So, this is my new fic. Hopefully someone will like it. It's different than my others. Even though some points may seem similar to a couple of others, it will take off in a completely different direction. Please read and review.
Life After Loss -Chapter 1-Losing Her
Pheobe sat in the rocking chair, admiring the nursery-the light pink and sage colors that overwhelmed the room, the crib in the center. It was a perfect room, one which she and Cole had put a lot of work into and one which they would be proud to bring their new daughter home to.
She rocked gently, caressing her stomach and talking to the unborn infant.
"We love you so much, baby girl," she whispered to the baby. "We can't wait for you to be here."
It had taken three long years of trying but she was finally a reality-their miracle child. Just when they had given up hope, Pheobe had become pregnant and the reality that their child was really on the way had picked both of them up from utter despair. They knew that she would be their world, the only thing that would matter anymore.
"Good morning," Cole greeted his wife as he walked into the room and placed a kiss on her lips, afterward placing another one on her bulging belly. "And good morning to you, pumpkin."
"I don't like that. You need to think of a better pet name to call her," Pheobe instructed her husband, pouting.
"And what would you suggest?" Cole asked, though he knew the answer.
"Ladybug," she answered simply.
"You can call her ladybug. I'll stick with pumpkin," Cole said with a smile as he looked at the annoyed face of his wife. "Breakfast is waiting downstairs."
"Thanks, honey. What would I ever do without you?" Pheobe playfully asked as Cole helped her up from the rocking chair.
"You'll never have to find out," was his reply as they walked down the stairs.
He watched as the love of his life began to devour the food before her and realized that she had never looked so beautiful, so glowing, as she did at this moment and the thought that they would soon be holding their little girl made him even more at peace.
"So how are you feeling?" Cole asked her, waiting for the moment when she would tell him that it was time.
Before she had a chance to answer him, a look of pain spread over her face, and Cole immediately jumped to her aid. They had planned this, timed the trip to the hospital in various amounts of traffic. The bag was by the door, car seat already in the car. They were ready.
"Something's wrong, Cole. It doesn't feel right," Pheobe cried as a new round of painful looks plagued her facial features. "It's not supposed to feel like this."
In a moment, he had her in his arms, the bag on his shoulder and was carrying her to the car.
"We'll be there in five minutes. It'll be okay," Cole assured her as he got into the driver's side and began the short ride to the hospital.
He wasn't sure what was happening, if it was the labor pains and she just didn't know how they felt or if it was something else. But he knew that she still had the ability to read things, to know when something was going to happen even though she had stripped her powers. This worried him to no end but he refused to show it. These were his girls, his world, and he had to believe that they were all right.
Picking her up again, he carried her through the emergency double doors of the hospital and after having to wait a few minutes, they were taken to a room.
Pheobe, now lying in a hospital bed, a heart monitor beeping in the background, worried as she watched doctors and nurses go in and out of the room.
"It's okay. You're both going to be fine," Cole told her as he took her hand in his and kissed it. "Soon, we'll have our beautiful baby girl and she'll have your beautiful looks, and that perfect baby smell..."
"Keep going," Pheobe urged him as her eyes shut and a smile appeared on her face at the thought of their changing life.
"We'll take her home and raise her. She'll be stubborn. And she'll be independent, strong like her mother," Cole continued.
"And she'll have your eyes and she'll have you completely wrapped around her little finger. And she'll learn ballet and wear her hair in pigtails," Pheobe said, breathing in deeply as she visualized the child in her mind.
Cole stood up, smiling at his wife as he started pacing back and forth, waiting for the doctor to come back in.
"Cole!" her voice was loud and urgent and within a second he was holding her hand. "This isn't right. It's not supposed to feel like this. Something's wrong."
She kept repeating those words, 'Something's wrong.' And it was killing him to watch her, in pain, scared. The look of fear that shown in her eyes forced a shot of pain to enter his heart and he knew that it wasn't just the labor that was instilling this fear in his wife. There was something more.
At this point, a doctor walked in, head bent down. He looked up at them with a sullen expression on his face and Cole had to take a deep breath before hearing what the man had to say. He sat on the edge of the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around the woman he loved as he waited for the man to speak.
"Your wife's vital signs are very weak at the moment and we haven't been able to find the cause of this. She has no underlying condition so we really don't know what to think. The problem at hand is that the infant seems to be entering distress. She's safe at the moment but we may need to perform a cesarean section to deliver the baby safely," the doctor informed them.
Looking at each other, they believed that things would work out. It was just a c-section. Thousands of babies were delivered this way, happy and healthy.
"That sounds fine," Cole said, but looking at the doctor, he knew there was something else. "What is it?"
"Your wife is too weak for any type of operation. Putting her body under any kind of stress or surgery could harm her body. There's a chance she wouldn't survive," the man explained.
"How big of a chance?" he asked.
"70 percent. We'll try to get her vitals up but if we can't, you'll have to make a decision or both could die," the doctor gave them their options before leaving.
"Everything was fine. You and the baby were both healthy. Why now?" Cole screamed.
"Everything will be fine. Soon you'll see our daughter and it will have all been worth it," Pheobe told him.
"Don't you mean-soon we'll see our daughter?" Cole asked as he felt depression pit itself within his heart.
