can't believe we are going to be the first ones to ever have out picture taken!"

"What is a picture?"

"Oh, it's the name of that kind of portrait. Now come here, let me fix your hair."

Unwillingly, Van let her fix his unfixable hair.

"Folken, come here." His father ordered. Folken came slowly, glaring at the camera.

"I don't want my picture taken."

"Do it for your mother."

Folken let out a defeated sigh.

"Everyone smile!"

End Flashback

They were all smiling in the picture. His mother looked radiant, happy, and full of life. Van fell to his knees. He had lost so much that day...He suppressed the tears that were threating to come out.

You can always count on us…

His parents had lied to him. They had told him that they would always be there for him. They told him they would never leave him. They had, and he had sold his soul to Dornkirk. He had let him make him a monster.

'What you did in the past is not important. What matters is what you do from now.'

Lila's words rang in his ears. She was right. He could not think of himself as a monster. That part of his life was over. He was Van Fanel, king of Fanelia. The Dragon had died for good.

He felt Hitomi kneel besides him.

"I will build this city again, Hitomi. I will bring back Fanelia."

"I know you will"

The trust in her voice made him feel a little better.

"So, what do you think of Amano?"

"I do not like him."

Millerna laughed. A natural, cheerful laugh that she had not created since Dryden's death. Allen looked at her with surprise. Millerna simply shook her hand.

"I figured Dryden would be mad at me if I kept on being sad. I will live for both of us."

Allen nodded. He was happy to have her back. He looked around him. The place was filled with flowers, and all windows were opened. Millerna noticed his gaze.

"Yuraki told me that Hitomi always liked to have flowers, and the sun coming through the windows. She said it cheered the place. They have been doing it, for her."

Allen smiled. It was just like Hitomi to want to brighten everything. His smile turned sad.

"She is safe, Allen."

"How can you be sure?"

"I…this will sound weird, but I trust Fanel to keep her safe. It's just…something tells me he won't let anything happen to her."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't. I just hope I'm right."

"I can't help but worry."

"Of course you do, you love her."

"Yes, I love her like I've never loved anyone. I once lost someone I loved. I do not wish for that to happen again."

"You won't."

Allen failed to see the sad look in Millerna's blue eyes.

"Where…where do you think the door is?"

Hitomi's voice sounded afraid, as if she was scared he would snap at her, or go away and leave her alone. She should not worry. He would never be able to leave her.

"Hitomi."

He said her name and brought her close to him. He hugged her tight, seeking counsel in her touch, afraid she would disappear like everything he cared for had.

"Don't leave me."

"Of course I won't, silly. We are in this together."

Together

She searched his eyes, trying to find what bothered him. He felt like breaking the eye contact. What if she saw the love he held for her? But she didn't. She could see everything that was him but that. She was blind to his love. Van ignored the pain that she caused him without wanting or knowing. Instead, he thought about her question. He knew the Door to Atlantis was here, but where?

Flashback

Van was taking a walk with his mother through the garden. He looked at a big tree that lay in the middle of it.

"This place is very special, Van." He heard her mother said. His curiosity aroused.

"Why?"

"Well, the Door to an ancient civilization lies here."

"Really? I don't see any door."

His mother laughed.

"Of course you don't. It will only reveal itself to you when the right people come."

"Who are the right people?"

"Oh, well, that you have to find out on your own."

"Why?"

"Because there are things that are better learned with experience."

End Flashback

"The Door is in the garden."

"Should we…"

Van nodded and walked towards the garden. He entered the gates that had managed to survive through the attack and time. His eyes widen, and he heard Hitomi gasp. Everything was ruined, yet the gardens had survived. They were not as beautiful as they once were, but they had not been destroyed. The fire of that day had not touched this place. It was like some sort of magic had saved it.

"I can't believe…" Van said

"…this…" Hitomi finished.

"It is impossible."

"Improvable."

"Real."

"The Door has to be here."

Van nodded and walked towards the middle of the garden. The big tree stood there, as magnificent as he remembered. It was bigger, though, and he wondered how he had not seen it before.

He placed his hand on it and felt a strong magic. He didn't know how, but he knew that the moment Hitomi touched it, the Door would open.

"Come here."

She slowly came to him. She closed her eyes and touched the tree. Nothing happened. Van frowned. Had they been wrong?

"I don't understand…it should be here."

"Don't worry about it, Van."

She put her hand on top of his. Suddenly, the tree started to shake. Van quickly took Hitomi in his arms and put her away from danger. They both watched in amazement as the tree went down. A blue light came. The Door to Atlantis had been open. All they had to do was cross it.

This was it. This was what they had been searching for. He looked at Hitomi. She was playing with her necklace.

"Scared?"

She laughed. "With you, I forget what fear is."

Hand in hand, they crossed the Door.

A black shadow watched as the two figures disappeared in the light. He sat against a tree and prepared to wait as long as it took. He had a mission to accomplish. He had to bring them to Dornkirk.

OMG! This story is almost done! I think it has from 4-6 chapters. I most admit they will be the most difficult chapters to

write because they kind of have to be perfect, especially the last one. Anyway, who is the dark shadow? What will happen to

Hitomi and Van? I'll give you a hint. Hitomi will…jajaja, I can't tell you. It would ruin everything. Oh, another thing I liked

about this chapter was the Amano/Allen discussion. I always figuered if ther ever met, they wouldn;t like each other. They

are too alike. And I was a good person and did not put a cliffhanger. I figured since next one will, I would give you a rest.

Ok, well, my birthday is this Saturday! You better review and congratulate me, or I will…stop writing, muahaha. Ok, just

kidding, but do review. I miss your reviews. Again, sorry for the late update. I feel awful with myself. Oh, and thanks to y

editor. Hope you get better.