Chapter 9
"Oh no!" said Stephanie suddenly. "I left my knife in that wolverine! That was my favorite knife!"
"Um..." said Andy nervously, "wasn't that your only knife?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replied mysteriously.
"You got the thing about the knife from the Belgariad!" Adrienne accused.
"So?"
"Let's just hope that she doesn't have things in common with Silk that involve other fabrics," said Jill sarcastically. She and Adrienne looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Did I miss something?" asked Frodo.
"They must have thought of some Carl thought," explained Katie. "It must be from some book I haven't read."
Stephanie was outraged. "How many times have I told you not to associate Carl thoughts with Silk?!?" she yelled, lunging at Adrienne (she would never attack Master).
Legolas grabbed her arm to stop her (they had been walking the horses). "Settle down," he said. "Settle down."
Stephanie gave up. "But don't you dare do it again," she threatened.
"I won't..." Adrienne replied mock-innocently.
"Let's mount, we're almost there," said I highly confused Aragorn. As they entered the room where it was being held, riding the horses (Legolas had agreed to take Frodo and Aragorn had Andy), those already there gasped. The judges unanimously decided that Aragorn won for Aragorn, Frodo for Frodo, and Legolas for Legolas—along with Jill? Who knows.
Andy had entered as Faramir, Adrienne as Éowyn, and Stephanie and Katie as Arwen. None of them one though. (They didn't really care, either.)
The head judge made the announcement. "First place for Aragorn—Leroy (Aragorn). For Frodo—Jesse (Frodo). For Legolas—a tie between Larry (Legolas) and Jill Zewe. For..." He continued on, but none of those we're interested in heard them. They were all deafened by the loud eruption of screams emitted from Jill, Katie, and Adrienne. (They had changed the names temporarily so as not to seem like idiots.)
"Oh my god! We're going to meet Orlando Bloom!" they screamed, jumping up and down like the crazy people they are. They finally shut up as the announcer finished announcing who had won what.
"The prize is that you and a guest get to meet the star you look like." Once again, they screamed. He continued, "And now for the special surprise—drum-roll please." The drums played. "A set of the weapons used in the movie!" Everyone cheered.
"Meeting Orlando Bloom is better though," yelled Katie over the noise.
"Definitely!" Jill yelled back.
"I'd prefer the weapons myself," said Stephanie as they left to go to the hotel that the stars were staying at.
"Well, you're mental," barked Adrienne, nervous about meeting Orlando Bloom.
"I don't have any problems about meeting Orlando Bloom," defended Stephanie. "But weapons are cool."
"I don't understand," Aragorn said to Andy. "Who are we going to see?"
"People who are really famous in this world," Andy replied, trying to explain. "In the movie The Lord of the Rings, they pretend they're you guys. Viggo Mortensen is you, Elijah Wood is Frodo, and Orlando Bloom is Legolas."
"I take it there's some reason the girls are hyper-ventilating," put in Legolas, joining the conversation. "Why are they?"
"All of them are completely obsessed with Orlando," Andy explained.
"Because he played me in a movie?"
"That's part of it." He didn't say anymore because he feared for his life.
"We're here!" the crazed ones squealed in excitement. They entered the Hilton hotel and gave their passes to the man at the front desk. He told them to go to the penthouse, where "Mr. Bloom, Mr. Mortensen, and Mr. Wood" were staying.
In the elevator, everyone once again freaked out. "Wait!" screamed Jill over the noise. "We have to at least appear calm."
"And like we're not overly-obsessive," added Adrienne.
"But not like we don't want to meet them," advised Katie.
"Okay, we get the picture!" yelled Andy.
The elevator stopped. "This is it," said Stephanie. They walked out of the elevator, actually looking very calm. They knocked on the door.
"Hello," greeted Viggo Mortensen. "You must be the contest winners! Come in." Still calm.
They walked in. They saw Orlando Bloom. No more calm.
"Hello," said Orlando, as Viggo muted the TV.
"Hi!" replied Stephanie, Andy, Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo. Jill, Adrienne, and Katie kind of just stood there staring at him.
Elijah Wood walked in. "Oh, hi," he said, seeing them.
"Wait," said Aragorn. "You're telling me that guy played Frodo in a movie? He's like a foot and a half too tall!"
"Um..." said Viggo.
