I know this chapter took me ages to update, and I am completely sorry. You see, I finished writing it like 3 weeks ago, but

my editor's family moved to another house, so they didn't have a computer for quite some time, and then something

happened when she sent me the edited version, and it never reached me till yesterday. So…yeah. Don't be mad. Anyway,

here it is, and next chapter is almost finished. I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter and sorry for the long wait. I feel awful.

"The nearest to my heart are a king without a kingdom and a poor man who does not know how to beg."

Khalil Gibran

The pain of loving you

Ghost

"Am I dreaming?"

He laughed. God, she loved his laugh!

"Of course you aren't. This is very real, and if it is not, I do not wish to wake up."

She smiled at him, her green eyes shining only for him.

"I just can't believe that you…love me" The words sounded so beautiful. They rolled out of her mouth, sounding exactly right.

Van Fanel loved her.

"Hitomi, you are everything I want. If it wasn't for you…"

Hitomi saw his eyes darken, and she hugged him tightly, stroking his hair.

"If I had never met you, I would still be the Dragon. I would be lost in my misery. You took me out of it. Hitomi, I wasn't born to be loved by a human. After my kingdom's destruction, love, hope, and happiness had been forbidden. You gave them back to me. How could I not love you?"

"I…it's just…you had been through so much, and I had been through so little, and I know that the world is not good, but I'm always hoping and dreaming, and you are always so practical. I thought you saw me as a pampered, little princess that didn't know anything about life. I thought if you ever fell in love, it would be with someone…braver."

Van stayed quiet for a moment, with her in his arms. Hitomi bit her lip. Had he thought more about it? Did he not love her? She was about to speak when he took her face between his hands, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes locked with his, and for the first time she saw him without barriers. In front of her was just Van. There were no shadows or any doubt. The pain was barely visible behind a much stronger feeling. Love, love for her; only her. He wasn't hiding anything. She could see in his eyes what his acts and words had and hadn't said. He was utterly sincere. He was completely hers. He barely smiled at her.

"I thought you were too innocent and selfish to know the pains of live, but you are not. You suffered too. You are queen of a whole kingdom, and you decided to risk your life for peoples that will never say thank you. You came with me, a mercenary, regardless of the consequences. You trusted me and opened your heart to me. You are the bravest person I've ever met."

She smiled and watched as he stretched his wings. She couldn't help herself as her hand went towards on of them. Without thinking, she caresses their feathers. He looked away and shuddered. She frowned in confusion.

"Do you not like them?" She asked him.

"It is not that. I mean, I know they are…unique, but…they make me different from everyone else. They are my burden, my curse. Besides, they make me look like an angel, and I am everything but that. I…I wish I was just human."

She looked at him with a sad smile. She was a seer and knew what it felt to not quite belong anywhere. But she had been lucky. There were other seers in the world. She had had the support of her parents, and she had wonderful friends who she could always count on. Van had nothing of this. He was all alone except for her. He had grown up being the only draconian left. He had grown with only bitter thoughts and harsh treatment. There had been no love in his live. After all, he had been trained to become an emotionless mercenary.

"If you were human, Van, then you wouldn't be here, with me, right now. You would be somewhere else with someone else. Our lives would never have crossed. And you are not that different from me. Besides, being different has its advantages. I'm sure it is amazing to fly, to feel the wind on your face, and the softness of the clouds…don't you enjoy it?"

He looked at her with a wide smile. Hitomi was left speechless. She had never seen him smile so big and unforced. His face seemed to glow and his eyes soften. He looked even more glorious.

"I love to fly. Maybe I'll take you one day."

"Maybe…" Another question appeared on her head, and before she was able to bit her tongue and stop the words, they had left her mouth. "Does it hurt?"

"What?"

"When your wings come out…does it hurt?"

He looked away, but then turned his intense gaze towards her.

"It hurts a little, when they come out. My skin is ripped, but the pain fades away after an instant, and when I bring them in again, there is no scar or injury, nothing to prove that they were ever there."

They stayed silent for a long time, enjoying each other company.

"I thought you loved Schezar?"

The question came out of nowhere, and for a moment she was taken aback. Schezar? And then it hit her. She had told him she loved him. She had almost forgotten.

