Black-Angel-001: heard this joke from my dad. really really funny.
Duo's Lesson
Duo was about to preach for the first time in front of a congregation. He knew all the material, knew everything he was going to say, knew everything that was required of him. And yet for all that, he was still very, very, very nervous.
He was so nervous, that he was walking around in circles, muttering to himself, eyes darting back and forth, looking for all the world like he was about to bolt. Seeing this agitation, a fellow preist, much older and well versed with this sort of situation, went to calm Duo.
"Father, you should not be worried about your sermon. You will do wonderfully." Then, seeing Duo's look of disbelief, added in a quieter tone, "When you get to the podium, you will see a glass of water. To the congregation, that's all it is. But, really, it is vodka. Just take a few sips of it, and you will feel calmer."
Duo bowed his head in thanks. "I won't forget," he promised.
It was time. Before he began, Duo looked around at the congregation, waiting for him to start. Quickly, he took a sip of vodka. At first, his sermon was slow, uneasy, his voice unsure. But gradually, after more sips, he got more confident, louder. He pounded on the podium, he ran up and down the stage, inbetween the aisles. Everyone in the room was getting into it, feeling the 'Holy Spirit'. People jumped up and down, shouted at the top of their lungs, danced in the pews and out of the aisles. Some even passed out. And Duo only got better with each sip until he was very tipsy and the glass had very little left.
Suddenly, it was over. Duo skiped to the back, running into the older preist who had told him about the vodka. Still feeling the effects, he asked in a very slurred voice how the older man thought he'd done. The preist considered for a minute. Then spoke.
"Well, Father Maxwell, you had everyone really going and feeling your message. That was probably the most important thing. But, there are some things you should work on for next time."
"Yessir. Please tell me what they are," Duo hiccupped.
"For one thing, there are twelve disciples, not ten. For another, there are ten commandments, not twelve. And lastly, you never, ever refer to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and 'Big Daddy', 'JC', and 'The Spook'."
Black-Angel-001: okay, so it's kinda like 'missed': it makes a jab at religion. get over it.