"It's okay," said Katie quickly. "He has a tendency to randomly explode like this."
"That's...uh...interesting," commented Elijah. "Actually, we used a combination of size doubles and proportional changes to make me appear smaller in the movie."
"Mille!" screamed Stephanie in anger. "Who would put Mille in a movie? Especially not Lord of the Rings!"
"Is she another one who has random outburst?" queried Orlando.
"Just about the word m-e. So it might be a good idea to try not to say it that much," warned Adrienne, coming out of her "trance".
"You guys really wanted to win," Viggo was saying. "You really went all the way."
"What?" said a confused hobbit. "I don't understand."
"Well," said Elijah, "your costumes look really authentic. Where did you get them?"
"E-Bay," said Jill, finally talking.
"Of course. But you made them so realistic. I mean, the rips, tears, and fake blood stains almost make it seem like Leroy here was actually fighting orcs!" The 3 normal people laughed, the Pennsylvanians joined in nervously, and the others just kind of stood there looking confused.
"And yours," said Orlando, indicating Legolas. "Your wig is fabulous! Or is that your real hair?"
"It's my own," Legolas replied, further confused.
"Cool. But what about the pointy ears? Those look more real than mind did!"
"They are real!" cried Aragorn indignantly. "Why are you acting like he's not an elf?!?"
Luckily, before anyone could say the words, "Elves don't exist," who should walk through the door but Keira Knightly.
"Hey Orlando," she greeted, not noticing the suddenly murderous looks on the girls' faces. "Disney wants us to make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Me and Johnny are in if you are."
"Sure, why not?" he answered as Katie, Jill, and Adrienne unsheathed their plastic sporks of doom.
"Attack!" yelled Katie, thrusting her spork into the air and charging forward. The other two followed suit, and then they were viciously attacking her with the sporks.
Of course, they were soon restrained. Viggo grabbed Katie's arm, who stopped beating Keira immediately and ripped herself away from him.
Legolas, thinking that some kind of madness had befallen his new friends, seized both of Jill's arms. She struggled for a few more seconds, and then gave up, although she made no move to remove herself from his grip.
Orlando had restrained the most violent one, Adrienne, by holding on to both her arms and pulling her toward him, away from Keira. Adrienne kept putting up a terrific fight. This was partly because she really wanted to kill the wretched one, but partly because, even in her unspeakable rage, she realized that it was Orlando. The longer she fought, she reasoned, the longer and tighter he would hold her.
Keira didn't look that phased by this. "I'll call you, Orlando," she said, leaving. Adrienne finally stopped.
"Sorry about that," said Adrienne, looking up at his gorgeous face. "I don't know what came over us," she lied.
"I think I do," Elijah gasped. He had been doubled-up laughing the entire time.
"Actually, it happens all the time," said Orlando. He realized he still had a grip on Adrienne's arm and let her go. (Legolas was still holding on to Jill.) "Keira was telling me that ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, she's been getting attacked by random teenage girls."
"I wonder why?" gasped Elijah, tears of mirth now forming in his eyes.
"Shut up!" said both Frodo and Orlando. Orlando obviously wanted Elijah to stop talking about how millions of girls were completely in love with him, but no one got how Frodo was concerned.
"Please," complained the midget. "I'm trying to hear what these little people in this box are saying."
"Um..." said Viggo, "I muted it when you guys came in." He picked up the remote and turned the sound back on.
"Ack!" screamed Frodo, who had had his ear pressed against the speaker.
A field reporter came on screen. "I'm here, in New York City, where a giant cheesewheel is causing havoc. All attempts made to stop the cheese have been futile. Nothing seems to be able to stop it. Any living thing it touches seems to be sucked into it. Anything forcefully propelled into it, such as bullets, seems to suffer the same fate. No one is quite sure how to handle this menace. The mayor has declared a state of emergency and has ordered an evacuation. Don't come to New Yor—" As they watched, a cheesewheel hit the reporter and she disappeared.
"I think we should go to 'New York City'," Legolas whispered in Jill's ear. "Wherever that is." Jill nodded, though she was reluctant to leave. (He was still holding on to her.) "Well, we'd better leave," he said so everyone could hear him. (He finally let go of Jill.)
"Oh. Okay," said Viggo. "Well it was—er—nice meeting you all." He shook everybody's hand.
