Author's Note: Heh, heh, heh… I had to up the rating. ;;; You'll know why soon enough. Now, Kouga and Kagura isn't visually displeasing, but, think about it, would it ever happen? Probably as soon as Naraku ran off with Sesshoumar- Hey! That would be a great idea! I think I'll write that! No, seriously, can't you tell that behind all the hate they have for each other, they're just dying for love and affection? Alright! I'm so good!

Aamalie: And I must applaud you for being my first reviewer. And throw confetti in your honor. –throws confetti- PARTY!

KaguraImmortal: Kagura will slaughter the two of them. –taps fingers together deviously-

Ainominako: Oh, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's stuck in my head too. Or at least was when I was doing the other chapter.

Checkey: A non-descriptive sex scene, just as you wanted. Damn you, you made me up the rating!!! –shakes a fist at you- ; But I had fun doing it.

Kitty the Hitwoman: Thanks so much for the pairings. I shall be using them.

FluffyLemonn: I wrote this chapter thinking of you. Ok, not really, but I can pretend.

BlueDove: Well, I'm afraid that I am serious. Now, as I see it, there are the very occasional authors that can make the most unplausible pairings make sense, but those rare authors are so few and far between that it's pretty much good to say that they do not exist. I'm sorry if I offended you, but, at the same time, it's nice to know that I hit a nerve. It means my story has a purpose.

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SEQ CHAPTER h r 1Kouga was pissed off, pacing back and forth through his uber coolio cave that had all these awesome furs all over it and random wolves lounging about. Why is the story starting in his cave? ... You mean stories with Kouga in them can start in places other than his cave or the nearby forests that really aren't so near by?? WHAT???

And also because wolves are hot and we must describe their environment and them as much as possible! YAY!

His hair - which, obviously, was not rough or coarse like most wolves, but soft and silky like he has stolen Marisu's Panteen proV shampoo and conditioner to make it extra shiney (but not oily) and to get rid of all the split ends - swayed from side to side in the ponytail that he had it in as he walked and he even tossed it over for good measure, pausing to pose in a way that would have instantly had a zillion photographers clawing each other's eyes out to be able to get a shot of him for the cover of the newest romance novel by Ima Heartthrobb called "Sex Appeal".

His cerulean, aqua, midnight, ocean, dark sky, stormy, misty, cloudy, angry, sharp eyes were narrowed and, if that wasn't enough of a hint that he was pissed off, his strong eyebrows were furrowed so deeply that it looked like 100 pound weights had been added to the end and were tugging them down.

In other words, KOUGA WAS PISSED OFF!!! RAWR! PH34R HIM!

Now, none of the other wolves in the cave (that were all posed like pimps or whores for no apparent reason) seemed to notice that their leader was slowly but steadily wearing away at the floor of the cave - except for Ginta and Hakkaku that is, the only wolves besides Kouga (or a snivvley Ayame that the readers want to either kill for being so whiney or pity because her character was so destroyed) that ever matter.

"Hey, Kouga, you're pacing a hole in the floor," one of them pointed out. Doesn't really matter which. It's not like the average badfic author can actually tell them apart - unless saying, "The one with the hair!!" is a great way to tell them apart - and they tend to function as one unit.

Kouga stopped and threw a glare at Ginta/Hakkaku. "SHUT UP, GINTA/HAKKAKU!!"

Ginta/Hakkaku exchange glances and shrink back a few steps. "What's wrong?"

Now, it obviously does not matter that, although Ginta and Hakkaku can be a bit dense, they probably aren't stupid enough to say such... stupid things. But, it does not matter as the author needs to get the story started as quickly as possible without taking the time to either develop characters, keep them true to their personalities, or even give a flying fuck about what happens to them unless they are either Kouga or Kagura.

In fact, just for good measure, let's lob off Ayame so that she can no longer interfere with the love that shall blossom shortly.

Ayame was skipping happily through a field, minding her own business and humming a little ditty to herself while twirling a pigtail around one of her fingers and bobbing her head up and down. What the author wants the reader to do is to picture Ayame as a clueless ditzy blonde airhead that doesn't know north from south so that her poser friends that actually read this story will say, "Yeah, girl, you rock!! Kill that bitch!!!"

