Daughters
Chapter Ten: Find the Light

"Where did Kagome go?" Sango questioned at lunch that Friday. She frowned and stared down at her bento lunch. "We have PE after lunch, she won't want to miss that."

"I bet she's skipping," Ayame sighed, poking at her own lunch of top ramen. "And didn't even bother to invite me."

"Ladies," Miroku gushed out happily, landing beside Sango with a flashy display of fluttering eyelashes and smirking lips. "No need to fear, for I am here."

"We were worried about Kagome, not you," Sango said firmly, ignoring Miroku's crocodile tears.

"Where'd Kagome go?" Inuyasha questioned before he could stop himself.

The two girls looked at him, their eyebrows arching upwards.

"Why do you care?" Ayame questioned, her green eyes blinking before narrowing, her red hair framing her face. She pursed her lips and shoved Miroku away when he moved towards her. "You don't like her, remember?"

Inuyasha snarled. "I don't care, I was just…"

Unable to think of a suitable excuse, Inuyasha fell silent and, with a large huff, stared out the window, where the sun was shining brightly. Summer vacation was coming and he knew he'd have a large amount of homework to do before the start of next term after the break. Second semester wouldn't start until September.

"Oy," Miroku swiveled his head. "Inuyasha, want to go get me a drink? I'm thirsty."

"Got money?" Inuyasha questioned, thankful for the excuse to leave the classroom, where all the girls were making gaga eyes at him. Ever since Rin had made her infamous appearance, the girls had been looking at him differently. Miroku complained to him about how all the girls liked his 'sensitive' side and were completely ignoring him. Inuyasha just shrugged him off and told him how the girls ignored him before his 'transformation' from rude jerk to quiet, sensitive, and misunderstood loner.

He plucked Miroku's proffered yen from his hand and retreated from the room, searching for the drink machine and hoping there wasn't a large line. He moved swiftly down the hallway until he heard a strange sound that sounded like a mixture between a gargle and a moan.

Unsure whether he wanted to know the source of such a mysterious noise, Inuyasha moved on. But he paused when the sound grew louder and he identified it as a strangled sob. He froze in his spot when he realized that the sound was coming from the janitor's closet near the staircase.

He moved slowly towards the door and tapped on the wood. The sobbing immediately ceased and Inuyasha frowned. As if that would work—he knew someone was in there. As if stopping would do any good.

He threw the door open and was shocked to see Kagome Higurashi on the other side of the door, nestled between a mop and cleaning fluids.

"What are you doing in here?" Inuyasha questioned, wondering why the girl was sitting in a broom closet crying hysterically. Tears fell down her cheeks and she turned her face away in shame.

"Go away," she said pathetically.

"No," Inuyasha said firmly and wondered why he didn't leave. He stepped into the closet.

"I was just… in here…" Kagome stammered. "When the door shut."

Inuyasha shut the door and Kagome's eyes widened.

"And I got locked in."

"Shit," Inuyasha cursed and jiggled the handle, trying to push the door open but failing; the door wouldn't budge. He cursed again and shoved against it, wishing he could dislodge the sticky door from its frame and run away from the situation he'd just submerged himself in. He was so stupid.

He bashed his head against the door and cursed his stupidity. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck in a closet with Kagome. People would find them and then the rumors would spread through the school like wildfire. All he ever wanted to do was be ignored by the stupid, fake people in this school. He'd gone through his high school career without being noticed, why now?

That's right… he was in a closet with Kagome. But why was she here?

He turned his head and gazed at her, his lavender eyes adjusting to the darkness. Above their head a small, dying light bulb buzzed and blinked, shedding a soft, yellow glow in the small vicinity. He thanked God he wasn't claustrophobic. Or a misogynist, for that matter. He didn't completely detest women; he was just always so incredibly uncomfortable around them that he tended to avoid them like the plague. But… it was Kagome… and she was crying.

He realized with horror that she truly was crying. She stared at him, tears spilling down her cheeks. He stared at her blankly, unsure what to make of the scene before him. Kagome quickly ducked her head and wiped the tears away.

"What…?"

"I'm sorry," Kagome hiccupped. "The tears… they just won't stop…"

She kept wiping at her cheeks but tears continued to spill. She bit back a sob and offered him a frail, watery smile. That smile killed him more than the tears.

