Author's Note: I would like to let all my readers know that I am discontinuing this story. Sorry if you're disappointed, but it's really not working out the way I wanted it to and I'm not getting enough reviews, so I decided it's just not worth it. I will probably be taking it off the site soon.
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JUST KIDDING!
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The first thing that Kirby did was to suck up one of the Bazui running at him and swallow it in one huge gulp. Instantly he got spark power and charged into the mass of purple with his electric force field surrounding him, sending the not-aardvarks flying in all directions.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Okay, Kirby's obviously having another power trip," said Waddle Dee. "I think we can sit this one out."
Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Kirby had only been fighting for a moment before several Bazui forced their way past him and headed straight for the other three.
Kirby was normally the only one who did any fighting, but that didn't mean that his friends were completely helpless. Waddle Dee, easily the fastest one in the room, had a large group of Bazui chasing him around, but none were able to catch him and they very quickly got tired, leaving Waddle Dee able to subdue them with just a few blows each. Dedede had his hammer out and was mostly just swinging it blindly around, but it was doing the trick. And Adeleine. . . well, let's just say Adeleine had painted herself a machine gun and was having a little too much fun with it.
"YOU SHOT ME!" Dedede screamed. Adeleine also wasn't a very good aim.
"Ooh. Sorry about that."
As they continued to fight, the onslaught of Bazui gradually forced Waddle Dee and Adeleine backwards until they were standing next to each other.
"Hey!" Adeleine said once she noticed Waddle Dee. "I need to talk to you!"
"Right now?"
"Yes, right now! About you and your stupid addiction!"
"Look, I already told you, it's not an addiction!"
"Then why are you drinking out of that can of root beer right now?"
". . .SHUT UP!"
Adeleine grabbed the can and threw it away from him. "Look, Waddle Dee, this has really got to stop! It was mildly humorous at first, but if it prevents you from helping your friends, it's a problem! It's been driving us apart, and what's more, we're gonna get out butts kicked by a bunch of aardvarks if you don't snap out of it right now!"
Waddle Dee was silent for a moment, but his eyes were wide, as though he were realizing something astonishing.
"Oh my gosh. . . you're right, Ad!" he said.
"I am?" Adeleine sounded surprised.
"Yes, you are! I guess I just got so into substance abuse, I didn't even think about how it would affect the people I care about!" He looked imploringly up at her. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Adeleine started getting teary-eyed. "Oh, of course I can!" she gushed out. "I love you, Waddle Dee!"
"I love you too, Ad!"
They both threw their arms around each other and started sobbing hysterically.
"For Pete's sake, what is this, a friggin' Lifetime movie?" Kirby exclaimed. "We're in the middle of a fight here, people!"
"Right! I knew that!" Adeleine said quickly. She and Waddle Dee dove back into the fray alongside Dedede with renewed vigor, and before long it was obvious that the Bazui were losing the fight. Add that to with Kirby running around with his electric shield up and screaming like a maniac, and there was no hope for the electric creatures. Soon there were almost none left.
Adeleine had been vigorously firing her machine gun at the swarm of Bazui around her when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She looked up, and her eyes bulged.
"Uh. . . Kirby," she said, trying not to sound panicked, "you know how some baddies come in giant size?"
"Yeah? What's your. . . HOLY MOLEY!"
A twenty-foot-tall Bazui had just reared up over the other ones, bellowing loudly as giant bolts of lightning shot out of its nose.
"FALL BACK!" Kirby screamed, which was pretty redundant, since everyone else was already cowering behind him.
"Not behind me! Behind the boxes!"
Everyone obediently scrambled behind the nearest stack of crates, with Kirby close behind them. The giant Bazui apparently hadn't noticed, as it started sniffing around in confusion.
"What are we gonna do now?" Waddle Dee wailed once they were all safely hidden. "We can't beat that thing!"
"Oh, get a grip!" Kirby said angrily. "Who says we can't beat it? We've beaten tougher things than that! Let's just get out there and fight, and it'll go down like all the rest of them!"
Nobody had any time to object, as at that moment the Bazui swung its nose at the stack of crates, knocking them all down and exposing Kirby and the others.
"Get ready, guys!" Kirby shouted. "Everybody grab a weapon!"
Responding instantly, Adeleine grabbed her paintbrush, Dedede grabbed his hammer, and Waddle Dee, after hesitating a moment, grabbed Kirby.
"WHAT? HEY! NO! PUT ME DOWN!"
"CHARGE!" Waddle Dee shouted, running at the Bazui as quickly as he could, swinging Kirby wildly around above his head. Adeleine and Dedede ran after him, but they were all immediately scattered as the Bazui shot a bolt of electricity right in the middle of them, forcing them to dive in all directions to avoid it.
Meanwhile, Ribbon was still lying on the floor, the loud noises erupting all around her finally making her stir. She slowly sat up, stretched, and blinked her eyes open, and the first thing she saw was a gigantic purple aardvark attacking her friends.