"Yeah, it was great," said Elijah, hugging everyone. Adrienne, Jill, and Katie smiled, hugging him back. Katie was thinking Oh my god! Kathy would kill me right now!
"We had an—interesting—time," said Orlando. He shook all the guys' hands. Then he hugged Katie. She lost her mind, and put her hands on his butt. Then he hugged Adrienne, and she hugged him back, really, really, really tightly. Then he hugged Jill; Orlando had trouble getting her to let go. Stephanie got one, too. As everyone started to leave, they noticed that Adrienne, Katie, and Jill were frozen there with an "Oh my god!" look on their faces. Elijah once again started laughing.
"You're lucky you didn't kill them in shock!" he said between laughs.
"You hugged them!" he replied heatedly.
"Yea, but I'm not Orlando Bloom!"
"Oh, shut up!"
Andy and Stephanie dragged the three of them out of the room. As they reached the parking spaces where they had tied up the horses, the shocked ones finally talked.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" they shrieked in excitement. "Oh my god!"
"Um..." said Legolas, slightly confused. (Okay, more than slightly.) The oh-my-gods continued.
"Settle down, settle down," said Andy. The oh-my-gods continued, with the speakers now jumping up and down with glee and disbelief.
Frodo spontaneously waved at someone in an upper-storey window. (Oh- my-gods continue.) "Who was that?" asked Aragorn. (Oh-my-gods.)
"Orlando and Elijah are looking at us out of the window."
"Wow! How did a midget like you see way up there?" (Okay, a little off the topic there, Aragorn.)
Suddenly everyone noticed that the oh-my-gods had stopped when Frodo said that Orlando and Elijah were watching. Shyly and meekly the girls waved up at those in the window. As they watched, Orlando punched Elijah, who had been shaking with what they assumed was laughter.
"Do you think we should go back up there?" asked Legolas in concern.
"That would probably only make matters worse," replied Stephanie.
"Oh."
"I think maybe we should find that cheese," said Katie, eager to get out of there without further embarrassment.
Legolas helped them all mount heir horses. (Katie didn't really need help, but she didn't tell him that; it paid off when his hand accidentally hit her butt.) Frodo rode again with Legolas and Aragorn took Andy.
"Oh no!" said Stephanie suddenly. "I left my knife in that wolverine! That was my favorite knife!"
"Um..." said Andy nervously, "wasn't that your only knife?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replied mysteriously.
"You got the thing about the knife from the Belgariad!" Adrienne accused.
"So?"
"Let's just hope that she doesn't have things in common with Silk that involve other fabrics," said Jill sarcastically. She and Adrienne looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Did I miss something?" asked Frodo.
"They must have thought of some Carl thought," explained Katie. "It must be from some book I haven't read."
Stephanie was outraged. "How many times have I told you not to associate Carl thoughts with Silk?!?" she yelled, lunging at Adrienne (she would never attack Master).
Legolas grabbed her arm to stop her (they had been walking the horses). "Settle down," he said. "Settle down."
Stephanie gave up. "But don't you dare do it again," she threatened.
"I won't..." Adrienne replied mock-innocently.
"Let's mount, we're almost there," said I highly confused Aragorn. As they entered the room where it was being held, riding the horses (Legolas had agreed to take Frodo and Aragorn had Andy), those already there gasped. The judges unanimously decided that Aragorn won for Aragorn, Frodo for Frodo, and Legolas for Legolas—along with Jill? Who knows.
Andy had entered as Faramir, Adrienne as Éowyn, and Stephanie and Katie as Arwen. None of them one though. (They didn't really care, either.)
The head judge made the announcement. "First place for Aragorn—Leroy (Aragorn). For Frodo—Jesse (Frodo). For Legolas—a tie between Larry (Legolas) and Jill Zewe. For..." He continued on, but none of those we're interested in heard them. They were all deafened by the loud eruption of screams emitted from Jill, Katie, and Adrienne. (They had changed the names temporarily so as not to seem like idiots.)
"Oh my god! We're going to meet Orlando Bloom!" they screamed, jumping up and down like the crazy people they are. They finally shut up as the announcer finished announcing who had won what.
"The prize is that you and a guest get to meet the star you look like." Once again, they screamed. He continued, "And now for the special surprise—drum-roll please." The drums played. "A set of the weapons used in the movie!" Everyone cheered.
