Chapter 3

I couldn't remember being this content. Surely it had been before I'd gone to Gaea, or the few months after I'd come back- before everything came crashing down and I was still caught in the whirlwind of what was Van.

I don't presume to be better off than most people. Far from it. Things are still terribly hard. Money is hard to come by, as is food, and it's had it's rough ups and downs when we were simply living off rice or the little amount of vegetables I could afford. Mamoru's gotten a job down the street like he said, and manages to just split the time between school and work, but he's always just as drained as I am at the end of the day.

But... I'm happy.

Van has not spoken to me since- what me and Mamoru call- "the incident". But, listening to my little brother's advice, all I do is simply look inside myself when I feel the same as before.

Van is there. He's just not speaking to me... which is understandable.

I don't blame him, and never will.

I'm taking some courses through correspondents, and have managed to get hold of some distant family over in Hiroshima who are willing to pay for my schooling, asking very little questions about why my parents can't do it.

Everything now seems to be about asking very little questions.

I don't ask questions about my life any more.

Was Gaea just a dream? What could I have done to make everything turn out differently?

Everything is the way it is, and I've learned to except that. No cutting myself, or locking myself away will help the situation.

Coming to except this has made me feel lighter. Not free. Just... lighter.

My burdens can't go away with a simple selfish act. Mamoru can't go away just because I wish to be alone sometimes. My old sores can't go away because I like to think things never happened.

I still have scars on my wrists from my mistakes. Old marks on my back from father's belt. Memories of all the sorrow and hurt... and love I felt on Gaea.

Even if it does turn out to be a dream... I'll think of it as a good one, and let life carry on the way it should.

But sometimes I wonder how I can keep upright through so much.

I should write my own book. Though I laugh when I think of everyone's reaction to it! A place like Earth, floating just beyond the moon? Never! Science has debunked such a crazy idea!

I'd laugh with Mamoru about it quite often, and he thinks I should write the book just to tick people off.

I think writing it would be a good form of therapy... though I don't really think putting everyone into words is possible. None of my friends there can be slapped on a piece of paper for all to see. Van can't be described through actions and dialogue as the real Van. My Van.

Some selfish part of me wants to keep them to myself.

But I start to write it. Every once in a while I get the urge to put i something /i on paper. I find myself sitting at the windowsill with a blank pad of paper in my lap and a pen poised above the lines. A mug of tea at the ready on the floor.

I'd always run quickly off the thoughts I want to transfer to paper, as my mind quickly turns to Van as it always seems to do lately. I'd find myself writing ridiculous comments like "Love rules all else" or "I miss him so much."

No good stories can start like that, and I chuckle every time I read what I've written before groaning in annoyance.

Eventually, I got my act together long enough to write down a simple "It all started with an attempt to win a first kiss" but never got much down besides that. Even than it was more romantically inclined than saying it all started with a vision like I'd should have.

Was everyone so ruled by love? I felt pity for anyone who was in the same predicament as me.

Though... I highly doubted anyone had quite the same problem I had.

I voiced this thought to him, a world away. I can almost hear his laughter reverberate through my head.

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Things changed. Very quickly once more. I got trapped in the same whirlwind of fear again. That gut wrenching sick feeling that you could se easily drown in if you let it.

At that time, my heart pounded so bad, and I thought I might be sick right than. Mamoru was just as frightened as I was, though he didn't let it show. Ever the strongest one of us.

It happened when we were coming back from a small shopping trip down the street. Me and Mamoru had pulled our money together to scrounge up something other than rice for once. So our arms were laden with shopping bags. We'd even gotten ice-cream! We could barely contain our excitement as the carton of chocolate delight went through the checkout.

I was just turning the key in the lock- balancing a paper bag in the other arm while my little brother got the mail from the small slot box under our apartment number- when our neighbor came out of her door.

She was a tiny women, with a head full of gray hair and she walked with a limp for reasons I didn't know. Her voice was gravely, as if she'd smoked all her life.

She told us that a man had come looking for us while we were gone. An older man, with vibrant green eyes.

"Just like yours!" She had said.

I smiled kindly, to let her know we were thankful for her telling us. I didn't let any of my fear show on my face, though I was sure I was suddenly trembling.

Mamoru was silent as we entered the apartment.

It was a while before I forced myself into motion, packing the food we'd just bought- minus the ice-cream- into a more durable bag and shooing him off to the bedroom to gather his things.

We needed to leave. He'd be back. I couldn't even figure out why he was there, but I knew we just had to get out.

The sweep of the apartment was easy. Mamoru looked under all the furniture- the small amount we had- while I quickly threw all my necessaries into a gym bag- like Yukari's that I brought with me to Gaea- and hurdled us both out of our home. The second home he'd come to know. The third for me.

We soon found ourselves racing down some street or another in a taxi, after telling the driver to take us somewhere far away. He was confused, and a bit angry that we weren't specific but I didn't know how to be.

My thoughts were jumbled. My mind numb. I had no idea where we would go.

In the end, I paid and stepped out at a park with a field and temple much like the one at my old school. Where I first went to Gaea. Where I first met Van.

Mamoru was confused. The look on his face told it all as I turned to him with a hopeless look on my face. This was where I normally depended on him. His strength. But I knew this time I'd have to pull through on my own. For us.

"Come on."

We took a seat at a bench half in the sun, half in the shade of a sakura tree. It had already bloomed this year, which I was happy for. It wouldn't suite are mood to be in full bloom with it's pink and white blossoms.

Mamoru was looking forlorn, lost, so I carefully wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head on his shoulder. I was amazed at how tall her was getting. I was amazed that I actually noticed such a small detail at that moment.

"Why don't we go to Gaea."

I looked up at him, confused a moment before I realized he was completely serious and had said what I thought he did. Gaea?

"It's complicated."

Could I really do that?

Part of me was saying I could.

"Why is it complicated?"

Why was it complicated? I didn't know.

It wasn't.

"Can we go, 'Tomi?"

"I- I don't know."

"We can get away from here, and we wouldn't ever have to worry about him coming to look for us."

Him. Our father.

"I don't know how to get back."

You can get back.

How? I didn't have the pendent. I didn't have Van.

"Ask him to get us Hitomi."

I sat back and stared at my little brother. Growing up before my eyes. Square shouldered and tall, wearing a baggy sweater that still made him look like a little boy.

He wasn't so innocent anymore.

"You love him."

I nodded.

"He loves you."

"He never said-"

"He i loves /i you, Hitomi. How could he not?"

I felt the tears come immediately.

He did love me didn't he? He was still there. I could feel him there. His warmth. His protection. His devotion. His love.

He could take us away from all this.

Mamoru was my guardian. My strength and witness to the crimes against myself.

Van...

Van was my angel.

My savior. Our savior.

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AN: the next chapter will be the last... I think. Probably. Not sure.

Sorry this one took so long.