Matthew bit the tip off the bag of blood and quickly drank it. Thankfully, the thirst that had hit him the last time did not return. Whatever these instincts were, at least they were learning what he would tolerate. He was back in his room at Hellsing recovering from the mission. With no crisis to distract him, though it was quite laughable he was hoping for a crisis to distract him, his thoughts drifted back to the situation he'd found himself in. And a slow realization fell over him. In all of this, there was one person he hadn't spoken with.

Himself.

One of his hands came up to his face, cradling his chin and scratching his cheek. The other arm came to his stomach to support the other. And he started to pace across his room.

"Well, Matt, old boy," he started, "here we are. Let's try to figure out what's happened to us and what we're gonna do about it, ok?" He'd always had an overpowered imagination, reigned in over the years as he needed to focus on other things. Though it did have uses. He could give aspects of himself a voice through it, helping him organize thoughts or work through difficult situations.

Admittedly, the latter was mainly a defense mechanism. To it he had attributed his decent pain tolerance and ability to find more energy when fatigued. Other times he'd tried to work many difficult thoughts through it can come up short. Time to see if he'd found something easier for it to chew on.

"First, what am I?" There was little question to that one, he was a vampire. "More difficult, what have I lost? No… Worry about that later. Main problem, how do I deal with what's happened to me?"

After a few moments, the first possible solution drifted to the top of his mind. "Keep doing what I'm doing. Pro, I'm somewhat protected. Yeah, my job is to fight, but I don't have to worry about being attacked because I'm a vampire… I don't think. Con, I'll have to kill." He thought over it. "Might work, but I've gotta get in touch with my folks…" He needed to hear his father say it was all ok…

Another idea came into Matt's mind. "Work out a deal and see if I can stop. They know I'm not gonna feed off the living… Or do they? I wouldn't have to kill for them, but would I have to kill to defend myself? Scratch that idea. It won't work."

"Next idea, transfer. Try to get a supporting role rather than work in the field. An assistant to Walter? No. I'm a vampire. They'll want me working out there killing 'my own kind'." He sighed. "Scratch that."

For several minutes, Matthew stood silent, the full scope of his situation finally sinking in. "I'm a vampire. They'll never let me leave this organization for the rest of my existence, and if they disband before I am killed, I can be damned sure they'll at least try to kill me before they close their doors. For now, I've gotta stay with them. I have little choice." He shook his head. "No, make that no choice. I'll talk with Integra again and see if I can get e-mail back. I've gotta get in touch with my folks. And Aky…" His brain froze at the thought of her. 'Aky…' he repeated in his mind. He missed her terribly. She had been one of his main supports. 'But what will she think of me now?' He let out a shuddering sigh. "For now, I've just gotta grab all the luck I can get. God knows what I'll have to do next…" His mind paused again…

God… Where was God in all this? Matt had never been the most religious of people, but he'd had his own strange relationship with God. His own sort of doctrine that he would follow. Not that he invented his own religion, or something, but he took what he'd heard of different religious doctrines and used that along with his own sense of morality to form the plan by which he would live his life. With a sigh, he told himself to worry about it later. He collapsed onto his bed, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

The next morning, Matthew hauled himself up to a sitting position and rubbed his eyes a bit. He'd woken up a couple times during the night. Apparently, his brain wasn't quite done with him. In the end, he'd decided it was time to talk to Sir Integra again. He had to get in touch with his folks again. With the first time, he'd guaranteed her that his family was very reliable. They would recognize that this wasn't information they should spread, and keep it to themselves. She had to believe that was still true… She just had to.

He reached over to turn on a light and finally opened his eyes. He paused, then brought his hand to his face. No… he didn't have his glasses on. He hadn't had a chance to grab them yet. But his vision was clear… "Perk of being a vampire, I guess." He looked at his glasses. "Well, I guess I won't be needing you anymore, huh?" He stood, leaving the glasses where they sat. He wondered if this would be a good omen for the day. It was high time his luck turned around.