"I do love him…" She saw his face fall, and she laughed. "But only as a friend. You should practice patience, Van. It wouldn't hurt you. Besides, who would fall in love with a gentleman when they have a grouchy warrior by their side?"

"Grouchy, huh?"

With one quick movement he put her under him, and started tickling her without mercy.

"That…is…mean!" She managed to say between giggles. She kept laughing until something caught her eye.

"What is that?"

Van followed her gaze.

"Oh, that is Escaflowne."

"Wow that tells me so much, Van."

"Patience, my dear, is something that wouldn't hurt you."

Hitomi blushed a deep red and looked away, but not before catching his grin.

"Ok, ok, I get it."

His grin widened, but Hitomi was too happy to fight with him right now.

"Escaflowne is a guymelef…"

"I know that."

"Hitomi!"

She put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes sparkled brightly.

"This guymelef is special. Only I can use it, and it has the biggest part of the Heart of the Dragon. The other part is…"

Hitomi took out her necklace, raising it to their eyes.

"Yes, there it is, with you. The guymelef is a war machine. It is useful at wars, but I have no idea how it is going to save Gaea."

"Have you ever used a guymelef?"

"Yes, Dornkirk had me train with the best. Still, one guymelef is not enough to win a war and you are the one that is supposed to use the Heart, but you can't use Escaflowne." He sighed. "It doesn't make sense."

"Perhaps Escaflowne is just part of it. Don't worry, we will figure out a way. Oh and why is it glowing?"
"I don't know. It has been glowing since…"

"Since?"

"Since I decided to tell you how I felt. I guess it reacts to my emotions. I don't think that is very important…"

Hitomi nodded, agreeing with him. After all, what could feelings do against a full loaded army? Emotions couldn't change things, right? If she hadn't known that she could die, maybe she would have never have found the courage to tell him how she felt. She would have never been with him. Nothing would have changed between them. She took those thoughts away, concentrating on just Van. He was here, with her, and nothing else mattered for the moment. She would enjoy her few minutes of peace and happiness with him. Later, she would think about a solution to their problem. She would save the world and face the consequences of her decisions at another time. Right now, all she wanted was to kiss Van until she had no more breath and to be near him, no matter what.

Everything could get worse later.

He had been sure happiness was not made for him. Years of suffering had made him expect nothing different from the future, so of course he was having a hard time adjusting to all this. Hitomi was by his side. She had chosen him over everyone else. She did not dream of being in the arms of others or of being married to others or of being loved by others. She only wanted him.

No one else. Nothing more.

Showing emotion had never been easy to him. All of his live, he had been trying to do exactly the opposite. He had built a wall around his heart and a mask over his face. Not even his eyes had shown what he felt. It was almost as if he had tried to forget his emotions and destroy his soul. He had almost succeeded. Two more years of misery would have been enough. But then, she had come to save him, and had managed to do it against all odds. Out of the blue, he had started to feel things that he thought had long ago died. He had started to enjoy life and to look forward to his future. Not that he had a very long future, with the prospect of sacrificing his life to save hers…and the rest of Gaea too, of course. He had thought that showing her how he felt would have been far more difficult. Once again, he had been proven wrong. It came natural to him. He just had to take one look at her and then it would flow out of him. As if he had never suffered. As if his past had been but a dream. He laughed around her.

He joked around her.

He kissed her and was tender with her.

He was someone better because of her.

He didn't know how to react to all these new feelings. Around her, he could not hide what he felt. He would be able to keep his mask of indifference around the rest of the world. But he could not do that with Hitomi. She was the only one that understood him. She knew every flaw and defect he had, and she was still standing by his side. She loved him for who he was, and there was no judgment in her eyes when she looked at him, just acceptance. He would be forever grateful to whichever god had sent her to him. He was sure, even now, that he did not deserve her. He rested his chin on top of her head and breathed in her sweet scent.

"Damn it, Hitomi, I love you so much."

She giggled, and turned her face towards him. Again, she captured his eyes with her own. In her eyes, he saw the reflection of his own feelings. There was so much love and desire and warmth in those eyes. They were impossibly green and soft as they looked upon him. And finally, he was able to stare into those pools of green without actually having to look away. He could look into them and drown in them and it would be alright.

