Author:Isabel Juno

Title: Reflections: chapter 5 of The Assassin's Decision

Disclaimers: the day i own them is the day the Pirates get to win the World Series! GO PIRATES!

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Authors note: i have my buddies and muses to thank for helping me through writers block... mj0621, my friend Kathleen, my insane friend misty, and my other insane friend Byte366 thanks guys! hugs!

Reflections

Gil sat head in his hands and elbows on his knees as his stomach churned. Catherine sat next to him holding a tense conversation with Kathleen about something inane like the weather. Gil stood up suddenly.

"I'll be back in a bit." He gave no more information besides that and he strode out. He couldn't handle this. Cath called after his retreating back.

"Check on Greg and the kids ok?" Gil gave no sign if he'd heard. Kathleen gave Catherine a strange look.

"Is he okay?"

"He's worried." Catherine sighed, "So am I for that matter." Kathleen nodded understandingly. They had no idea what was going on in the surgery and it was driving her nuts. They'd been sitting out in front of it for about half an hour and she was losing it already. She and Catherine talked about anything and everything besides life and what was going on around them. Both discovered that they shared an interest in certain actors. Hugh Jackman was a favorite actor of both, Kathleen's reasoning was that his butt looked really good in leather and Catherine's was that she loved his eyes. Suddenly the doors at the end of the sterile hall burst open as several doctors and nurses bolted past them with a gurney that was covered in blood. At the same time Catherine's phone rang. Catherine almost ignored the ringing but for some reason the ring tone sounded pleading and urgent. She glanced at the caller id and seeing who it was flipped up the phone and answered breathlessly.

"Hello?"

"Cath are you still at the hospital?"

"Yes," She heard the worried tone in Gil's voice, "Why, what's wrong? I mean what else is wrong?" She amended remembering why she was there. Gil's voice sounded borderline panicky.

"Have you seen anybody rushing to the ER yet?" Catherine stood up.

"Yes just now why?" Her eyes darted towards the ER as her mind raced through the possible reasons Gil could be saying this. The questions began spilling out of her before Gil could get a word in edgewise.

"Is Lindsey ok? Did Miles get hurt? Did that mouse bite them? Is Greg ok?" On Gil's end he took a moment to mouth the word mouse in a questioning way before shaking his head and trying to calm Catherine down.

"Cath, Cath… CATH!" Catherine shut up as he yelled her name into the phone.

"Look, Lindsey and Miles are fine…." He left the rest unspoken. Cath knew.

"Greg…" Cath didn't say anything else. She was remembering the blood and suddenly felt very sick. She dropped the phone with a clatter and ran to the nearest bathroom. Gil shouted her name through the phone and Kathleen picked it up.

"She went to the bathroom… what's happened?" Her voice was full of concern. In her former life her empathy for people had caused her discomfort with some of her assignments but now it seemed to be one of her greatest strengths. She heard Gil sigh on the other end. It was a shaky sigh, one that conveyed wordlessly how stressed out and worried the enigmatic man was.

"Greg… he's hurt pretty damn badly. He should have arrived at the ER a few minutes ago." Kathleen felt the blood drain out of her already pale face. She remembered Greg from the wake and the funeral of Nick's friend Sara. Greg had crazy hair and she had had a feeling that he was normally a very cheerful and cheeky person instead of half dead looking like he had been then. He had seemed very somber and that looked strange on him. Her heart felt torn by the news. Gil was silent but Kathleen could still hear his torn breathing.

"I think he's here. I'm going to go check on Catherine."

"Thanks. I'm taking the kids over to Jim's house. Would you please tell Catherine that?" Gil sounded so dejected and pained that it made Kathleen want to comfort him, but she could think of nothing to say.

"Yes, ok. Are you going to come here after that?"

"Yes. Bye." The phone clicked as Gil hung up on his end. Kathleen snapped the phone shut and walked tentatively into the women's restroom. She could hear retching sounds from one of the stalls.
"Catherine?" The toilet flushed and Catherine came out looking rather green.

"Hey." Said Kathleen. She couldn't imagine the worry and stress the older woman was dealing with. She'd never had anybody she had worried about like this until she'd met Nick. Catherine slumped against the tiled wall and slid to sit against it. She looked rather lost.

"Umm… Gil said that he was taking the kids to Jim's house and that then he will come here." Kathleen didn't know what else to say. She was out of her element. She never dealt with the aftermath of a death or an accident. Not since her parents anyway. She'd been to focused on revenge to mourn her parents. She mentally shook herself, she needed to adapt. Catherine looked up at her and nodded in a barely noticeable way.

