Chapter 23 Finding the Way Back

Anakin awoke slowly, and opened his eyes to see just a hint of color in the sky as a sign of the impending appearance of the morning sun. He turned over to see that Obi-Wan had not moved all night, but his color was good and he was still breathing normally. Zak was still sleeping on the other side of his master. Boba, he noticed, had moved a little closer to them and Anakin had to smile a little at that. He rolled over and kissed Padme's cheek as she lay beside him; she stirred and opened her eyes.

"How is he?" She whispered.

"I don't know, he hasn't moved all night, though." Anakin whispered back and then sat up and stretched.

He turned once again to his brother, lying still and silent next to him and touched his cheek. Obi-Wan was still deep within himself; but Anakin thought maybe not quite as deep as he had been the night before.

"Anakin?" Padme whispered.

"Better, I think; at least a little." Anakin answered.

"Does that mean he'll be alright?" She asked hopefully.

"I don't know, Padme. I wonder if I should contact Master Yoda." Anakin replied.

"Oh, maybe that would be a good idea." Padme agreed.

"Right; can you stay here then? Zak will be here with you." Anakin requested.

"Yes, darling, of course." Padme answered.

Anakin kissed her again, stood up and stretched again before heading back to the house. He slipped in, quietly so as not to disturb anyone and went to the family room where the comm was located. It was late afternoon on Coruscant, although Anakin knew that would not have made a difference to the Jedi in the comm center at the Temple.

"Master Skywalker! It's rather early on Naboo; what can I do for you?" Derek asked pleasantly.

"Is Master Yoda about? I really need to speak with him." Anakin answered.

"Yes, of course, I'll send for him right away. What's wrong, Master Skywalker?" Derek asked.

"Well, I'd rather just go through this once, Derek; I hope you understand." Anakin replied.

"Oh, I see; yes, I hope Lady Skywalker is not ill." Derek said, probing.

"No, it's not Lady Skywalker or my children either." Anakin answered. "It's Master Kenobi."

"Oh no; Oh my; well here's Master Yoda." Derek replied.

"Anakin, good it is too see you." Yoda said as he stepped into view.

"Master Yoda, I've done a terrible thing." Anakin began.

"Trouble yourself about this, you should not." Yoda told him.

"But I haven't told you what I've done. I opened my mind to him, Master Yoda; I showed him my memories and…and my nightmares." Anakin continued, his voice cracking with emotion. "I hurt him."

"Know this I do, Anakin. Felt it as well last night." Yoda said calmly. "Necessary it was for you to share it with him."

"But it's hurt him, Master Yoda." Anakin replied, fighting the tears that wanted to come. "And now, he's…"

"Gone he is not, young Skywalker. Retreated, yes, for now, so much for him all at once it was. He wanted to help you; needed this he did as well as you."

"I'm sorry, Master; if I'd known…" Anakin trailed off.

"No, Master Skywalker; sorry you should not be. The will of the Force it was that Obi-Wan should see those visions that haunted you. Best for you it was that you shared them. Best for you and for Obi-Wan." Yoda assured him.

"But what should I do, Master?" Anakin asked, still fighting the tears.

"Stay with him. Enough that will be to bring him out." Yoda instructed. "Worry, you cannot, Anakin; come back to us he will."

"When?" Anakin asked, the tears now welling up.

"Sooner than you think." Yoda answered. "Go now; and be with him; and Anakin, blame yourself for this you must not."

"Yes, Master Yoda; thank you." Anakin replied.

"Welcome, you are; may the Force be with you." Yoda concluded.

"And with you, Master." Anakin said.

When Anakin stepped out the back garden door, the dawn sky had brightened, and the dawn color filled the sky. He walked back down to the pond; Zak was awake now, his blankets folded neatly next to Obi-Wan. Boba was still sleeping and Padme was sitting up watching Zak who had walked down to the pond. He walked over and sat down next to her.

"Did you speak with Master Yoda?" She asked.

Anakin looked over at Obi-Wan still lying as he had left him; eyes closed, unmoving.

"Yes; he doesn't want me to blame myself for this and he says that he'll be alright." Anakin answered as he continued to watch his brother.

"No, you shouldn't; if anyone is to blame, it's me. I told you to go ahead with it; this is my fault." Padme told him.

"No, Master Yoda said it needed to happen and that it was a good thing for both of us." Anakin countered. "It's no more your fault than it is mine; or his." Anakin finished pointing to his brother.

"How long will he be like that?" Padme asked.

"I don't know, but Master Yoda says not very long." Anakin answered. "I hope he's right."

"He always is, isn't he?" Padme replied.

"Yes, usually." Anakin said with a half-hearted smile and then looked down to the pond. "How is Zak this morning?"

"Very quiet; he just touched Obi-Wan, folded up his blanket and went down there." Padme told him. "I'm worried about him too."

Anakin closed his eyes and reached out to Zak. "Oh, I see; he's worried because he can't feel Obi-Wan. I'd better go and try to explain what's happening here." He said.

