Chapter 2 Moving On

"You're still thinking about Baylor." Anakin said, changing the subject. "That was not your fault."

"Baylor was my friend, Anakin. I should have been able to find a way to help him." Obi-Wan replied. "But what's done is done, and I can't change it."

"But Qui-Gon said…" Anakin began.

"I know what he said; and I am working on it." Obi-Wan interrupted. "Just because I move on does not mean that I don't still feel responsible for what happened."

"There was nothing you could have done; he wouldn't listen to reason." Anakin replied.

"If I had never agreed to be Qui-Gon's apprentice…"

"Do you really think that would have changed anything? Qui-Gon would not have taken him and you know that. Baylor would have found some way to blame you for that too." Anakin argued. "And the outcome would have been the same."

"I know;" Obi-Wan sighed, "I need to move on and put this behind me."

"But you haven't moved on, Obi-Wan." Anakin countered.

"It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time; that's part of the reason I agreed to come here. I didn't have this luxury when Qui-Gon was killed or your mother." Obi-Wan replied.

"My mother? You shouldn't blame yourself for that." Anakin told him.

"Why not? You did." Obi-Wan said. "You thought that if I had not dismissed your nightmares, we could have helped her; and you were right. It was a terrible mistake."

"I never said that." Anakin denied.

"You didn't have to, my friend. That was one feeling you could not hide from me." Obi-Wan replied.

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan; this was something we should have talked about before now." Anakin said. "You're right, I did blame you; for that and for what I did afterwards. But I know…I know that you would have done anything to change what happened."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. They had touched on a subject that both of them had obviously been avoiding for some time. Anakin finished his ministrations and Obi-Wan sat up, avoiding Anakin's gaze to stare out at the lake, "And as for Qui-Gon; that was just as much his fault for not waiting for you to catch up to him." Anakin continued.

Obi-Wan did not acknowledge him.

"What's done is done, Obi-Wan; you can't change it. I accept that and have moved on too." Anakin told him as he stood up and walked back to where Padme and the babies were.

Anakin sat down next to Padme and put his arm around her back, pulling her to him and she responded by putting her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder, "What is it, Anakin?" She asked.

"We should talk about this later." He told her, not wanting to say anything within earshot of Zak.

Anakin looked over at him studying a data pad he had brought from the Temple. Little signs remained of the ill-treatment he had received from Baylor Grant. What had once been a large dark bruise on the side of his head where Baylor had shoved him into the speeder window was now only a slight discoloration. The ligature mark on his neck had faded from the deep purple that had developed the night following Baylor's death to a light yellow. The anticipated swelling that might have inhibited his breathing never occurred and Declan attributed this to Anakin. However, Anakin refused to accept that explanation.

"Zak, why don't you get the food hamper out of the speeder; it's nearly time for lunch." Padme said, taking Anakin's cue.

Zak put down the data pad and walked toward the speeder, parked near the trees on the edge of the sand. When he was far enough to assure Anakin that he would not overhear their conversation, Anakin began.

"This whole thing with Baylor has been very hard on him, Padme." He began. "I have never seen him so unsure of himself."

"That doesn't sound like Obi-Wan." Padme replied.

"It's not; and I don't know how to help him. He even brought up my mother." Anakin answered.

"Why?" Padme asked.

"He knows that I blamed him for that; I guess he wanted me to know that he blamed himself too." Anakin said.

"What does that have to do with Baylor?" Padme asked.

"Because he knows he needs to move on from that; just as he did with my mother and just like he did with Qui-Gon." Anakin explained. "And right now, he's having trouble doing that."

"Qui-Gon? Surely he doesn't blame himself for that." Padme said.

"He always has; he just didn't let it interfere with what he needed to do." Anakin answered.

"You mean he's been carrying that guilt around for all this time?" Padme wondered.

"No; he's a Jedi and he's been taught to leave the guilt behind without dismissing the responsibility of the action." Anakin told her. "Does that make sense?"

"I think so. Will he be alright?" Padme asked.

"Yes, if he could get through Qui-Gon's death, then he should be able to get through this too." Anakin replied. "This is just more difficult because he and Baylor had been friends and they ended up fighting" just like he would have been fighting me if…"he wasn't fighting Qui-Gon when he was killed."

Anakin looked over where he had left his brother. He was still sitting there; he was meditating. Yes, Anakin thought, Obi-Wan would be just fine.

"You can come back now, Zak." Anakin said without turning around.