"I'm so weak… I just… I just think of that man," she trailed off and looked away. "I promised… I promised I wouldn't cry anymore. But I'm always crying. I promised… I promised my mom that I'd be strong."

She gripped her knees, tears drizzling from her eyes and splattering on her legs and skirt, leaving dark spots on the red material. Inuyasha stared stupidly.

"I'm sorry," Kagome repeated. "They just won't stop."

He wasn't sure of what man she was thinking of; he assumed it was the man that attacked her, and, even though it happened nearly a month ago, he could see why it could continue to bother her.

"You should just try and forget about it…" he ventured.

"I can't forget about my father," Kagome said bitterly. "He's just been so difficult lately."

"Wait, you're talking about your dad?" Inuyasha asked, bewildered. He thought she was talking about the guy who assaulted her.

Kagome stared at him, tears in her eyes. "What…? Yes… Who did you think I was talking about?"

"No one," he said stubbornly, then tried the door again to try and leave. The door was still stuck. Somehow, he knew that would be the case.

They sat in an awkward silence. Inuyasha just didn't know how to cope in such a situation, and Kagome was desperately trying to stop her tears. Her occasional sniffles punctuated the stressed silence of the small closet and Inuyasha shifted, leaning against the wall and knocking against a broom.

"You're crying over your father…?" Inuyasha risked after the silence became deafening.

Kagome sniffled. "I don't want to bother you with my problems. Why do you think I hid myself in the closet in the first place? I didn't want people to see me like this." She drew her knees to her chest and buried her face. "It must be terrible for you. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, it's annoying," Inuyasha grunted.

Silence fell again.

"What did your dad do?" Inuyasha questioned, once again breaking the deafly silence.

Kagome hiccupped. "He's just…"

She stared at her feet in the darkness. The light grazed her skin, giving her an almost surreal glow, and unearthly visage. She blinked slowly, and the pale yellow light reflected in her eyes, the tears glimmering in the oceanic orbs.

"Never mind," Kagome mumbled and forced a watery smile on her lips. "It's nothing important."

'Liar,' he thought bitterly, watching as one last tear trickled down her cheek.

"Tell me," he insisted.

Kagome sighed. "I don't want to make my dad sound like a bad man but…"

"Miroku told me," Inuyasha quickly interjected. "He said he's a good guy, your old man, but just not a good father."

Kagome smiled pathetically and nodded her head. "Yes, Miroku's right."

"So what did he do?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't," Inuyasha shot back, feeling his cheeks turn pink. "I just think that telling somebody would be better than staying cooped up in a closet. So just tell me, it's not like I've got anyone to tell."

Kagome blinked and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

They sat in silence for what could have been an eternity or just a few seconds. Inuyasha wasn't sure what to make of the situation before him but he didn't press anything. Occasionally he jiggled the handle he sat next to and wished that someone would pass by and, say, need a broom from the janitor's closet. Better yet, have it be the janitor, because if one of his classmates found him, he would die from the shame of getting locked in the closet. And with Kagome, on top of that.

Her tears had quieted; perhaps the presence of Inuyasha persuaded her to stop crying. Crying in front of others was always embarrassing, especially for high school students. She swallowed a lump in her throat and felt her heart race in her chest.

"How long have you been in here?" Inuyasha asked suddenly.

Kagome fidgeted with her uniform, tugging on her tie. "Since the end of last period. I've been gone from lunch for the past few days, haven't you noticed?" She paused. "No, of course not."

"Sango and Ayame were worried about you."

"I know, but I told them that I just had to talk to some teachers…" Kagome sighed. "I guess I shouldn't lie… but… I don't want to worry them."

"I guess so," Inuyasha said uneasily and fell silent, watching her in the flickering light.

He was struck once again by the sheer loneliness he saw in her eyes. The day when she was looking up at the stars… and now, when she was staring down at her feet. Each time she looked so incredibly lonely Inuyasha couldn't understand why. What was so terrible in Kagome's life? And yet, despite that pain she harbored, how could she keep smiling?

It took him years to smile again, and even now, it felt unnatural. The feeling of his lips curving upwards into a smile when he didn't feel happy… there was something weird about it. How could Kagome bare to hide behind such a mask one moment and then the next, dart behind closed doors and cry her eyes out?

"So tell me," he said again. He wondered why he insisted on it.

Kagome laughed quietly, her thoughts obviously traveling along the same vein as his.

