Know Your Stars : Family Guy
Disclaimer: If I owned Family Guy Quagmire would be funnier than funniest.
Quagmire walked in and sat down. "Know Your Stars...Know Your Stars...Know Your Stars...Know Your Stars..." The voice said,
"Glenn Quagmire...is against dirty magazines"
"No way! I lurve dirty magazines! Giggety!"
"Glenn Quagmire...is a virgin"
"No I'm not! Also, call me Quagmire."
"No,"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"YES!"
"Okay fine!
"Glenn Quagmire...is the uncle of Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley Quagmire"
"No! I'm only Duncan and Quigley's uncle! Isadora's adopted!"
(Isadora walks in crying) "That's why you never fed me!"
"Oookay, Glenn Quagmire...is actually the Quagmire triplets father"
"I told you! I'm only their uncle! And Isadora 's adopted!"
(Isadora slaps Quagmire)
"Glenn Quagmire...hates Southern Xposure with a passion"
"That's a lie! I love that place!"
"Suuure anti-stripping!"
"You lie! You lie!"
"Glenn Quagmire...went out with Roy Mustang"
"Nuh uh! I went out with Maes Hughes!"
(Gracia comes in) "Stay away from my husband!"
"Glenn Quagmire...hates anything with orn-pay in it."
"No way! I love it!"
"Suuure."
"I mean it!"
"Whatev! Glenn Quagmire...is Kevin and Andy French's best friend"
(Kevin and Andy from Mission Hill come in)"This is the perv who stole my magazines!" Andy pointed to Quagmire. "Yea! And he stole my magazines too!" Kevin yelled. The French brothers beat the $#!T outtaQuagmire.
"Now you know Glenn Quagmire."