Anyways, as Ayame was skipping, a boulder fell on her and crushed her. SQUISH! She was flatter than a pancake. (Which is saying something, even if you normally eat lumpy pancakes.)

Now that Kouga's stupid fiancee is dead, there is no one else to pair him with but Kagura. YAY! The author does a happy dance and pats herself on the back to congratulate herself on the ingenious idea of having a random boulder fall out of the sky and crush the red-headed wolf.

Meanwhile, back in Wolf HQ, Kouga was finally getting around to answering Ginta/Hakkaku's question.

Kouga, that's your cue!!

"Right, right. Sorry. You know, I really don't think that I'd be dramatically throwing my hand across my forehead in this scene. Think we could-"

"Just get on with it!"

He rolled his eyes, threw his hand dramatically across his forehead and proceeded to stumble across the cave like he was drunk. "Oh woe is me!! Oh woe is me!! My kin has been slain by the beauti- HORRIBLE!, ero- ECCENTRIC!, and wonde- EVIL wind wi- bit- witch Kagura!"

Ginta/Hakkaku take no notice that Kouga was having trouble choosing his words - he was distraught after all - and nod knowingly. "Yeah, boss, we feel your pain. Hey! How 'bout we round up the wolves and kick her scrawny ass?"

"HER ASS IS NOT-! I mean, no! No, only I must go! After all, the rest of the wolves are busy being hoes/pimps so they don't really count. They're just there to make me look like a total pimp daddy/whore master/manager.... person."

"Well, what about us?"

"No," Kouga said, brushing the idea away. "This matter is not of your concern."

"... But... they were our kin too that-"

"Where the hell did you get an idea like that?? I'm the only one who can avenge them! ME! Not you! Now shut up and stop trying to steal my story!"

With that shouted, Kouga ran off from the cave leaving a very confused Ginta/Hakkaku looking at each other and trying to figure out what he said along with who was who.

So, anyways, Kouga ran off to find the woman that all his troubles were caused by. Actually, he was so intent on finding her that he ran past her a few times - once while she was trying to figure out how to escape from Naraku since she couldn't just steal her heart back on a night when he was human and run away, once while she was picking something out of her teeth, and once while she was screaming at Kanna for stepping on her fan. But he eventually did find her. Of course, the romance/smut scene obsessed author will say that she was in a hot spring or some other equally erotic place, but she was actually playing dolls with some very odd action figures that strangely resembled Naraku and Sesshoumaru with a high pitched voice for Naraku and a very very very low one for Sesshoumaru.

"And I shall smite you! Not if I smite you first! Just try it bitch! BITCH? WHO YOU CALLING BITCH!!!! SMACK DOWN!!! Nyyyyeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrsssppllllaaatttt!!"

She proceeded to have the Sesshoumaru action figure jump on the one of Naraku while making a strange roaring sound. A few minutes later, the one of Naraku was reduced to nothing more than a few broken parts and she beamed triumphantly.

"Uh... Kagura?" Kouga asked timidly, a bit afraid of what to do or say seeing as Kagura had just obliterated a doll of Naraku and was busy brushing Sesshoumaru's long hair with her claws and humming happily. "... Is this a bad time?"

"Huh? Oh! Kouga! No, no, not at all. Just living out a little fantasy of mine," she chuckled weakly, hiding the doll and doll fragments behind her back. "What up?"

He hesitated, completely deflated and having no idea exactly what he was supposed to do seeing as the mysterious woman that had mysteriously stolen his heart was not in a hot spring or randomly nude for no apparent reason. "Uh... Well.... Hm...."

Kagura began picking at her nails and made a face like she was sucking something out of her front teeth as Kouga stuttered.

"You know, Kagura, you're really not helping. Couldn't you pose erotically against a rock or something?"

"Sure, why not?"

"And I'll just come back, as if I just saw you, ok?"

"Right."