"I love your eyes…" He said, kissing her eyelids. She smiled softly.

"I love your scent..." He said, while breathing into it, as if it was his oxygen.

"I love your skin" He said, bringing his hand to caress her cheek.

"I love your long hair…" He said, while his fingers tangled in it.

"I love your lips…" He said, and brushed his against hers.

"I love you." He said, while embracing her, afraid she would disappear. Because she would, at the end of this war, when they had to use the Heart she would be gone, taking a path he didn't know if he was allowed to follow. Right now, he had her all for himself, but for how long? How long until she would be taken away from him?

"Don't be sacred." She whispered in his ear, gently pushing him away from her so she could look into his eyes.

"I'm not scared." He responded, though his voice cracked a little, betraying him, the traitor.

"Promise you won't forget what you have learned with me."

"What have I learned?"

"You have learned to be human."

"I was never human. I am a draconian."

"Draconian, human, what is the difference? You can fly, we don't. So what? We both hate and love the same. We both suffer and are happy like everyone else. They are only a little different." She said, while running her hands over his feathers.

"We are stronger, and we heal faster." Van said.

"Of course, but you feel like any other human. Our emotions are the same. Don't ever forget that."

"Why are you making me promise this?"

"Because I know you are afraid of the future. I am, too, but you must always remember, no matter what happens, that you can feel, and that I will always be there for you. I adore you, Van. I'd do anything for you."

He pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes tightly. That was exactly what he was afraid of. She would do anything for him. He was sure she would sacrifice herself for him. His job was to protect her. How could he do that when she was willing to die for him? He knew that, perhaps, if she had never loved him, things would have been simpler. Sure, he would have been miserable, but she would be alive. Now, there was no hope. He had no idea of how to save her without making her suffer. If he used the Heart and died instead of her, Hitomi's heart would be broken. If he didn't do anything but be at her side, she was doomed to die. He didn't like either of those options.

He was happy, yes, but it came with a high price. He knew that what they had could not possibly last forever. He feared for the time when they had to choose between what made them happy and what did not. In any other circumstance, choosing what made them happy would have been the only option, but not now. They couldn't sacrifice a whole world just because they wanted to forever be together and happy. It was unheard of and selfish.

"I promise you, Hitomi, that I won't ever forget how I feel right now. I won't let anything change me back into my old self."

"Thank you."

"Anything to please you."

It was the perfect picture. His wings were above them, wrapping them. His feathers were flying in circles around their bodies. And them, together, in the middle of a lake, on a small island, illuminated only by the glow of Escaflowne and the shine of the moon. Hitomi was happily wrapped in the arms of Van, the only man she had ever loved. Van was embracing her for all he was worth, holding to the only person capable of warming his heart. Both of them, though, were afraid, trying to forget their fears and doubts because they knew that what they shared in that moment could not last, no matter how much they both wished it would.

Millerna did not let all the bodies and injured men around her take away her smile. She went from one man to the other, trying her best to cure their wounds or help them die without pain. A knot formed in her stomach as she saw a new soldier been pulled into the infirmary. He couldn't be older than 15, and by the looks of it, he would not grow older. He would die being a child.

People moved out of his way as the two other soldiers brought him in. They put him in a bed, said something to him and left. No one came close to him. There were no comforting words offered to him. Every woman in the place looked at him with sad eyes and then quickly went to attend others. Not even the injured soldiers went next to his deathbed. He was going to die alone. Millerna made her way towards him. She knew there were other soldiers that needed her attendance, but she could not let this boy die alone. He had fought for his country and would die for it.

"Hello, young man, is there anything you want?" She smiled at him, and did all that was humanly possible to keep her words brightened. He opened his gray eyes, but it took him a moment to focus them on her. Millerna felt her smile flatter, but she kept it in place.

"I…water" He managed to say between gasps. It was obvious that even talking took a lot of strength from him. She quickly went to find water for him and brought it back. She helped him to sit up and helped him drink the water. Most of it got spilled.

"Please…tell me a story."

Millerna looked at him with surprise in her eyes, but he just smiled.