Now, he had to actually get to Sir Integra's office. Luckily, the corridors he had to go through were all dark. Last he checked, vampires and sunlight didn't mix. Before he left his room, though, there was something he had to do. He looked towards the ceiling. "Hey, up there. It's me again. Been a little while since I spoke to you about anything. I've kinda been a little busy, as you probably already know. I'll admit I'm having a bit of a crisis of faith right now. I know that's not really your problem, it's mine. Though I could use a little boost right about now. I'd like to be able to see a sunset again, without it being on tv or in a movie." During his early college career, Matthew had frequented a local beach to watch the sunset. He found it to be a very relaxing way to spend some time. "I know that's a bit much to ask, but if anyone can do it you can. Thanks." His gaze slowly shifted from the ceiling to the door. Part of him said that what he'd just done was a little… dorky. But for the first time in his life, he really needed to have faith in something. That there was some purpose on what had happened to him, and that someone had his back. Well, he knew Seras did, but he needed more. For now, at least. He headed out, hoping that the rest of the day would go well.

That night, Matthew once again lay staring at the ceiling as a knock came from the door. "Come in, Seras," Matthew called to the door.

Seras Victoria entered. "How did you know it was me?"

"Logical deduction. I'm lying here staring at the ceiling, saddening thoughts running through my head. Who else would choose now to visit? I swear, you must be telepathic or something." Seras didn't reply, so Matt rolled his head to look at her. The slightest hint of a smile was forming at the sides of her mouth. "Are you?" Seras nodded. "Well, that explains a lot."

Seras walked in and shut the door behind her, moving towards her usual chair.

"Ah, no glasses anymore."

"Yeah, woke up this morning and I didn't need them. Thought that would be a good omen for the day."

She paused, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, Matt figured she realized it hadn't been a good omen. "What's bothering you?"

'Should I tell her…? Eh, what the hell.' After thinking a moment, he spoke. "Do you know what day it is today?"

Seras paused a brief moment. "Yes. It's September 27th. Why?"

Matthew looked at the ceiling again. "September 27th, 2004. Today is my three-year anniversary; first kiss with my, now, girlfriend… And I can't even send her an e-mail wishing her well."

"Can't send an e-mail? I thought you were going to talk to Integra about that."

Yeah, she was telepathic all right. Matthew hadn't mentioned his plans to her. "I did. This morning. She said, 'You have yet to prove your worth to this organization.' Yeah, I do my job, but so do you. I'm redundant."

Seras paused a moment. "What else?"

Matthew sighed. "Last night I had a crisis of faith, and right now I'm not sure how that will end."

"Mind explaining it?"

"Sure. I've never been the most religious of people, but I've had my own sort of relationship with God. Didn't follow an exact religious doctrine, but I used ideas from what I knew to form a plan for my life. Essentially, be a good, caring person. Now and then, I would look up and make a request. Nothing major, just asking for help. Sometimes for something in my life, but usually help for someone I knew. And, usually, what I asked for happened. Not always as I'd expected, but who ever said my idea was the best one? Other times, I'd simply talk about what's happening, figuring that God might just want to hear about what's going on in my life. Hear someone with something other than a question."

Matthew sat up on his bed and looked at Seras. "And, now and then, he'd throw a little challenge my way. I heard it once, 'God doesn't give you a challenge he knows you can't handle', or something like that. And, that's about what it was: a little wrench thrown into my plan that I had to work around. I think he got a little chuckle out of it, more in that I succeeded than in laying the actual challenge." He sighed, then threw his arms outward to basically gesture to the whole building. "But where the hell did this come from!" He let his arms drop to his sides with a slight vexing sigh. "I mean, I can understand jumping through hoops to get into a college, dealing with classes, working out to get into ROTC… But this? Getting turned into what most of the human race would call an inhuman creature of the night? How do I benefit from that?" He paused, then let his face relax from its look of pained confusion. "How could I possibly be able to deal with that?" He looked over at her, his eyes looking slightly damp. "If it weren't for you, I don't know how I would be able to handle this. I've been cut off from everyone I know and love, but you've very quickly become a great and trusted friend. Thank you."

Seras was speechless for several long minutes. Finally, she regained her voice. "You're more than welcome, Matthew. Is there anything else I can do to help?"

Matthew's eyes drifted to the floor a bit. He pulled his legs up onto the bed to sit cross-legged, and rubbed his eyes to dry them. After a moment, he looked back to Seras and smiled. "Yeah. Head over to my computer."

"Ok…" She stood and walked to the table he'd set his computer on. After moving the mouse to shut off the screensaver, she looked back to him. "What am I looking for?"