"And you'll pretend to be surprised, ok?"

"Yup."

"Can you take off your top?"

"Why?"

"Well, seeing as it's always getting ripped...."

"Yeah, sure."

"Hot damn!"

Kagura leaned seductively against a rock, her kimono in tatters for no reason other than it would be uber sexy and hot and erotic. The readers now decide that the author is either a horny computer geek with too much acne and coke-bottle glasses and is much too scrawny and slimey to have a real girlfriend or a girl who looks pretty much the same and must release her pent up sexual tension by describing random hot characters in great detail and then writing a very vague sex scene. (The author in either case is obviously a virgin and wouldn't know an orgasm if it jumped up and down naked infront of him/her while screaming, "I'M A FUCKING ORGASM!".)

Because all of the readers know Kagura's anatomy like the back of their hands (since her shirt really does get ripped off in nearly every episode that she's in), the actual description of her is pretty much irrelevant.

So, to make a long story short, Kouga walked upon Kagura, was completely smitten by her scandalous pose, found himself with a sudden lust that could not be quenched and began to screw the life out of her.

Or, to put it in more detail, Kouga growled in the back of his throat, looking totally badass as he approached Kagura who writhed against the rock like a whore on ecstasy and pulled at the fur of his skirt.

"You know, Kagura," he said while fiddling with her kimono - even though it was already in tatters so there was hardly anything to fiddle with. "I never wanted you dead. I just wanted you."

"Yeah, uh huh, what you said. Now let's get this over with."

Only slightly fazed, he approached her - while the smart readers wonder how he could have approached her yet again when he was all but pressed up against her half a second ago. Maybe he was standing on a slippery incline or something. Mmm... Kinky. He began undressing her - again with the good readers wondering what there was left to undress - with way too much detail added to how the "clothes" she wore fell off her sleek, lithe, svelte, supple body.

Yeah, and about here they started making out with a lot of detail and description added to how their tongues worked. The words "snaked", "mated" and "parried" are used considerably. Something like this: His tongue snaked into her mouth and fought with hers, parrying each thrust as their mouths mated.

Kagura slipped off Kouga's skirt (hee hee... Skirt... Hee hee hee hee heee...) and then began to struggle with his armor.

"DAMMIT!" she swore, whipping out her fan. "Hold still!"

Terrified, Kouga saw no choice but to obey.

After the neatly executed Dance of Blades tore away his armor, Kagura was left staring in shocked, stunned, sudden surprise at the very bold tan lines he sported.

Kouga glared, folding his arms in a pout. "Shut up!!"

The wind witch could only laugh harder. Some crickets chirped. The wind blew. Leaves rustled. The sun shone. She stopped.

"Alright, back to business."

"...Yeah, about time."

The two begin making out again and doing stuff that the virgin author makes up, pretending that she really knows what she's talking about or inadvertently admitting to the entire fanfiction world that she rented porn the night before just to be able to write this scene perfectly.

His manhood pressed eagerly against her thigh, throbbing in anticipation as the blood pumped towards it, each touch of hers only -

Knock knock knock!

.....o0; Ahem. Each touch of hers only increasing-

Knock, DAMMIT, KNOCK!!

OO SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!! This was no time for mom to come knocking at the door!!

The author panics and decides to hastily finish the scene off as a parent (or maybe even a grandparent) is at this very second turning the handle to the door leading to her computer room and the last thing she wants is for her family to know what a little horny pervert she is at heart. Because that would mean that they would take away the computer from her and she'd never be able to update again and that would be horrible!!!

The good readers have, by now, already vomited the contents of their stomachs either into buckets, the garbage or just a little bit in their mouths and are mentally cheering the excellent timing of Mrs. AuthorMom.

The story, unfortunately, is abandoned after the smoking sex scene - maybe mom was a little quicker than anticipated - and all the audience can do is forget about the story. Boo hoo.

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"You know, Kouga, at least Kagome can see jewel shards, but what's Kagura got to offer?"

"Uh…"

"See? Exactly. … I can't believe a boulder fell on me."

"-snickersnort-"