"Good. I don't want the kids here and I know Greg wouldn't want Miles here for certain." Kathleen nodded in agreement. She may not know Greg but she did understand that no child should be in the hospital at a time like this. Kathleen went to go wait again and Catherine sat trying to compose herself. She didn't want to face the world again and hiding in the ladies room for eternity seemed to be a viable option. The door opened and Catherine continued to stare at her feet. The person's footsteps came closer and stopped in front of her. She recognized the toes of Gil's scuffed shoes.

"This is the women's washroom."

"Yeah… it is." She glanced up. He was unbelievable. Even with all that was going on and even though he was as much an emotional wreck as she was, he was still being a smartass!

"Your insane." Gil laughed weakly and sat down next to her with a groan.

"Smartass." She murmured. He smiled weakly.

"It's my only defense." She returned his smile weakly and leaned up against him. He slipped his arm around her and started humming softly. She stared at him as if he was nuts. He noticed her look and looked down at her.

"Are you humming Anarchy in the U.K.?" She asked incredulously. He smiled slightly.

"Yes, why?"

"I never took you for a Sex Pistols fan." She said amused. Gil smirked and shrugged in a manner that seemed to say "ih… what can ya do?"

"I like more than just classical music. It's a common misconception that I am a stuffy, bug obsessed, crossword solving, loser." She rolled her eyes, but she did give a strangled sort of giggle.

"Well I got you to laugh. That's one small step for me one giant leap for…" His voice trailed off as he tried to think of an appropriate word. He gave up with a shrug.

"Well no matter. Are you ready to go back out and face the world because I don't want to be responsible for some poor woman screaming when she enters the bathroom and sees a guy in here." Catherine nodded in a distracted manner. Gil's bad jokes were of no use to him now and he knew it. They left the washroom just as a nurse was walking by. She gave them an "I don't want to know." Look and kept walking. Gil shook his head hoping he never ran into that nurse again. He didn't feel like explaining why he'd been in there. They sat down in the hard red waiting room chairs and Gil held Catherine's hand while giving Kathleen a look that said "don't' ask". She took his hint and simply said.

"Nick is still in surgery and they've managed to slow Greg's bleeding and they've taken him in to surgery to repair the damage to his arteries. They think he'll be okay, but they said that they won't know for sure for a while." Gil nodded and Catherine smiled shakily.

"I'm going to go call Jim." Kathleen handed Catherine her phone back and Catherine took it a little way down the hall before dialing. Gil's phone went off and he excused himself, leaving Kathleen sitting by herself again. She sighed and picked an ancient copy of Vogue; she leafed through it casually but not really seeing it. She didn't want to think about anything, especially not what was going on in the rooms down the hall. After a few minutes of struggling not to think the door down the hall swung open with an ominous swish that was audible only to Kathleen. Gil was so intent on his phone he didn't notice the surgeon in his blood covered scrubs. Kathleen fought back the urge to retch. She knew this was Nick's surgeon. She had the cliché feeling like her heart was going to stop and like the world around her had narrowed down to her, the surgeon approaching her, and Nick, in the operating room. The weary looking surgeon stopped before and opened his mouth to speak.

Gil listened intently to the information Archie was feeding him. He nodded without noticing what he was doing.

"Thanks Arch."

"Sure thing boss." Gil heard the line click and the dial tone. He snapped the phone shut and looked around him. He saw a blood covered doctor speaking to Kathleen and a terrified feeling in his stomach intensified; his feet felt like lead as he walked over to them and listened in.

Catherine finished listening to Lindsey's summary of the movie she and Miles were being subjected to, only hearing about half and noting that the main words Lindsey had used to describe happened to be "sucks" and "piece of crap" and most often used "stupid". Miles had confirmed this by yelling in that background that movies that were old enough to have a young and skinny Frank Sinatra weren't movies that he was terribly interested in. Lindsey had at this time told her mother that she thought Miles was terribly strange and needed to get with the times. Catherine had smiled slightly at this and shook her head. Jim got on the phone and told Catherine to smack him if he ever thought of doing Gil a favor again. Catherine had just begun her retort as she heard Gil yell behind her. She wheeled around telling Jim she'd call him back and snapping the phone shut despite Jim's protests not to leave him alone with two kids again. Gil was jumping up in the air in an almost comical manner. She dashed over to them and slipped as she tried to skid to a halt. Gil caught her in mid-fall and pulled her into a bone crushing hug that lifted her off the floor as he spun them around excitedly.

