Everything You Want, a naruto fanfic

Brief Summary: He was head over heels for her, but she barely knew he existed. It was an impossible dream, but still, he yearned for her heart to be his. Onesided DeiKuro.

Author's Note: Before you read this, read The Birth Of Death and what has been posted of From Hate To Love. If you don't, some of things in this story likely won't make sense to you.

This is set between the third and fourth chapters of From Hate To Love.

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Everything You Want

Deidara's Requiem

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It was too late to escape now. This feeling had overwhelmed his senses, made him lose control over himself. He had never paid much attention to women before, but she was different. Every time she turned that enigmatic gaze on him, he lost himself in her golden eyes until she looked away. Time and again, he would catch himself staring at her, distracted not only by her good looks but her unbreakable will and headstrong attitude. More often than not, this ended up getting him hurt. She didn't like it when he looked at her like that. He knew it. But he couldn't help himself. She had caught his attention the first moment he had laid eyes on her, and try as he might, he couldn't get her out of his head.

More often than not, because of this, he had to be bailed out of dangerous situations, either by her or another teammate. And each time, he would see the disdainful glance she shot him, leaving him with a heavy feeling in his heart. Time and again, he had tried to impress her, and every time he had failed. He could only succeed in making her hate him more, and no matter what she did or said to him, he couldn't love her any less.

He had noticed, only recently, that she spent more time with the other partner of their three-person-cell than with anyone else, and that hurt him. It made him more than little jealous that she paid so much attention to Sasori, and none to him. He envied the other man's favoured position in her affections, especially because Sasori hadn't even been trying to attract her. He also didn't seem to care that she appeared to feel something for him. If he felt the same for her, he was good at hiding it.

The thing that annoyed him the most was that Sasori knew a lot more about her than he, Deidara, did. He was someone she could talk to, something that Deidara longed to be. Sasori knew things about her that she never told anyone else. She trusted him, and she didn't trust Deidara. It could be that it was because she knew Sasori respected her, but Deidara didn't know. He didn't hate Sasori, gods no. He was just incredibly jealous.

Somewhere there's speaking,
It's already coming in.
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind.
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it.
Now you're here and you don't know why.

Her life had been a Hell before she came to the Akatsuki. He knew that much. He also knew that she was the Kuro Shi assassin. But that was all. He didn't know anything else about her. And it didn't matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get her to talk to him about anything. The most she had ever said to him was "Humans are a half-blood's worst enemy, and that makes you and I enemies, even if we work together," and that had upset him. If she hated humans so much, why did she seem to be in love with Sasori? Of course, now that he thought about it, Sasori really didn't count. He wasn't technically human, after all. But he had been. Just thinking about it made Deidara's head spin.

And once, not too long ago, actually, just yesterday, she had said something that had hurt more than anything anyone had ever told him. He had just asked her why she always acted that way towards him. He hadn't expected her answer to cause him so much pain.

"It's because I hate you," she had said, then left him standing there, shocked, as she went off to speak with Sasori. At that moment, he had actually started to doubt that he had any chance at all with her. If she hated him, she likely wouldn't change her mind easily, if at all.

But under skinned knees and the skid marks,
Past the places where you used to learn.
You howl and listen,
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return.

What did Sasori have that he didn't? Sure, he was attractive, Deidara would give him that. He was very clever, too. And he showed the girl quite a bit of respect. Okay. Now Deidara knew what she saw in their partner. But still, he wished that she would notice him instead. He wanted her to love him, not Sasori. Sasori never paid her any kind of affectionate attention, and still she cared more for him than she did for Deidara, who showed, on a regular basis, that he was in love with her.

He's everything you want,
He's everything you need.
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be.
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time,
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why.

