Shattered
-Summer-
So we grabbed Alex, as like 20 frickin' fat nurses ran out the front doors of the hospital, with their boobs flying all over the place, as they screamed "Come back!" in opera-like voices.
I was stuck in the back seat, and everyone was looking at me because I was squished between Seth and Luke. This is so uncomfortable. Especially with Seth staring at me while he's wearing mascara. It's just so wrong on many levels.
"Well, I have more bad news Summer," Alex said, turning around pushing Ryan's head out of the way. "
"Great, I need more of that," I said resting my head back on the seat.
"Well, I guess the doctors talked to your parents again and they were planning on sending you to an institution next week and that you have some kind of condition. Like something where a person constantly tries to get attention, then they regret it once they have it. Then I heard Julie say something about you being that way since you were like in elementary school."
"Okay, how does Julie get to have any say in my life or my personality when she's only known me as long as she's known my father! I really don't know what the fuck my dad sees in that slut!"
Luke looked at me and shrugged. "Well, you see, her ass is perfectly-"
"AHH STOP RIGHT THERE PLEASE DEAR LORD!" I shook my head, covered my ears with both my hands doing that "not listening not listening" thing we did when we were like ten.
Marissa took her right hand off the wheel, and formed the shape of a gun against her head. "POW."
The guys laughed.
We finally got to my place. My dad didn't know I was missing yet, and he wouldn't know for a few days because he's off on some business trip. Honestly, I've never even known why a doctor would have to go on business trips.
Well, I was sure that I was feeling a whole lot better just being outside the walls of that stupid sterile hell. So I denied Alex's offer to stay with me over night, just to make sure everything would be alright. She said the doctor warned that after experiencing a certain amount of trauma, depression is a risky factor. Especially if a victim isn't being watched over for a little while. I'm sure I'm fine.
I sat on the couch in the dark with my arms wrapped around my legs which were folded up in front of me covering my chest. I rested my chin on my knees. There was nothing good on TV and I felt scared for no reason.
You're losing it again.
I started thinking about the past few days and my heart sunk further and further down inside me. I thought back to the start. How I know it was my fault. I knew I shouldn't have offered for him to stay with me after the concert. If I hadn't offered then I wouldn't have had to change my mind. If I hadn't changed my mind then none of this would have happened to me. I shouldn't have had so much to drink. And I shouldn't have hung out with someone from Chino in the first place.
I started rocking back and forth getting lost in my thoughts which were only punishing me. I began to feel sick again. I stood up to walk down the hall and just lay in bed. Sleeping usually makes my nausea go away the fastest.
Just call Alex.
As I walked by I walked into the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. I turned on the light and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I just stood there crying, not moving.
I miss Seth. I miss being touched. I hate being touched. It hurts too much. I miss being loved. I miss myself. I'm not me anymore. I hate my reflection. I'm sick of staring at someone else's face. I'm not her. I don't want to be her anymore!
I filled with an emotion I hardly recognized and took three steps forward crying out loud. I lifted my right hand, balled it into a fist and punched the mirror. It left one thin crack from the bottom corner to the top. I screamed at the top of my lungs and took another swing.
Another. Another. The pieces fell. The pieces of myself I never wanted to see. The part of myself I wanted to go away.
There was no more mirror. There was no more pain. Only the drops of my heart dripping down on my feet.
I stepped back and forth trying to regain my balance. I felt my knees shaking. I was floating. I was falling.
I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces fallen, shattered
Shards of me
Too sharp to put back together
Too small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her
And I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more
Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this
Will make sense when I get better
But I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection
I just cant help but to wonder
Which of us do you love
So I bleed…I bleed…and I breathe…bleed…I bleed…and I breathe…I breathe…I breathe…I breathe no more.
Disclaimer: I do not own the OC or any of its characters. I do own Chris. The song is "Breathe No More" by Amy Lee, written by Ben Moody. They own the song.