"He just makes me so angry!" Kagome said firmly. "He doesn't stand up for himself. He did it with my mom and now he does it with Abi. You know who Abi is, right?"

"Yeah," Inuyasha murmured, "Miroku told me."

"Abi just makes me… just so angry!" Kagome frowned. "But I want my dad to be happy. I've let go of the foolish feeling that my mom and dad belong with only one another. I want my dad to be happy again, but I wish that it wasn't with Abi. She's just a… a terrible woman."

Inuyasha was silent, not daring to interrupt Kagome on her tirade.

"My dad has no consideration for others, and he always plays the victim. It's always a guilt trip here and a guilt trip there! Everything is always somebody else's fault. When my mother died… it wasn't his fault, it was my mom's fault! When my mom found out about his affair, it was my mom's fault for not being a better wife. When he was with Abi, it was Abi's fault for seducing him!"

She clenched her eyes shut and grasped her knees.

"Abi is just so… just so… God."

He wasn't sure what to say to her accusations. Perhaps she'd let slip more than she meant to. Affair?

And did he hear correctly with the…?

"Your mother died because of…?"

Kagome shook her head quickly. "No, my father didn't kill my mother. At least, not directly. Maybe indirectly."

"Did your mother, uh," Inuyasha was unsure how to say it.

"She didn't commit suicide, either," Kagome replied lightly, as if she were reading his mind. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he didn't have to necessarily ask and just have Kagome complete his sentences for him.

"How did she die, then?" Inuyasha questioned before he could stop himself.

Kagome smiled sadly. "My mom ran away from the house when she discovered Abi and Dad together, in her house, in her room, in her bed. It tore her apart. Perhaps that's when she truly died. She died when she saw the one man she loved turn his back on her."

Inuyasha fidgeted.

"My mom… she… "

"You don't need to say it," Inuyasha said, his voice coming out softer than he'd ever heard it before. He realized the look on her face. It was still too painful. For her, her mother's death was still recent. She was only thirteen when it happened.

"I'm sorry," Kagome said again. "Burdening you with my own stupid problems."

"It's obvious not stupid," Inuyasha snorted, feeling his lips quirk downwards into a deep frown, "if you lock yourself in a closet so you can cry in peace. Have you ever talked to your dad about this?"

"You've obviously never met my dad," Kagome murmured, a bitter, mirthless laugh escaping her dry throat.

"Oh."

She bit her lip and her eyes welled up before she quickly blinked them and banished the tearful look.

"He's the master of guilt tripping. I can't tell him anything without him getting me? all guilt-ridden. He just… makes me feel so terrible. I feel like I can't do anything without hurting his feelings. I feel like it's me who's the damned parent and he's the child! It's the other way around! I'm not supposed to care about his feelings so much that I'm willing to bend over backwards for him!"

Inuyasha stared at her silently.

"And now Abi's pregnant! Was I not good enough? Was Souta not good enough?"

"Souta?" Inuyasha questioned.

Kagome blinked. "Right, you've never met Souta. He's my baby brother."

Inuyasha nodded, urging her to continue.

She smiled bitterly, her eyes welling up again. "He was such a sweet boy."

"Was?" Did he die too?

"Abi sent Souta off to a boarding school because she claimed he had a disciplinary problem. Souta just wasn't afraid to speak his mind. And Dad's guilt trips never worked on him, they only made him angry. But Abi and Dad sent him away. He's only eleven."

Inuyasha watched her for a brief moment.

"These things," Inuyasha ventured, "are what make you human."

Kagome laughed mirthlessly. "I suppose so."

They lapsed away into silence, punctuated by Kagome's sporadic sniffles and their deep breathing. Inuyasha felt awkward sitting with Kagome after the girl revealed so much about her family life—he felt like he was intruding. He was always uncomfortable around girls.

"Do you have your cell phone? To call someone?" Kagome asked out of the blue after Inuyasha started growing used to her silence. He jumped but quickly disguised it as his eagerness to find his cell phone and get the hell out of the closet.

"No," he said, defeated, after checking his pockets.

Kagome nodded her head. "When they find us, they're going to bombard us with closet jokes, you know that? Oh, Miroku will have a fit for days." She seemed rather amused by the idea. "He'll never let you live this down."

"That's why we're not going to let him find out," Inuyasha said, tensely. At his tone, Kagome fell silent and her smile slipped from her face. She nodded her head and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Inuyasha jiggled the handle, praying for it to open.