"No," she said simply as she slowly made circles on her bulging belly, not even caring how much pain was going through her body at the moment.
"I can't choose," Cole confessed. "I can't choose between my wife and my daughter. I won't be the reason you die."
"I'm choosing for you," she told him as she took his hand and put it on her stomach. "I'm choosing her. Without the c-section, she'll die."
"And with it, you will," Cole finished as he ran his fingers over her face.
"Don't cry," she pleaded as she wiped the few tears that were now rolling down his face away. "There's still a chance that I could live and if not, you'll have her."
After minutes of arguing and pleading, the doctor was informed that they would go through the c-section.
He held her hand as she was wheeled to the room where their daughter would be born.
Within two minutes, the sound of her cries filled the room, their beautiful, healthy daughter and Cole couldn't help but smile as he looked at her. Perfect like her mother. He glanced at his daughter but brought the focus of his attention back to his wife, who slightly smiled hearing her daughter.
"You did it," Cole exclaimed as he kissed his wife. "Now you can focus on getting better."
After saying it, he knew it wasn't a reality. She was pale and had a weak quality to her.
She was taken to a recovery room where the doctor informed both of them that she was only getting worse and final goodbyes would be the best thing to do.
Holding their daughter, he refused to believe that she would never know her mother.
"I can't live without you. I won't survive. You're the only thing that keeps me alive. You are my soul. You know that," Cole cried, not able to grasp the thought that the only thing he had ever loved was now disappearing.
"She will do that for you now," Pheobe whispered as she pointed weakly at the infant. "She will give you a reason to live."
Cole placed the baby into her mother's arms.
"This pure, beautiful soul will be your joy, your life. I trust you completely and know that she will have a happy and safe life. And I was right, she does have your eyes" Pheobe stated as she placed a small kiss on the infant's cheek. "Be safe, my little ladybug."
Pheobe was crying now and she made Cole take the child from her, who placed her in the basinet.
"I did what I was meant to do. She is why I was born. I have fulfilled my destiny. I can move on now. Your destiny is to raise her, to watch her grow up, teach her," she was trying so hard to rationalize things, to make her death easier on him.
In reality, it was killing her. She wanted more than anything to stay, to watch her little ladybug say her first words, go to kindergarden, have her first date. She wanted so badly to see her grandchild be born, but she had to believe that this was her destiny.
"Tell her about me, please if it doesn't hurt too much to talk about me. I don't want you to if it causes you pain, but could you please tell her how much I love her. I grew up without a mother, and I wish that she didn't have to face that, but as long as she has you, she'll be fine. I just want her to know how much I loved her and how much I wanted to stay with her," tears were falling freely now as she gave her husband her last requests.
This was the end, they both knew that.
"Stay strong," Pheobe encouraged her husband as she held his face in her hands, but slowly dropped them by her side. "Stay good. I know you can. You are the greatest man I've ever known, so I know that you will be the perfect father. I know that she will always be safe with you. I love you so much."
His head was lowered and his look was blank.
"Don't lose yourself because of this. You're a good man," her words were no louder than a whisper and she knew that this was it, she could barely raise her hand now, too weak to even move.
"I love you," he told her with all the love he held for her, his words stronger than anything she had ever felt.
"I know," she whispered as she slowly closed her eyes, the motion to hold them open slipping from her.
"Not yet," he cried as he looked from their daughter to her. "You didn't name her."
"You'll do fine," she mouthed to him as she began to slip away.
"No, please," he was on his knees beside the bed holding onto her, hoping that somehow she would be returned to him.
The monitor signaled that her heart had stopped and feeling her hand slip from his, he knew that she was gone. He could feel it deep inside as he felt a part of himself die along with her.
Their daughter began to cry at that moment, almost as if she knew what had happened, felt her mother leave the world.
Seeing a doctor walk in and jot something down on a clipboard, he attempted to stand up and go to their child, but found that he couldn't move, his pain holding him down. He couldn't leave her, not this soon. Her hands were still warm and he rested his head on her body as he tried with everything within him to grasp that she was really gone.
Without knowing how long he had been in that position, he finally found the strength to stand up. Reaching into the bassinet, he picked up their daughter who cooed in response.
Just holding her made him feel more at ease and he knew that as long as he had her, he would always hold a piece of his wife. He would do this right, raise her how she would have and he knew that he would have to start by naming their newborn daughter.
Sitting in a chair in the corner of the room as the doctors and nurses did what they needed to, he held a book of baby names and as his thoughts floated back to his wife's words, he knew he had found the perfect name. And so, he held Cailyn Psyche Turner, the pure, beautiful soul that would be the only thing that mattered, that would give him a reason to keep going.
She had saved him from a life of evil, showed him how to love, what life was about and he would continue to live as she had wanted him to and raise their daughter with everything she had taught him.
I honestly don't know why I thought of this. Just something different I guess. It was really sad even as I wrote it. I haven't done a fic which goes through Cole raising a child, showing him alone, taking care of a child so I thought it would be interesting. Maybe someone else will think so. Please review, even if it's to scream at me for killing Pheobe. Can't believe I did it, myself, but don't think that she won't come back. It is Charmed, after all.