Chapter 8
Itoshi wasn't lying when she said that the missions for low-ranking ANBU were tedious and boring.
Kakashi dropped down to a low branch. There was a small stream just up ahead and he sighed in relief. Just about another hour north along the stream and he would reach his destination.
A month had passed since he received his ANBU tattoo. In that month, he had signed up for one of the assignments that were open to the rookies, and one of them was courier. He was fast and reliable, and carried scrolls at any time of the day or night without complaint. He'd do anything to get him to a new camp, anything to get him closer to seeing Rin.
But now, after seeing so many camps, each one almost identical to the last, Kakashi started to worry.
Will I ever find her?
He sighed, checking his watch. Seeing that he had made good time from the last ANBU camp, Kakashi decided to take a short break. The early morning humidity and his perspiration made his clothing stick to his skin, despite the fact that it was now autumn. He couldn't wait until he was able to get to the camp and change into dry clothes. Kakashi felt the unseasonable humidity in his joints and it made him uncomfortable.
When he reached the stream and crouched down, the silver-haired jounin peered at his reflection in the fast moving current.
A wooden mask, white with canine features, returned his blank gaze. It was highlighted with red whiskers which framed its edges. Pulling up the mask and tugging down his ubiquitous fabric mask, he breathed the crisp autumn air and decided his face needed a quick rinse.
After washing away the sweat from his brow, he wiped his face on long glove that characterized the ANBU shinobi.
He returned his gaze to the unmasked face on the surface of the stream; his expressionless visage peered back at him. Maybe this time, he told himself. Maybe she'll finally be there and I can rest.
Excuses were getting more difficult to find with each farther and farther outlying camp. Ways to leave and head to the next camp didn't crop up all the time. Sometimes he'd even have to fabricate something to get permission to move on. Although his main job was to act as a courier for sensitive documents, in between mailing jobs he would make himself available for other assignments that would be posted. Last time it was escorting the injured, the time before that it was a tracking job. But as long as he could find a way, he would keep moving; he would keep looking for her.
He smacked the water, disturbing the stream's peaceful mirror-like surface. Pulling his mask up, he leapt to a high branch to view the sunrise.
He took a deep breath.
Maybe this time, I'll feel the warmth of Rin's hand again in mine.
An hour had flown by, and much to Kakashi's appreciation, he had finally reached the next encampment. He found himself standing at the edge of a large clearing with the stream he had followed running through it. Some fires, tents, and groups of ANBU were scattered in the area, and again everything looked the same.
Once he was within the 'tent city', Kakashi removed his wooden mask and reached into his knapsack to pull out a small bag. The young jounin let it dangle from his grasp as he moved towards the largest tent, which was where the command post was always situated.
Taking a look around as he approached, Kakashi tried to see whether he recognized anyone. Seeing no one familiar, he made his way over to the tent now bustling with higher rank ANBU, even at this early hour.
"Sir, I have a special delivery from Camp Six," he declared as professionally as possible to the back of an officer.
"Ah, yes," the commander responded as he turned around and reached out his hand for the bag. When he saw who the courier was, the man did a double take at the boy in front of him. This boy is in ANBU? "Right on time. Good work, lad. Feel free to get some food and relax before you go back."
Kakashi bowed and turned to leave.
When he left the tent, the teenager suddenly felt something seize him, rooting him to the spot. It was a feeling, a sensation that forced him to take notice. The hairs on the back of his neck stood straight up.
He felt a slight breeze flutter the tent flap behind him, and immediately, he knew was happening.
Rin.
She was here.
Near one of the fires by the large medical tent sat a young kunoichi, staring listlessly into the distance.
Lonely and homesick, Rin never felt so unhappy.
She had started a new letter to Kakashi, only now she learned that she was unable to mail it as regular mail deliveries were suspended. Only emergency messages were allowed in and out of camps now, and that meant Rin's only line of communication to her remaining closest friend had been cut off.
Sighing, Rin turned back to the fire. Seeing it's orange flames dance in front of her reminded her of everything before…before…
Jiraiya had stood mournfully next to her, watching her stand stiffly while the relatives and acquaintances offered their condolences. But her face remained expressionless. Grief was beyond her now. There were no tears, and the older man's heart ached at seeing how resignation had gripped his godchild.
Her Sensei, the Yondaime, was dead.
Just one month earlier, she had learned that her parents both perished on a mission together. Jiraiya had rushed back then to be with her then, but he saw that Rin had already made up her mind to join ANBU. There was nothing left for her in the village. Obito was dead, her parents were dead, and Kakashi was…
She didn't know what to think of Kakashi. The kiss they had shared haunted Rin's dreams. The way they just laid side by side, in the comfort of each other's warmth…each night when she would lie in her bed, the thoughts of him and that night would swarm her vision and consume her, leaving her heart aching with longing in the pre-dawn darkness.