"Meeting Orlando Bloom is better though," yelled Katie over the noise.
"Definitely!" Jill yelled back.
"I'd prefer the weapons myself," said Stephanie as they left to go to the hotel that the stars were staying at.
"Well, you're mental," barked Adrienne, nervous about meeting Orlando Bloom.
"I don't have any problems about meeting Orlando Bloom," defended Stephanie. "But weapons are cool."
"I don't understand," Aragorn said to Andy. "Who are we going to see?"
"People who are really famous in this world," Andy replied, trying to explain. "In the movie The Lord of the Rings, they pretend they're you guys. Viggo Mortensen is you, Elijah Wood is Frodo, and Orlando Bloom is Legolas."
"I take it there's some reason the girls are hyper-ventilating," put in Legolas, joining the conversation. "Why are they?"
"All of them are completely obsessed with Orlando," Andy explained.
"Because he played me in a movie?"
"That's part of it." He didn't say anymore because he feared for his life.
"We're here!" the crazed ones squealed in excitement. They entered the Hilton hotel and gave their passes to the man at the front desk. He told them to go to the penthouse, where "Mr. Bloom, Mr. Mortensen, and Mr. Wood" were staying.
In the elevator, everyone once again freaked out. "Wait!" screamed Jill over the noise. "We have to at least appear calm."
"And like we're not overly-obsessive," added Adrienne.
"But not like we don't want to meet them," advised Katie.
"Okay, we get the picture!" yelled Andy.
The elevator stopped. "This is it," said Stephanie. They walked out of the elevator, actually looking very calm. They knocked on the door.
"Hello," greeted Viggo Mortensen. "You must be the contest winners! Come in." Still calm.
They walked in. They saw Orlando Bloom. No more calm.
"Hello," said Orlando, as Viggo muted the TV.
"Hi!" replied Stephanie, Andy, Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo. Jill, Adrienne, and Katie kind of just stood there staring at him.
Elijah Wood walked in. "Oh, hi," he said, seeing them.
"Wait," said Aragorn. "You're telling me that guy played Frodo in a movie? He's like a foot and a half too tall!"
"Um..." said Viggo.
"It's okay," said Katie quickly. "He has a tendency to randomly explode like this."
"That's...uh...interesting," commented Elijah. "Actually, we used a combination of size doubles and proportional changes to make me appear smaller in the movie."
"Mille!" screamed Stephanie in anger. "Who would put Mille in a movie? Especially not Lord of the Rings!"
"Is she another one who has random outburst?" queried Orlando.
"Just about the word m-e. So it might be a good idea to try not to say it that much," warned Adrienne, coming out of her "trance".
"You guys really wanted to win," Viggo was saying. "You really went all the way."
"What?" said a confused hobbit. "I don't understand."
"Well," said Elijah, "your costumes look really authentic. Where did you get them?"
"E-Bay," said Jill, finally talking.
"Of course. But you made them so realistic. I mean, the rips, tears, and fake blood stains almost make it seem like Leroy here was actually fighting orcs!" The 3 normal people laughed, the Pennsylvanians joined in nervously, and the others just kind of stood there looking confused.
"And yours," said Orlando, indicating Legolas. "Your wig is fabulous! Or is that your real hair?"
"It's my own," Legolas replied, further confused.
"Cool. But what about the pointy ears? Those look more real than mind did!"
"They are real!" cried Aragorn indignantly. "Why are you acting like he's not an elf?!?"
Luckily, before anyone could say the words, "Elves don't exist," who should walk through the door but Keira Knightly.
"Hey Orlando," she greeted, not noticing the suddenly murderous looks on the girls' faces. "Disney wants us to make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Me and Johnny are in if you are."
"Sure, why not?" he answered as Katie, Jill, and Adrienne unsheathed their plastic sporks of doom.
"Attack!" yelled Katie, thrusting her spork into the air and charging forward. The other two followed suit, and then they were viciously attacking her with the sporks.
Of course, they were soon restrained. Viggo grabbed Katie's arm, who stopped beating Keira immediately and ripped herself away from him.
Legolas, thinking that some kind of madness had befallen his new friends, seized both of Jill's arms. She struggled for a few more seconds, and then gave up, although she made no move to remove herself from his grip.
