Review Responses:

oooh-squishy: Thanx for reviewing both stories, I appreciate it

EscaChick: Thanx, I hope you'll like this chapter too, yeah I thought it would be awesome if they were in the Akatsuki, lol, yeah Sakura really needed to die after biting Zaku like that, plus she's just so damn annoying, and yeah there will be a lot of pointless deaths in the upcoming chapters, so look forward to it!

Ronnie: Thanx…

Notice: In the preliminaries there will only be 3 fights that go according to the storyline, so for those fights I will only write the last scene and take over from there because it's pointless to write the whole thing if you all know it already.

The Preliminaries Begin

Naruto, Sasuke, and a kage bunshin imitating Sakura entered the tower. They showed the examiner their scrolls and headed to the room where the next exam took place. They were greeted by Kakashi.

"Hey guys, good job getting this far." said Kakashi. "Note to self, never bet with Gai again" he muttered.

"Heh, heh, what did you expect?" replied Naruto.

Sasuke didn't say anything, probably because he couldn't hear Kakashi since he was deaf.

"WHAT? EVEN SAKURA IS HERE? exclaimed Kakashi. "Ha ha, I'm just kidding, but seriously you suck." said Kakashi, who bitch slapped her just because he could.

"Sakura, is there something wrong? You look kind of out of it." asked Kakashi, waving his hand in front of her face.

"Er um, she's uh um …" started Naruto.

"She's having her period." finished Sasuke.

"Oh alright, I know what that means, know what I'm saying?" chuckled Kakashi, pointing to his perverted book.

"Um, right." replied Naruto hesitantly.

Flashback

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SAKURA?" screamed Naruto.

Sasuke noticed Naruto's expression and could easily guess what he was saying.

"While you were resting, we were defeated by those sound-nin and one of them killed Sakura." replied Sasuke.

"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WHEN SHE WAS GETTING KILLED?" screamed Naruto.

"Me? Oh, I was just busy being unconscious from having my eardrums explode and now I'm permanently deaf." replied Sasuke.

"……" Naruto was speechless.

"Wow, that's a first." thought Sasuke.

(It's really fucking hard to have Sasuke interact with other characters now that he is deaf, so lets pretend that he can just tell what other people are saying, but he can't really hear anything, that make sense? Good)

"Well, are we going to bury her at least?" asked Naruto.

"We don't have the time." replied Sasuke.

"We have to at least have a memorial for her." argued Naruto.

"Fine." sighed Sasuke.

"I'll start." said Naruto. "Sakura was a great friend to me, no wait, she was my guardian angel guiding me through the corruption and evil in this world."

"What the fuck are you saying?" said Sasuke.

"Shut up Sasuke! You say something!" exclaimed Naruto.

"Fine." said Sasuke, clearing his throat. "I hate Sakura. She was the most annoying piece of shit that I've ever met and I wished that she died a horrible, gruesome death every second that she was with me. I guess my dream came true. Yay!" started Sasuke. "You hear that you bitch! I hope you burn in hell!" screamed Sasuke, kicking Sakura's corpse.

"But I AM grateful for that time she gave me a blowjob when you were conveniently not there. That was the best day of my life." said Sasuke.

"WHAT! She gave you a blowjob!" gasped Naruto in disbelief. He quickly regained control of his emotions. "Yeah, bullshit." muttered Naruto.

"Fine, don't believe me, whatever helps you sleep at night." replied Sasuke.

"Hmmph! Lets just get back to the memorial." grumbled Naruto.

"Whatever." replied Sasuke.

Just then a bird swooped by Sakura's corpse and shit on her face.

"Hey you stupid fucking bird! Don't shit on her face! That's disrespectful!" screamed Naruto.

Suddenly an elephant came out of nowhere and started stomping on the corpse. After it was done, it took a huge dump on the now unrecognizable body of Sakura. Then it took a nice, long refreshing piss, drowning the body in a huge puddle. It then left to do who knows what. Naruto's jaw hit the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with this place!" he screamed.

Right after he said this a lion came out of the clearing, ate Sakura whole, and then shit her out again. Then a pack of vultures flew down and pecked away the only pieces left and then spit it out in disgust.

Naruto started banging his head against a tree repeatedly receiving several concussions along with it.

"Idiot." muttered Sasuke.

End Flashback

"Well anyway, good to know you guys are fine." said Kakashi.

Just then Ino came running up to them and lunged at the Sakura clone, hugging it with all her might.

"Sakura! You're alive! Thank God! I thought you really were gone for good!" exclaimed Ino.

Unfortunately for Ino, she hugged the clone much too tight and it burst into smoke.

"W-What? A clone!" sputtered Ino.

"Oh shit!" said Naruto.

"So, Sakura really is dead, huh?" stated Kakashi, who used his amazing observation skills and looked underneath the underneath.

"Yeah." sighed Naruto.

"That's a shame, she was able to control chakra so well, but then again it's not like she could actually do shit with it, so who gives a fuck." started Kakashi.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." agreed Sasuke.

"The only thing she was ever good for was that something something she gave me the other day, you know what I'm saying?" chuckled Kakashi.

"WHAT? She gave you a blowjob too?" screamed Naruto. "Just how many fucking people did she give blowjobs to?"

Every guy in the room raised their hand.

"God fucking damnit! That fucking whore!" growled Naruto. "What? Even Chouji!"