The kunoichi performed her medical duties precisely as usual, but at the end of the day she was left feeling empty and troubled.
The death of her parents and sensei left her completely numb to everything else.
Except for her affection for Kakashi.
His letters to her kept her in the land of the living. She wondered if he looked forward to for her letters as much as she did his.
"Rin-chan, have you eaten breakfast yet?"
Rin blinked. She turned to see Shizune holding the tent flap aside with one hand and onigiri in the other.
"No, I'm not hungry." Rin smiled gratefully. "Thanks, though."
Shizune emerged through the tent opening and stood in the sun eating her rice balls.
Rin returned to watching the fire. Once Shizune finished her breakfast, she would have to put it out and begin her preparations for the day. But she still had a few minutes to brood.
Today, she seemed more restless than usual. Though she thought of Kakashi daily, this day her thoughts were more vivid then they normally were. She felt that they were trying to tell her something. Rin gritted her teeth in frustration, unable to understand why she was feeling this sense of urgency.
Then out of the blue, something gripped her, and the feeling of spontaneous realization momentarily seized her body.
Kakashi.
Rin stood up so suddenly that she barely was able to maintain her balance.
Shizune was startled by her sudden movement. "Rin? What's wrong?"
But Rin didn't hear Shizune. Her mind registered what her gut had been trying to tell her all morning.
He's here. Kakashi is here, in this camp!
On the downtrodden patches of grass were the paths for the encampment; Kakashi followed them with a sense of purpose to his quick steps.
It wasn't long before he found himself near a large tent with a dying campfire close to its entrance.
And the girl he had been searching for stood there in plain view.
Kakashi was so shocked at the suddenness of his success that he thought for a moment that his eye was fooling him. He stopped and squinted at the girl's back. She was still too far away…
Then he noticed Shizune standing close by, gawking at him with bugged eyes, the onigiri in her hand forgotten.
Kakashi took a hesitant step, leaning forward as he did so.
"Rin?"
The girl slowly turned around, her body rigid with apprehension, as if expecting to see a ghost.
Through the brightness of the morning sun, the two stared at each other, completely unable to make the next move. Each had dreamed of this very moment, but both hadn't thought of what to do when it actually happened.
Kakashi willed himself to move. He approached her with theatrical caution, worried that if he moved too abruptly, she would vanish.
But when he finally stood before her, he saw that she was real -her honey-colored hair, her purple cheek stripes, and her light brown eyes. Kakashi extended his right hand.
Rin held her breath, her eyes wide, and she too reached out and finally held his hand in her own.
Even though Kakashi never said a word, she knew he was glad to see her from the way his eyes never left her face. When Rin took his hand, he pulled her closer to him and moved to grip her arm tightly.
She's here. She's real.
"Kakashi-san! You looked like you've traveled a bit, haven't you? Go inside the tent and make yourself at home."
It wasn't until then that Kakashi managed to reluctantly pull his gaze away from Rin for a second and acknowledge the speaker. Shizune had recovered from her state of shock and decided to pull the two out of their collective daze. Though Rin never confided in her about her feelings for Kakashi, she had seen his letters to her sitting on her cot. She had also seen Rin's face after reading them – it had to be the only time she ever saw Rin truly happy and content.
"Oh, Shizune," Rin stammered, laughing a little. "You're absolutely right. Where are my manners?"
Kakashi loosened his grip on Rin's arm, allowing her to turn around and lead him into the tent. Shizune watched the scene unfold quietly, knowing she was seeing a Kakashi that very few people got to see.
As soon as the two were in the relative privacy of the tent, Kakashi pulled Rin to him, but this time he hugged her with an intensity that even surprised himself.
So that saying is true – that you never really learn to miss someone until they're actually gone.
Rin returned his hug, burying her face between the crease of his neck and shoulder.
His shoulder?
Suddenly, she pulled away and gave him the once-over.
Kakashi was startled.
"What's the matter? Is something wrong?"
The kunoichi grinned and pulled him to her cot, motioning for him to sit.
"You've gotten taller!"
Rin remembered the last time she saw him; she was able to see eye to eye with him. Now he had grown to the point where he could rest his head on hers comfortably.
She joined him on the cot. The grin on her face faded and her eyes became sad.
"I'm so glad you're here, Kakashi."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when your – "
Rin sighed, and Kakashi decided to let the rest of his sentence go unsaid.