Zak knew the minute Lady Padme had asked him to bring the food hamper that she and Master Anakin wanted to speak privately. He was not sure what they needed to talk about; and it did not matter, if Master Anakin wanted him to know, he would tell him later. Once he had the hamper, he stayed back, out of earshot waiting.

Anakin picked up the data pad Zak had been reading so that Zak could put the food hamper down where the data pad had been. He glanced at it out of curiosity and smiled; it was a history lesson. Jocasta Nu must have decided that this trip was no excuse for Zak to neglect his studies.

"Go tell Master Obi-Wan it's time to eat." Anakin said.

Zak looked over at Obi-Wan; it appeared that he was still meditating, "He's meditating, Master Anakin." He answered.

"I know, but he still needs to eat. Just go over there and sit down; he'll get the message." Anakin replied.

Zak looked doubtful.

"It will be alright, Zak; he won't be angry with you." Anakin told him as he picked up Zak's concern.

Zak still was not sure about it, but he turned and headed over to Obi-Wan anyway. He sat down next to him and waited….again. Anakin glanced over at them sitting there, side by side, the dark haired young Padawan and his sandy haired master; a very good match this pair, he thought.

"What is it, Zak?" Obi-Wan said a few minutes later.

"Master Anakin said it's time to eat." Zak answered.

"Did he? Well, I'm busy right now." Obi-Wan replied.

"Don't be so stubborn, you have to eat." He heard Anakin say.

"Alright, Zak; I'll be over in a few minutes." Obi-Wan said.

Out of the corner of his eye, Zak looked toward Anakin; Anakin shook his head, "Then I'll wait with you, Master." He said.

Obi-Wan gave up; with Anakin in his head and Zak sitting next to him, focusing was impossible.

"I'm outnumbered. Go on, Zak; I will be right behind you." Obi-Wan conceded.

"Outnumbered? It's just me, Master." Zak replied, puzzled.

"Never mind. Come on." Obi-Wan answered as he stood up, shook the sand off and followed Zak the short distance to join Anakin and his family.

"Are you alright?" Anakin asked as Obi-Wan sat down.

"No." Obi-Wan answered. "But I will be."

"That's good to hear." Anakin said.

"I would like to talk later." Obi-Wan started.

"Me, too; it would be good for both of us." Anakin replied.

When they were finished eating, Zak packed everything back into the hamper and carried it up to the speeder before anyone had a chance to ask him. Anakin and Obi-Wan went off a short distance to be alone and Padme took the twins down to the water where Zak joined her. She looked up, over to where her husband and Obi-Wan were sitting. They were facing each other, hands held up, palm to palm.

"What are they doing?" She asked Zak.

Zak glanced over at them, "Talking." He answered matter-of-factly.

"But they aren't saying anything." She replied.

"They don't have to. They are connected." Zak said.

"Oh." Padme answered, feeling a small pang of jealousy.

"Don't be jealous, Lady Padme. I can't do that either and I'm Master Obi-Wan's Padawan." Zak told her. "It's because they're brothers."

Padme sighed; she wondered how she could ever have been angry with this doe-eyed, understanding boy.

"Sometimes," She said, "I wish that I were Jedi too."

"No you don't; then you wouldn't be married to Master Anakin." Zak replied.

That made her smile. She loved this boy, she decided.

"Baylor Grant has shaken your confidence, my brother." Anakin began.

"Yes, it appears so." Obi-Wan admitted.

"There was nothing you could have done; he wanted to kill you." Anakin said.

"Maybe I should have let him try." Obi-Wan suggested.

"Obi-Wan, he would have done more than try; and you would have left Zak without a master…and me without a brother." Anakin replied.

"Why am I having so much trouble with this?" Obi-Wan wondered.

"Because he was your friend. But he let his anger and hate drive him; you couldn't have stopped that." Anakin answered

"Qui-Gon said he was always like that. Why couldn't I see it?" Obi-Wan asked.

"We always seem to overlook the faults in our friends; isn't that what Qui-Gon told you?" Anakin told him.

"Yes, and he was right. I was blind to his anger." Obi-Wan agreed.

"And his jealousy. He was jealous of the attention you were getting from Qui-Gon." Anakin added.

"I feel sorry for him; he let that ruin his whole life." Obi-Wan said.

"Yes, he did; but at least he regretted that before he died." Anakin replied. "Are you feeling better yet?"

"I'm getting there." Obi-Wan said.