A Letter From Raven Roth Chapter 12: Advice and Apology to Miss Koriand'r of Tamaran, a teen titans fanfic

Thank you all for your very kind expressions of support. You cannot possibly know what it means to me...

To my dearest DM: I am sorry to disappoint, but I am no longer in the business of insulting readers.

To someone whose name was mentioned in my last apology, and was apparantlyupset... I am sorry, it will not happen again.

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

(-story-)

Dearest Miss Koriand'r of Tamaran,

I cannot possibly convey all my feelings of regret and sorrow in one letter of apology to you. I have behaved in a way which displays many of the worst traits of humanity, and misled you. Please allow me to try and rectify my mistakes, and answer your questions honestly, to the best of my ability, as a scholar and student of psychology and anthropology. (I have a BS in Business Administration, I dropped out of pre-med school. I just don't want to be misunderstood.)

I will first address the 'strange' behavior of your friends. When something that is not true is written or said about another person, it is called 'gossip.' Gossip can make people behave strangely. The person who is the object of the gossip may be angry, because untruths have been told about him or her. She may be frustrated, because many who read the gossip will believe it, even when told that it contains falsehoods. My own religious beliefs condemn me to eternal damnation for spreading gossip, should I not be able to repair the damage and receive forgiveness from all who are wronged. Sniff.

'Once a lie is scattered in the wind, it can never be shoved completely back into the pillow.'

I am flattered that you find my stories entertaining, and I am glad that I have not offended you.

Sorry.

It is quite common for stories-of-entertainment to contain sexual situations and humor. Unfortunately, that does not make it a proper thing. Many people feel that sexual situations and sexual humor should be minimized in stories and movies, because on this planet all parents hope to raise children who will not be promiscuous. We have a large problem here with unintended pregnancies and single-parent children raised in poverty. For the good of our society, it is considered wise to encourage sex within stable, married relationships, and discourage casual sex. Your 'freakish' aberration is normal on Earth. This is not to judge your people's views on sexuality: it is just the way things are, here. I, myself, am ashamed for contributing to the further degradation of our civilization.

Raven is not angry with you, she is embarrassed. Lesbian relationships (sex between two women) on this planet are considered deviant. That is not to say that Lesbianism is wrong, but it is considered to be outside of the range of normal behavior. Many people are uncomfortable with the idea, or their religious beliefs forbid it. I am sure that Raven loves you, but not in that way. It is wrong of me to be fascinated with Lesbianism, and to write about non-original characters in such a manner.

It is quite normal for people on Earth, particularly young males, to brag about how many sexual experiences they have had. This is known as 'Machismo.' It is also commonly referred to as B.S. (Bullshit, or Barbara Streisand.) It is always true that those who brag the most have the least experience, or the tiniest toolkit.

Robin's problem with dating is complicated. He may be a homosexual, and does not wish to have a loving relationship with a woman (once again, not necessarily a 'wrong' thing.) He may be very inexperienced, and afraid to kiss you, fearing that he will not be 'good enough.' Or, he may be insecure, and feels that he is unworthy of one so beautiful, kind, and heroic as yourself. I don't think his fixation on Slade is the cause of his avoidance-behavior. I believe that the best way to handle this is to tell him you wish to kiss him, the next time you two are alone.

Raven is not upset with Beastboy for any reason connected with me or my stories-she is just angry at him for being himself. He is annoying. Sometimes. Okay-a lot. Don't misunderstand me, he means well. He tries to get Raven to show emotion, and she does not want to show emotion. This puts them at cross purposes. Even though I have nothing to do with this unfortunate state of affairs, I am sorry for the appearance that I may have contributed to their continuing animosity.

I am afraid that the chance of Raven being jealous of me is less than the chance that Beastboy has a PhD in Physics. (Sorry, BG) I cannot tell Raven that I love her. First, because I am scared to. Second, because she has threatened to hurt me, and I believe her. Also, I am a bad person, and I deserve to have my ass kicked.

I hope I have helped you understand the dynamics of the convoluted relationships that you have been observing among your friends. I only hope that you can forgive me for all the horrible things I have done to you and your friends. If you decide you want to help Raven kick my ass I will understand. I deserve no less.

Please do not send naked pictures of yourself to anyone. (You do not want to know why.)

Tell Beastboy that 'shoe' rhymes very nicely with 'blue.'

Cyborg laughed because he thought it funny that you would write a letter to me asking for advice, when I am the one who caused many of the problems which you wrote to me for advice on. Tell him that the letter you wrote me was intended as a joke-he will be impressed!

Robin ran screaming like a little girl because he is afraid to love you, because he feels unworthy of one so glorious as yourself, or because he thinks of you as a sister, and your feelings for him are inappropriate. Either way, he is scared to tell you, so you must confront him in no uncertain terms. I hope he does love you. You deserve much happiness. I deserve none.

Please do not tell any of this to Raven. I don't think she would appreciate it. She would kick my ass.

Your properly humiliated, and humble servant,

Vinnie

P.S. Please do not tell any of the others that I spoke any ill of them in this letter. I like and respect them all very much. I was only trying to be perfectly truthful and accurate, in order to advise you fully.

(-love-peace-contentment-serenity-calm-tranquility-placidity-quiet-)

Please do not review. I do not deserve your kind attentions.