Chapter 3 Hidden Feelings

"Well, that's a start." Anakin answered, grinning; and then turned serious. "Obi-Wan, there's something that I've wanted to know for a long time."

"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Did you resent having to train me?" Anakin wondered.

"What?" Obi-Wan asked again.

"Tell me, Obi-Wan." Anakin insisted.

"Did you really need to ask?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Then you did." Anakin concluded.

"Why do you think that?" Obi-Wan asked, sounding hurt.

"Because you're avoiding the question." Anakin answered. "And you did tell Qui-Gon that I was dangerous."

"Oh dear." Obi-Wan sighed. "So now you think the only reason I trained you was because I promised Qui-Gon that I would."

"It makes sense to me; otherwise, why else would you train someone you considered dangerous?"

"I'm sorry, Anakin." Obi-Wan answered.

"Sorry about what? That you trained me; or that I brought this up?" Anakin replied.

"I'm sorry that you thought all this time that I didn't want to train you." Obi-Wan said. "Because that is not the whole truth."

"The whole truth; what do you mean by that?" Anakin asked.

"Let's walk." Obi-Wan suggested.

Anakin nodded in agreement and together, they walked up toward the tree line above the beach.

"I want you to know that I never resented training you; never." Obi-Wan began. "I cannot deny that I did think, as the Council did at one time, that you were dangerous."

"And what changed your mind then? Or didn't you?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his hand against his beard, "I don't know, Anakin; things happened so quickly. Before Qui-Gon died, he made me promise to train you; he was so convinced that you were the Chosen One…" Obi-Wan trailed off.

Anakin, for once, was the silent one so Obi-Wan continued.

"By that time, I realized that you weren't dangerous. I took you on because he asked me to." He said.

"I see; I thought so." Anakin replied.

"No, you don't see, Anakin. I took you on because of that, but that's where my obligation to Qui-Gon ended and my own desire began." Obi-Wan countered. "I was glad that I took you as my Padawan, I…needed you."

"Needed me?" Anakin questioned.

"Yes," Obi-Wan sighed, "you were so much like Qui-Gon."

"Wait a minute; are we talking….attachment here?" Anakin asked.

"No; but when Qui-Gon died, there was a void there. Yes, I would have gotten through it without you, but you made it easier." Obi-Wan explained. "I had to focus on you, and try to keep you out of trouble. I didn't have time to think about what had happened to him; and when I did, so much time had passed that it was easier."

"But you grieved for him, I sensed it." Anakin replied.

They stopped and Obi-Wan leaned against one of the trees, folding his arms across his chest, "Yes, I did; we had been together for a long time. And if I had not been separated from him, he may not have died. I carried that with me too. But then there was you; always in trouble." Obi-Wan said with a smile. "You were a handful, my brother."

"I know; and you were always so patient, no matter what I did." Anakin admitted.

"Anakin, did I ever give you the impression that I resented you?" Obi-Wan asked. "Because I can't believe that you would think that after everything we've been through together."

"It wasn't anything you said; but Palpatine…" Anakin started.

"Palpatine? Oh, Anakin; whatever he told you…"

"It was a lie; I know that now, I think; but I believed that for so long." Anakin said.

"You think? You can read my mind; and you still doubt me?" Obi-Wan asked.

"No, of course not; I guess I just needed to hear you say it." Anakin answered.

"I don't know what to say, Anakin. I never knew you felt that way." Obi-Wan replied.

"It's not your fault; Palpatine fed me so many lies, I'm still trying to sort it all out." Anakin said. "But I should never have questioned your commitment to me. I'm sorry."

"Don't be; you had a right to know; and about your mother…" Obi-Wan began.

"We don't need to go into that again." Anakin interrupted.

"Yes, we do; we never got the chance to talk about it. I never took your dreams seriously…" Obi-Wan tried again.

"That wasn't your fault; you had no way of knowing they were premonitions. And by the time they started getting worse, you were on your way to Kamino and I was on Naboo. Maybe, if I had tried to contact you then…" Anakin told him.