"When I…was little, my mom…" He stopped, interrupted by a cough. When he had recovered, he continued. "She used to…tell me stories. Please…"

Millerna nodded. She had never told a story before, but one look at him was all she needed to continue. She helped him to lie down and brought a chair close to his bed. She began.

"Once upon a time, there lived a snobby princess who wanted all she could not have. She was never satisfied, and her father worried that she would never settle down, so he arranged for her to marry."

"How awful." The boy managed to say.

"Yes, how awful…" Millerna's eyes held a far away look. "She was in love with someone else. He was perfect for anybody, and she had grown up with him, her feelings for him increasing every year. She did not believe she would ever be able to love anyone else as much as she did him. She begged her father to release her from such an unwanted marriage, but he did not agree with her. She was to marry a man she had never met and would surely never love."

"Why did she not escape with the man she loved?"

Millerna smiled at him. "He did not love her in that way. He never would look at her with love in his eyes, so she married the other man."

"Was she happy?"

"At first, no. She hated the man. He had taken away all her illusions. If it hadn't been for him, maybe she would have been able to keep her dreams of being loved by the other man. But he took everything away from her when she married him."

"Was she forever miserable?"

"No, she argued with him all the time, and she couldn't stand his presence, but then, one day, he got injured. Apparently, some thief had shot him. When the princess saw him with so much blood on him, her heart went to him. She suddenly realized that if he died, she was sure to die too. She took care of him and never left his side until he was well again. It took him almost dying for her to realize that behind all the hate she pretended to have for him, there was only love. After that, she felt what true love was like. She lived happily from then on, until…"

She turned to look at the boy next to her. His breathing had ceased. A small tear went down her cheek.

"Until he died, just like you."

She got up and closed his gray eyes forever. He would never see daylight again. He would not grow up and fall in love and marry. His life had been taken away from him by this stupid war. Millerna ran out of the infirmary before the tears fell. She ran until she was at the bridge, and there she threw up. Her eyes were now full of tears. She banged her fists on the bridge. She thought she was getting used to everyone dying. She had vowed to not cry anymore, to be strong no matter what. She owed it to Dryden. He had been brave enough to sacrifice himself for Fanelia. Why could she not be as strong as he had been? She kept crying and crying, and it seemed like the tears would never stop falling. Suddenly, a handkerchief appeared in front of her.

"It is a pity to see such a beautiful woman cry."

She turned and found Amano. She looked oddly at him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I…I came here to get away from… the war for a little while."

"It seems kind of impossible to do that, especially since it is everywhere."

"It's just…why do people have to die? Why do lives that have not been lived get taken away? How can we keep on going when there is so much suffering around us?"

He stayed quiet for a while, and Millerna though he would not answer.

"We keep on going because we have to. No one wants wars, but they still appear, and we can do nothing but defend ourselves and hope that tomorrow will be better. People die because they have to. Some die before their time, some live longer than they should, but we can do nothing to change the inevitable. We can only be there to ease the pain of those who are destined to leave us."

"Why do you keep on going?"

Amano looked surprised, but then a smug smile appeared on his face. "Yuraki, my wife, keeps me going. But also Kansaki, the kingdom I love with all my heart. And Hitomi. She is my dearest friend. You know, when her mother died, she cried a little, but at the next day she was up with a smile. I thought that was odd and asked her about it. She only said that she had to smile for her mother. She wouldn't want her to be unhappy."

"All I hear about Hitomi are good things. She seems to be an exceptional person."

"She is. Trust me; if there is someone that can end this war, it is her. I have never met someone as determined as her. I think even my Yuraki is less stubborn. She will always do the right thing for her country. Right now, she is risking her life for all of us. Though I do wish she'd hurry up. I'm afraid that running a kingdom is not very much my thing."

"You are doing a wonderful job. I will definitely talk more to Hitomi when she arrives."

Millerna suddenly had a thought. They had sent her out with a mercenary. A person that was so good could not get along with someone that was so evil. Had they made a mistake in sending those two away?

"Does Hitomi have any flaws?"

"A lot, like any person. She in not perfect, but she wishes everyone the best. I sometimes wonder if all her happiness does not hide all her sadness. Anyway, that is not important right now. Tell me, what keeps you moving?"

