Chapter 13: When you leave please don't say goodbye.

After I had carefully wrapped Lee's arm back up I sighed and looked towards my window. Light was trying to enter the room though the curtains. I guessed it couldn't be earlier than 8 or 9 am, but not later than noon.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" He asked, his concern now tasting bitter sweet to me.

"I'm alright." I said, trying to fake at least the tiniest bit of happiness. At this rate I'd be back to my old uncaring self sooner then I thought possible. I guess that is what happiness is, something that comes and goes. It was like a light breeze in the desert, cooling you down for the moment but when it stops it leaves you hotter than before. But I didn't even feel warm inside; I felt no warmth at all. Not even when Lee held me close. I'd already frozen my heart over, hiding it away, under ice so thick that no one could melt it; no matter how hard they tried.

"How about we get some breakfast?" He asked, trying to cheer me up. He failed, of course. Right now I felt as if I'd never be happy again. I made myself act like he'd already left. Because once he went on his way, I couldn't stop him, nor did I want to stop him. I made a promise to myself to never feel this way again.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I said, deciding that being cold towards him was okay. Since he'd have to leave soon anyway.

"But Gaara-san, you didn't eat all day yesterday or today! Are you sure you're feeling okay?" He said, his concern a sick joke to me now.

"I'm fine." I said coldly. It wasn't food that I needed. And love couldn't help me now. I needed my solitude. It had always been there for and always would. Solitude never leaves you, you leave it. But in the end it's always there, waiting for you to come back, because it knows you will.

"Are you sure? You're looking a little pale." He said, approaching me, but I stepped away.

"I'm naturally pale." I said, ignoring the harsh pain in my ass. "And I'm sure. If you want to you can go get breakfast for yourself. I can tell you where to go…" I started but he started shaking his head.

"No, I'm fine. I was just worried about you." He said, his kindness feeling old and it didn't comfort me anymore. Because I knew that this was all temporary, almost fake. He seemed so kind right now, but I knew that it wouldn't seem that way after he left. He would have broken my heart, if I hadn't already locked it away.

I was too caught up in my thoughts to notice Lee come up to me and I saw him after he put his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him, ridding my face of any emotion.

"You feeling alright? Anything I can do?" He asked, giving me a worried frown as he checked my face, as if I might have a deadly disease.

"No." I replied, answering both questions. Because I wasn't really feeling all right, but there was nothing he could do about it. If I told him that his leaving was what was making me like this then he would have insisted on staying. But he would have to leave at some point in time, and I knew that. So the sooner he left, the sooner I could let go. I didn't want to forget him, no, I'd remember this all forever. But I knew he couldn't become a part of my future, he had his own life to pursue, and I didn't want to hold him back. He'd become my most cherished memory, but nothing more. Because that's how things had to be.

At first he just looked at me, puzzled. But after a moment he gave me a look of understanding. I didn't think he'd actually understood what I wasn't saying but I kind of hoped he did. Maybe he could read minds… No, how silly that sounds! But he still smiled at me, and I felt the ice melt away a little, but just a little. If he could stay forever, smile at me like that forever, then I'm sure he could've won my heart over. But he didn't have forever, and he couldn't win my heart over, because it was time to move on, for the both of us.

"Gaara-san, I know I'm supposed to leave today, but I really don't want…" He started, but I interrupted. I didn't want him to leave, he understood that much. But I had to get him to leave now, because never was not an option.

"Lee, you are going to leave today." I said, my voice free of any emotion. It almost had a touch of superiority in it.

"But, Gaara-san, I …" He tried again, but I quickly shot him down.

"No, you must leave today. That's how it is. You…" I started, but this time he interrupted me.

"No, Gaara-san, you need to listen! I don't care about anything else, I'm staying, and…" He'd almost gotten me, I almost gave in to him but I stopped him once again.

"No, Lee, you don't understand. You staying here is not an option. You must part with me today, go back home. Your village eagerly awaits you." I said and his head fell and he looked down at the floor, his hands still on my shoulders. If I had had to say this an hour ago I couldn't have. But I've made up my mind, thrown away my feelings, my emotions, and I've chosen to deny him and any of his requests to stay here. He stayed like that a moment, and I started to wonder if he might've been crying. But his head quickly shot up and he looked at me, tears in his eyes but he didn't let them fall.

"I told you, I don't care about anyone else, and I just want to stay…" He tried again, his voice almost breaking, his tears daring to go against his will and fall. I didn't have to interrupt him this time, he stopped on his own.

"You do care for others, and you know it. Don't throw away your life for me, in a moment of passion. You need to get back home. You'll have to leave soon to get back before dark." I said, my face and voice giving him no comfort, if anything, they were disturbing him.

"But…" He started, but searching my eyes for any signs of affection and finding none he stopped again. "Gaara-san," He said sadly, taking his hands off of me and standing up straight, "If that's what you really want, then I'll leave."

"It's for the best." I reassured him, and myself. He smiled, but it was full of sadness and painful to look at. I didn't want to see him like this, but there was no other way.

"Before I leave, I want you to know something." He said, the pain and sadness in his face distorting and turning into a look of pride. "I love you, and I probably always will. I might be leaving you, but only because you wish it so. The next time I see you, I will surely make you fall in love with me." He finished, giving me one last true smile.

He turned to leave, walk out of the door and out of my life, but suddenly he turned back around and came towards me. He was openly crying now and didn't bother trying to hide it. He embraced me, holding me as close and tight as he could. I thought he was going to squeeze the life out of me, for an instant. I didn't dare return his embrace, because if I did I'm sure I would've never let go. His tears fell onto my shoulder, and he whispered under his sobs, "I'll miss you." After saying that he let go, trying to smile for me but failing. He nodded me goodbye, and I politely nodded to him. He left.

It was then I fell to my knees and cried rivers of silent tears. Because even icebergs melt when placed next to the blazing radiance of the sun.