He patted Obi-Wan's shoulder, "I'll be right back, old friend." He said as he stood up.

Padme watched him as he walked down to Zak and then looked at the Jedi Master, "You'd better come out of this, Obi-Wan; there are people who miss you very much."

"Zak, talk to me." Anakin said as he came up to stand beside Zak.

Zak did not look at him, "About what?" He asked.

"Oh, I think you know." Anakin replied.

"Well, you can read my mind, anyway; what's the point in talking about it?" Zak answered, still not looking at him.

"Because you need to talk about it." Anakin persisted. "Sit down."

Zak shrugged and sat down obediently, but still would not look at Anakin.

"I'm sorry, Zak; I didn't know this would happen." Anakin started.

"It's not your fault; it was the will of the Force." Zak replied.

"Then you should know that it whatever happens is for the best." Anakin told him.

"I know; it's just hard to accept the will of the Force, sometimes." Zak said.

"He's not gone, you know." Anakin assured.

"Yes, he is; I can't feel him anymore." Zak said.

"That's because he's very deep within himself." Anakin replied.

"You're just telling me that." Zak answered.

"Oh, Zak; I thought we understood each other better than that. Did I lie to you after Master Obi-Wan was kidnapped and you thought we'd never find him?" Anakin asked.

"No." Zak had to admit.

"Did I lie to you when he was sick and you thought he was dying?" Anakin asked.

"No." Zak admitted again.

"How about when he was in the medical center?" Anakin asked.

"Well, no." Zak admitted for the third time.

"Then why would you think I'd lie to you now?" Anakin wanted to know.

"I don't know; I don't know anything anymore." Zak answered.

"Well, I know one thing. Master Obi-Wan is going to be all right. Master Yoda said very soon." Anakin informed him.

"You talked to Master Yoda?" Zak asked

"Yes, just a little while ago." Anakin answered. "I wanted to let him know what I'd done."

"But you didn't do anything, Master Anakin." Zak said.

"Well, I know that now; Master Yoda told me this was supposed to happen. Maybe not exactly like this; but it had to be. He said that Master Obi-Wan will come back to us very soon." Anakin explained.

"Can you show him to me? Like you did before?" Zak asked, hopefully.

"Hmm…I'm not sure that will work this time, Zak; this is different." Anakin answered. "We could try it, though; if it would make you feel better."

"Yes, let's try it." Zak decided.

"Alright, but if I can't do it, it doesn't mean there's no hope." Anakin said. "Before we do this, you have to understand that."

"I understand." Zak replied.

"I mean it, Zak; because if you lose hope, Master Obi-Wan might too." Anakin told him.

"I know; I understand." Zak insisted.

"Alright," Anakin said as he and Zak sat down beside Obi-Wan, "let me find him first and then I'll let you see him."

Zak nodded as Anakin put his hand on Obi-Wan cheek and reached out to his brother, probing, going deep, and deeper still. He could feel him, but he wanted to produce a stronger connection so that Zak could feel him too. He found it, tenuous and fleeting and quickly he took Zak's hand in his prosthetic one and placed it over his flesh one.

"Feel that?" He asked.

Zak answered immediately, relieved and satisfied, "yes." Then it was gone.

"Where did it go?" Zak asked, alarmed.

"He's very deep, Zak; it didn't go anywhere, it's just hard to hold on to him." Anakin explained.

"Oh, so he's not gone." Zak replied.

"No, he's not." Anakin assured him.

"That Force stuff is weird." Boba said as he sat up from where he had been sleeping.

Neither Zak nor Anakin responded and there was a short awkward silence until Padme spoke up.

"Well, I think I'll go back up to the house and see what the children are up to and make us all something to eat." She announced. "Care to help me, Boba?"

"Umm…yeah, sure; I guess so." Boba answered.

"How long, Master Anakin?" Zak asked when they had disappeared into the house.

"I'm not sure, Zak; all Master Yoda said was that it would be sooner than we think. Which sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?" Anakin replied.

"Yes, I guess." Zak answered.

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Obi-Wan woke up, lying on his bed, in the Temple. He was confused and disoriented; he did not remember even leaving Naboo. Had he been taken ill there and brought back home? Where was Zak or Anakin? Where was everyone? He was alone here; if he had been sick, why then, was he not with the healers? He sensed, at that moment, that he was not alone and turned his head to see Qui-Gon sitting in his chair.

"Qui-Gon? I don't understand; I should not be able to see you." Obi-Wan said.

"Well, here I am, Padawan; so what do you think has happened?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I…I don't know; I don't even remember coming home." Obi-Wan answered.

"How do you know you're really here?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Because I am." Obi-Wan replied.

"Are you? Or do you just think you are?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I don't understand." Obi-Wan told him.

"Well, think back, Obi-Wan; what's the last thing you remember." Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan paused, he remembered helping Anakin destroy the Neimoidian control ship, going to Padme's family home, blood on Zak's face; going back to Anakin's, Boba hiding up the tree and…and…

"I was with Anakin, in his back garden." Obi-Wan recalled.

