I hate leaving fics unfinished but I really wanted to write something post-finale. Seriously, blame the plot bunnies running around my head. Set after Derek comes home. I promise I will finish this fic (I know where it is going and I won't let anything distract me!). Read and enjoy (and if possible hit the little "submit a review" button at the bottom of the page).

Oh you're breaking my heart again

Don't ask me to start
Ask me to start
Just don't ask me to start again
Start again

…

"You look beautiful"

I sit on the edge of the small bed. Mascara running down my cheek. The dress I spent hours picking out wrinkled and looking worse for wear. My hair which was up in a neat bun is now disheveled and falling all over the place.

I have never looked worse in my life. I have perhaps never felt worse in my life.

Though the night Derek found me with Mark comes close in comparison.

I may have looked beautiful once but it is far from what I feel now.

"You didn't go with her?"

My voice empty.

"No."

And I don't ask whether it was his choice or not. I know my husband is not strong enough to walk away. Our marriage is one example of that.

"I came home to you."

His voice even emptier than mine.

The lies we tell each other to sleep well at night.

I suppose that isn't entirely true because neither Derek nor I will ever get a good night's sleep while lying next to each other. Maybe they're the little lies we tell to hope the other gets a good's night sleep.

I look to the floor and finally up to him.

"Is it out of your system? Is she out of your system?"

My tone even and soft.

I know Derek well, better than I know myself. Better than I know a soul on this earth.

If he wants it, he will have it. Sooner or later.

Derek loved the chase and it was only a matter of time before Meredith Grey collapsed under the pressure.

His head hangs even lower, if it is at all possible as he loosens his tie and enters the bathroom.

I make a mental note to send the tux to the dry cleaner before I return it.

I unzip my dress and slip under the covers. Derek was not strong enough to stay with me but I know I am strong enough to stay with him.

But then again, Derek is my weakness. And Meredith is his.

He emerges from the bathroom. A quick shower to wash away the events of the evening.

If only it was really that easy.

He sits at the edge, where I was. My dress crumpled at his feet.

"I didn't mean to Addison. I want you, I need you. I just, I just…"

His voice cracks and I know he is crying. This hurts him as much as it hurts me.

Every moment I spent with Mark I knew I was hurting him but I kept doing it. I couldn't stop myself. I made the same mistake over and over. Meredith is Derek's mistake.

Maybe we'll stop before we self destruct. Maybe we'll stop while there is still something left of the other person.

"Is it over?"

He lies down next to me. His body is heavy and so are his worries.

He's still confused.

I allow him to hold me even though I fear he imagines Meredith in his arms.

"Yes." And I don't know if he's telling me or simply trying to convince himself.

I hear the rain outside and I can't help but think how fitting it is.

"Only you can hurt me like this Derek."

"That's what kills me."

His voice so desperate and sad against my neck.

We hold one another in silence and a restless sleep over comes us both.

…

Aqualung

What's a girl to do? Well, Addison knows but you'll have to wait and see.