"WOAH! Did I have too much Jamba Juice?" she wondered, rubbing her eyes. When the aardvark was still there, she continued to watch as it shot bolt after bolt at its attackers while savagely smacking them around with its nose and tail. At first she was horrified, but finally her features grew stony and a determined frown appeared on her face.
"Well, looks like my vacation's over," she said.
The battle against the Bazui was not going well. Waddle Dee ran behind it and started smacking Kirby against it with as much force as he could muster, but it had no effect. It wasn't so great for Kirby, either.
"OW! Waddle Dee – OW! – stop it! I'm – OW! – bleeding internally!"
"Oh, don't be such a baby!"
The Bazui was obviously getting impatient with Waddle Dee's feeble attempts, as it whipped around and blasted him squarely in the chest with an electric bolt, sending him and Kirby careening backwards and crashing to the floor.
"Waddle Dee!" Kirby cried, rushing to his friend's aid.
"I'm okay. . . ow. . .check that. . . no I'm not. . . I'm think I'm dying. . . ."
Meanwhile, Adeleine and Dedede couldn't even get close enough to get a hit, since neither of them had long-range weapons. The Bazui kept firing lightning bolts at them and driving them farther and farther back, until finally they were up against the back wall, utterly defenseless.
"Don't worry, guys! I'll save you!" Kirby called. He realized that this was it – he was the last one left to defeat the Bazui, and if he couldn't, it would be all over. So he concentrated hard, clenching his fists as he turned his electric force field up to maximum power, and then, letting out a thunderous battle cry, threw himself at the Bazui. . .
. . .who casually smacked Kirby with its tail, sending him crashing into Waddle Dee, sending both of them crashing into Adeleine and Dedede, causing all four of them to collapse to the ground in a heap.
"Okay, that didn't go down quite like I had planned," said Kirby.
This was it. They had lost. The Bazui let out a low growl and ever so slowly advanced on Kirby and the others. They all scrambled to their feet and cowered against the back wall, gazing up in wide-eyed terror at the monster that was about to kill them. Adeleine and Dedede were clinging to each other in panic.
"Dedede," said Adeleine, her voice quaking in fear, "in case we die, there's something I should probably tell you right now."
"What?"
"I think you're really sexy."
"KIRBY! SHE'S POSSESSED AGAIN!"
The Bazui let out one final roar and prepared to charge at them –
– when a bright red streak whizzed by them from out of nowhere, slamming into the Bazui and causing it to crash to the ground.
"Look in the sky! It's a bird!" said Kirby.
"It's a plane!" said Adeleine.
"It's just Ribbon, you morons," said Dedede. "Wait. . . it's Ribbon!"
"Ribbon's okay?" Waddle Dee exclaimed in wonder.
"What the heck are you guys doing?" Ribbon shouted from where she was hovering. "I leave you for fifteen minutes and you go and get your lives endangered again?"
"She's better than okay – she's totally snapped out of it!" Kirby realized, and started jumping for joy. "She's back to normal!"
"I'm so happy I could cry!" Adeleine cheered.
"Trust me, you will be when I'm done with you!" Ribbon snapped, flying toward them and stopping a few inches away from Adeleine's face. "Now would someone please explain to me what is going on? I was just taking a power nap and I woke up and saw all this!"
"Ribbon, I hate to tell you this," said Kirby, "but you weren't power napping. You were knocked unconscious."
"No I wasn't! Nobody knocks me unconscious!" Ribbon declared, holding Adeleine's machine gun up to Kirby's head so that there would be no further argument.
"Except for Kirby, like he did yesterday," said Dedede.
"You're next, Bluey!"
"No fair! I've been shot once already!"
By this time the Bazui had finally gotten back on its feet and was looking very angry indeed.
"Ugh! I can't believe you guys couldn't even beat that thing!" Ribbon said in exasperation. "Do I have to do everything around here? Come on, we're doing Offensive Maneuver 73-B! Right now!"
"73-B? But that takes time to prepare!" Waddle Dee objected. "We'll need a distraction in the meantime!"
"Fine. You be the distraction. Go do something so annoying that it has to focus all its attention on you."
"Way ahead of you, Ribbon!" said Waddle Dee, saluting smartly before running up to the Bazui, waving his arms to get its attention.
"Hey, purple thing, look at me! I'm an insurance salesman!"
The Bazui roared in fury and zapped Waddle Dee for the second time, much more fiercely than before.
"HURRY UP, RIBBON!" Waddle Dee screamed as he ran wildly around the basement with the Bazui chasing him all the while.
"Okay, Adeleine, your turn!" Ribbon said hastily. Adeleine nodded as she brandished her paintbrush and pallette and started painting faster than she ever had before. She had to do it on the wall itself, since her easel wasn't nearly big enough for what she had in mind. When she was finished, she had produced a long, narrow wooden plank. As her artwork always did, it turned real, fell off the wall and clattered onto the floor.
"That's perfect, Ad," said Ribbon, who had just rolled the root beer keg over on its side. "Kirby, Dedede, you guys know what to do!"
Adeleine threw the plank on top of the keg so that one end was touching the ground and the other was sticking up in the air. Then Kirby jumped on top of the lower end while Dedede ran over to the other side.
