Chapter 2

Remus ran down the street towards The Leaky Cauldron, he didn't notice the strange looks that he got from passer-by's, he was concentrated on finding Sirius.

Bursting into The Leaky Cauldron, he immediately spotted Sirius, sitting in the corner with a bottle of Firewhiskey. He was staring at the bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand as if it had the answers to all of his problems in its depths, he didn't appear to have noticed Remus yet, he didn't even look up when Remus sat down beside him.

"Hey Sirius" Remus said carefully "everything o.k.?"

Sirius took a long swig before answering "O.k. I guess."

Remus decided that now was not a time for subtlety "Stop shitting with me and tell me what's wrong!"

Sirius raised his head and Remus was shocked to see that he'd been crying at some point.

"Is it true?" Sirius asked, looking at Remus with a sullen bleary eyed glare, that only a drunk can manage.

"Is what true Padfoot old friend?" Remus asked disconcerted.

"I hate them Remus, I hate them so much!" Sirius said, putting his face in his hands.

"Uh… who do you hate?"

"All of them, I hate them all! I want to kill them," Sirius took a long gulp from the Firewhiskey, "I want to taste their fear, I want to make them pay!"

Remus was now alarmed and extremely worried "Who do you want to… hurt?"

Sirius started laughing and several people turned to stare at the two boys. "Ashes to ashes!" he shouted.

"Sirius calm down, o.k. we're going now. Come on get up, yes you can bring the Firewhiskey." Remus said desperately trying to get Sirius to stand up. "Come on get up, we need to go, ya that's right, no Sirius the doors over here, good good."

Sirius and Remus stumbled out into the bright sunlight and headed for Honeydukes. Sirius was weaving across the street, as if the world were spinning beneath him, all the time talking about random things that he saw or thought of, every know and then he'd mention those people who had made his life a living hell.

"Come on Sirius, we're almost there." Remus coaxed as they entered Honeydukes.

Fortunately for them, the owner had stepped out, so they made a dash or in Sirius's case a stumble towards the stairs leading to the cellar. Sirius sat down heavily on a crate marked Fizzbee Wizzbees and described how much he hated these people and how he didn't deserve it, that he'd tried. Remus was having trouble getting the trap door to open but it finally gave, with a resounding crash. Remus grabbed Sirius's arm and pulled him into the passageway, pulling the door closed behind them.

Running along the passageway, Remus cursed everything under the sun, as he tried to haul Sirius after him. About half way there, Sirius's legs gave and he crashed to the floor with an anguished wail. He started to cry; in all 5 years of knowing Sirius, Remus had only seen him cry once and that was when he'd given away Remus's secret and almost lost all of his friends.

Sinking down beside Sirius, Remus put a comforting arm around him. Sirius clung to him like a frightened child and bawled into his shoulder, "I hate them Remus, I hate them and they hate me, because of Gryffindor, because of you, but above all because of me, because of who I am."

For the next twenty minutes after that Sirius didn't say anything, he just sobbed into Remus's shoulder as Remus tried awkwardly to comfort him.

"No one, no one understands," Sirius said to Remus, looking him in the eyes, tears still running down his face. "No one understands and no one cares."

"That's not true Sirius, that's not true at all. James, Peter and myself care about you like family—" Remus began, but that was apparently the wrong thing to say.

"Family! If you were anything like my family… Then you'd be in Slytherin and I'd want to kill you too!" and with that statement he cuddled up to Remus and put his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. "I'm happy that you're not like my family."

Remus looked down at Sirius; his black hair contrasted sharply with his pale skin, he looked like a fallen angel, with his hair spread out behind him and over Remus's shoulder.

After a while Sirius's breathing deepened and slowed down, as he fell asleep. Sitting in the middle of a cramped tunnel alone with his drunken friend, Remus had no idea what to do. He was jolted out of his thoughts when Sirius nuzzled closer to him, slipping an arm around Remus's waist, Sirius turned over so that he was partly on top of Remus.

Now forced into this awkward position, with nothing better to do, Remus set to work, putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.

An hour and a half later

Remus awoke with a start, glancing around trying to find what had woken him up, he saw James running towards him.