He never missed the way she looked at Sasori, with a genuine smile that she never gave anyone else, nor did he miss the condescending glances she shot him. And he always saw the way her face fell when Sasori would snap at her or deliver any kind of scathing remark to her. He could see how much it hurt her. Even if he couldn't see it in her face, he knew. He could feel it in her aura. He knew that pain, that heartache, all too well. He felt it whenever he looked at her. And he knew that she longed for Sasori's acceptance, above anyone else's. She showed him the utmost respect, and still, he rarely had any kind words for her.

You're waiting for someone
To put you together,
You're waiting for someone to push you away.
There's always another wound to discover,
There's always something more you wish he'd say.

He knew that Sasori was first and foremost in her heart. He knew that he didn't even rank among her top three. And now he knew that he likely never would. He was starting to think that maybe he should just give up. She would never see him as anything more than an annoyance. What was the point? She hated him.

There were times when he wanted to yell out in frustration, and maybe explode something just because he could, and because it would make him feel better. Occasionally, he would detonate something to relieve some of the stress that built up, but he didn't get as much enjoyment out of the explosions as he used to, especially since the first time he had tried to impress her was with an explosion, and that had ended in disaster. And who had she turned to after that when she needed to vent? Sasori. And why him? Because she knew that Sasori really wasn't that fond of Deidara either, and he could relate.

Deidara hated to admit it, but she was a lot more like Sasori than him. She had suffered a lot as a child, and that trauma had carried with her through her entire life. Because of that pain, she was extremely unstable now, and occasionally went back to dwell on the past that haunted her, if only to remind her of why she was what she existed as today. Why she hated her life in her village. Why she left.

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind.
It's only what you're asking for.
And you'll be just fine,
With all of your time.
It's only what you're waiting for.

From time to time, he would follow her when she vanished, seemingly for no reason, and while it was usually to kill someone on her list, once or twice, she had gone back to her home village of Konohagakure. She hadn't actually entered the village. That would be suicidal. But she had stood on what the villagers called the "Hokage's Monument" and looked down over the town, a mix of contempt and guilt lacing her brooding golden eyes, knowing that she could never go back. He didn't know why she would feel any remorse for what she had done. She had never appeared, to him, to be the kind to be guilt-ridden for any reason.

Seeing her like this was completely unfamiliar to him. He had desperately wanted to talk to her, to find out why she had come back if it hurt her so much, but that would have meant telling her what he knew, and that would have been signing his own death warrant. So he had kept quiet, and continued to watch her from a distance, knowing that even if she didn't kill him, there would be no way she would feel that she was able to trust him.

Out of the island,
Into the highway.
Past the places where you might have turned.
You never did notice,
But you still hide away.
The anger of angels who won't return.

It had always been like this, ever since he met her. He said one wrong thing, and that had been how it all started. She hated him from the moment she saw him, and he had loved her since they met. But there were certain things with her "I hate you" outlook that fell through. She claimed to despise him, but she had saved him more than once when he had been caught off-guard. And once, she had backed him up in an argument with Uchiha Itachi, and thanks to her, Deidara had actually won that dispute. Everyone knew that she held a grudge against Itachi, and normally, Deidara would have agreed with them it was likely for that reason that she helped him. But he had seen her smile at him, something that none of the others had noticed. Before he could say anything, though, she had walked away, leaving him confused, as always.

Every time he thought of giving up, he would just remember those few times she had smiled at him, and he knew that he would keep trying, even if it killed him. She was pushing people away because of all the people who had hurt her and betrayed her in the past. She felt that she couldn't trust anyone because of that, so she distanced herself from everyone, caring only for herself. Her heart and emotions were locked away, and would only open up to the one with the right key. He knew that he could be that person, if she would give him a chance.

I am everything you want,
I am everything you need,(K)
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be.
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time,
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why.

Until then, he just had to keep trying.

I don't know why.

-Fin-

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Author's Note Wow. I actually wrote a somewhat angsty one-sided romance fic. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. Only took about two, maybe two and a half days to do it, too. I know that it's quite short, but you'll have had more reading to do if you followed the directions before the story and read the other two first. If not, do it now. And review, damnit! You readers are almost as lazy as me!