"GIL PUT ME DOWN!" She yelled panicking. Gil laughed and put her down lightly still grinning ear to ear like a maniac. She then accused him of being completely mental and stared at him in bewildered wonder as he laughed at her accusation.

"Nick's gonna be fine!" He cut in as she began to yell at him. She felt a wave of relief was over her.

"O thank god! Any news on Greg? Why was that doctor covered in blood? Were you really just jumping up and down like an excited 3 year old on Christmas?" Gil put a hand over her mouth to shut her up.

"In order. No. It was a surgery not a checkup. And yes I was just jumping up and down like an excited 4 year old at Christmas." Catherine let out a sigh of relief and then looked sharply at him.

"I said 3 year old not 4 year old." She corrected. Gil shrugged.

"Well when I was 3 I didn't jump… I did a happy dance." She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth. "And before you ask, no I won't do the happy dance." He added before she could ask. She closed her mouth and frowned. He smirked. Kathleen watched this interaction desperately trying not to laugh. The two noticed her smile and reddening face as she repressed her laughter. Gil raised his eyebrow and Catherine asked her if she was ok. Kathleen shook her head and held up her hand to fend off any questions. The surgeon muttered that one of them could go see Nick. Kathleen to eager advantage of the opportunity and told them one of them could switch with her in a little while. She bolted off down the hall still struggling to stifle her laughter and relief, leaving a very confused couple in her wake.

"I guess she's really relieved about Nick." Said Catherine mildly.

"I think she was laughing at us." Gil mused. Catherine looked at him curiously. She pushed back her questions. The whole fiasco with Nick and Greg and her eavesdropping on what Gil had told Greg, the look on Gil's face when she admitted she'd listened in. It all made her wonder if he still wanted there to be a "them". She decided to cross that bridge when the matter of Greg was settled. She knew that, if left to his own devices, Gil would not mention it and would simply build a bit of distance between them that would eventually kill their relationship. She couldn't let that happen. The two sat down silently and resumed the gut twisting waiting process that consisted of every ten minutes or so Gil standing up suddenly and pacing for a few minutes then cursing and sitting down again only to begin pacing again ten minutes later. Catherine for her part simply thought about all that was going on. She called and checked in on Lindsey and Miles occasionally. The few hours they sat seemed to take forever. After what felt like an eternity and a half of pacing and glancing up when they heard the ominous door swishing open only to continue their cycle; Greg's weary surgeon came in. His clothes weren't as bloodstained as Nick's surgeon's had been. Then again from what Gil had seen, most of Greg's blood was in Catherine's guest room.

He was at the part of his routine where he was sitting in the uncomfortable chair that was backing his backside fall asleep. His hands started shaking when he remembered what had happened. He had gone in to check in on Miles, Lindsey, and Greg. Miles and Lindsey were in the living room trying to teach a small mouse how to jump through a hoola hoop. Gil, while worried about the sanity of such an action, reasoned that they were in no imminent danger besides the possibility of their mouse circus failing. So he'd snuck up the stairs to check in on Greg. He'd tried to ease open the door to find that it wouldn't budge. He'd realized that Greg had locked it. He had no way to unlock it from this side. He began knocking, then banging on the door. By that time Miles and Lindsey had come up the stairs and were watching Gil slam his fist into the door. He'd turned to see them and both kids had seenthe fear on his face.

"Should I call mom?" Linds had asked. Gil had shaken his then bright red face.

"Just tell her why I've broken her door down later."

"But you haven't broken it down." Miles had pointed out.

"Not yet." Gil had said as he'd squared his shoulders and lifted his foot. He'd slammed his foot into the door right by the doorknob breaking the lock jamb. The door had burst open and the second Gil had seen the interior he swung around to keep the kids from seeing. He told Lindsey to call an ambulance, while Miles who had sensed something was very wrong tried to push past Gil who caught him and tried to push him back. Miles had seen Greg lying there on the floor with his blood pooling around him and Miles had screamed. It was an inarticulate scream. One born of pain and desperation as Gil had held the boy back from entering the room only to receive a small distraught fist to his solar plexus. Gil didn't loosen his hold on the boy but did let out a pained "oof" as all the breathe in his body was forced out. He scooped Miles up carrying him down the stairs ignoring the blows that the boy kept dealing him. His screaming became slightly more intelligible and Gil made a mental note to later impress upon Miles that calling Greg a "Goddammed rat bastard shit fuck" was not a good way to get something you wanted. He had sat the boy down on the faux marble counter. Silent tears had streamed their way down his face and he'd sniffled. Lindsey had been sitting silently at the table staring at them.