"I think it's time for some music. Should be a music folder on the desktop." She easily found it and opened it up. Matt closed his eyes as he recalled what was where. "Second row, third file from the left. Give it a double click."

Seras read the file title as she clicked on it. "1000 Words? What is it?"

"Song from a game," Matt replied, "Final Fantasy X-2." There was a pause as the music player booted up. In that time, Matthew spoke. "Akira is playing this song for me right now." Though he didn't say it, he knew Seras knew Akira was his girlfriend. The way he said it, and what he thought when he said it, would give it away.

"Right now? How do you know?"

"I dunno," Matt replied. "I just know. And it's almost appropriate, considering the situation." The song began. It was the Japanese version, Matt preferring Koda Komi's voice to Jade's English version, but he knew its message. We've been separated, but I'm sending my love to you. May it reach you, comfort you, and bring you home. That message was especially potent to him right then, and he suspected it was for Akira as well.

A look at Seras showed its message wasn't lost on her either. "It's a lovely song. Thank you."

"Any time, but I should be thanking you. You played it." Matthew got up and shut down the program. "One of these days I need to get back to a piano. I'm pretty good, but I'm out of practice. It's been a few months since I've had the chance to play." He considered telling her of his recent conversations with himself, but he never got to it. There was a rap at the door. "Come in," Matt called.

The door opened, and an older black haired man entered. His blue-gray slacks, black vest, white long-sleeve shirt, and red tie gave the impression of a manservant type person. His warm smile helped to brighten Matthew's still slightly darkened mood. "Greetings, Ms. Victoria. Mr. Jemeth"

"Hello, Walter," Seras replied cheerfully. Matt simply nodded his greeting. "What's going on?"

"I heard about Mr. Jemeth's recent conversation with Sir Integra, and I believe I know a way to make him more valuable to the organization. If you would please follow me."

Curious, Matthew stood and followed Seras and Walter from his room. Matt jogged to catch up with Walter. "Excuse me. I remember that you name is Walter, but who are you?"

"I am a retainer of the Hellsing family. I use my skills to defend the family and this organization."

"And you provide weapons the likes of which most people have never seen."

Walter looked over at Matthew, a pleased smile on his face. "Ah, you must have seen Ms. Victoria's cannon."

Matthew nodded. "Indeed. I've even seen it in action. And if you have a similar idea for me, I'm almost afraid to ask what it is."

They approached what was probably the facility's armory. Walter unlocked the door then looked back at Matthew before opening it. "I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised, Mr. Jemeth." He opened the door and went inside. Matthew went next, followed by Seras. Seras closed the door behind them. The armory was a decent sized room, appropriately lined with weapons. It was filled, mainly with MP5s and Walther P99s; the standard loadout for Hellsing missions. A few other weapons were present, mainly Seras's cannon and a pair of large handguns, one nickel-plated and one black. Matthew could only guess they were Alucard's.

Walter had disappeared to the back of the room, but soon returned with a rather large case. He hefted it onto the table, quickly catching his breath after, and unlocked the case. He opened it, and Matt found himself looking at a weapon that looked like it should be wearing a Nerf logo rather than fire real ammunition. At the weapon's heart was a tube about three and a half inches in diameter and about a foot and a half, maybe two feet long. Under the tube's muzzle was a handgrip about five or six inches long. Starting several inches back from the handgrip was a large curved section which ran the rest of the length of the tube and ended with a shoulder stock/brace. 'Probably holds a firing mechanism.' Behind the tube and above the shoulder stock was a large loading hatch. "This, Mr. Jemeth, is the Valkyrie Assault Cannon. Although it's generally found on armored vehicles, we've modified it for handheld use by adding the shoulder stock and forward handgrip with firing stud. It fires three inch diameter shells loaded with either a depleted uranium slug or silver-lead alloy shot. Ammunition is stored in this backpack." He grabbed a backpack from a nearby hanger and handed it to Matthew. "It carries thirty rounds of ammunition: fifteen slugs and fifteen shot. You will find your next round of each from dispensers at your right and left hips respectively."

Tenetively, Matthew lifted the weapon from its case and managed to hide his surprise at being able to lift the thing as he pulled it to his left shoulder. 'Left hand on the forward grip, pull tight into the left shoulder, right hand on the pad above the barrel.' He then pivoted the weapon down. 'This button unlocks the loading hatch. Single shot.' He pressed the button just before a rear hatch, and the hatch sprung open. He pressed it back down and locked it in place. Setting the cannon down, he grabbed the backpack. "Where will I get ammo for it?"