"I miss them so much," she finally whispered. Rin suddenly took a deep breath. I won't cry, she thought to herself. I won't.
Kakashi watched Rin struggle with her emotions. When she turned back to face him, her eyes were full of sadness, but they were dry.
"Let's…let's not talk about that right now…Kakashi…"
Instead she rested her head on his shoulder, and Kakashi instinctively brought his hand around her and pulled her close. Rin brought her own arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest.
She smelled the faint scent of sweat and two-day old detergent on his shirt and strangely found it comforting. Being on missions with one man and two boys for the past five or so years, and sometimes having to share the same tent with them, gave her the luxury of getting used to males and their habits, scents, and general mannerisms.
Father always brought home the smell of wood from the shop where he worked when he wasn't called away on missions. Jiraiya smelled like the sweet tobacco he smoked. Sensei, for lack of a better description, smelled like the mountain air, pure and fresh. Obito always smelled like the solid cedar that pervaded the Uchiha residences, along with the faint scent of incense that came from the temple in their compound. And Kakashi smelled like soap and the forest, of cleanliness, hard work, and nature.
For the moment, she felt happier than she ever felt in a long time.
The two shared a meal together before Rin had to go and work at the med tent. Kakashi decided a nap would do him some good, considering he had been up since around two in the morning and would have to travel again this the evening. Rin gave him her cot to rest on while she was out.
He lay there and thought about the last time he had been with Rin.
It was in her bed, and he had woken up before her. Watching Rin breathe softly and steadily beside him stirred something inside of him. For the first time in his life, Kakashi finally understood what it was like to really love someone. But now, he felt anxious. He would be called away for long missions soon, and then what of Rin? His promise to Obito to always protect her – how could he if he was away? Rin could have died in Konoha, just like her parents, just like Sensei, and Kakashi wouldn't even have known. He wouldn't have been able to say goodbye. He didn't want to think about it.
But he had to.
Rin had become that most precious person.
You loved her, but she loved me. And now…will you be angry with me, Obito? I swore to protect her for you. Instead, I fell in love.
He sighed.
He turned on the cot onto to his side and felt something dig into his hip.
Kakashi moved onto his back again and fished the object out of his pant pocket.
He finally released his tension as he regarded the object in his hand.
Ah. I almost forgot.
Slowly sitting up on the cot, he fished out a kunai.
It was close to evening before Rin was done with her shift. There weren't many patients to treat, just some follow-ups, so it was hard to stay focused. She wanted to be back with Kakashi. How could she stay focused? The one who she loved, whom she hadn't seen in seven months was here!
So when her shift was finally over, she raced to the tent where she shared with Shizune, who still had three hours left to her shift.
When she strolled in, Rin saw Kakashi lying on her cot with his mask and hitae-ate off. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping.
"Had a nice nap?"
The silver-haired jounin opened his non-Sharingan eye to watch Rin stand over him. The evening light from the tent opening flowed in behind her, obscuring her face in shadows.
"I've been awake for a while."
Rin leaned forward to look at the clock on the cubbyhole next to her cot, allowing him to see the silhouette of her face.
"So when do you have to leave?" Her voice was soft and resigned.
Kakashi pulled himself up to a sitting position and looked up at her.
"Soon."
Rin was barely able to nod.
I want to be with you just a little longer. Please don't leave.
Kakashi saw her eyes glaze over, and quickly pulled out something from his pocket.
"Rin…"
The kunoichi turned and noticed a small bracelet in the palm of his hand.
"Kakashi?" She looked at him, genuinely puzzled.
His usually pale cheeks became noticably pink, even in the faint light.
"I couldn't sleep some nights and this helped me pass the time. It made me think of you."
Rin eyed the bracelet with wonder.
"You made this?"
The bracelet was simple, consisting of a charm made of polished yet solid mahogany wood with a kanji character carved intricately into the face. It was strung through with a black suede leather string.
"Promise…" she whispered, reading the character.
"I promised Obito that I would take care of you," Kakashi declared quietly. "But now, I also want to show my commitment to you."
Rin could hardly breathe. Up until now, it was the closest she had ever heard Kakashi admit his feelings for her. He loves me?
"May I?" Kakashi asked softly, his mismatched eyes holding her brown ones.
Taking the bracelet, he gently took her left hand and began to tie it when Rin gripped his wrist and stopped him. She grabbed some matches near by and brought a lit one close to the edges of the leather strings.
He looked up at her questioningly.
"If you bring the edges close," Rin explained carefully, "I'll seal the ends together with the fire from the match."