"Keep an eye on him ok?" Gil had instructed ignoring Miles mimicking him under his breath. Gil had stormed back up the stairs pausing only to grab a large towel. He crouched by Greg, his hands shaking, and he wrapped the towel tightly around Greg's wrists to staunch the blood flow.

"I called the ambulance and…." Lindsey's voice had trailed off into a strangled squeak. Gil had looked up all the blood draining from his face leaving it chalk white. Gil's body blocked Greg's from view but Lindsey had been able see all the blood on the carpet and bedspread. Her face had been frozen in horror and then something deep inside her took control. Her face had unfrozen and she'd become all business.

"What can I do to help?" She asked firmly. Gil had hesitated; he'd known Catherine would kill him if he let Lindsey see this.

"Get some more towels please and make sure Miles stays in the kitchen." She had nodded and hurried for the towels. She'd come back with a stack of them.

"Leave them by the door. Your mother will kill me for letting you see this much." Gil was grateful for Lindsey's help but he'd had no intention of scarring the child for life.

"I can tell this much, Greg is bleeding badly. Your not going to be able to stop the bleed with just towels either. I'm going to get some rope belts too tie the towels off with. More pressure will be applied to the wound." Gil had stared after her, his mouth had hung open out of shock at the girl's knowledge and calmness. Gil, himself, had felt slightly shaky and was still very frightened. It was an emotion that he found himself growing more and more used to feeling. He didn't like that.

Catherine's voice brought Gil out of his reverie.

"So the next few hours in recovery will tell us for sure?" She said. Gil focused his attention on his current surroundings. The surgeon nodded. He wore glasses and his glasses had a blood smudge on them, the sight of which, made Gil's stomach churn.

"Everything is looking pretty good for now though. Greg's vitals have stabilized. We're still giving him transfusions and we will probably have to continue to give him transfusions for a few weeks. We have him restrained so he can't hurt himself again." Gil looked sharply at the man and opened his mouth to ask how he'd known that Greg had hurt himself. The surgeon headed Gil off seeing Gil's question forming.

"I've seen a lot of attempted suicides Mr. ……" his voice trailed off unsure.

"Grissom." Supplied Gil. The surgeon nodded.

"Greg is unconscious now, but you and Mrs. Grissom can go in to see him if you'd like the nurse up front can direct you to his room." Before either Catherine or Gil could correct the man and say that they weren't married he scurried off down the hall as his beeper started shrieking at him. Catherine leaned her head back against the wall breathing out a sigh of relief. Gil had mixed feelings about that. One the one hand it reminded him of how beautiful she was even when she was stressed out and on the other hand it reminded him of how conflicted he was about her eavesdropping on what he'd told Greg. He shoved these emotions into the box in the back of his mind where he put the stuff he couldn't handle at the moment. He knew one day the box, that was already straining against is confines, would burst and destroy him along with it. He sighed.

"Shall we?" He asked mildly. Catherine opened her eyes slowly and turned her head lethargically towards him nodding slightly, which caused her hair to rub up against the wall making it stick to the wall on account of static electricity. Gil smiled gently and crossed his arms across his chest leaning against the wall. She noticed his look and tried to mask her self-conscious feelings she got whenever he looked at her with those deep ocean blue eyes.

"What?"

"Shall we go see Greg?"

"No I heard that and yes we should but what do you mean by looking at me like that?" Gil smiled at Catherine's choice of wording. Catherine was speaking and thinking at the same time. It was quite amusing.