The door wouldn't budge. Of course.

"Terrific," he muttered to himself, ready to kick himself for his stupidity.

"Do you hate me?" Kagome asked abruptly. Inuyasha started at such a question and swiveled his head to stare at her in surprise.

"What?" he croaked out.

Kagome's face turned bright pink. "Never mind. Sorry. I didn't mean to impose. It's none of my business."

The entire fragmented sentences were spoken quicker than necessary and Inuyasha realized that Kagome really was curious about it. What was wrong with this girl? She was one paradox after another. She was always preaching one thing then doing something completely different. She was so… annoying, and yet… fascinating. Was that the right word? Inuyasha wasn't sure.

Kagome sighed and turned her head, staring at the wall lined with cleaning supplies used by the school's janitors. She fiddled with her fingers and batted aside a stray cobweb with the back of her hand.

"You've already asked me a question like that," Inuyasha finally murmured. "And you didn't like the answer."

"No, I didn't like it," Kagome agreed, her eyes saddened as she stared a cardboard box filled with window cleaner.

They sat in silence.

"Am I at least… on friendly terms with you?" Kagome questioned, her heart pounding against her chest, as if she was afraid of what he would say; she was afraid of what he would say. She was alone with Inuyasha in a closet. It could make any sane girl's heart pound.

"Maybe," Inuyasha muttered. "Like hell I know. I don't care."

"Because I like to think of us on friendly terms," Kagome whispered, ducking her head. "Maybe not friends, per se, but at least friendly."

Inuyasha snorted.

"Why do you want me to be your friend so bad, anyway? How could being my friend possibly benefit you?" Inuyasha questioned. He glared at the light in the ceiling. Well, more slightly off to the left, so as not to blind himself with the light.

"Haven't you realized?" Kagome said quietly, staring at her feet. Inuyasha stared at her quizzically. "Haven't you noticed that I've always been right behind you?"

"Uh…" Inuyasha trialed off, unsure whether Kagome was being metaphorical or literal, either way he put it, it was still an odd thing to say. He shifted in his seat and knitted his eyebrows together. "What are you talking about?"

Kagome ducked her head, her face completely covered by shadows. He stared at her, not even beginning to understand what it was that she was saying. She remained silent.

"You've never been behind me," he said firmly and Kagome's eyes widened. She skirted away, grasping her knees. "You've infuriated me and pissed me off multiple times. There are times that I could cheerfully strangle you."

"You haven't noticed," Kagome said, a bitter note of defensiveness in her voice.

Inuyasha's frown deepened and he stared at her.

"I've been there," Kagome continued. "You've just never seen me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know," Kagome whispered, ducking her head. "I remember."

"Remember what?"

"When you were eight," Kagome whispered.

Eight. He remembered that age. But why did Kagome remember? What did she remember?

"The day that you were called down to the office during school. You were gone for only a couple minutes. Then you came back," Kagome whispered. "And you were crying."

Inuyasha reeled back in shock, staring at her. He blinked a couple times before he realized that Kagome was talking about that. The day his parents died in the car accident. But why did she remember it?

"You remember the day my parents died."

"I do," Kagome nodded. "I will never forget the look on your face, Inuyasha."

"But why?" he murmured.

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Because I also remember the kids that made fun of you for crying. You told the teacher, in a hushed voice, that you had to go home. You went home after getting your stuff, and you didn't come back until about a week later."

Inuyasha was silent, his face a perfect expression of horror and shock.

"But when you did come back, you were a changed person." Kagome blinked her eyes, as if she were fighting tears again. "You didn't smile. You didn't laugh. You didn't talk. You just sat there. I remember the little boy who smiled and played… the little boy that was so incredibly happy that it was almost seemed impossible that one child could be that happy."

A shiver ran down Inuyasha's spine.

"When you came back… you were different. But I wanted, more than anything else, to see you smile. When I learned that you'd lost both your parents, I wanted to make you happy again. But I was too shy then. I was too shy to even come near you." She turned her head away, staring at the broom and mop. Shadows covered her face.

"Why do you remember that?"

"When I turned thirteen," Kagome continued, as if she hadn't heard him, "my mother died. I remember that pain I felt and thought, 'is this the same pain he felt? The same pain that he still feels?' Perhaps it wasn't any of my business. After all, I didn't know you, and you certainly didn't remember me when we were in the same class in middle school. But, I…"

She trailed off, her lips pressing firmly together.