Kakashi watched with unblinking eyes as the two separate leather pieces melted into one, the meaning behind Rin's reasoning suddenly became clear. The smoke from the leather drifted lazily towards the top of the tent.
Obito, maybe I will never be able to love Rin the way you would have…but I'll do my best. She makes me want to be at my best.
At least I can promise you this, Obito. I'll love her deeply enough for both of us.
Rin blew out the match, and the darkness of the tent became apparent. Kakashi felt his way over to the small cubbyhole that doubled as Rin's nightstand to turn on the little book lamp.
Digging in what appeared to be a small jewelry box, Rin pulled out a small necklace. The silver links shone brightly in the lamplight.
"I want to give this to you."
Taking the necklace from her, Kakashi eyed it curiously. The metal links were tiny compared to other chains he'd seen.
She smiled, and it just touched the corners of her eyes. "Those dog tags were my father's. The chain they used to be on had rusted, so I used a necklace that Father had given me instead. The metal looks delicate, but it's actually very strong."
Rin reached over to put the chain around Kakashi's neck, and the closeness of their faces drove the tension over the brink. This time Rin initiated the kiss.
Kakashi closed his eyes and felt the tightness in his body melt away.
"The metal looks delicate, but it's actually very strong."
Rin…isn't that…you?
Pulling away from his lips, Rin rested her soft cheek against his. She knew from his warmth that Kakashi felt as strongly for her as she did for him. Despite the fact that he was leaving, the knowledge of his deep affection was enough.
Kakashi…
Rin brought both her eyes into the view of Kakashi's black and red gaze, their faces mere inches apart.
"It's almost as if I'm looking at two people at the same time," she said softly.
Kakashi lowered his eyes. "You are."
It was then that a choked sob escaped Rin's throat. Seven months worth of guilt, worry, fear, and loneliness finally broke through the globe of isolation she had erected around herself and grief now engulfed her.
Shutting his eyes tightly and grabbing her close, Kakashi shared in her sadness. Both were thinking of the same person.
Obito…
It was only when the moon was high in the clear night sky did Kakashi finally make his way to leave.
As Kakashi jumped up and away into the forest branches, he watched Rin's form slowly but surely disappear into the night's darkness over his shoulder, wondering with deep sadness in his heart when would be the next time he'd ever see her again.
The young jounin stretched and clenched his right hand, remembering the final touch of her hand against his. The contact was so strong that when he pulled away, he still felt the electricity between them, tingling in his fingers.
Back on the ground, Rin rubbed her right hand absently, trying to steady the slight trembling.
Was that chakra that flowed through them when they last touched? The exchange was so strange that it wasn't until she'd started to walk back to her tent that she noticed her hand tingling.
"Rin!" Shizune exclaimed when she saw her tent mate appear through the door flap. She stood up from her cot. "Where's Kakashi-kun? We should all go and get together..."
But one look at her friend was enough to tell her that Kakashi was gone. The black-haired girl immediately wished she had kept her mouth shut. Instead, she suspiciously eyed Rin's shaking right hand.
"Your hand…?"
Rin stopped massaging it and brought her left hand up to push her hair out of her face.
"It's nothing," she answered dismissively. The tears she had shed earlier were already gone, and now Rin thought of how she would be able to see Kakashi again.
Knowing Rin's disposition, Shizune left it alone. If it were something important, Rin would tell her. If it wasn't, well then it wasn't her business.
When Rin had raised her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, Shizune immediately noticed the new bracelet on Rin's wrist but decided to say nothing. She found it peculiar that, though it was a rather close fit, there was no clasp.
So it's not meant to be taken off.
Shizune admired it silently as she sat back down on her cot and watched Rin prepare her own cot for the night.
'Promise,' eh?
As she lay in her bed that night, Shizune fell asleep to the one thought that she knew for sure was on the minds of her two friends, now separated.
Kakashi, I hope for everyone's sake that the promise you made will never be broken.
Oi! Yes, yes. This one took me a while. I'm sorry!
Leafygirl helped me get this chapter started cheers for leafygirl . My biggest worry is to have Kakashi act and do something that is un-Kakashi-like, but in my mind, the Kakashi I see is someone who, if he ever fell in love with someone, it would be a total giving of himself to that person. And the person he would love would be someone who would understand him without him ever having to explain himself. I think this is why he is now so reluctant to be close with anyone in the present Naruto storyline. Though he pledges his commitment to his students in Team 7with his own life, and everyone else clearly respects his skill and intelligence, he isn't close with anyone. Maybe a past relationship caused him to be this way, maybe not, but there is always that possibility that if he were to love anyone, it may have been Rin.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please, read and review:D