"I'm sorry it wasn't until after your mother's death that I realized how important they were." Obi-Wan answered sadly. "Did you hate me then, Anakin?"

"Hate? No, I was very angry with you, and I blamed you; I told Padme that you were holding me back because you were jealous. I thought that if you had let me take the trials and I was a Knight that I could have saved her." Anakin explained. "Then when we watched that transmission from Geonosis, I felt terrible about what I'd said."

Obi-Wan said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

"Mace told me to stay on Tatooine to protect Padme; but she wanted to help you." Anakin continued.

"Then you went to Geonosis to protect her?" Obi-Wan asked.

"No, Padme only gave me an excuse to go." Anakin answered quickly with a smile. "I was afraid of losing you. I may have been angry, but I still loved you; you were like my father."

"And what about Palpatine?" Obi-Wan wondered.

"I don't know; I guess he was like a father too. It was very confusing." Anakin said. "But he was always telling me that I was the greatest Jedi; that I didn't have to listen to you because I was so much more powerful than you were."

"I know; we talked about this after he died." Obi-Wan replied.

"The point is he always told me what I wanted to hear and you told me what I needed to hear; it took me a long time to see the difference." Anakin went on. "I can see now what he was doing. He wanted to alienate me from you."

"I'm sorry, Anakin; I should have protected you from that." Obi-Wan said.

"You didn't know what he was doing; and he told me not to say anything to you. He said you'd have me expelled." Anakin answered.

"Expelled?"

"Yes, because I would become more powerful than you. He said you would be jealous of me." Anakin replied. "I was too young and naïve not to realize that he was lying."

"Then why in blazes did you keep trying to save my life?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Well, because I loved you, and I guess part of me didn't believe that you were jealous." Anakin explained.

Obi-Wan nodded and looked down at the ground.

"Then, on the Invisible Hand, when he wanted me to leave you there…at the time, I thought he was afraid to die; now I know it was because he wanted you dead and out of the way. He knew that you were the only one who was standing in the way of his plans for me. He was the jealous one, Obi-Wan; he was jealous of you." Anakin finished. "And there's something else that I never told you. Something that he revealed to me accidentally when he was trying to turn me that night."

Obi-Wan looked up at Anakin, waiting for this new revelation.

"Turning me would be his personal revenge on you…for killing Darth Maul." He confessed. "When I found that out, everything fell into place and I knew what I had to do."

"When did you sense that?" Obi-Wan asked.

"At the last minute; he thought he had me. 'Ultimate power' he screamed; and then he just opened his whole mind and I saw everything…and that's when I hit him." Anakin answered.

"But weren't you afraid of losing Padme?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes, but when I said he opened his mind to me and I saw everything, I saw that he was lying about that too. He never had the knowledge I needed to save her." Anakin replied. "Then I knew that saving him would not help Padme."

"And you fulfilled your destiny, knowing you would lose her." Obi-Wan concluded. "That was very brave, my friend."

"That's when I learned to let go." Anakin said.

"But you haven't learned that." Obi-Wan replied. "Otherwise you would not have foolishly gone to Champala."

Anakin shook his head and gave a small, somewhat sad laugh, "You still don't understand; I went there because you did not deserve a death like that, to rot away slowly in a dark cell. I told you I couldn't let you die like that. You see, it wasn't the dying I had a problem with, it was the how." He explained.

"Yes, I see now; when did you grow to be so wise, Anakin?" Obi-Wan replied.

Anakin laughed again, "I don't know; when I finally realized what you were trying to teach me, I guess." He answered.

"Anakin, it's getting late; we should probably head back to the house." Padme called from the lakeshore.

"She's right, Anakin; I didn't realize how long we've been talking." Obi-Wan told him.

Anakin nodded.

"Alright, Padme; we'll be down to help pick up everything." He called back to her.

Together, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Zak took down the canopy, gathered everything up, packed it into the speeder and headed back to the Lake house.