"First off, I love your choice of words, and two, your hair is kind of staticky." Catherine gave Gil a playful shove and Gil smirked at her as she tried to smooth her hair down. She then stalked off towards the receptionist's desk with her hair standing up even worse than before. Gil thought her hair resembled little wispy antennae and the thought made his smirk turn into a full-blown grin. Catherine got the room number and walked back to Gil grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him along. She knew her hair was still standing up and she knew that's why Gil was grinning like an idiot. She briefly considered blackmailing Gil to get him back for this smirking, which she knew wasn't going away any time soon. She thought about and the only thing she could think of that would embarrass Gil would be the fact he had a habit of singing Cindy Lauper songs in the shower. Personally she didn't think there was anything funnier than Gil singing Girls Just Want to Have Fun. She'd recorded it at one point and still hadn't told Gil about it. She decided against tormenting Gil, under the current circumstances she didn't really want to piss Gil off any more than she already had. Gil followed her unquestioningly, his mind wandering, drawn back to the box in his mind. The one he hid everything difficult inside of. He wanted to just destroy it. He knew that that wasn't possible but it didn't stop him wanting to. He felt horribly betrayed by Catherine listening in. He knew that he shouldn't, she'd just wanted to make sure everything was ok but it didn't stop the anger that was festering in the box. They entered Greg's room quietly and Gil pushed his attention outside of his mind. Greg looked pretty bad. His entire chest had been tightly bandaged as had his wrists and he was restrained and hooked up to an IV and a blood drip. He looked sickly gray under the fluorescent lights and his breathing sounded strange. Gil felt his stomach churning threatening to send the chicken and rice he'd had for dinner up to meet his mouth again. He noticed that Greg had stitches on his face; Gil couldn't remember any head injuries on Greg, but there had been so much blood. Gil fought away the memory as his legs started shaking. Catherine felt ill to see Greg hooked up to the various machines and drips and she felt horror in seeing all the bandages. She glanced at Gil who looked a horrible ashen grey she felt sure had nothing to do with the lighting. He looked lost and rather ill. She guided him over to a seat and sat next to him, leaning into him a little bit. His hand found hers and she squeezed his gently. His thumb moved back and forth over her knuckles rhythmically as they sat there watching Greg for any signs he was awake. There were no signs. Gil let his mind wander again as time passed by. He thought about how bad things had gotten between him and Liz before she'd been killed. He'd blamed himself for the longest time. He wasn't going to tell Greg that. He didn't want to tell Cath either, but his and Liz's problems stemmed mostly from the fact that they'd kept things from each other. He'd never told anyone that he and Liz had been about to break up with each other when they'd found out she was pregnant. For Gil, who remembered how hard it had been to grow up pretty much without a dad, the idea of not being there for his baby had been a crushing one. The baby was the reason he and Liz stayed together. Rose had kept him and Liz together simply by existing. Gil had often wondered what would have happened if Liz hadn't gotten pregnant or if he'd been with Liz the day she was killed or if Rose had lived. He didn't know and it still killed him to think of those memories. He'd spent years burying them away only to have Sara's death drag it all up to the surface. Catherine looked at Gil and sighed.

"Greg's not going to be waking up anytime soon I don't think. We need to talk. I know you don't want to, especially not here, but we need to talk. You're mad at me. I know that. I know you deserve to be mad. I know that I deserve for you never to trust me again but I have to try. I can't pretend I understand the kind of pain that you must feel to talk about Liz and Rose but you told Greg who annoys the hell out of you and you didn't tell me. I'm your best friend and more and you didn't ever tell me. I understand the circumstances are different but…" Gil silenced her speech with a look. There was no malice or anger in it. It was simply a blank look. Gil took a deep breath and began to speak in a shaky sort of voice.

"Your right. I am mad, I'm furious that you listened in. I understand why you did but it doesn't stop me from being angry. I told Greg for a reason. To be honest when I talked to Greg when he was in the shower, when I listened to his responses I knew exactly where he was coming from. I've been there. When Liz and Rose died I sat in my shower contemplating suicide for weeks. When I finally did try to commit suicide it was in much the same way Greg did. I slit my wrists. I sat in my shower and slit my wrists with a straight razor and to be honest I didn't really feel the pain. For me the pain let me feel physically what I'd been feeling emotionally. The pain let me know I was dying and it let me focus on the end of life and the hope of seeing Rose and Liz again. I've been where Greg is. I know exactly what he was feeling and I know exactly how angry and desperate he's going to feel when he wakes up. He will eventually understand, but its gonna take a long time. I know how Greg feels because when I found him in the guest room bleeding like that it was like when I tried to off myself. When I talked to him in the bathroom it was like listening to myself and when I looked in his eyes when we took the knife from him it was like looking in a mirror. It was like seeing my own 25-year-old self, looking back at me with the same pain and anger I felt and still feel. To talk about this, for me is like letting out a crushing wave from behind a dam that I've carefully built. Its like letting the monster out of the closet and I'm not sure I can or would want to stuff it back in." He stopped, frowning at a speck on the floor as if it had offended him by stubbornly sticking to the floor. He had been unable to stop the torrent of words once he'd begun and he still had many left to say. He didn't want to fight with Catherine. He didn't want to relive the nightmares of the past. But then… since when did Gil Grissom get his way? Catherine stared at him open mouthed. She had never been so stunned by anything Gil had done as what she'd learned about him in this one day. She felt a flare of anger. She knew that it wasn't reasonable, but it didn't change the fact she felt it.