"Yes, and what were you doing, Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked patiently.

"I…I can't remember." Obi-Wan answered in frustration.

"Yes, you can; just think." Qui-Gon said gently.

What had they been doing? Talking, they had been talking.

"Talking." Obi-Wan said.

"Alright, you're getting there; now, what were you talking about?" Qui-Gon asked.

Oh, now there was a good question, think, Obi-Wan, he told himself.

"We were talking about him. Something…I wanted to help him." Obi-Wan answered.

"Good, very good; yes, you wanted to help him. What were you going to help him with?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Something that has been bothering him." Obi-Wan said.

"That's right, now just think a little harder, Obi-Wan, and you will remember what that was." Qui-Gon replied.

Obi-Wan paused again, they had been talking, yes; Anakin was hiding something from him, no, not exactly hiding it. Wait, Obi-Wan wanted Anakin to show him…something…blast.

"I can't remember, Master; I wanted him to show me something, but I can't remember what it was." Obi-Wan told him.

"Yes, you can; just calm your mind and it will come." Qui-Gon assured him gently.

Relax; alright, Obi-Wan thought, I can do that…now, what was it…Oh…

"His nightmare, that's what it was." Obi-Wan finally remembered. "But, then what am I doing here?"

"Hiding." Qui-Gon said.

"Hiding? Why here?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Why not? This is your home, Obi-Wan; haven't you always felt safe here?" Qui-Gon replied with a smile.

"Oh, I see; yes that makes sense. Now, what am I hiding from?" Obi-Wan wondered.

"The nightmare, of course." Qui-Gon answered.

"But why would I hide from that? I wanted to see it." Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes, but it was more than just the nightmare that you saw, wasn't it, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon said.

"Well, yes, his memories too; but, they weren't so bad that I would hide from them." Obi-Wan reasoned.

"No, but his thoughts and feelings, combined with what you saw in the nightmare; that's what triggered this." Qui-Gon explained.

"But, Qui-Gon, I knew what Anakin did in those nightmares, he told me about it; and even now that I've seem them, I still can't see any reason why I would hide from any of it." Obi-Wan argued. "Because I know Anakin never actually did those things anyway."

"Oh, Obi-Wan, it's not what Anakin did; it's what you did that you're hiding from." Qui-Gon replied.

"What I did? But I didn't do anything." Obi-Wan said.

"No, you wouldn't remember that part; you've blocked it out, Padawan." Qui-Gon told him.

"No, I…oh, it's out there; isn't it?" Obi-Wan reasoned.

"Yes." Qui-Gon confirmed.

"So, what do I do now?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Well, you have two choices; you can stay here where you feel safe or you can go out there and face what you came in here to hide from." Qui-Gon counseled.

"What happens if I stay here?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Nothing, but do you really want to be trapped in here until your body dies?" Qui-Gon asked.

"My body? So I'm not really here then." Obi-Wan said.

"Only your consciousness is here, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon replied. "And it will stay here until your body dies or until you face what's out there."

"But, Qui-Gon; if I couldn't face what I'm hiding from before, how can I face it again? Won't I end up right back here?" Obi-Wan inquired.

"That is a possibility, yes." Qui-Gon answered. "But think about what will happen to Anakin and to Zak if you stay here. Zak needs you right now, Obi-Wan, and Anakin may never forgive himself."

"I have no choice then, do I?" Obi-Wan replied.

"Knowing you, I would have to say no, you do not." Qui-Gon said.

"Right; I'd rather not come back here again, so what can I do to prevent that?" Obi-Wan asked.

"It's very simple; how did you deal with what you saw Anakin doing in his nightmares?" Qui-Gon queried.

"I knew he hadn't done any of it." Obi-Wan replied.

"Exactly; and you have to believe the same thing about what you did." Qui-Gon said. "But you must truly believe it or you'll find yourself right back here."

"Alright; I can do that." Obi-Wan answered.

"Yes, I know you can; and there's one other thing I want you to think about before you do this." Qui-Gon told him. "Part of the reason you're here is because you have some unwarranted guilt that you have laid upon yourself, because you have seen Anakin's thoughts when he was young. Just remember that Anakin was very young when he had those feelings and he knows differently now. You were a very good teacher, Obi-Wan; just think of that when you feel that guilt creeping up on you or you will lose this struggle again."

"I'll do that." Obi-Wan promised. "There is one thing I am puzzled about, Master; why was I witness to Anakin's memories in the first place; he seemed alarmed when he realized I was getting more than the nightmares. I don't think it was intentional on his part."

"I can't tell you that, Padawan; that is something you and Anakin will have to work out on your own." Qui-Gon replied. "Now, I know two people that are very anxious for you to come back to them; are you ready?"

"I believe so; as ready as I'll ever be, I suppose." Obi-Wan answered. "What must I do?"

"Just open the door, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon told him.