"Remus! Where have you been? I was worried sick! Oh good you found Sirius! How is he and what are were you two doing?" asked James all in one breath.

"It's a long story; now help me get him to the dorms. He's in no shape to get there on his own." Remus replied, getting up and working the kinks out of his legs.

The two of them, each slipped an arm around him and heaved him to his feet. Some how Sirius managed to keep a death grip on the bottle of Firewhiskey. He emitted a groan, but otherwise showed no signs of life.

"O.k. lets go! By the way where's Peter?" asked Remus.

"Oh, he got his finger stuck in a muggle spark plug and had to go to the hospital wing." Replied James off-handily, looking down with worry at his best-friend. "What's wrong with him? Did you find out?"

"I found out a bit, but I he didn't relinquish the answers easily. He went on and on in disturbing detail about how he wanted to kill some people who had made his life hell."

James was always an easy person to read, and Remus could tell that he knew something, but all James said was "wow… that's pretty serious. Who'd he say he wanted to kill?"

"I'm not sure… He never said exactly, but I think it might be his family." replied Remus.

"Crikey. I knew Sirius was having trouble with his parents n' all but I didn't know it was this bad." James gasped in shock.

Half way to the Gryffindor common room, Sirius came groaning back into this world. "Where the hell am I?" was all he said before clutching at his head.

"Your almost at our common room, we just need to go a little further. Can you do that? Just a little further." James said coaxingly, bending down to were Sirius was crouched.

"Yes" responded Sirius dully, as all the memories cam flooding back, "ya, I can make it."

"O.k. good, everything's going to be o.k." Remus said reassuringly. "as long as we don't run into any teachers along the way."

They made it to the portrait hole, without any mishaps.

"Snorkalbacks" James puffed.

"Is he going to be o.k.? Poor dear." The fat lady said as she swung open.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, just give him a day or two." James replied with a forced grin.

"Come on Sirius, just little farther." Remus tried to encourage him.

He received a grunt in reply. As they passed through the portrait hole, the whole common room turned to stare.

"What happened to him?" asked one person.

"Is that Firewhiskey?" asked another.

"He's gonna be in for it, if a teacher finds out." pointed out a third.

"But the teachers aren't going to find out, now are they?" James glared threateningly around the room.

"Oh but a teacher is going to find out, probably the headmaster too!" said Kreg Rouling, the Prefect. "They don't like it too much when their students go and get themselves drunk, especially under-aged students. Add skipping classes into the bargain and that's a recipe for expulsion or at least suspension."

"Sod of Rouling and keep this to yourself. Or else we'll make you wish that your mother never opened her legs!" Remus said in a deadly tone.

Rouling slunk away to his girlfriend and the rest of the common room went back to what they were doing, but now they were discussing Sirius Black.

They finally got Sirius up the stairs and into the dorm, they set him gently on the edge of his bed and stood back, to look with pity on him.

"Sirius tell me what's wrong please! I'm your best friend, I want to help. No not any more Firewhiskey, give that to me." James lunged for the Firewhiskey that Sirius was lifting to his lips.

"No, gerroff. Fuck it just let me finish it off." He managed to get in a few long gulps before Remus snatched it away. "Awww, fuck Remus, its just a little Firewhiskey. Come on give it here and let me finish it off." He glared balefully at his two fellow Marauders.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Sirius Orion Black!" Sirius winced at the sound of his name "We are going to make you tell us what that whole episode with Malfoy was about if it's the last thing we do." James shouted.

"It's none of your business! Now give me the fucking Firewhiskey." Sirius growled back. "And please god don't shout, my heads banging like a gong."

Remus decided on a quieter approach, "Sirius do you know what you said when you were drunk?"

Sirius looked up with fear in his eyes. "What did I tell you?"

"That you wanted to kill people, to see them bleed, that you hated them and they hated you, you asked whether something was true, you said a lot of odd things and we want to know what they mean. We want to help you; we'll try and make it better." Remus told Sirius earnestly.

"Guys… I really don't want to talk about it." Sirius said looking down at his feet.