"The memory of my beloved."

"If you don't mind telling me, what happened to him?"

Millerna paused before answering. "He died, sacrificed himself for the cause."

"Like everyone else. Like more to follow."

"Yeah…" She thought of all the soldiers that had died, of Dryden, of young boy…"Like everyone else."

"I'm sorry, but I have business to attend, and if I must say so, I do not like the presence of King Allen." Millerna turned, watching as Allen approached to them, a smooth smile appearing on her face.

"Of course, go"

He turned, and just as Allen reached her, he turned. "Lady Millerna, there is always something to smile for." And then he left, back to whatever he was doing, leaving a more hopeful Millerna and a very angry Allen behind.

"What was he doing here?"

"Allen, don't be so overprotective."

"But…"

"You know, you are actually very similar to him. You even look alike physically."

Allen looked hurt. "Me? With him? Millerna, you break my heart."

She laughed. Amano had managed to bring her mood up, against everything, and Allen seemed to be cheerful today, too.

"Is everything fine on the battle field?" She asked carefully.

"There have been no movements from Zaibach since this morning. They seem to have retreated, probably to form a strategy, but don't worry. We are holding just fine."

Millerna stayed silent for a minute, the face of the young boy returning to her mind.

'There are always bad and good peoples. There are always those who should not suffer but do, and others that should suffer but don't. The world is full of injustices, but we have to keep on going to change that.'

Dryden's words came to her mind. He had always tried to do something good for the world, even if the methods were not so…legal. Now it was her time to continue what he had started, in her own way.

"Come on, Allen, we have a war to win."

He smiled warmly at her. "Yes, we do. But do remind me, what are we fighting for again?"

Millerna turned to look at the sunset. She could feel the end was coming nearer. This war would see its last battle soon. Perhaps if the enemy was different they could hold on for a longer time, but she knew, as Allen knew, that their time was ending. Soon, everyone who could fight would be dead or too weak to do so. They had to act fast.

"For us, for the ones we have lost, and for the hope that tomorrow will be better."

Allen sighed at her side. His face was more somber than moments ago.

"Yes…" He whispered to her. "I seem to keep forgetting that."

Van dropped to his knees. He was exhausted. Transporting Hitomi and Escaflowne back to Fanelia had taken a lot out of him. He looked to his side. Escaflowne was there, looking even more powerful than it had in Atlantis. He looked to his other side. Hitomi was smiling at him, her eyes full of love, her arms tangled around his waist.

"You did it. You brought us back."

"It took all my strength."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm so tired."

"Go to sleep then. I'll take care of you."

"Yea right, like you could take care of yourself." But he could feel sleep taking over him, his eyelids slowly closing. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

Hitomi smiled. She had never been to the sea. It was amazing, and she loved it. She loved the smell, the waves, the deep blue of the ocean, and the way the sun shone over it. She sat down on the sand, letting the water touch her. She took a deep breath, loving the salty smell. Her eyes turned from the sea to the ruins of Fanelia, making her eyes a little sadder. How glorious Fanelia had to have been! If she closed her eyes, she could almost see it.

"It was beautiful before it was destroyed."

Hitomi quickly turned her eyes from Fanelia to her side. She immediately tried to get up, but strong arms held her down.

"Let go of me."

"I'm afraid you are in no position to ask for anything."

Hitomi searched into his eyes, but there was nothing there. They were cold and serious, like Van's had been. She knew, without knowing how, that he was a very deadly Zaibach soldier, and he was here to get her.

"What do you want?"

His hold tightened around her as she tried to free herself.

"Please…"

His eyes only became colder, and suddenly it hit Hitomi that she knew those eyes. She had seen them somewhere else, but…

He stretched his arms as he opened his eyes. His hand searched for Hitomi, but it did not find it. In a second, Van was sitting, his eyes searching for her. She was nowhere to be seen. He got up fast and was about to go looking for her when something caught his eye. One of his hands went to his face, rubbing his eyes. He looked more carefully, and he was suddenly in a fighting position. He quickly took out his sword. There, leaning against some ruins, was a tall, dark figure. His arms were crossed, his head turned towards his way. Van could not see his face, but a chill passed through all his body. There was something wrong with that figure. And then, something terrifying came across his view. At the feet of the figure, Hitomi laid, unconscious, her hair all around her.

