"Hello. I'm here to do the disclaimer since my husband has decided to make popcorn by using the flares from his Arwing's exhaust pipe to cook it"

Moments later James runs in, screaming that he's on fire

"AHHHHH I'm on FIRE! Hi Vixy! FIRE! ACK!"

"Yes, well, Miss Chibi does not own Star-Fox. She apparently doesn't own a fire extinguisher either."

"PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!"

(Chapter 8 begins here peoples-s-s-s)

Hello this is James McCloud talking. That's right. THE James McCloud. World-class ramen eater and microwave-putting-stuff-into. Yesterday I learned not to put a can of soup in there along with a fork. Goodnight moon. Goodnight mush of soup. Goodnight…shiiiiiiiny.

"James this is Peppy, are you talking to yourself? Over."

Yes. Yes I am Peppy. Over…easy.

Ok, we'll arrive on Venom soon. Soon as in like a few minutes. I'd like to say hi to everyone I care about. Hi Mom. Hi Fox. Hi Vixy, I'll be seeing ya soon. Hi Captain Kirk. Hi Peppy

"Hello James"

Hi to the crazy old lady on the cruise ship seven years ago who said lots of funny things. You're fat. And you smell like a dead cow. Oh, by the way, General Pepper, I stole the remote control to your television again. I hid it in the candy racks in a convenience store. Look behind the chocolate bars. Hey look it's Venom. It looks brown and barren and really pathetic.

"James, this is Pigma, you're creeping me out"

cough traitor cough

"What was that? I couldn't hear ya captain, over"

Oh nothing. Live long and prosper Peppy

"Uh, James, this is Peppy. Were you watching sci-fi shows again, over?"

No. not over. Sunny-side up eggs please. I like my eggs scrambled actually. I bet you didn't know that. I prefer to have Swiss cheese and mushrooms in there as well. But no peppers. Bah on you General Pepper! I stole your remote and you will never find it.

So now to talk about important things. First off, never have the same flavor of ramen two days in a row. It kinda ruins the ramen. Anyone who thinks ramen noodles are an individual section in the food pyramid should run a country. And I mean not only run the country but have the whole world acknowledge it. And if the person's entire food pyramid is ramen with the individual steps as different flavors of ramen then this person should have his or her head carved into a gigantic canyon. Ramen away! Nemar! My name is spelled S-E-M-A-J backwards. Pigma's is spelled T-R-A-I—

"Um, James, this is Peppy. Last I recalled Pigma's name did not have a 't' in it"

Says you. Well if I want to spell it that way I can. I am cool like that. Oh, hey watch this.

This is Area 51 contacting Peppy Hare and Pigma Dengar. I repeat this is Area 51, do you copy?

"Yeah pig snort?"

"oh, great what now?"

Let's go hunt aliens! I mean, let's separate. That way Pigma can just betray us, I can get killed and kill Andross in return. It gets all taken care of in the end.

"Pigma's going to whaaaaaa?"

He left Peppy. See, he obeys orders. Obey.

"You're going to die?"

Yeah, just escape now while you can. Good, he's gone. Now I can ramble on about what's important in life. I've always wanted to visit planet Sauria since my mission on it eighteen years ago. I hate the Light-Foot tribe. The Cloud-Runners are kinda cool. Muffins should be eaten top first. If you must vomit then do it on General Pepper. I wonder if it rains on Venom. It doesn't look like it. All I see is some ruined temple. Hey, there's an enemy inside of it. I'm shooting it. Die enemy! Let's see, I shot it in the head and it blindly crashed into a wall. Wonderful defense system, Andross. I bet Pigma thought up of that one.

And now for a song. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a smaaaaall world aaaaafter all. It's a small, small world. There is just--many moons and a boiling sun. And a smile means I've won the lottery. Though the mountains divide and the oceans collide it's a small world after all.

Ok, song's over. Wow. I never realized I'd get bored talking to myself. I guess I better tell some things to people that I never have before. I hate dictionaries. They are boring. I have always wanted to try pot but could never find it. I found people who sold crystal meth, 'shrooms , acid and heroin down in the lower East end of Corneria's alleyways but no pot. It was by some weedy looking feline-dude in a restaurant called "Smoking the Bear." They served some illegal alcohol there. It tasted like cheese laced with tequila.

Fox, never have two girlfriends at once. There's no such thing as a mistake. It's called a "not-my-fault-but-yours" sorta thingy. Whenever someone calls your name in an angry voice it usually gives away that you DID do something when you immediately say "I didn't do it." Just meekly ask what the person wants.

My fav. type of cheese is Brie. I actually cannot stand sharp cheddar but am partial to mozzarella. Eden cheese is ok. When it's thunder storming outside be sure to lie flat on your back on the roof. Preferably next to the lightning rod while listening to your CD player or mp3 player or whatever. And finally—

AHH! I'm being shot at. It's Wolf O'Donnell. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"Heh, I must say I enjoy your screaming like a little girl."

Oh goody. Leon's here as well. And Pigma's shooting at me. Must…shoot…back…erg. Ok, I finally shot Pigma and Andrew Oikanny down. It only took so long because Wolf keeps stalking me. EW! Wolf's creepy stalker.

"Whatever you stupid fool. I'm going to kill you and present your carcass to Andross."

Sorry, that's where you're wrong. I'm going to present my own carcass to Andross. I don't need you to make me seem foolish. I can do it myself, thank you. NOOOOOO! I don't wanna die yet…

Silence

Ok, I'm back on. Sorry about. I snuck through an escape tunnel and now I'm out of my Arwing. I've got the recorder thing attached to me. It's so shiny. Keh. Shiny.

And I'm walkin and walkin and walkin and walkin and walkin and walkin and walkin

"JAMES MCCLOUD"

That's me. And I hear Andross in the distance. He's…a BRAIN! WTF! How the heck did he dislocate the rest of his limbs? And he's HUGE. Ok. I have to shoot the frontal lobes of his cerebral membrane.

I'm back in my Arwing now and fighting him. I keep attacking him but he's so much bigger than my ship. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to gash open a part of his brain then I'll send a remote mine in there. Or two or three. Depends on how many times I can get to him.

Did it once. And I'm swooping like the all-awesome person I am.

Did it again…crap! He just took out my main wings. I'm outta here. I'm escaping through the fiery maze that leads me out. I only hope I choose the right paths. Help me Nemar, the all mighty god of ramen. Ok, let's see…right…right. left

"You will never escape James McCloud. You will forever be trapped here"

The sad thing is…he may be right. Ok, I'm almost out. I just have to pick the correct exit. Is it left or right? Left or right? I'm going…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kkrrr…acccck…AHHH…YAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

(end of recording)

(James's Epilogue)

James blinked as he look up into a bright blue sky. He had been lying down on a field. His wounds were healed and there was a familiar figure in front of him. A familiar and beautiful adult vulpine. James recognized her immediately and ran over to her.

"Vixy! My darling you're alive again!"

No sooner than he had finished these sentences did Vixy smash him into the ground.

"I'm not alive you idiot, you died."

"RAMEN!"

END OF CHAPTER 8

Hey there, this is Chibi Kaiyaska talking. Well, I hope you enjoyed the story. I'll take suggestions for future stories through reviews or email. One word of notice- if you must email me, please tell me who it is in the subject or I'll freak out and delete it.

James is not on fire anymore because he remembered to do "stop, drop and roll." BYE!