"Sirius, it's not good to bottle stuff up. Shit, I'm starting to sound like some sort of psychiatrist. Look what you're doing to me Padfoot!" James said half jokingly. "Don't you trust us?"

"James… its not that I don't trust you, it's just… I can't tell you, it… you wouldn't understand— your… your perfect. Both of you are perfect." Sirius was cut off by James's angry outburst.

James and Remus looked at each other anxiously, Remus raised one of his eyebrows "perfect? I'm sorry Padfoot but your going to have to explain in a little more detail."

Sirius's face went white "I don't want to…"

"Sirius by bottling in your emotions, you're going to keep feeling like this inside where they can fester and eventually you're going to crack and do something stupid. Just tell us." James said, grabbing Sirius's arm and forcing Sirius to look at him, "Tell us, we're not going to judge you."

"Maybe… another time… just not now." Sirius got up and headed for the door, but James jumped in front of him.

"It's been 5 years that I've known you and you've shown up at my house twice during the summer looking like you'd gotten on the bad side of Scandinavian Gore-Hide . You're going to let it out and your going to let it out now." James said as he pushed Sirius back down on to the bed.

When Sirius didn't say anything, Remus decided that he needed some prodding, "So when did these 'problems' start?"

Sirius gave a long and slightly melodramatic sigh "They started for the most part after I got into Gryffindor, my Mother and Father weren't too pleased and they have a way of making their feelings heard and understood." Sirius muttered, so quietly that Remus and James had to lean forward to make sure they didn't miss anything. "There was a bit before that, but only when I did something really bad. After Gryffindor it got pretty constant."

"What do they do to you?" James asked concerned.

Sirius steadfastly avoided their eyes "My mother prefers magic as a way of punishment, she would never demean herself to anything else. My father prefers a more physical approach."

"Oh my god…" Remus couldn't finish his sentence.

"Hanging out with you guys cost me a lot during holidays and the summer, but I'd have it no other way." He said with a little smile, "if I'd stayed away from you, I might have turned out like my parents or my brother."

"Sirius I am so sorry! If I'd known…" James trailed off.

"You couldn't have done anything. My parents are very influential. There's nothing you can do." said Sirius with a sigh. "I think I'm going to go for a walk. Do you guys have anything for hang-overs?"

"Nope, sorry! You'd have to go to Pomfrey and I don't think that's the best course of action." answered Remus.

"Here's the Map, just in case. See ya" he threw the Marauder's Map down on a bed. "Oh, and can you please not tell anyone about this!"

There was such a look of pleading in his eyes that the two Marauders agreed. After he left James and Remus sat in a stunned silence for a few minutes before discussing Sirius's problem.

Sirius made his way over to the lake; looking around to make sure no one was nearby he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, then stood there for a few minutes quietly puffing on it. Sighing he started his walk around the lake. He watched as the giant squid propelled itself across the surface of the lake and then his thoughts wandered back to his first holiday with his parents after being sorted into Gryffindor.

(Flashback)

"HOW DARE YOU? You abnormal, mud-blood loving, aberrant, little Gryffindor." screamed Mrs. Black.

"Mother no, I didn't want to get in Gryffindor, I wanted Slytherin! I swear it, I don't want to be with the Mudbloods!" he tried to explain to her.

"Stop your insufferable whining, you lying little piece of shit. I should have drowned you at birth." She snarled as she pulled out her wand "you wait till your father gets home, compared to what he'll give you, this is nothing. Iverit!"

Pain exploded in his arm and moved slowly to his chest and the rest of his body. He screamed and screamed.

(End Flashback)

It only got worse from there as far as he could recall. When he'd gotten back to Hogwarts after the holiday he'd been so bruised and battered that sitting down had been horrible. But then he'd met James, Remus and Peter. He wondered what he would of done if it weren't for them.

Shaking his head, Sirius threw the stub of his cigarette into the lake and lit another one. Sitting down beneath a tree he leaned back and focused all of his thoughts on finishing the pack of cigarettes. He didn't let any other thought that had anything to do with his parents, his brother, the Slytherins or Remus and James finding out about them, enter his mind. He let his mind drift to old pranks and the fun he'd had with the Marauders.