Orlando had restrained the most violent one, Adrienne, by holding on to both her arms and pulling her toward him, away from Keira. Adrienne kept putting up a terrific fight. This was partly because she really wanted to kill the wretched one, but partly because, even in her unspeakable rage, she realized that it was Orlando. The longer she fought, she reasoned, the longer and tighter he would hold her.
Keira didn't look that phased by this. "I'll call you, Orlando," she said, leaving. Adrienne finally stopped.
"Sorry about that," said Adrienne, looking up at his gorgeous face. "I don't know what came over us," she lied.
"I think I do," Elijah gasped. He had been doubled-up laughing the entire time.
"Actually, it happens all the time," said Orlando. He realized he still had a grip on Adrienne's arm and let her go. (Legolas was still holding on to Jill.) "Keira was telling me that ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, she's been getting attacked by random teenage girls."
"I wonder why?" gasped Elijah, tears of mirth now forming in his eyes.
"Shut up!" said both Frodo and Orlando. Orlando obviously wanted Elijah to stop talking about how millions of girls were completely in love with him, but no one got how Frodo was concerned.
"Please," complained the midget. "I'm trying to hear what these little people in this box are saying."
"Um..." said Viggo, "I muted it when you guys came in." He picked up the remote and turned the sound back on.
"Ack!" screamed Frodo, who had had his ear pressed against the speaker.
A field reporter came on screen. "I'm here, in New York City, where a giant cheesewheel is causing havoc. All attempts made to stop the cheese have been futile. Nothing seems to be able to stop it. Any living thing it touches seems to be sucked into it. Anything forcefully propelled into it, such as bullets, seems to suffer the same fate. No one is quite sure how to handle this menace. The mayor has declared a state of emergency and has ordered an evacuation. Don't come to New Yor—" As they watched, a cheesewheel hit the reporter and she disappeared.
"I think we should go to 'New York City'," Legolas whispered in Jill's ear. "Wherever that is." Jill nodded, though she was reluctant to leave. (He was still holding on to her.) "Well, we'd better leave," he said so everyone could hear him. (He finally let go of Jill.)
"Oh. Okay," said Viggo. "Well it was—er—nice meeting you all." He shook everybody's hand.
"Yeah, it was great," said Elijah, hugging everyone. Adrienne, Jill, and Katie smiled, hugging him back. Katie was thinking Oh my god! Kathy would kill me right now!
"We had an—interesting—time," said Orlando. He shook all the guys' hands. Then he hugged Katie. She lost her mind, and put her hands on his butt. Then he hugged Adrienne, and she hugged him back, really, really, really tightly. Then he hugged Jill; Orlando had trouble getting her to let go. Stephanie got one, too. As everyone started to leave, they noticed that Adrienne, Katie, and Jill were frozen there with an "Oh my god!" look on their faces. Elijah once again started laughing.
"You're lucky you didn't kill them in shock!" he said between laughs.
"You hugged them!" he replied heatedly.
"Yea, but I'm not Orlando Bloom!"
"Oh, shut up!"
Andy and Stephanie dragged the three of them out of the room. As they reached the parking spaces where they had tied up the horses, the shocked ones finally talked.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" they shrieked in excitement. "Oh my god!"
"Um..." said Legolas, slightly confused. (Okay, more than slightly.) The oh-my-gods continued.
"Settle down, settle down," said Andy. The oh-my-gods continued, with the speakers now jumping up and down with glee and disbelief.
Frodo spontaneously waved at someone in an upper-storey window. (Oh- my-gods continue.) "Who was that?" asked Aragorn. (Oh-my-gods.)
"Orlando and Elijah are looking at us out of the window."
"Wow! How did a midget like you see way up there?" (Okay, a little off the topic there, Aragorn.)
Suddenly everyone noticed that the oh-my-gods had stopped when Frodo said that Orlando and Elijah were watching. Shyly and meekly the girls waved up at those in the window. As they watched, Orlando punched Elijah, who had been shaking with what they assumed was laughter.
"Do you think we should go back up there?" asked Legolas in concern.
"That would probably only make matters worse," replied Stephanie.
"Oh."
"I think maybe we should find that cheese," said Katie, eager to get out of there without further embarrassment.
Legolas helped them all mount heir horses. (Katie didn't really need help, but she didn't tell him that; it paid off when his hand accidentally hit her butt.) Frodo rode again with Legolas and Aragorn took Andy.