STFU, there are no other stories I should be working on! LIES!
…Just had burst of Namiku inspiration. Probably because I spent most of the day reading it. Blargh. SILENCE! I just felt like writing something short and angsty. DX
I don't own Kingdom Hearts, any characters therein, or Evanescence. Because if I did, there'd be a lot more fluff.
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Terrified
Namine x Riku
Namiku
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To be somewhat honest, she was absolutely infatuated with the idea of him being in love with her.
Every girl had their own little fantasy, their own little fairy tale they wished could come true. Their knight in shining armor would come and save them, and they'd ride off into the sunset – together, happily ever after. Or maybe even the other way around. But that was usually how fairy tales went; two people, a perfect relationship, a happy ending, and a lifetime of happy moments together. Needless to say, the very idea was intriguing; captivating, even. She'd never had a happy ending of her own. But then, that was how it was; the princess lived happily ever after with her handsome prince, and the witch was left in the dust; alone, unloved, and possibly even dead. After that occurred to her, she decided she didn't want a fairy tale life.
Nevertheless, a knight in shining armor sounded pretty good. So did a happy ending – especially the part about never having to be alone again. Well, she'd found a knight – shining armor not included. She could do without that. Actually, she thought he looked fine without armor, shining or not. Still, the tricky bit was getting said knight to go along with the 'happy ending'. It seemed that the story had started long ago, but Namine was still waiting for the hard part to end.
She'd spent quite some time around him; that is to say, in his presence. They didn't have the chance to talk as much as she would have liked. He was usually lurking around the mansion somewhere. She spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to be in love; or rather, for him to love her. She wasn't sure if she wondered because she felt something for him, or because she just wanted someone to care. It didn't really matter; she hadn't acted on any of her thoughts.
Still….
She wondered what his hair felt like. It was gorgeous; it had a shine she could never quite duplicate with her drawings. Every time she tried it just ended in frustration and strengthening of the curiosity behind the attempted mimicry. She'd watched him let it grow longer, and she had to say – or think, rather - it only made it more distracting.
Not to mention his eyes. They were gorgeous, and another thing she could never, ever copy. She could never get the color quite right… but there was also something more. She couldn't give her drawing the life that he had. She couldn't put in that look of one who has seen much too much and suffered because of it. She couldn't make her sketches reflect that same emotion.
And before long, she found herself wishing that he would look at her like he looked at Kairi. She wondered often what it would feel like for someone to care about her, to love her like she was the only girl that ever existed. Or didn't. It didn't matter; she just wanted someone to care. But what she didn't know was something only she should have been able to figure out; did it have to be him?
Would she be just as content if it were someone else? Sora? Roxas? Any other boy? Despite the fact that she should have been able to answer that in a heartbeat, she couldn't.
To be completely honest, she was terrified of the thought of him being in love with her.
Part of her desperately wanted to be loved, but she wanted to be loved for her, not because she was part of Kairi. Truth be told, she was terrified at the very thought, the very notion that he could possibly have feelings for her. Because if he loved her, there was no chance that it could be because she was Namine. It would, of course, be because she looked like Kairi. Because Kairi was something special, because Kairi was his friend, because Kairi was beautiful, so much more so than that plain little girl in the corner could ever be. Because Kairi was interesting, because Kairi was so full of the life that Namine lacked.
And as she thought this, she realized she would never find the answers to her curious ponderings. No, he would never love her for her. If he ever looked at her warmly, showed even a scrap of care, it would be because of Kairi. If he were to ever deign to look upon her with loving eyes, it would be because she was a fragment of the person he really cared for. If he were to come close, hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, it would be because he wanted to be near Kairi.
And that terrified Namine.
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And if I bleed,
I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep
Just to dream of you,
I'll wake without you there.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...?
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OKAY people. Tell me if you want me to keep going with this. C'ya later lovies.
P.S. Lyrics at the end are from'Missing' by Evanescence… which I was listening to when I wrote this.