"Ah, we can load the pack now." Walter started for an ammo case nearby. "Better now than when an alarm sounds, right?"

"Uh huh," Matt replied. The two loaded the pack with ammo, Seras watching on trying to judge Matthew's reaction. Once the pack was loaded Matt swung it onto his back. He easily found the dispensers, but no ammo was waiting for him. "Um, how do I get ammo out?"

Walter explained. "You'll find a switch behind each dispenser. Up to start ammo moving, down to stop. It's a rather hard switch to move, but that will keep it from shutting off during battle."

"Makes sense." Matthew pantomimed switching on the right dispenser and grabbing a round. He then did the motion of opening the loading hatch, sliding in the round, aiming, and firing. The last stage came complete with sound effects. "Yep, this should do nicely." He said it with some enthusiasm; he was trying to hide his nervousness of the cannon from everyone… including himself. He looked to Walter and smiled. "Thanks, Walter." Walter nodded, apparently gladdened that his work was appreciated. "A question, though. Could I request certain weapons?"

Walter paused. "I suppose so. What is the request, and for what reason?"

"The reason is for back up." Matthew gestured to the cannon. "Valkyrie looks like a great cannon, and will serve me well as a main gun. Problem is with only thirty rounds I might run out of ammo in a larger scale battle, like when the Valentine brothers attacked HQ." He referred to the time when a pair of vampires and a huge number of ghouls attacked the Hellsing facility resulting in the loss of about half of Hellsing's troops and heavy damage to the facility. Calling it a target rich environment would have been an understatement. "Also, there'll probably be times when the cannon is simply too much gun for the task at hand." Walter considered this, and nodded for him to continue. "So, I want a pair of Browning High-Powers." For Seras, he added, "It's a nine millimeter pistol I'm kinda fond of." He looked back to Walter. "One will need some modifications, but compared to adding a stock and handgrip to Valkyrie they should be a piece of cake." He held his hands out to pantomime his descriptions. "I want them set up so that the slide releases can be hit with my thumbs and the magazine releases can be pushed with my index fingers. The controls on one if not both guns will need to be flipped around for them to work." Walter jotted down the request, then gestured for Matthew to continue. "I'll want eight magazines. Seventeen rounders if you can get them and thirteen rounders if you can't. I'd like them to be all of the same capacity, just for ease of remembering how many rounds of ammo I have left on me. Six magazines should be filled with standard copper jacketed lead ammunition. Lead works just fine against ghouls. The other two I'd like filled with 'Alucard bullets'."

Walter looked at him. "Alucard bullets."

"Yes," Matt replied. He'd heard a while back what ammunition Alucard used against vampires. For lack of a better name, he dubbed them 'Alucard bullets'. "Mercury filled silver bullets. Blessed if possible."

Walter nodded, understanding. "Ah, anti-vampire bullets."

"Yeah. Just in case I run into one and Seras or Alucard aren't around."

Walter finished writing and looked up. "Alright, Mr. Jemeth, I have your request. It will take some time to complete, but probably no more than a week. I will also work up a holster belt for the pistols and magazines."

Matt smiled. "I'm sure I'll be pleased with them. Thank you very much, Walter." Right after he finished speaking, as if on cue, the alarm klaxon started to sound. "Well, good thing we loaded up that pack, huh?" Matt grabbed Valkyrie and braced if against his shoulder. He then turned to Seras. "Gotta get your gun?"

She nodded. "Yes. Even if I don't use it, it's good to have."

"Better to have and not need than need and not have. Makes sense." Matt looked to Walter. "Got a Walther I could borrow?"

"Certainly, Mr. Jemeth." Walter turned and grabbed a holster belt from the wall behind him. "One Walther P99 and 4 magazines. One is already loaded, but the pistol has not been cycled."

"This'll do just fine, Walter." Matt set Valkyrie down long enough to put on the belt. Grabbing Valkyrie again, he spoke to Walter. "Time for a field test. I'll let you know how much ass it kicks." Walter nodded his appreciation. Matt turned to Seras. "I'll see you at the assembly area." The two vampires left the armory to finish preparations for battle.