"Hitomi."

Without thinking, Van launched towards her, but the figure raised a hand, and without knowing why, Van stopped.

"Don't do anything rash, Van."

That voice…the way it talked to him…Van shook his head. Why did the voice sound so familiar? What the hell was wrong with him? He should be killing the bastard for hurting his Hitomi. He began to move, but he stopped when he heard his voice again.

"You never were able to control yourself. I see that hasn't changed."

"How do you know me? What have you done to Hitomi?"
"To Her? Nothing, Dornkirk wants her alive. He also wants you alive."

"How do you know me?"

A long silence stretched before them, and then the figure moved into the light. Van gasped, his eyes opening wide. He took a step back, and shook his head violently.

"What the hell is the meaning of this?" He managed to say. He looked at the man in front of him again. His eyes sent information to his brain, but it refused to accept it. He had to be seeing things. Maybe all the effort he had done a while ago had affected him more than he thought.

"Van…"

"Don't say my name. You…can't be here. It is impossible."

Memories kept flashing in Van's head, all of them painful, all of them of his past, his childhood. They all reminded him that what he was seeing could not be.

It was impossible.

Intolerable.

And if, by some miracle real, the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

"You can't be real."

"I am."

"I…"

Flashback

"Leave him alone"

Folken grabbed Van and tried to free him from the soldiers grasp. When he realized that he wouldn't be able to do it, he grabbed his knife and stabbed the soldier on the leg. The soldier let out a cry and let go of Van, but caught Folken by the throat, the knife falling from his hand. A smile appeared on his face as he drew his sword.

"You'll pay for this, brat."

'Folken!' Van thought, already on his way to help his brother when he looked at him and shook his head.

"Run, Van, I'll be alright. Go." Folken told him, barely letting out any sound.

"But…"

"Run, run, Van, I'll always take care of you. Go, go!" Folken yelled at him. Those were his last words as the soldier stabbed him. He turned to Van and was about to kill him when he went still and fell to the ground. Behind him, a strong, tall man appeared. He was the captain of the Fanelian army, Vargas. He carried Van and started to run.

"No, Vargas, my brother, we have to save him. We must help him!"

Van struggled with all his might, but Vargas didn't pay attention and did not stop running until they were deep into the woods outside of Fanelia. He then put Van down and forced him to look at him.

"You are the only member of the royal family that is left, and Fanelia has been destroyed. I am the only one you have left, and I want you to know that I'll protect you, master Van. I'll help you get through this. My loyalties are now with you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Van didn't, really. It was just too soon. It had all happened way to fast, but he still nodded his head. He closed his eyes and his hands went into fists. He went to his knees and started crying. Everyone was dead. His country had been destroyed. Vargas was the only thing he had left.

End Flashback

"I saw you die."

Van desperately said, wishing with all his might for him to disappear. Why? What was happening? He had cried for him! Suffered for him! A part of him had died when he had. Damn it, he had mourned for him! He could not be here, in front of him, talking to him…

"You saw me getting stabbed, Van. I survived."

"No, no!" Van suddenly yelled. It could not be. He was a ghost or something of that kind. Yes, that was it, a trick of the mind, nothing more. His brother could not be alive. Because if he was…if he was, and it suddenly hit him, what he had said. He was here to get them. He worked for Dornkirk…Van fell to his knees, trying to make sense of everything that was going on around him.

"I'm sorry, Van."

Van looked up to see the past in front of him. He took in his white hair, his eyes, and…black wings. He had black wings…

"Folken…"

That was all he managed to say before the world turned as black as Folken's feathers.

I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter. Things seem the get bad for Hitomi and Van. At last, Dornkirk managed to capture

them, I bet you thought I was going o send Dilandu for them. I was, at first, but I like Folken, so I just had to put him

somewhere in my story. Anyway, things are going to get complicated, and I'm still figuring if I'll make a happy or a sad

ending. I'm not sure. Well, review, review, review, and I'm completely sorry for the long wait for this chapter.