No Day But Today

DISCLAIMER: I do not own RENT or anything affiliated with it.

Mark sat down on his bed, staring into the camera again. "It's been a month since I was diagnosed." He pulled a hand through his thinning hair, pulling out a large clump. "I started chemo a couple of weeks ago… as you can tell, my hair's going. It's been tough… Liz hasn't been around as much. I miss her. I hate having to depend on my friends for stuff. They've been great about it and all, but I feel like I'm using them.

"It's getting depressing, being home all the time. I try to get out and do stuff, but I just don't have the energy… Mo's working on another protest, and I've been trying to help her. Mostly I just end up sitting there telling Joanne how to do it. I sort of feel like they just ask me to help so I don't feel useless. It isn't really working, though." He looked down at his hands.

"I'm not ready to die… I don't want to leave them. Who'll remind Roger to take his AZT? Who will Maureen go to when she and Joanne have a fight? Who'll be there for Collins when he gets so drunk he forgets that Angel's gone?" Mark looked up, hearing someone enter the loft. He got up and turned off the camera, putting it away quickly. He didn't want his friends to know what he was doing… not yet.

"You hungry?" Roger asked, putting down a bag of groceries. Mark just shrugged. "You should try to eat, Mark. You've lost a lot of weight."

"Thanks for the tip," Mark said, sitting down on the couch. Roger put away the groceries and made a sandwich. He took it and put it down in front of Mark.

"Eat."

"Rog, please stop this. You know I can't," Mark said, getting up. He headed towards the bathroom. He was already beginning to feel sick. Roger watched as his friend closed the bathroom door, leaving the sandwich sitting where it was. He sighed and picked it up, putting it away in the refrigerator. Mark came out of the bathroom a minute later. "Is it gone?"

"I put it away," Roger told him. Mark nodded. "You've got to eat eventually."

"What's the point? Nothing stays down anyway," Mark replied. "It's only for a couple more weeks, anyway."

"What if it isn't?" Roger asked.

"If it doesn't work, I'm not trying again," Mark told him. "I can't take another round. I'm not even sure I can finish this round."

"Mark, if you quit you won't have a chance," Roger reminded him.

"What do I really have to live for anyway? I finished my film… you have Mimi now, Maureen and Joanne are doing great, Collins is getting over it finally. It's not like my mom expects grandkids anymore. I've done what I needed to do," Mark said.

"There's Liz," Roger replied.

"I haven't seen Liz in almost two weeks. You know that as well as I do," Mark said.

"She's afraid to lose you."

"Well it's a little late, isn't it? She left… she already lost me."

Collins stood outside of the studio, waiting for Liz to leave. She finally walked out, and headed towards the subway. He followed her.

"Liz," he called. She turned around and smiled.

"Hey Collins. How are you?" she asked.

"This ain't a social call, Liz." He sighed. "He misses you."

"What am I supposed to say to him, Collins?" she asked.

"I don't know. None of us do. But you're the only one who's running away."

"I'm not running away."

"You sure as hell haven't been there. He needs you right now. He needs all of us. So you need to get it together, or get over it, or whatever," Collins said. She started to walk away. "He's giving up, Liz. He doesn't think he has anything to live for anymore. He told Roger that if the chemo doesn't work, he isn't going to try again. It's because of you… he thinks you gave up on him."

"I didn't give up. I'll never give up," she replied, turning to face him.

"Then you had sure as hell better start showing it, girl. When you're around, he's the happiest I've ever seen him, even with all the shit he's been through the past few years. Don't just turn your back on him now," Collins said. He turned and started back towards the loft. After a moment, Liz followed him, running to catch up.

Mark looked down at the sandwich Roger had made earlier. He sighed and picked it up. It was turkey… he loved turkey sandwiches. He took a small bite and began to chew. He had to at least try. He was about to start on a second bite when he felt his stomach turn. He dropped the sandwich and ran into the bathroom, leaning over the toilet. This is hell. "Mark?" Just fucking wonderful.

Collins walked into the loft with Liz in tow. He looked around. "Hey Mark?" he called. The only response was the sound of Mark in the bathroom. "I've got to go take care of this," he told Liz, hurrying into the bathroom. Liz walked over to the mess in front of the couch and began to clean up the remains of the sandwich.

Mark was leaned over the toilet, panting, when Collins showed up. "Hey, hey, what happened?" Collins asked. Mark pushed his thinning hair out of his face.

"Tried… eat…" Mark panted. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. Collins got down on the floor next to him.

"Oh, man. And I brought you a visitor, too," Collins said. Mark shook his head.

"No… not like this," Mark said. Collins just nodded.

"Okay. I'll get her to come back later," Collins said. He got up and walked out of the bathroom, where Liz was cleaning up. "He doesn't want to see anyone right now… he's a mess," Collins explained. Liz just nodded.

"Okay. I'll come back tomorrow," she said, heading towards the door.

"Is that a promise?" Collins asked.

"Yeah. You can tell him I'll come," Liz said. Collins turned and headed back into the bathroom to help Mark. The boy had already fallen asleep against the cool tiles, and he was shivering.

"Damn, boy." Collins picked his friend up and carried him into his bedroom, putting him in bed and covering him up. He started out, but stopped at the sound of Mark's voice.

"Liz was here, wasn't she?" Mark asked.

"Yeah," Collins replied, turning around. "I… I tried to convince her that she shouldn't just leave you like this."

"Thanks, Collins," Mark said, drifting off to sleep yet again.

"Anytime, boy. Anytime."