"I've always told you everything." She said quietly. Gil looked at her sharply. His mouth fell open and a strangled sort of noise came out. He had no idea what to say to that. It was true and he knew it. He knew almost everything about her. He knew all the big stuff that had shaped her life and he hadn't told her much of the stuff that had shaped him into the withdrawn and enigmatic man he was. Catherine's eyes stared deep into his as if drilling their way into his mind. She frowned and continued.

"You know everything about me. How much do I really know about you?" Her words cut him like sword. He withdrew his hand from hers and stared determinedly at Greg's cardiograph. Catherine stared at him.

"Maybe your right." Gil said still staring at the cardiograph.

"What?" Catherine was taken aback. Gil continued staring at the cardiograph as if if he blinked it would run away. He swallowed hard.

"Maybe you don't really know me. I'm scared to let people know who I am. Every time I do I end hurting others or getting hurt by them." Catherine stared at Gil incredulously.

"You're unbelievable!" Gil blinked at her.

"I thought I was at least reasonably believable." He retorted feeling his face flush. She glared at him. He still wasn't looking at her. She felt anger festering in the pit of her stomach. He was unbelievable! How could he act like this? Granted she shouldn't have listened in but this went beyond that. Gil felt his anger rising. He hated to fight with Catherine but she was leaving him little choice. He couldn't drop it; she'd bring it back up again and again. He knew Catherine knew him better than anybody else but she didn't seem to think so.

"I know this much about you Gil. You hide away from the world because you're afraid of getting hurt. You act like you don't care because you think if you care that you'll get hurt. You hide in your hermetically sealed condo, doing genius level crosswords, playing with your tarantula Harry, and hiding from the world. You finally admit you have feelings for me and then the first time that something turns into a fight you resort to sarcasm and staring daggers at a speck on the floor because your scared! You are the biggest coward I know. You're so afraid of emotional pain that you hide from everything. The good and the bad." Catherine stopped breathing heavily. Gil continued staring at the cardiograph, choosing his words carefully and struggling to stay calm.

"Townhouse not condo, advanced crosswords not genius, and his name is Henry the 8th not Harry. The rest is pretty damn accurate though, except I'm not staring at the speck on the floor, I'm staring at the cardiograph." A groan from the bed cut off anything else that might have been said as Greg let out an irritated groan.

"Will you two knock it off? You sound like my parents." Gil actually smiled.

"How do you feel Greg?" He asked, his voice soft. Greg grumbled.

"I've been better and I feel guilty as all hell." Greg's voice was gruff and uncharacteristically quiet.

"Don't feel guilty." Said Gil simply. He had so much more to say but he couldn't find the words. Catherine went over and needlessly brushed Greg's hair back with her hand.

"Don't feel guilty," she told him, "The past can't be changed, look toward the future instead." Those words burned themselves into Gil's mind. Later when they left Greg to sleep, still with an icy silence between them, and Gil went home to his dark and, for the first time, oppressive townhouse Catherine's words came back to him. Taunting him with ideas and possibilities. He turned up Handle's Messiah very loud and tried to forget everything. It didn't work. He knew he had to do something. He couldn't loose Catherine. He cared too much about her. She may not know how well she knew him but he knew she knew him better than anyone else. He lay on his old brown leather couch listening to Halleluiah and wondering what to do.

Catherine sat at home trying to bury away her feelings for Gil and about their fight, which seemed both valid and stupid. She knew she would regret it later, but now she felt justified. Catherine knew that, as much as she hated and feared the idea of losing Gil, their relationship couldn't survive if they didn't talk. She felt torn between her fear of losing Gil now and losing him later. She felt certain that the only person who could solve this was the one person who wouldn't address it. Still full of turmoil, Catherine crawled into her bed, which felt terribly empty without Gil. It scared her how used to him being there she'd gotten. Now she lay all alone and feeling very alone; silent tears began to trek down her cheeks and into her soft pillows.

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