"Hey, Ribbon," said Kirby, "you're sure this this is going to work, aren't you? Like, you've tested it already, right?"
"I've done what now?"
"No time! Here it comes!" Dedede shouted.
Waddle Dee was scrambling frantically toward the others, trying to distract the enraged Bazui still coming after him. "CAN I INTEREST YOU IN ONE OF OUR CUSTOM PACKAGES?" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Get ready, guys!" said Ribbon.
Waddle Dee dived behind Adeleine, and the Bazui followed suit, throwing itself up in the air with an ear-shattering roar.
"NOW!"
Dedede swung his hammer down on the plank as hard as he possibly could, launching Kirby straight up in the air as his electric shield exploded out of him. He and the Bazui collided in midair, and even though Kirby was by far the smaller one, his momentum was so great that he sent the Bazui flying backwards and crashing straight through the ceiling.
Everyone was cheering by the time Kirby landed back on the ground.
"You beat it, Kirby!" Adeleine said happily, clapping her hands in excitement. "That was awesome! That was some severe pwnage!"
"Some severe what?" asked Ribbon.
"Sorry. I've just always wanted to say that," Adeleine said with her silly grin.
"No, seriously, severe what? I've never heard that word!"
"Oh, geez. . . ." Adeleine sighed and rolled her eyes. "You guys don't have computers on Ripple Star, do you?"
So while Kirby and Adeleine launched into a lengthy explanation of what exactly "pwnage" was, Waddle Dee went over to the group of unconscious people and started reviving them while Dedede walked underneath the giant hole in the ceiling and looked up at it, letting out a low whistle.
"That thing really did some damage!" he said. "I think it must have taken out the entire bottom floor! Like, there's literally nothing left up there!"
"What?" Kirby looked very alarmed. "Uh, guys. . . doesn't that mean the entire building is going to come crashing down on top of us?"
Everyone looked at each other.
"CRAP!" they all screamed.
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Although Kirby, Ribbon, Waddle Dee, Adeleine, Dedede, and every single other person who happened to be in the hotel managed to escape in the few seconds they had before the entire building collapsed in on itself, I won't bore you with the details of how it happened. Just take my word for it.
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Once it was over, all that remained of the hotel was a massive pile of bricks, wood, and concrete, hundreds of feet in diameter. Kirby and the others slowly and fearfully approached it, looking at what they had caused.
"Wow. . . you guys, you realize we're going to have to pay for all this," said Waddle Dee.
"Oh, would you quit being so negative?" said Kirby. "We saved the day again!"
"Right. And now that that's over – " Ribbon reached into the rubble and pulled out Browning. "What do we do with him?"
Kirby's suggestion was to "kick him where the sun don't shine", which Ribbon took to mean kicking him in the shade, but turned out to mean something very different.
"What? I can't do that – it's inappropriate, and this story's only rated K-plus!"
"So? I said 'biotches'!" said Adeleine.
"I had a nude scene!" said Kirby.
"YOU WHAT?" Ribbon screamed before catching on. "Wait. . . Kirby! You're always nude!"
"Yeah! So I had a lot of nude scenes!" He and Waddle Dee high-fived as Adeleine and Dedede laughed their heads off.
"You guys are the sickest bunch of perverts I've ever met," Ribbon moaned, hiding her face in her hands. "Why did I get stuck with all of you? Why? Couldn't Dark Matter have gone and possessed some normal people?"
"Uh, Ribbon, I really hate to interrupt," said Adeleine, pointing directly behind the fairy, "but I think the fat guy's getting away."
Ribbon turned around and very loudly uttered several words that can't be repeated in this story.
Browning was scrambling into the street as quickly as he could, desperate to get away from the scene. Ribbon tried to fly after him, but he was almost instantly lost in the rush of traffic, and for a moment it seemed like he was going to escape.
Suddenly, all of the cars on the road pulled off to either side as a horde of police cars and fire trucks came barreling around the corner, sirens wailing. Browning stopped dead in his tracks as one of the police cars pulled directly in front of him, cutting off his escape, and two policemen got out.
"Are you the proprietor of this hotel, sir?" one of them asked, none too pleasantly.
"Uh. . . yes?"
"Wow. Another genius," Dedede remarked.
"Sir, I hope you realize that spontaneously collapsing buildings is a serious health code violation!" the policeman said to Browning. "I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us."
"Wait. . . ." said the second one. "Isn't this the guy we busted for illegal cock fighting last year?"
"Illegal cock fighting?" Ribbon repeated, sounding highly amused.
"Money's hard to come by for me, okay?" Browning said sharply.
"Whatever. Let's just arrest the weirdo."
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, COPPERS!" Browning shouted before he took off running again. However, he hadn't gone more than a hundred feet before he started slowing down and panting heavily. Finally he simply stopped, putting his hands on his knees and gasping for breath. The police easily walked up to him and slapped handcuffs on his wrists.
"Dang. . . I really need to work out more."
"I told you!" Adeleine called after him as the police loaded him into the cop car and sped away.
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Wow. . . that was really long. Sorry. Only one chapter left, though! Hang in there my readers!