"I was mean to you, though, because you were mean to me. That's no excuse. But, I realized that after I snapped at you, I didn't do anything to help you." She shrugged her shoulders, faking a look of nonchalance. In reality, her lips were quivering and she looked ready to pass out. "I wanted to see you smile."

Quietly, as if afraid he'd scare her away, he crept out of the shadows he'd nestled himself into and let the dying light bathe him. He crept close to her and waited until she finally dared to lift her head. Blue eyes locked with lavender eyes and stayed locked for what felt like the longest moment he'd ever experienced.

"I don't remember you," he whispered.

Kagome nodded. "I know. But I was there, even if I made you angry."

"Yeah," he replied faintly.

Those blue eyes wavered.

He inhaled deeply. "But why?"

"Maybe…" Kagome's voice wavered. In the background they heard the lunch bell ring. For some reason, Inuyasha didn't care anymore. "I just… thought you looked better when you smiled."

He felt his lips twitch. Why did he suddenly want to smile? He'd gone years without smiling to having to resist the temptation—he'd smiled at Rin, and now he wanted to smile for Kagome?

Kagome bowed her head again; her blue eyes no longer looked at him. Inuyasha felt his hands shake as he gripped the slacks of his uniform.

"You're a stupid girl," he said finally, "to waste so much time on me. I'm nothing."

"You're not to me," Kagome said weakly and she felt her entire face turn red. She cleared her throat. "I mean… I want… I want to be your friend. I want to be able to make you happy."

"That's what makes you stupid," Inuyasha said quietly, with less conviction this time. He leaned against the wall, stretching out his legs and arms, his hands tucking behind his head and cushioning his skull as he leaned back. He hid in the shadows, his lips quirked downwards in a thoughtful frown.

"It doesn't stop me," Kagome replied, her voice light.

Inuyasha grunted his acknowledgement.

He heard Kagome let out a small sniffle as she regained control of her emotions. She shifted and ducked away from behind the glow of the light, shadows crossing her red cheeks.

He felt comfort, oddly enough, sitting in the broom closet with Kagome. Normally, he felt on edge with Kagome and uncomfortable. But yet, sitting in the half-darkness with her was a strange comfort.

Perhaps the knowledge that Kagome was always conscious of his existence was what comforted him. He'd gone through his teenaged years thinking that he just drifted in and out of people's lives and didn't matter to anyone.

But, suddenly, he was the world to a little girl. And suddenly, there was a girl his age, his own classmate, his cousin's babysitter, who was always looking at him, not through him. A girl who looked at him without anger, without hatred, without disapproval. He excused the fact that she did it before… but she'd apologized for it, numerous times. She'd just been there.

She was always looking at him with her impossibly blue eyes.

But why wasn't she looking at him now?

"Look at me," he ordered.

He moved from out of the shadows, the light from the bulb above blinding him for just a moment before he could see her clearly. She scooted a bit, the light bathing her blue-black hair. The light wasn't blinding him.

"Look at me," he repeated, his eyebrows knitting together.

Kagome hesitantly lifted her head and looked at him.

It was almost like he was seeing her for the first time.

He could tell that she'd recently cried. Her blue eyes were watery and an incredible blue color. Her cheeks were colored a light red. Her lips were puffed from her frequent attempts to bite down on her lips and shamefully silence herself from tears.

Those blue eyes stared at him, the light reflecting in their depths.

Since when was Kagome beautiful? He knew that he'd never admit it to anyone, anytime, for any reason, but as he gazed at Kagome, he was overcome by the knowledge that Kagome was pretty.

Why hadn't he realized it before?

He felt his lips splitting into a hesitant smile before he could stop himself and he looked at her.

That heart-breaking look on her face melted away instantly at the sight of his smile. She hadn't seen that smile in over a decade and it made everything up to that point easy to forget. The look on his face—with his lips curved upwards—was something she would treasure forever. He looked remarkably younger. When he frowned, he'd always looked so old.

But he looked like the young man he was when he smiled and his lavender eyes were almost soft.

Her breath hitched in her throat.

"Thank you," he whispered, the two words escaping his lips with some difficulty.

Kagome, still captivated by his smile, could only nod and murmur a soft "you're welcome."