"Yeah, She was going to give you it, but you weren't there, so she gave it to me instead." replied Chouji. "You really missed out man, it was awesome! Hell! It was even better than cheesecake! What were you doing anyway when that happened?"

Naruto thought back. That was the time when he decided to randomly take a shit at that exact moment for no apparent reason.

"No!" cried Naruto. "No! That's not fair! No!"

Naruto screamed while pulling his hair out. He started foaming in his mouth and his eyes turned red. He was about to go on a rampage until Kakashi successfully sedated him by bitch slapping him upside the head a couple of times. Naruto regained his senses and scowled at everyone who had gotten some from Sakura.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! The next exam is about to begin!" yelled Anko.

Everyone settled down.

"Thank you Anko." said Hayate, slapping her ass.

"No problem, but if you ever do that again, I'll rip your balls off and shove them up your ass." she replied.

"Understood." said Hayate. "Listen up mortals! The third exam will be a tournament in which you will fight for yourself, there are no more teams as of now. Any questions?"

No one had any questions. They all understood.

"Good." said Hayate. "Now this will be an intense, brutal tournament for our own sick entertainment, where there WILL be death, unless your opponent is knocked out in which you will automatically be declared the winner. This is not for everyone. So, if you're a little pussy and don't feel that you can handle this, raise your hand and you will be allowed to leave if you do not want to stay and watch."

Two hands went up. They belonged to Kabuto and Chouji.

"O.K." said Hayate, crossing their names off. "You can go if you want…you fucking pussys." added Hayate.

"Hey, I find that comment offensive and I would like it if you apologized." said Chouji.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" yelled Hayate.

"OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY!" cried Chouji, chomping down on some potato chips. Barbeque flavored potato chips to be exact.

"Alright, I'll spare you…for now!" replied Hayate.

Chouji stayed where he was, but Kabuto started to leave. As Kabuto passed by him, Dosu observed that he was a sound-nin.

"Interesting." he thought. "He's one of Sasori's men, seems like he's forgotten his place and needs to be dispatched. Heh, easy enough."

Hayate scanned the crowd and frowned.

"No, there are still too many of you." said Hayate, shaking his head. "We're going to have to have preliminaries in order to cut the number of you in half. There are 18 of you, so we'll have 9 matches."

"The people participating in the preliminaries are Aburame Shino, Akado Yoroi, Dosu Kinuta, Hyuga Hinata, Hyuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Kankuro, Kin Tsuchi, Nara Shikamaru, Rock Lee, Sabaku no Gaara, Temari, Tenten, Tsurugi Misumi, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, and Zaku Abumi." announced Hayate. "Now everyone move from the arena to the sidelines. MOVE NOW I SAID! We will begin shortly."

Everyone started conversing with each other. All the guys were talking about their experience with Sakura and the many blowjobs she gave, just to piss off Naruto. Naruto was walking around sulking like a emo kid. (How gay)

"Alright everyone settle down." said Hayate.

Everyone was still talking and didn't even hear him.

"I SAID SETTLE DOWN YOU FUCKS OR I WILL SLIT ALL OF YOUR THROATS WITH MY KICK ASS SAMURAI SWORD! WHY DO I HAVE A SAMURAI SWORD WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A NINJA! THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW!" screamed Hayate.

Everyone immediately stopped talking and began wondering just why Hayate had a samurai sword anyway?

Hayate cleared his throat. "Thank you. The first match is Uchiha Sasuke vs. Nara Shikamaru. You may come down when you are ready. WHICH MEANS NOW!"

Sasuke and Shikamaru slowly walked to the arena.

"MOVE YOUR ASS!" yelled Hayate.

They ran as quickly as they could toward the arena, which was about 2 feet from where they were currently standing.

"Alright, Uchiha Sasuke vs. Nara Shikamaru begin!" said Hayate.

Sasuke and Shikamaru stood across from each other. There was a long awkward silence.

"HURRY THE FUCK UP!" shouted Hayate.

"So um… Shikamaru, think you could just forfeit this match, since I'm deaf and I'm still coughsufferingcough from the loss of Sakura. And also because it would be a pain in the ass to defeat you because of all the strategies you're probably thinking of right now." asked Sasuke.

"Sigh, I guess, I never really wanted to enter this exam in the first place, I'd rather be watching clouds right now, and it would be too troublesome to think up a strategy to defeat you with, ahh why the fuck not, yeah I'll do it." replied Shikamaru.

"Sweet! Thanks man! I owe you one! ONE! None of this that counts for two shit." Said Sasuke.

"Whatever." replied Shikamaru. He turned to Hayate and raised his hand. "I forfeit."

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST WASTED MY TIME LIKE THAT YOU FUCKS!" yelled Hayate. "Fine, winner of the match, if you could even call it that, is Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke and Shikamaru walked up to the sidelines.

"God, I hate my job!" thought Hayate to himself. "I could have been an ice cream man, but no! Mother just had to have me be a ninja. Damn it all! Well, at least I get to see these genins beat the shit out of each other for my amusement. Yeah, it's the little things in life that counts."

Author Notes

This is the end of the second chapter, I cut it short because I don't have time to write another match right now.

So, the next few chapters will cover the rest of the preliminaries.

This chapter was mostly humor, I especially liked Hayate's character in this chapter.

Until then, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW (Bold enough for you?)

- Gaara the hated